Managing Borderline Personality Disorder

[AGrace]

Hi,

I was looking through some of the posts and couldnt find any related to Borderline Personality Disorder. 

I was diagnosed at the end of the year along with Anxiety and Depression. I was hoping to reach out to anyone in a similar situation to get some advice on how to deal with living with this condition.  I left my employment last year so I could focus on my health which has been useful but now I feel anxious about ever being able to go back to work full time, having children, and doing day to day things whilst managing my illness. To add to this, not doing those things leaves me feeling a little useless. 

Does anyone have some advice, or personal experience with this?

Thanks. 

[hope4joy]

Hi xmin,

its nice to pop in here and see your reply 🙂 It sounds like it was a pretty rough time though, sorry to hear that. I totally get what you mean about spiralling cause someone doesn't reply or if there's something out of whack with a friendship or something. I wonder if given the circumstances, that your close friend got together with your ex, if they are people who respect you and treat you kindly and everything you deserve in a friend? I trust you know the right thing to do - I just hope you're being treated well. If you feel like you need more support on here please remember you can create other threads too, as well as write in this one.

Since moving house I've been chatting to my new housemate sometimes at night and i am continually surprised at how kind and respectful and friendly he is... I guess things had deteriorated in my old home without me realising how bad it had gotten and how poorly I was being treated. I still miss my old home and feel sad about the ending, but i think in the long term it was a good outcome.

Hey that's great you made it to the pool! I love the botanical gardens in Sydney, it sounds it was a nice walk. But quite a long day in total i'm guessing. Good on you for trying it out. I'm looking forward to getting back into swimming and yoga - I've had to be out for a few weeks while my stitches heal.

And that situation at work sounds plain horrible. Its great you have your colleague's support. I'm finding that even though i find it terrifying being assertive and saying something when things aren't right, it is very empowering too, like self care and respecting myself. Good luck with it, do you think you'll be able to bring it up?

I'm a little emotional now. I just realised (through many tears) that i'd become attached to an academic at uni who was so supportive since before i started and right through first year, and not having him this year, well i miss him terribly. He's been one of the most encouraging, kind, friendly people i've had in my life for a while. And i have a habit of getting attached to teachers/ bosses etc. So its at times like these i hate the bpd sensitivity and instability in relationships. I feel so much like quitting uni but at the same time know in my heart and head that it would be crazy. I only just realised how much this has affected me so i'll bring it up with my psych next week.

It's good that you have some support. Do you do a particular type of therapy?

...

[hope4joy]

...

Yeah, I hope to see the guy from the date soon! This weekend is chaotic so i've asked to meet him on the easter weekend - already the next weekend. We're thinking to do a nice bush walk somewhere. Great to hear you did rock climbing. Have you climbed much before?

I'm a bit tired to be honest, its been full on these last couple of weeks and I've been working probably too hard at uni, sometimes i can get compulsive to keep making art. I've got a roast in the oven which is a treat. I've got some uni homework but can do it tomorrow morning too as my class starts late.

Its always nice chatting to you xmin,

Kindness, Christina 🙂

[xmin]

Hi Christina, 

I know, I'm finding it a nice regular comfort to pop in and see your words =). I wonder if there are any lurkers around, or if it really is that quiet on this thread. Yeah, I tend to get quite caught up when it comes to communication. I'd love to just brush it off and continue merrily on my way but it really gets me down. I would say so, yes. But I do need to move on with my life, and try to build my own thing. It's hard, to go from something that was so satisfying to not having it around. Thanks, I am very happy nesting in this thread =). It's great to have the support. 

Ahh lovely to hear about your new roommate. It is sad to realise how bad something is, but the good thing is it's done with the arrival of something better. 

Definitely a long day. I didn't have dinner until 9.30. Both really great sports for your body and mind, that's great. Oh ouchie, I didn't know you had stitches in. Hope that heals up nicely for you. 

I think I'll be able to bring it up. If i think about it too much, I'm afraid that I'll get in trouble for not working fast enough, but I'll just be honest about my capabilities. I think my anger at the situation is fading away since time has elapsed, but I know it's a pattern of behaviour and as soon as I get over this one, it's going to happen again and I want to prevent further damage to my mental health. 

Ahh, that's a bittersweet thing to hear. It is very understandable to become attached to someone who is supportive and encouraging, and totally understandable. Any chance you could contact him to say how much you appreciated his support in the past? I'm sure he'd appreciate it, but only if it's something you would feel comfortable doing. 

I don't think I do a specific form of therapy. I have been feeling recently that my sessions are quite unstructured, and I'm not sure whether I'd like to address it and ask for more targeted sessions. I quite enjoy having a free flow discussion of what's been happening and how I've been doing, but I would like to actively work on myself. 

Ahh, great plan, sounds like a lovely way to spend time together. I have been climbing on and off for several years. I really do enjoy it, and it also keeps me social. 

Don't forget to breathe and take some time for yourself. Obviously you're a busy gal but don't burn out! What kind of art do you make? Mmm! I do envy your roast!

Happy thoughts and kind wishes, xmin 😃

[hope4joy]

Hi xmin,

i'm really grateful to drop by just now and find your words! Am feeling a little flat - just tired I think - and nice to be able to connect. Yes xmin I wonder too - if there are others with bpd reading this - do drop in and say hi! Share anything that is on your mind - the more the merrier 🙂 Your expression of 'nesting' xmin, is delightful!

Yes I can relate to having something that is so fulfilling and then suddenly whammo, its gone. It felt like that last year when the uni semester finished as I still seem to throw all my energy into just one or two things, so when they're passed or not happening I can feel very lost. I actually went to a bpd support group meeting today - i can't believe that i've been going for some 2.5 years or something! That's amazing for me, for group participation. I had one upset with someone but we mended it, and its good to connect with these people every month. Today's topic was that feeling of loneliness that is a bpd criteria - I find it the most confusing. I think you might have raised it on here before xmin? I can relate to feeling lonely, or isolated or depressed - and also the feeling of craving for something more - but the emptiness thing I find it hard to relate to or understand. I'm pretty sure I have it but somehow that word confuses me. If its not too triggering, what does it mean for you xmin?

And how nice to hear you're a climber. Is it indoor climbing?

Wow 9:30 dineer is a mammoth day! Have you ever considered moving closer to the city to reduce your commute? (not suggesting you do! just wondering what keeps you in your current area?)

And thank you my stitches are out and its healing well, but I'm still taking it easy so it heals well.

I relate to what you say xmin that once your anger fades you can let things be and not raise them but if it happens again it will flare up again - and in my case, often get a little stronger. I really hope you can stand up for yourself. It sounds like a horrible situation at work and you don't deserve to be treated that way.

I hear you about whether to have structured therapy or free flowing - i now have a psychologist to do schema (very directed) abnd a psychiatrist to do the go with the flow thing, so am very fortunate. I look forward to hitting my medicare safety net soon so it becomes more affordable, although I only pay a small amount out of pocket.

Yeah its a good idea to tell that tutor how much he helped me - i've meant to do it twice but chickened out!

[hope4joy]

... so yes, am waiting for an opportune moment. 

And thanks for your kind words xmin, to take it easy on myself. I do find it busy to juggle uni and a few work shifts, and then just managing day to day stuff and socialising. Sometimes its easy being busy though, no real time to stop and contemplate. But yeah, I keep getting the initial signs of a cold so need to care for my health. That's why i decided to take it easy tonight.

How's your week/ weekend been?

And as to art, I love to make sculptures and digital media stuff, be it video or digital collage etc. I do paint and draw but not much lately. I really enjoy being in the workshop and using all sorts of crazy equip,emt to make sculptures, it feels very empowering.

Well I hope this finds you well xmin - kind wishes your way! Christina 😉

[xmin]

Hello Christina, 

Have you picked up a little yet? I'm very tired these days, quite sleep deprived. I must be disciplined! 

It's kind of unsettling to have my happiness/mental health reliant on things, and be so thrown when they are removed. How do people just cruise along happily? I do wonder. Oh well done! I did try to look up group support. and only found something in your state, which is a shame for me. It must really be great to have found that group of people who experience the same trials, and be able to connect with them in real life. I do feel most if not all of those. I have been feeling quite lonely these days. I am missing that close person to feel connected to. I do feel emptiness- it's kinda like my life is hollow and meaningless and there isn't much point to it. I don't find much enjoyment in things. And the little enjoyment I experience is vague and short lived. 

It is indeed indoor climbing. However, I did a course recently and I might try outdoor climbing with a friend in the future. 

I didn't mention, I'm thinking of moving out next year! Money. Money keeps me where I am. Although on the advice of my naturopath I might have to consider changing jobs, which is a little daunting. 

Yup that's right, easy does it. I can't speak though, I went rock climbing with three stitches in my thumb xD. 

Thanks Christina. I shall keep you updated on how it goes- I am feeling a little scared with the idea of confrontation. 

Ahhh I see, that sounds like a great way to do things. I wish I had more time in my session. I haven't tried seeing a psychiatrist, how would you recommend it? 

I hope you find that moment, or the comfort to do it when you are ready. 

I definitely don't miss working and studying, so hats off to you. It is easier to avoid those mental mulling over periods when you're busy, but yeah also good to have a bit of down time thinking time. Please do! Having a cold and trying to juggle everything does not sound like fun. 

[xmin]

It's been alright. I had a great day today with a friend, went cycling around the water for a few hours and walked around the beach. Although something that has been bugging me is that I messaged the ex-friend with a casual message asking to meet up, and they never responded. I get it if they don't want to try and patch things up and I would respect their decision, but it would have been nice if they at least replied. I am angry at that fact, and also terribly sad about things not working out. I feel like my life just isn't that enjoyable without them being a part of it. No one makes me laugh as much as they did, or helps me have as much fun. It's a personality and compatibility thing. I'm sure it's possible there's someone else out there who can be a great friend in that way, but I haven't found them, and I've already hit the jackpot once. But my only choice is to move on and just continue on my way. 

Tomorrow I'm going shopping, which I'm actually really excited about. How about you? Weekend plans? 

Ahh amazing!!! If you ever felt comfortable sharing, I'd really love to see some of your works. I love the idea of sculpting. I am very terrible on 2D but I have a watercolour course booked in for next month with a friend which I'm excited about. It sounds like you have a lot of fun! How long have you been doing it for? What do you do with your artworks? 

Hope you're keeping well =). 

[hope4joy]

Morning xmin 🙂

Wow it certainly seems like you're proactive in doing things. Your cycling and walking near the water/beach sounds beautiful. I've stayed short term (a few weeks) in Sydney a couple of times a few years ago in the Drummoyne / Balmain sort of area and I found it so pretty. I also love going out to Bondi and the beaches near that area. And I remember doing quite a long walk from a bridge all the way to Manly, walking around the coast. We're lucky in Australia how much natural habitat we have in amongst our cities. Sydney is somewhere I'd consider living - although I get daunted by the travel times and the cost of rent. So it makes sense that you're living at home to make it affordable. I guess that is one advantage of Brisbane - its much sleepier and smaller, so parking and rent etc is cheaper. But its not as pretty or dynamic as Sydney, but makes an easy place to live. I don't see myself living here 'forever' but its good for the time being and has lots of supports on offer. I really enjoyed living in Alice Springs for a while but there was a real lack of mental health supports, which forced me to leave. It was nice that travelling all the way across town only took 5 to 10 minutes!

Yeah, I hear you xmin about some friends being a better fit than others. And those friendships that are so open and fun. I've had a few good friends like that in the past. I think you're right, they're a very special thing. And hard to find. For me it is a sense of being much more relaxed around friends like that, so I can be 'real' and playful and overall its just so much more rewarding. It sounds like a huge part of your life that you've lost - and I think you're doing great. I hope that you have some more people in your life like that soon.

And whoa, rock climbing with stitches in your thumb, yikes!

What do you think about your work... would you like to change occupation? 

And thanks, I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and sort of off-loaded all my worries and she kept saying how some changes recently (like my horrible situation with being bullied and having to leave my home) would impact anyone to a great degree, not just someone with bpd. So that felt good and validating. She also suggested I increase my meds slightly - they're only new ones so we haven't found the right level yet, so i'll go and fill that script this afternoon. But yes, I wish my emotional state didn't depend so much on what was happening/ not happening in my life... 

[hope4joy]

it can get ever so tiring being buffeted around. But at the same time I know I have found and built up much more of a centre than ever before, so slowly slowly work in progress. I'm sorry to hear that you've been down xmin. Do you think you're depressed at the moment? Have you ever tried meds, or anything else that might have helped? I just know that for me that feeling of lack of pleasure in life/ activities can be a sign that i'm experiencing depression.

Oh yeah you asked about a psychiatrist. Well in my experience - I've only seen two - a male psychiatrist for a few months and then my current psychiatrist - they are different to psychologists. To me psychologists seem more like informed friends and are pretty casual, where as psychiatrists are trained doctors and appear to have more of a medical approach. But all this is just my impression xmin, it could be different for everyone. I guess that I was told a few years ago that I needed long term intensive support and a psychologist simply wasn't affordable. But a psychiatrist can bulk bill something like 50 sessions in a year, and I did lots of research to track down a psychiatrist who was willing to bulk bill me with no gap. I think the consistency and long teem nature has been incredibly helpful. It is also helpful she's very informed on meds. At times my sessions frustrate me because they are unstructured and can be very analytical - which is why i appreciate being able to also see a psychologist. I kind of feel that it is something that has helped me enormously, but the chance has been so slow it is hard to see, and that i will see the benefit better after stopping. I don't know, we can only try hey?!

And thanks for your interest in my art and the invite to share, that means a lot.

Oh what did you go shopping for?

I've got a few weekend plans - a bushwalk with that guy I met on the date, dancing on Fri night with a group of friends and some sound recording from uni. A friend of mine is at a mental health clinic so might pop in to visit her. And then a bit of study study study!

Lovely to chat xmin, have a great day. And why are you sleep deprived? Maybe your travel time?

Kind wishes, Christina 😉

[Spiltbean]

Hi all, 

I'd like to contribute if I may, I've had BPD since 2007. DBT was agree at move to help regulate affect. Was able to understand my emotions and tolerate distress much more effectively. Mindfulness is part of my everyday. 

However DBT is only the start of recovery. It does NOT:

-  Restore sense of self or the fractured identity

- self -efficacy

- externalised locus of control

- blockages to intrinsic motivation

These elements of psyche are important to control, in order to feel optimistic about the future, and  to trust your instinct to make informed choices bases on your 'intuition' not just pros & cons.

Ultimately you can still feel very confused many years after DBT without the right individual psychotherapy, and when I say 'right' a therapist that understands how 'deliberate detachment' occurred in the first place and what starts the borderline off on the trajectory of compulsive compliance, leading them to numb out and become chronically uninvolved in their own lives.

New research indicates that personality is mailable, and this makes sense given neuroplasticity, but the challenge is knowing how to make "attachments" of any kind from palace of want rather than need.  What's worth doing? what do you believe? How can I ensure my survival while exploring my new self safely ?

 Most therapists I've seen (and I've seen heaps) don't understand this because they do not understand the trained brain. Specifically how limbic atrophy occurs, and how the process of 'mentalization' is compromised. Why the individual "deliberately detached" from desire in the first place.

Rather making the 'self' the focus in treatment, they're only interested in treating affects, which is extension and reinforcement of DBT. So you go round in circles, with endless chatter. Feeling much the same, and funding their retirement!

There is a deficit of skilled psychologists & therapist in this area.

Let me know what you think.

peace .