A Place for Me to Be Exactly Who I Need to Be
First of all, I was in a very dark place and now I feel like I am standing in the sunshine again. But there is still a long way for me to go and so much more for me to do. For my recovery (and on going quality of life) I have been practising self-love, forgiveness and positivity. And it has helped me so much! I am discovering I have a lot of love in my heart but there are still a lot of dark clouds behind me.
So I will be posting whatever I feel is right for me. And I made a promise to myself to be honest, unashamed and kind (to myself and others).
My posts will vary and may sometimes seem strange. But our minds are so beautiful and complex and think in many forms and I intend to share all those forms with you. And I encourage others to share too. If you want to vent with me, vent with me. If you want to forgive with me, forgive with me. We can all learn from each other and the different ways we handle situations and think. And I offer unconditional support and love.
So I will begin with blessing this site with love.
- I bless the other users with love
- I bless my internet connection with love for allowing me to reach these amazing forums
- I bless my phone with love for being able to post here
And I bless mind with love for letting me feel and think and breathe in the first place.
All the best, Rose
(Now I am going to post this before I chicken out!)
I like your style.
Thank you for your positivity and warmth. Thank you for reminding us all that sun always eventually shines. Thank you for putting a smile on my face.
Your post embodied one of my favourite Emily Dickinson quotes: The wounded deer leaps highest.
Kind thoughts to you
Hi Rose (and a wave to all),
You have such a beautiful and uplifting spirit..thank you so much for your blessings to all of us here 🙂
I must say that I’m intrigued to learn more about you. I look forward to reading about your thoughts and feelings...very much so...
I really liked this:
My posts will vary and may sometimes seem strange. But our minds are so beautiful and complex and think in many forms and I intend to share all those forms with you.
Thank you for your lovely presence here...
Kind and caring thoughts,
For the last month I have been experiencing neck and upper-back stiffness and pain. It began slowly and has gradually increased in intensity. I believe every issue in our lives and our bodies is created by our own minds. So I keep telling myself I need to stop and look inside me and let this negative pattern go. But I keep putting it off. No more!
According to the metaphysical concepts; the neck represents the ability to see other's viewpoints as well as be flexible. And stiffness is created by being stubborn and rigid in one's thinking. The upper-back represents emotional support.
So where am I being stubborn and rigid?
I think it is where my parents are concerned. I hide a lot from them: my emotions, mental issues (which has caused a great deal of problems in the past) and even good things too. I hide my interests from them (except my painting). I hide my interest in the metaphysical concepts, my practising of self-love, my fears, the fact I love and use affirmations and my fascination with witches (and I do not mean pointy-nosed, evil Halloween-type witches!).
(It is funny how taking the time to sit and think things over quietly can make everything so clear suddenly!)
And the reason I hide so much from my parents is that I do not think they would "like" my interests. I know they do not believe in anything spiritual so I am worried of what they would think of me if I did.
But this is where I am feeling non-supported, because I am being stubborn (light-bulb moment!).
I assume what they would think of me. I assume their opinions. Which is silly because only they know their opinions. I have always thought telling them about my "stranger" interests was completely out of the question because they would disapprove. But they might not.
So I choose to release the idea that "my parents disapprove of all my interests and would think me silly if they knew about them." I choose to release this. I stop being suborn about this and choose to believe that my parents love and support me no matter what. And they are more than welcome to have different opinions and interests to mine.
- We are all different and perfect
- I welcome other viewpoints
- I am flexible
And I am actively creating support for myself and I am supported by the Universe itself!
I love sitting down and working things through. I learn more and more about myself every day!
I hope you all had an enlightening day too!
All the best, Rose
Hi Rose 3
Oh, what an inspiration you are! Thank you for your insight too. I've been shouldering a lot of responsibility in regard to supporting others and, during this time, have not been able to get rid of this upper back pain. You have given me much food for thought. I shall now begin giving some of the responsibility back to others, between now and when I see my chiropractor in a few weeks. Will be interesting to see what happens.
I wish you the best with your parents in regard to them being able to accept the love you have for these things in your life. I think it becomes a matter of people being able to relate in some way. Whether they relate to our passion in an instant or it becomes a gradual process, it is remains their process, which we should not be offended by or take personally. I must say, the funny thing about people who refuse to believe in all that 'weird freaky stuff' (not my words) is whenever something miraculous or quirky happens, you become the go to person for them relaying their amazing experiences (involving synchronicity, coincidence etc). Being a spiritual gal, I find this is typically the case.
I'm wondering whether you have found 'your tribe', a group of like-minded people. Amazing how when you find a group of like-minded people you grow and thrive and the world begins to truly open up because of such inspiration and support. Interesting how 'normal' all depends on the group of people you associate with. We can be 'weird' one minute and the next 'normal', once we step foot in a place filled with people who share our interests and our passions.
You have truly inspired me and I am deeply grateful for the positive connection you have put out into the universe. Take care as you continue on your journey to finding your most authentic self. Continue embracing your inner philosopher!
By the way, I had a reading done a few months back where the guy said to me 'You have had people flinging mud at you for so long (regarding my love of the spiritual life) and you have let it stick. It is time to forgive yourself for losing your way and it is time to stand up, wash yourself off and be proud of who you are'. On my way home from the reading, I stopped at a set of lights. Whilst sitting there, I looked over to find a billboard (for a washing powder) and there were the words 'Wash off the mud'. The universe truly is an amazing and amusing thing!!!
Firstly, thank you so much therising, you are so kind! I am glad that I may have been of some help to you regarding your upper-back pain, I hope things improve. When it comes to finding "my tribe", I have not yet but I would love to. I would absolutely love to be with a person, or even better a group of people, who are like-minded. It would be great to be able to freely share and discuss things which I have never had anyone to discuss them with before. I have never really opened up about myself before so BeyondBlue is my way of 'opening up the channels of communication' and hopefully I will continue to gain courage and can someday find a "tribe" of my own; somewhere I feel I belong.
I love the "Wash off the mud" story! Brilliant. The Universe has no set way of telling us things, it seems to like to spring little message in some of the most unlikely of places! I find sometimes I suddenly think of a song I have not heard in a while and I just cannot get it out of my head. It usually has some sort of verse in it which relates to whatever I am worrying about or doing at the time. And every time this has happened I put the radio on and that song is playing or plays next. Now if suddenly I go "Oh I have not heard that in a while!" I put on the radio because I know that they are about to play it!
And, again, thank you to all of you for your kind words and lovely replies, I will leave you with this:
I love to write, I love to sing;
I love the joy that words do bring.
So to all those who read my words and smile;
You make all I have been through worthwhile!
10 Things I am grateful for today:
- The fact that my new job is going great!
- My beautiful Puddy (who is a cat) for laying upside-down and looking at me with those big eyes while you were purring. You always make me so happy!
- The car, for safely taking me to work and back.
- The salad I had for lunch.
- The rechargeable lantern that is just brilliant!
- The lovely black skirt that is my favourite and was cheap from an op-shop.
- Rainwater from a tap! Such a wonderful thing!
- My acrylic paints, so I can paint rocks.
- My comfy Pj's and fluffy dressing gown. (How could I not be grateful for this?)
- The weather today.
I hope that everyone had a good day today and that you got to smile many times and, if not, at least once. And for those who had a bad day, tomorrow will be better, it will be filled with joy and laughter!
Remember: Love is everywhere, all you have to do is look for it.
All the best, Rose
Friday! My first week of work over and it went great. I am so grateful that it all went well and I actually enjoyed it!
Resentment does nobody any good and yet most of us seem to have some resentment, whether we are aware of it or not. I know I harbor a lot of resentment for my bother. He was always "The Favourite". But resenting him is only hurting me and it is time to let go. However, first I believe venting and letting out some of my anger toward his will make forgiving and loving him easier.
So... (note: I will probably get pretty emotionally worked up with this so my grammar and order may get a bit out.)
Why did you get to be the favourite?! How it that fair? Mum and Dad are so proud of you, much more than they are of me. And you always had to have everything your way. Even when we were just kids, we always only did the things you wanted to do. And everything that I do you have to try and be better at it! You can even draw, but that is my thing! In Scouts you always had to do all of the badges that I wanted to do and achieve them better. You are so competitive! I feel like my whole life has been a competition and I always come second! You put me down at every occasion and sneer at any of my interests you deem "stupid and a load of rubbish". You really are quite horrible to me. But you do not see it! Do you realise that you are the favourite? Probably not, you probably think you are so hard done by. Well poor you! And school... well at school you had to be Dux didn't you? You had to do "harder" subjects and just be the best ever student in the whole world. And I hated you so much for it. I hated your perfectness!!! My perfect brother who had everything go right in his world. And then I have to hear about how hard your life is from Mum! You are not the one that fell apart. You could not possibly imagine WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH! Oh... but having a mental health issue is just me being weak because you have everything SO MUCH HARDER AND YOU'RE COPING JUST FINE!!!!! I think that deep down I still hate you.
Wow... I do feel better now. It is going to take me a long time to really let this go but as least I have realised that on some level I do really still hate him. Now I know this I can work at releasing it. This post has got much longer than I thought it would so I will just stick with venting today and work on releasing my resentment in another post.
Best wishes, Rose
I am glad you feel you have somewhere you can freely vent. Here on the forums is where you will find understanding and support. By the way, I'm also glad your week at work went well.
Your brother sounds like a very driven and self-focused person. I believe self-focus can be a good thing to a degree yet once it exceeds a certain point then it can become an issue for a number of reasons. 'Harsh, judgemental and discouraging' are the traits of a person who takes self-focus too far, to the point of destruction (Eg: Using words like 'Stupid and a load of rubbish'). I know a few of these folk!
Based on your previous posts, I agree that you do not come close to being like your brother: With intelligence defined as 'the ability to process information', you have a unique intelligence which recognises the importance behind inspiring others. And whilst your brother commits to his performance defining him to some degree, you are obviously invested in evolving into your most authentic self, beyond performance.
Rose, you have already learned (in one way) that you are not your brother. You are not even the person you have always believed yourself to be. I pray you come to know yourself as that rose who, with great strength, manages to push through the dirt and s#*t (manure) in order to continue growing. This way you will come to fully bloom. You are an outstanding form of beauty in this world, which cannot be defined by mere words, even these.
Sticking with the garden analogy, there are certain folk in this world who are like 'climbers'. They'll announce their existence by spreading them self just about everywhere. Then there are those who, like a single rose, will announce their one of a kind colourful display. As a mum, I always encourage my kids to be roses - powerful, awesome, colourful and unique, with gentle/delicate aspects.
Looking back, I realise my own depression began with self-questioning - who am I (compared to others), continued on with self-doubt - I am not good enough (compared to others), grew to self-resentment - I will never be good enough (compared to others) and finally ended with self-acceptance - I am more than 'good enough' (I am beyond comparison).
Seeing you are evolving, in ways, far beyond the ways of your family members, look for support. If you happen to live in Melbourne, a great place for inspiration is 'Mystical Dragon'. Even if you're not in Melbourne, look them up on the internet to get an idea of what's out there.
What absolutely beautiful analogies! You are a truly wonderful person.
I used to always want to be like my brother. I always thought he was "better" than me and I wanted to be like that. It is only relatively recently that I realised I am not like him, and I do not want to be. In a way I feel sorry for him; his world seems very cynical, practical and black and white. But he is happy with it like that. He is not a nasty person; anything he has ever done/said that hurt me he did not do it with that intention. He does not realise, at all, the damage that his words cause. And he does work hard. It has taken me a long time to accept that he deserves to succeed and be happy, as we all do.
Congratulations on learning to accept yourself! That is a really brilliant thing to accomplish. I am gaining more self-acceptance everyday but it is still a working progress.
"We are meant to be different. When we can accept this, then there is no competition and no comparison...We have come to this planet to express who we are."
You Can Heal Your Life, By Louise Hay.
I am more than 4000km from Melbourne! But I will definitely look "Mystical Dragon" up.
Thank you for your advice, insight and kindness.
Nature's Beauty in the Colours of the Rainbow:
Red- for roses in full bloom
Orange - for a blazing sunset
Yellow - for the sun shining bright
Green - for the grass and forests
Blue - for the sky so vast
Indigo - for the deepest oceans
Violet - for a thunderous storm-cloud
Best wishes, Rose