Three self-care things you did today!

[ecomama]

We can do it BBers, we can do self-care.

Sleepy21 pointed out research that shows self-care REALLY helps!

Please share what you do for self-care so we can get inspiration, ideas and motivation to do it too.

Best wishes
EM

[quirkywords]

Yesterday

i went on a long train trip there and back in one day to see a family member graduate.I was glad I made the effort.

I made an effort not to react without listening first

i enjoyed the time on the train as a time to rest.n

[ecomama]

Hey golden, that's just INCREDIBLE! What massive steps you're taking for your own self-care!!

I'm SO proud of you x 1000 lol.

A "small walk" worked! You did that all by yourself, wow, that's awesome.
Your other self-care things were great too. It's ALL great!

I loved what you wrote and opened up to us all about being "angry now"...
I just wanted to explore this for a bit with you...

Many years ago when I was in the depths of depression, I had read something about depression may be suppressed anger.... wow.... then I thought YES! IT WAS for me!

Always being told to shut any of my own feelings down, needing to call the police on my own mother... all my 39 adults in my family shunning me when I needed them most (having multiple new born babies) and all the rest in an abusive marriage....

I WAS angry but I didn't even realise it!

That day I allowed anger to surface, I got alot of work done that day and for many years onwards by allowing myself to FEEL angry and understand that emotion more.

I was able to CONNECT with that emotion fully, really and completely for the first time.

The physical thing I intuitively did was connect ACTIVITY and constructive physical movement with my anger and over time, slowly but surely, the anger gave way to acceptance.
I was able to DO the activities without the anger any more.

I needed to let the anger OUT, understand WHY I was angry and I validated MY SELF about it all.

The impact of those hateful things ppl did also fuelled my life moving forward.
I would NEVER abandon my children.
I would NEVER give cause for them or anyone else to feel abused by me.
I tried at least lol!!!

This is an important pinnacle time for you golden.
The shifts are occurring and I really want you to grab on to each and every thing that got you to this point and keep doing them.

The concept of Self-care was the most alien thing possible to me, that's why I started this thread!
I had to process emotions and resistance and fight the tides to do any self-care but I persevered.
I was SO consciously uncomfortable, "itchy in my own skin" doing it, but I kept on.

If there was ONE powerful catalyst for change and BOOST for my healing, it was hearing that trauma psych say to me one night, DO RADICAL SELF-CARE, it's all you CAN do right now.

So I did and I'm so glad you and everyone here is joining me in our self-care journey.

Onwards and upwards peeps!

Love EM

[golden82]

Thanks for being happy for me Shell. You are so lovely and I am happy reading of how you are travelling at the moment and facing your fears too 🙂 As EM would say, onwards and upwards for you Shelly x

And to OUR wonderful EM, thank you too. Thank you for all you do on this thread. Starting it, being so active in supporting us, and sharing your wisdom. You are one strong woman!! Actually in following everyone's posts I think everyone is pretty strong even if in a small way like me.

Yes re the anger thing; my counsellor trying to help me for 12 mo has been banging on about anger the entire time. And I say I am not angry. And he says, "well you should be. I am sure it is there". That would make me get angry at him lol. But I think hitting rock bottom (still), coupled with getting bits of help from counsellor, or lifelines, even following on here.. and hating myself more and more everyday. Whilst my 'mum' is off living life and not ever a care for me. It makes me have to face reality/accept as you say. It hurts. But that is what makes me angry. My counsellor said "they have been occupying free rent in your head all this time". My family of origin. So whilst they don't give me a care, and enjoy my suffering they have caused. I am the one that feels guilty and missing them and depressed and treating self the way I have been. I wish I could erase them from my mind. But it is hard. So what I have to do is as you say the Acceptance and the Radical Self Care. I spend my days in bed miserable thinking of them and so sad for what should be/what I had hoped in a family etc and trying to find reason. But I have been doing this for years and my 'life' has been passing me by. And quite unwell physically also - and sitting around in bed not helping. I am out of breath to even stand up at the moment.

So I think it really hitting rock bottom of never brushing teeth, not sleeping, not even walking to the letterbox (developed into full blown agoraphobia these last couple months) and the decline in already poor health and fitness. Made me angry at my family, especially 'mum' for causing all this self-hatred, and it is not affecting her at all. Only me. So I think a big F - U to my family, and a big self hug to me and start to do these things kindly to myself. Thanks EM - Your post is so insightful, thank you for sharing it. I will need to read a few times over I think as I navigate all this. Thanks so much x

[Gambit87]

enjoyed the bus ride to work

went to tkd and a great workout.

went for a walk

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

It can be tough trying to look after ourselves while we are trying to care for someone else.

I hope you can find the balance!

If you become totally exhausted, then you will be of no help to anyone else!

Sometimes we need to remember to care for ourselves then we are better able to assist others.

[Doolhof]

This morning I did some gardening and had a sense of achievement, I wandered around the garden finding nice plants to look at and appreciate.

I filled the bird baths and now have the pleasure of seeing and hearing birds having a wonderful time out there.

Later on I am going for a walk along the beach.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hi all,

Golden, you're doing really well at challenging the agoraphobia and negative thoughts about yourself. I wholeheartedly agree with EM about depression and anger. I managed pretty well with what life had to throw at me up until I found myself in a space with little to no room for giving voice to my anger, then ta-da! Instant depression. Beneath anger is of course frustration, typically born from problems we don't know how to solve. It's a bit of a daisy chain, but one that can be followed to the root cause, and therein begins healing. In your case, I do believe radical self care is a great place to start healing. We can't fix relationships with others who don't want to be involved, but we can learn to value ourselves enough not to stay in or desire those toxic relationships any more. You're on the right track.

EM, great self-care as usual. Love the new purple nails. 🙂

Okay, my self-care (not today specifically, but recent):

- Gave an annoying newbie at work to another department for the day so I could get on with my work! Felt good.

- Loads of snuggle time with my birds.

- Forest and wetland walks when I can.

- Quality time with my partner as much as possible. Nice drive with him today, and went to a lolly shop (got a couple of blocks of poppycock, have been really wanting some lately).

- Rehabilitating my injured fingertip. Feels weird and gross touching things with it, but necessary for healing.

- Trying to cook more again, and take vitamins to pick up the slack while I'm a bit wobbly with it.

Blue.

[Jstar49]

Hey all,

Loving this supportive space where we can focus on the good stuff, the wellness stuff. Being honest about what sux, and looking for the things which help.

Today I was really tired, and gave myself permission for breakfats in bed, and read my book. Let H do the school run, incl the packed lunch (which I actually think gave him a sense of achievement that he could do it) and just let myself rest.

Dressed nice for my job this afternoon.

Decided to be armoured instead of vulnerable. It's been an emotional week, and tho I want to talk about it, I want to make sure it's a safe space when I do.

Cheers,

J*

[missep123]

Hi everyone!

I think that takes a lot of strength Jstar49 to know what you need and when you are ready to talk about it we are here!

Three self-care things I will do today (I am planning ahead because today is a really big study day so I am slightly stressed for the deadlines coming up soon)

1) I will watch some shows with my partner for some nice quality time!

2) My hot water bottle - I've never had one before and now that I do have one, I find it so comforting in this cold weather

3) I will make a healthy lunch

[ecomama]

Hey everyone, sorry for being MIA, there's been alot going on here.

Some of my self-care recently:

~ taking "time out" of anything whenever possible, to relieve any pressures and give me space to breathe and process stuff

~ spoke boundaries to my eldest daughter which was extremely painful but over the next day or so the relationship settled and things are more understanding and compassionate now

~ spent oodles of hours in my garden, clearing huge branches, sorting them for others for their fireplaces, using some for garden borders (more boundaries lol) burning the rest

~ sharing the emotional hurt and pain I felt, being open to receiving more support and advice, and getting some positive feedback

~ making sure I eat some regular meals

Well done everyone.
Seems like we're all dealing with some challenging situations and events but we're holding strong to some self-care!

Love EMxxxx