Completely Lost

[Guest_82164890]

• It's been an epic life. Just not in the way one would have hoped. Lots of childhood trauma due to neglect & abuse in all it's forms.  In a forever cycle of people pleasing in order to feel safe as a resalt but at what cost?? I thought l had finally worked it out and done well to get where l am despite it all and decided that l deserved all the things l wanted for myself that l was always made to feel l didn't. But here l am years later with what seems like everything l wanted and life but the isolation of covid took a toll on my mental health and now l can't hold a job longer than 6 months at a time l, my moods are all over the place lm sad and angry all the time my partner and baby girl need me to have my shit together but lm ready to just die. I know it's not right but the guilt of feeling like a failure to them is too much and l can't afford the phsyc bills needed to help me to get out of this fear driven cycle I'm in. 

[white knight]

Hi, a warm welcome

Community Champions here are people just like you that have gone through the wringer of life including suicide attempts, thoughts and even self harm to come out the other side and use their experience to guide members just like you.

So, in my own experiences I came to the conclusion many years ago that when I'm in a mental "hole" like you are now there are important simple steps to take that will usually result in change and such changes is your lifeline. So much so one day you'll reflect and thank yourself for it. I got a thankyou 20 years after my "hole" when my daughter thanked me as I walked her down the aisle at her wedding.

So I'll list a number of steps that can help-

• Change of environment- Anything from a 2 man tent as little as $40 up to a caravan with all the creature comforts so you and/or your partner and child can head to a camping ground even just for one night a fortnight can make a huge difference. A campfire, bbq, stars, smell of smoke, wildlife is a way of reconnecting with nature. Perhaps music from the pan flute man the prince of Ecuador? Change of environment can include a walk around the block when feeling stressed, it works the same, it is a form of distraction.
• You are entitled to 10 free visits to a mental health professional. See your GP. It could unravel those childhood memories that should have been placed in a bag and thrown in the river long ago. 
• Hobbies, sports and interests. Do you have any? Mens sheds are great for some people, just a cuppa even to share your thoughts.
• Work and career. A change there could revitalise you for those long hours if not fulfilled. Who cares if you leave your profession for a year or two flipping burgers? if it help return your humour and character? Leaving a job every 6 months isnt the norm, why is it a worry rather than just running with it? Being odd atm is ok.
• Charity begins at home, please yourself and your immediate family and place others in a low priority. Choose whether you want to answer a phone call, an email and attend family or friends events. It's time for you.

I have a few posts below, you only need to read the first post of each and reply anytime.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical/td-p/47...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/depression-distraction-and-variety/td-p/275790

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/charity-begins-at-home/td-p/190111

Take care

TonyWK