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Men isolated

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

I'd like to hear from men. I want to know your inner feelings about anything that you feel isolated about. I'd like to know if you feel that the revolution towards equality of the sexes has gone too far to a point whereby you are feeling inferior to women or you feel women are being treated better in any way - just because you are a man.

Emotionally, are you feeling that you get enough support from females? Do you feel women are afraid to hug you to comfort you for any reason? like you'll take advantage of them? Do you have many female friends? Do you feel that women socialize better? What do YOU want socially?

Feel free, talk, let go of your restraints, take advantage of the anonymous environment to let yourself be heard. We can do this and be in error, that our presumptions are ill directed and unfair. It could be our own inapproachability for example that can sway women away from us when we need them most.

Are we misread? I know when I'm in conflict with someone I come across as a little aggressive or arguing in a normal male manner and that can portray someone that is not in need of support but is someone to avoid. NOTHING could be further from the truth.

So that's one gripe. I feel women don't pursue the friendship care far enough. Such limited care results in my feelings of isolation. I think I'm a "giver" apart from my supportive wife no woman supports me anywhere near the level I give to them. Is this an illusion? What do you think?

Two people. One a woman that enters a group, say a hobby group. She sits down and isn't feeling emotionally well. She is asked a question like "how is your day"? She burst into tears. The whole group of 10 ladies stand and hold her hand, hand on her shoulder, comforting and reassurance. She is not alone. They even ring her later and talk at length. The other person a middle aged male enters a motoring clubroom in his local town, his male friends restore cars and share drinks. He sits and realizes he was in no shape to attend. A guy asks him how his restoration is going. He is upset thinking about his car as due to his depression he hasn't been to his shed for weeks. He suddenly starts crying. The men, all of whom start to feel uncomfortable, mention a few things like" you'll get there don't worry". He is worried because he knows that half of the men there actually think he is a softy by crying, to stand clear of him because he has problems, to avoid him as it might upset their own happy day in the sun....

Tony WK

282 Replies 282

Hi singing the blues

Thanks for posting on TonyWK's thread topic. Tony is the legend that created this thread topic for men to have their say with the problems they are going through...which includes most of the guys on the thread

The forums are a judgement free place where you can post as you know. There are some that have pulled away from the forums as they may be doing it hard I guess

I really hope you can stick around singing the blues.....there are no experts here....just people like us 🙂

I hope your day was reasonably okay

Paul

Hi guys and dolls I knew a man who sang the blues I asked him for some happy news. he just smiled and turned away. Their is no happy news left in the world. It up and left the room when the took my children away. then my mobility and dignity there is nothing left.

Kanga

Hi Kanga

Great track by DonMcLean...

You know this isnt my thread topic Kanga

If you want to share what you are going through you are more than welcome. I know that you are going through bad patch Kanga....there are other people that dont understand your situation like some regular members do

Best always

Paul

Quercus
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi everyone,

I was reminded about Tony's thread today and wanted to share it with new members who perhaps hadn't seen it before.

We took our kids to the local agricultural show today and there were two displays specifically about men's mental health which was so great to see!

It was amazing to see men from rural communities openly talking to people about their own experiences.

One thing that interested me most was seeing different approaches to encouraging men specifically to stop and look.

Here in WA there is a bloke who has covered his car and trailer in statistics about men and suicide, speaking out and removing the stigma. The car is an absolute ice breaker and draws people to talk. He had a cage with toy dogs advertising Black Dogs for free (but be warned they bite). And had displays of colourful clips for your hat with slogans such as Real Men Cry.

I know to some this might seem like trivialising suicide and depression but to me it was interesting to see the effect an approachable display had.

To watch my husband (who is a very private and stoic man) stop for a chat and ask about the car and about the story behind the decorations made me realise that what makes services or displays approachable is trial and error.

Overall...do you think existing mental health services are approachable to men?

Thankyou Quercus for adding to this thread.

As a male I'm constantly battling those internal forces telling me I dont need help. I'm also isolated from sharing with other male friends my issues. But it is slowly improving.

I believe when we overcome that internal conflict suicide rates will dramatically drop.

TonyWK

Hi. just tagging at the moment. Will add something later when I get back.

Hi. Bit late to the party. I read most of the thread and two thoughts popped into my mind. The first is an answer to a question posted by Tony about why men don't ask for help.

In my case it was rather simple - I did not know there was any problem til I hit two low points and to find out I was suicidal (actually, suicide ideation) as well. I had thought that everything I experienced was something that "everyone" went through. And here is the kicker... I was weak that I could not cope. That I was alone.

The truth of the matter is that I was not alone, and a number of people who told me I was brave for getting help.

In response to Tony's statement on sharing - it can be hard when a person says "I didnt know you were still seeing a psychologist. You look so good". You might question who you want to open up to.

Another person had a single negative experience with a psychologist.

And it just came to me... those people who said I was brave would also have a had some sort of lived experience - if not their own, then someone in the family someone they knew.

Hi TonyWK

I think you have really made an excellent point where males and their mental health is concerned....you mentioned "I believe when we overcome that internal conflict suicide rates will dramatically drop"......this is spot on, not to mention the importance of some guys losing their 'bravado' as it doesnt help with finding peace of mind

It doesnt hurt to seek help for our mental health as we have everything to gain and nothing to lose by doing so.....just my humble opinion if thats okay....great to see this important thread back online!

Paul

Hi Tim,

Being cautious who we open up to is most important - absolutely. The risk is, people can "act" like they care but not care, be patronizing, judge us and so on. Any wonder "birds of a feather flock to forums like this".

"- I did not know there was any problem til I hit two low points " I relate to that. Insight into a problem of our mind would be extremely rare. I think other peoples observation of a problem is more likely followed by some resistance as you dont "feel" there is an issue.

You also mention you were alone, but you weren't in that people were around. I find I can be alone if at a pub among 6 friends. I've put it down to being on a different planet. Eg I'm not a pub type and dont relate to the scene. That leaves me on the fringe of friendship circles.

Paul, I've always had the ingown resistance of seeking medical help that I've assumed other men have. My assumption has been that I dont like people fussing over me.?

TonyWK

Not sure where to start because the posts from everyone have all been interesting to read.

So I'll go with Tony's last statement about not seeking support because you want to avoid people fussing.

I'm curious... What makes being fussed over a negative thing?