Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Yes just from knowing you here on BB I can sense a difference in you after you have been with people, even brief encounters seem to give you energy.  Lass even if you weren't consciously aware of it, it must have been such a sharp contrast for you arriving home after all the possibilities Melbourne showed you & it must have on many levels reinforced how much you need a change from your current way of living.  I think that would drop anyone's mood & it would be so easy from there to feel yourself starting to spiral down into depression. I'm sure you will find something to get you out & being around others.  Perhaps you could look at pet sitting in WA just to give you a chance to go to other places & meet new people.

All the dogs around here are farm dogs, there might be some in big town that would want their dog walked but a) that is a bit far to travel... &  b) even more importantly they would probably be little yappy dogs & as much as I love dogs in general, really small dogs usually have 'small dog syndrome' & want to take on anyone & everyone they meet on a walk, plus they are rarely trained... all things that would drain any possible enjoyment.  No I think I will hold out until I can get my own.

Speaking of moving towards getting my own.  Progress with the outdoors is still moving in the right direction.  Though my ride on mower is off at the repair place because despite my buying a brand new battery it still doesn't want to go.  Luckily for me the chap who has been clearing my yards knows a local who fixes them & that will save me lots of $$ not having to have it collected & returned by the mower place in big town.  

Progress indoors is also moving now I can believe that it won't be too much longer before I get a furry friend.  You may remember my buying a new couch a few months back because the old one was kaput, the new one has been sitting in the entrance way requiring me to squeeze past it all this time. Well this week I finally did all the furniture shuffling need to move the new couch in to position & move the old couch to a stop gap place until I can get a skip in & be rid of it. Another thing crossed off the to do list.  🙃 Today however...  I stripped the bed... yay!! I put the new clean sheets on the bed... yay!! I grabbed my doona to put a fresh cover on... ummm.. for some reason today my doona & the doona cover have decided they do not want to be joined... 20 minutes I struggled for... my grasp of spatial awareness rapidly evaporating into thin air as I seemed to spend more time inside the doona cover than any part of the actual doona did 🙈  to save what little sanity 🤪 remained I left them on the bed & made a hasty retreat... now I'm hoping that somehow, magically the doona will have put itself in the cover before I have to go back in there to go to bed.  🙏🤣  

As I'm typing this a Kookaburra has landed on the top of the chimney & it's call is echoing down the flue & reverberating through my lounge.  I think the echoes may have spooked it because it took off with a big clatter.

It has been raining on & off all day & there are forecasts of snow in the alps, so it appears you took the sunny weather back with you to WA.

I recognise that urge to pick up & cuddle a Quenda, I get it when I see a wallaby.

I hope both you & T are feeling better today & that you have a lovely deep sleep tonight.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Lass I'm just popping in to let you know I am thinking of you.  Please don't feel any pressure to reply.  

I know you do use them, but just a gentle reminder the helplines are there for you if you need them.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER~

As you may have gathered I've been away for a rest, too many medical things one after another left me exhausted and going to bed early and doing less has worked wonders.

As a result I'm not really up with what has been happening to you in the last few weeks -my apologies, it is not lack of interest and freindship

Paws I do hope you are not still inside the doona cover. If so I'd think seriously of emerging.

I think you gave good advice that ER seems better with human (and animal) contact. Isolation is not good.

ER, please be careful about the recommendation to consider "pet sitting". Sumo Cat has his own interpretation of this and sits as much of himself as he can on me whilst I'm typing. He even has his own towel to stop fur getting in the keyboard. 

I suspect you want another form of "pet sitting"

Am I right you visited Melbourne?

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello Croix,

Yes after a day long truce followed by a further attempt, the doona cover & I have successfully parted company & it is now where it should be.  

Our lovely ER is I think taking a break from the forums as I've not seen her hereabouts for a while.  I do hope it is just a temporary break, but of course that is up to what she feels is better for her.

He even has his own towel to stop fur getting in the keyboard.  What magic is this??? Not getting pet fur in the keyboard is a known impossibility... though I'm sure no self respecting Walrus need worry about his own soft pelt doing anything so ordinary as to shed hair... there must be a secret incantation woven into the towel... I can keep a secret & I'm sure it will only be between the two of us as I'm often told by someone called Scammer (who of course we all trust) that posting an answer on a page on the internet is quite safe as no one else will notice. 🙈🙉🙊

Hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Paws and ER if you are around

ER joined in 2022 so has been with us for a long time -will be missed for her humor and wisdom if she does not return. If you are listening I hope you are OK, you gave us a lot.

Paws I'm glad to escaped the evil clutches of the doona cover, spending one's life inside would be boring to say the least.

Naturally walruses do not shed on keyboards, They (very sensibly) only shed once a year. Sumo on the other hand manages to distribute his fur all the time -hence the towel.

Actually he is being spoilt and should not be anywhere near the keyboard but since I started posting again he felt I was not paying him enough attention.

Mrs C had a surprise, halfway though her evening walk with Foxydog she bolted for home leaving Mrs C to hang on to her lead.  Never done that before

About half an hour later there was a dry thunderstorm, I guess Foxy heard it coming.

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Hello Croix,

I just read your post on your thread & did have a chuckle that Sumo cat has worked out if the starving cat face doesn't work with you that Mrs C is the go to person.  Our pets are very clever at working out who is the big softy... my Woofa knew that my youngest nephew was the one to do the sad puppy dog eyes at.  

Poor Mrs C suddenly being dragged along behind Foxydog... I think you must be right & it was the approaching storm he sensed, if he has never done that before.  

Wishing you, Mrs C, Sumo & Foxydog a relaxing xmas day

Hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Paws~

It is amazing that the character of a pet can change a building into a home. If I had to come home from town, and even with Mrs C accompanying me, the house wold be empty and not overly welcoming, just a collection of rooms.

It is a completely different matter when Foxy is demanding her ball which she plays with  when we return, and Sumo pointing out it is high time the front door was opened so he could carry out natural functions with dignity rather than being reduced to a smelly tray.

Our only worry is Foxy might get cold if we are home late, and am building a warm nook for her.

Suddenly it is not an empty house, but a bustling center with activity all around.

I hope you (and the possible prospect of a puppy) are having an excellent Christmas

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws and Croix,

I am sorry for my delayed response and absence. I have had a real struggle in recent times. I'm experiencing very debilitating flashbacks that are emerging as the amnesiac barriers keep coming down, which from what I've learned is typical of DID, but it's extremely disorienting. I won't go into further details here as it is pretty awful.

Speaking of disorienting, I am glad too Paws that you emerged from the doona cover. I have also lost myself in the cavernous depths of my doona cover and wondered if I would ever escape. Mine has colourful patterns on it which I actually found were quite fascinating to see from inside the doona cover with the bedroom light shining through it, like I was inside an art installation. The images on it are from one my favourite children's illustrators, Gareth Lucas. You both may like his work as he regularly features birds and animals as his main subjects. 

I will take your advice about pet sitting Croix. I realise such pets will take it very literally and I will be a repository for fur. I am looking at some possible future pet sits at the moment actually. Yes, I did go to Melbourne in the second half of November. I did very much enjoy it but probably pushed myself too hard as I'm thinking about living there and set myself the assignment of finding the right area to live. But I wish I had taken a bit more time off from that to just do some purely fun things too. I did spend one day looking at photo exhibitions (which were incredibly easy to find, being Melbourne) and found I was quickly able to connect with some people there. Like it was much easier than here to feel the possibility of being part of something. Here I feel chronically stuck. One of the people there said they run regular exhibitions where you can submit your work even if you haven't exhibited before. Anyway, it would be a long time away if I am able to move there and I have much else to deal with first. I really don't know at this stage what will happen.

Paws, how clever of Woofa to know to do his puppy eyes at your nephew. I would have been like your nephew, the one that the animals know is a pushover. One of the dogs I lived with, a solid little Staffy who was a total softy, was obsessed with bananas. If I just opened a banana, even if he was near the front gate, he'd be down with me in the kitchen within seconds. I don't know how he did it, but his banana smell detector I think was exquisite. He would then give me the most longing eyes imaginable and I would give him a piece.

Croix, that sounds exactly what happened, that Foxy dog detected the thunderstorm. They definitely pick up things we humans might miss. I've heard of animals detecting things like earthquakes and tsunamis well before they happen, finding higher ground or whatever protection they need. Truly amazing.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello Croix, ER,

Croix your description "even with Mrs C accompanying me, the house wold be empty and not overly welcoming, just a collection of rooms"  is so spot on, especially how even another person in the house doesn't take away from the emptiness that a pet dispels.  Right now I'm feeling, to paraphrase you, that "the days are empty & not overly welcoming, just a collection of hours"  If I didn't have the prospect of getting a new fur friend in the foreseeable future I would be struggling badly right now.  Whenever I feel my mood slipping I just need to start scrolling breeders & it gives me a much needed kick to keep working towards my fur covered goal.  I mustn't forget to ask, Foxy dog would never forgive me, have you built the warm nook for her?

It is lovely to hear from you again ER, I will keep to other news rather than talking about your difficult mh stuff.

ER you have such a strong creative streak lass, I doubt I would ever notice something like the patterns caused by the bedroom light shining through mine.  I suspect you have a lot in common with Mr Squiggle & can see pictures where the rest of us just see a few random lines.

I did chuckle at the "banana smell detector".  I am impressed though, especially at it's working range, given opening a banana only makes the smallest of noises, so hearing it from outside would be nigh impossible.  I'm sure Woofa would have you pegged as a soft touch, he was very good as spotting such tendencies even in newly met folk.

My road is still closed to traffic with the fire nearby, though yesterday the lads manning it let me back in with just my say so that I lived "just a few down".  Though the fire was only about 2km away at it closest, thankfully I haven't been under direct threat & I only evacuated on Sunday when the wind change caused me to be smoked out (being asthmatic + smoke not good) & the CFA knocked on my door to say I might come under ember attack with the swirling winds & my road out might be cut off.  Thankfully only the one night away as the winds have settled & are blowing away from here.  I am so very aware of how lucky I am with what has happened to other communities over the last few days.  The CFA & my neighbouring farmers are amazing & have done a wonderful job.

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws and Croix,

Paws, I have wondered if you were affected by fires in Victoria. I'm really happy to know that you are ok. I imagine being smoked out was a bit worrying to say the least, and not at all good for asthma as you mention. It's good you have the communication from the CFA about things like possible ember attack. I'm glad the winds are now blowing in your favour. It is great to know the CFA and local farmers are co-ordinating in doing a wonderful job of keeping the community protected and trying to protect property too. It's often at such times that communities come together.

I'm glad you have the reminder of a future fur friend to ground you and keep you focussed on something good for the future. It's so clear that that is the most healing thing for you. I expect you do this already, but as well as scrolling the breeders, there are endless YouTube videos of doggies. I have gone through phases of watching Youtube videos, short films etc about animals a lot as a kind of healing thing. I've watched things about orang-utans, elephants, gorillas, dogs etc. I am often fascinated by unusual animals that are little known. For example, I watched some videos on the Pallas's cat, native to Mongolia and surrounding areas. It is found near Lake Baikal which I find a fascinating area. Lake Baikal also has these freshwater seals which are hilariously rotund and I find them very cute. As usual, the baby ones throw the cuteness scale off the charts. They are called nerpas. I imagine they would be good friends to Croix on the iceberg, except that they are a freshwater, not saltwater, species. Baby walruses are also exceedingly cute (yes, I know you hate walruses being called cute Croix but it is true!).

Well I am now going to prune my out-of-control lavender bush. There is still quite a bit of daylight left here. I hope you both have a peaceful evening.

Hugs,

ER