A Place for Me to Be Exactly Who I Need to Be

[Rose_3]

Warm greetings!

First of all, I was in a very dark place and now I feel like I am standing in the sunshine again. But there is still a long way for me to go and so much more for me to do. For my recovery (and on going quality of life) I have been practising self-love, forgiveness and positivity. And it has helped me so much! I am discovering I have a lot of love in my heart but there are still a lot of dark clouds behind me.

So I will be posting whatever I feel is right for me. And I made a promise to myself to be honest, unashamed and kind (to myself and others).

My posts will vary and may sometimes seem strange. But our minds are so beautiful and complex and think in many forms and I intend to share all those forms with you. And I encourage others to share too. If you want to vent with me, vent with me. If you want to forgive with me, forgive with me. We can all learn from each other and the different ways we handle situations and think. And I offer unconditional support and love.

So I will begin with blessing this site with love.

• I bless the other users with love
• I bless my internet connection with love for allowing me to reach these amazing forums
• I bless my phone with love for being able to post here

And I bless mind with love for letting me feel and think and breathe in the first place.

All the best, Rose

(Now I am going to post this before I chicken out!)

[Rose_3]

Dear therising,

I just wanted to say I found your concept of mental conflict fascinating! I have never thought about it that way but it makes perfect sense. The idea of conflict being two thoughts which contradict each other and there is only peace when we give ourselves totally to only one thought is actually really simplistic when you consider it.

I look forward to seeing some of my old thoughts/conflicts in this new light. I am hopeful that a new approach may help me resolve some!

Thank you so much for your ever-wonderful replies and support. You have provided me with much insight and courage. I am truly grateful to know there are people such as yourself in the world!

Wishing you the best, Rose

[Rose_3]

Greetings All!

Self-Acceptance

I have been pondering/focusing on self-acceptance as of late. Firstly, I am not easily embarrassed by the things that embarrass most people. There are some things that I just do not care about others opinions of: I will wear a pair of dirty working boots to a city shopping center, my hair is generally a mess because it is long and curly and disobedient and I will use an umbrella when there are no clouds in the sky because I do not like the heat. What other people think of these things is of no consequence to me. At work I put a wet cleaning cloth in my back pocket. After my shift I went to the post office even though the back of my pants had a number of questionable wet patches! But I know it was from a cleaning cloth so it did not bother me.

So I have always looked at these things and thought my self-acceptance was fine.

But...

Then I started realising the very fundamental parts of me, what I believe and who/what I want to be, I was not being true to. I always made myself into the person I thought my parents wanted me to be. And when I really looked at myself and my core values, they were not portrayed in the person I was showing to the world.

That is about to change!

In fact, that has been changing for a while. I have always wanted to be a witch and I have finally accepted that I am a witch if I want to be one. I know that witches are something that are not really "accepted" in our society but it is who I am and I will not apologise for that. And it is mainly ignorance that has turned people away from modern-day witches. Recently, I purchases a couple of books on witches/magic and I have even told my parents so. I do not think they truly understand what it means to be a witch, but they are supportive and that is a big step in the right direction for me.

So, if anyone has any tips, exercises, suggestions or just comments about self-acceptance, please share! I would love to hear some of your wisdom and/or experiences!

I wish to everyone a wonderful day! And here is to learning who we are and being proud of it!

All the best, Rose

[therising]

Hi Rose

I'm so excited for you and, again, I thank you for being a true inspiration.

The way you describe yourself, with your work boots, your hair, your umbrella etc, depicts you as a child of the universe, you know that sort person who as a kid got around with chocolate ice-cream on their face and didn't care, danced in the rain whenever possible and jumped in puddles to see how big a splash they could produce. Such a shame how we can let this side of our self drift away as we age. Must admit I do still dance in the rain, especially when the rain has broken a long hot spell in Summer. Much to my husbands dismay, my teenage son and daughter happily join me.

Your post gave me chills, which is definitely a good thing. Every time this feeling happens, I know it is because communication is taking place on a soulful level. Your words speak to that part of me and it answers with a chill sensation (aka 'I know you speak the truth'). It is something I learned to recognise some years ago and I truly love this feeling and fully trust it. You speak the language of the soul Rose, which is a true gift.

I believe the springboard to self-acceptance is, in part, permission. Giving our self permission to dive right into the pool of possibility can at times be both fearful and exciting but once we've made that initial leap we are able to find faith in our ability to go even higher than we ever thought possible. Before we know it, we have reached such heights to the degree that we have found heaven on Earth.

Take care Rose on your quest of self-discovery

[Rose_3]

The last few days have been a real struggle for me. My parents went away for a few days and I thought it would be nice to have the place all to myself for a while. I was really looking forward to singing affirmations everyday if I wanted.
But...

I slipped back into old ways and spent three days watching YouTube videos on my phone until I had a bad headache. And I KNEW I needed to stop. I kept TELLING myself to stop. I KNEW I was hurting myself. But I just kept going.

Then I had to go back to work... I only managed my shift because of painkillers and even then I was so scared. I know that my eyes will rest and the headache will go and I will be okay again.

But then it got hot.

I know Summer where I live is hot and I have just been trying not to think about it. If it reaches 25 degrees and I do anything I get a headache from the heat. And where I live there is no air-conditioning and no power so no fans either. And it is over 30 degrees. I work in a Service Station where they sell hot food so it is just as hot if not hotter in there. I do not know what to do. The temperature will just get hotter and as the town gets busy over Summer my shifts will get longer and I cannot do it! I will get a headache everyday and I cannot take painkillers everyday! I do not what to leave my job. I like it. I was enjoying it. I really wanted something to work out well in my life for once. And as my mother has SO HELPFULLY pointed out, "How would I get another job after this one?" and "I would be leaving the manager in a tough spot." because he is relying on me and they will not have time to train someone else before it gets busy.

I do not know what to do.

I know headaches are a trigger of mine (a big one) because if a headache gets bad enough it will make me throw up.

I do not want to have to leave my job and even if I did it is still so hot where I live. I have had to give up so much in my life already and I thought I was finally doing better.

And it is so hard not having anyone to talk to or to help me.

I apologise for the rant, but I have nowhere else to go.

Rose

[therising]

Hi Rose

Try not to be too hard on yourself regarding the YouTube thing. It's pretty easy for us to resort to the old familiar 'highs' in life when there's nothing driving us to do otherwise. Personally, I can be a bit of a Netflix addict and find that when I'm chilling in front of the TV I'll let myself off the hook occasionally by watching documentaries; this way, I can justify some of the time as being 'educational'. Try relating to your YouTube relapse as helpful; maybe it's shown you the need for planning more structure when your parents aren't acting as some form of motivation for you. By the way, it can be hard to get motivated when it's hot. I personally despise the heat.

Regarding the headaches, it's a tough one seeing you don't have access to any form of external cooling. I imagine you've considered 'internal' cooling, such as keeping as hydrated as possible or wearing ice packs across the back of your neck. I believe your well-being is top priority so it may be worth considering a visit to your GP to discuss headache management strategies. Looking into whether your blood pressure is impacted by the heat or even the blood flow in your brain is impacted (possible reason for the headaches) could be a consideration. Another consideration is asking your boss if you can bring a fan into work. Wondering if you're in a position to suggest financially contributing to air-conditioning being installed or even contributing to your parents hiring a generator for home, for you to be able to plug in a fan. Justify your suffering as a medical condition, which it is.

In regard to your mum's advice, you would get another job after this one by applying for other positions. If your environment is such a huge trigger, considering another job you end up loving is definitely not out of the question, even if it means you have to travel a little. I know it's not all so simple but big changes rarely ever are. Another job is something you could explore somewhere down the track if not now. If you can take time off at some stage and stay with relatives (if that's possible), where the climate's kinder to you, it may give you a chance to explore not just another job but also the spiritual/witchcraft side of things, where there are more opportunities for you to expand upon you knowledge and practice.

Planning for the future and the possibilities which are out there helps give us something to look forward to throughout current challenges and struggles.

Take care Rose

[therising]

Hi Rose

Forgot to mention, it's worth remembering that your parents were responsible for choosing to the environment you're living in (I imagine). As a mum, I would be taking responsibility for ensuring my kids didn't have to suffer in the environment I chose. Saying to your parents something like 'I am grateful for you having chosen to live in this place I love but I am now suffering terribly and need you to seriously consider the idea of a generator so I can get some cooling relief (with the help of a fan). I don't want to have to keep taking medication when there are alternatives to help me with this condition'. Speaking to a GP might help back up the need for serious relief.

Just a thought.

[Rose_3]

Warm Greetings,

I have not posted in a month or so because I have been unwell. I let my positive changes start to go, however, I have spent the last two weeks planning a new routine and set of positive exercises. I like to plan things out as then I feel in control and not over-whelmed. I have made a folder to keep a list of all the things I want to accomplish in the current week, drawn up a tracker to keep track of my new daily tasks and I am planning to clear out all of the processions that no longer serve me. Then I will buy some new things which I have always wanted and are more "me".

One of my new changes is to post to the forums everyday. It does not have to be in my thread, just as long as I post somewhere.

I feel bad that I have not posted in so long and I apologise. But guilt will not change that so I forgive myself and I want to thank everyone who has shown my support and kindness so far. Your words mean a great deal to me.

2018 is over! 2019 has only just begun and it is going to be a great year!

Regarding the hot weather where I live (this reply is very over-due). My boss has let me put a fan in the kitchen at work which is good and when it gets really hot at home my parents are running the generator to run the air-conditioner we have in a caravan. They also bought me a battery operated fan.

I wish to everyone a fantastic New Year!

Kindest wishes, Rose

[therising]

Hi Rose

Wishing you a fantastic New Year too!

Take care and stay cool

[Rose_3]

Warm Greetings,

So out of 9 days I have posted 5 times. I am happy with myself for accomplishing that and I look forward to seeing it continue and get even better.

I want to see if there are other people who feel this way and if so, what things they do to cope/deal with it. I feel as if I am a completely different person at work. I dress in a way I would not normally, I speak in a way I would not normally and I do so many things that are not "me". My job at the moment is just a temporary job to save some money. But how do you stay as "you" when you have to be someone else at work?

I do not know whether others find this an issue too. It annoys me when I deal with customers who are regulars because they "come to know me", however, I am not being my true self. So their image of me is not who I am at all. I know it does not really matter but it still irritates me. I want to be me. I am finally feeling happy and comfortable with who I am and I want to show the world.

I will, one day, work at something which is one of my greatest interests and then I can be true to myself in all that I do. But until then, does anyone else find this to be an issue and what are the ways you handle it?

I hope everyone had a great day; with smiles, laughter and courage.

Wishing you the best, Rose