How do i rest?

[OrangeFantastic]

This sounds a little bit stupid but, i genuinely have no idea how to be unstimulated. I always need music or something, anything to keep me going and when i dont feel stimulated something feels wrong. Ive been burnt out for a while and i dont know what to do about it but i know i need rest and i just have no idea how to rest to any capcity. Whenever i try to rest my brain tells me no, i must stay stimulated and its so hard for me to start things. How do i fix this?

[bananatoast]

Hi OrangeFantastic,

Thank you for sharing what you are going through.

I just want to let you know that no feeling is ever stupid and it might simply be that your brain is currently processing new challenge and I know that feeling might feel really overwhelming.

It is so easy to get stuck in stimulation during this era of constant technological development. I feel that myself a lot of the time and I do see that with the people around as well. That feeling of always having to be doing something or needing something to keep ourselves occupy is so draining and the moment we consciously realised it, it seems like that stimulation has already embedded within us.

As someone who is slowly learning again how to find peace in my head without constantly doing something, I know it is a journey and it takes small changes to see progress. My small steps started with some journaling and reflection, have some self-quality time as I realised how disconnected I was with myself. Something else I've been doing these days is when I caught myself being stuck in the middle of a scroll, I go for a walk and take it from there, sometimes it turns into a run or a spontaneous catch-up with a friend. I also find laying down on the grass while staring at the clouds and listening to sounds of life like the birds and wind flowing through the trees makes me feel more connected.

I know how hard it is to reset the cycle that is so embedded within the brain and there might not be a simple fix, but I really hope you find ways that are suited for what you love to relearn what really make yourself feel rested.

All the best!

[Eagle Ray]

Hi OrangeFantastic and wave to bananatoast,

I love that both your names make me think of fruits!

One thing that has worked for me when nothing else has, has been going into nature and just staying there for as long as it takes for my nervous system to calm down from a hypervigilant state. One time I walked to a spot where there is a bench amongst plants and rocks, overlooking a river. I just lay down on the bench and let go. Didn't try to do anything. Just listened to the sounds around me, felt the warmth of the sun and let myself slowly decompress. And that's what finally worked. Once my system gets to the more peaceful state it is more inclined to stay there and seek that peace again. But sometimes at home there are distractions and things that keep the stimulation treadmill going. What I noticed from this extended stay in nature was my heart rate calmed down and my breathing regulated and just everything got back to a healthier baseline.

I really agree with bananaboat that it's not stupid at all to find it challenging to really chill and not keep turning to stimulation. Even just with our phones these days, it's hard to not look at them all the time and check things. So just setting aside time to do nothing and having a rest can be a good idea. There is actually a written piece by Michael Leunig on this very topic in his book the Curly Pyjama Letters, where Mr Curly asks his friend Vasco in a letter "What is worth doing and what is worth having?" I don't think I can copy it all here because of copyright issues, but if you google that you should be able to find Vasco's reply which is basically answering the questioning you are asking. It's about the restlessness in the world these days and how there is no shame whatsoever in resting and that we really need to give in to our bodies when they are tired and give them the break they need. I think sometimes something in us just has to know it's okay to stop completely.

Take care and hope you can rest well!

[Psychdiaries2]

Hi there,

Welcome back to the forums, it's great to have you here!

It doesn't sound stupid at all, I believe everyone is going through the same thing as we try to manage our screen time and when feeling burnt out. I relate to the feeling of not being able to rest properly and feeling like I always need to be doing something. Something that I'm trying recently is to engage more in hobbies like reading and drawing which I really enjoy. Do you think you could try something like that and see if you get immersed in the task? Even going for a walk might help to clear your mind and help you stay in the present moment like noticing your surroundings, focusing on your breathing, etc. 

Sometimes I feel we just need to force ourselves to rest and spend meaningful time alone doing something we enjoy to rest and recharge. 

Hope this helps,

PsychDiaries

[melodica]

Hello,

I think rest means different things to all of us. For me, rest is not about staying still but rather pursuing things that interest me. That relaxes me and provides the rest I need.  

[therising]

Hi OrangeFantastic

I feel for you so much. How to manage an entirely new challenge definitely isn't easy at any age. I think the older we get the more we tend to tell ourself something along the lines of 'I should know how to do something like this'. The thing is a new challenge is a new challenge, no matter what. We shouldn't be so hard on ourself when facing one. 

You mention that when you don't feel stimulated something feels wrong. While I think we can gain a general sense of what it is we're feeling, it's not always easy to gain an exact sense. I find sometimes it pays to ask 'Is what I'm feeling or sensing mentally related, physically related, a combo or something more?'. 

• Mentally, there can be a whole lot of belief systems we can be feeling the side effects of such as 'If you're not being productive you're being lazy' or 'If you're not being productive you're wasting time'. Social or cultural beliefs can be messy things and they can also become depressing if we consider them to be completely true. Sometimes the truth is 'Doing next to nothing can be incredibly productive and time well spent, especially if we're recovering from burnout, surgery or something else that requires significant rest'. Inner dialogue can also be a real mongrel at times, a mix of 'What are you doing, sitting or lying around doing nothing?!' or 'You should be doing more than this. What's wrong with you?!' etc etc
• Physically, we can be feeling or sensing cravings for natural dopamine hits. If managing 5 things at once gives us that natural 'high' and suddenly we stop doing a whole lot of things at once, there's a 'low' that can be felt through an absence of that kind of inner chemistry. Or sometimes we can be feeling our nervous system still in overdrive. Even if we go into rest mode, that system's still packed with energy that needs to be released somehow
• A little more outside the square can involve feeling or sensing the absence of a more soulful approach to life. While we may never have considered ourself a 'soulful' kind of person before, perhaps it's a first time calling. A bit of a Google search for 'Soulful ways to relax' could offer some things to do that maybe haven't been considered. A variety of ways to constructively relax offers a kind of Goldilocks experiment. Kinda like 'This one feels too much. That one feels not enough. This approach feels just right'. It's about getting a feel for what works and what doesn't

I think something else to consider involves the question 'Who am I, naturally?'. If you're naturally an energetic person and you thrive on feeling energy in motion (aka 'e-motion') within yourself and around you, not feeling anything can definitely feel wrong and agitating. This would go against who you naturally are. Seeing we tend to feel a lot through our physical senses, this could involve another bit of experimentation. Simple things like 'How does the smell of that lemon feel? How does this sense of touch feel when patting that cat? How does some healthy emotional eating feel (sense of taste)? What about the sound of wind chimes or the sight of what I can conjure up through my imagination while daydreaming?'. So much to feel in this world.