I'm not sure if its my bipolar, my depression or both that dictates my extremes in mood from ultra positive to my world as I know it...ending. Ending meaning marriage collapse and becoming a hobo, sad, homeless individual.
I'm sure I'm not alone, that some reading this will relate to the happy times only to regularly fall in a heap.
For me to be joyous everything must be ok. Finances ok, car running well, wife and I on the same page, the weather fine, no one demanding attention in the family etc. But of course nearly every day something occurs. Thats enough to believe life is fragile. My mood thereafter for a number of hours is desperate, its like you just want to escape but you know from your early days 35-40 years ago that that doesnt work, all it does is create more problems needing more answers, not to mention the hurt it causes others and family and friends dont deserve that.
For just one month to live a stable life, to string along many days whereby life is the same. No mania, no sadness, no self harm, no conflict or uncertainty. No feeling like you just want to enter a hospital...Medication I've learned can only do so much, the rest is huge challenges.
I'm a really positive individual but I've learned that my ills do not allow me to keep my chin up all the time. Its just not possible.
"You've got the theory down pat" said the psych nurse but putting it in practice isnt so easy.
I think with mental illness one has a major problem advancing beyond a certain personal ability. After that its beyond our capability.
Erratic mood, do you have that life of swings, roundabouts and herdy gerdies? If so what has been you best remedy? I'd love to know.
Just to ease the pain.
Tony WK
