Extremes, life on a herdy gerdy...

[white knight]

I'm not sure if its my bipolar, my depression or both that dictates my extremes in mood from ultra positive to my world as I know it...ending. Ending meaning marriage collapse and becoming a hobo, sad, homeless individual.

I'm sure I'm not alone, that some reading this will relate to the happy times only to regularly fall in a heap.

For me to be joyous everything must be ok. Finances ok, car running well, wife and I on the same page, the weather fine, no one demanding attention in the family etc. But of course nearly every day something occurs. Thats enough to believe life is fragile. My mood thereafter for a number of hours is desperate, its like you just want to escape but you know from your early days 35-40 years ago that that doesnt work, all it does is create more problems needing more answers, not to mention the hurt it causes others and family and friends dont deserve that.

For just one month to live a stable life, to string along many days whereby life is the same. No mania, no sadness, no self harm, no conflict or uncertainty. No feeling like you just want to enter a hospital...Medication I've learned can only do so much, the rest is huge challenges.

I'm a really positive individual but I've learned that my ills do not allow me to keep my chin up all the time. Its just not possible.

"You've got the theory down pat" said the psych nurse but putting it in practice isnt so easy.

I think with mental illness one has a major problem advancing beyond a certain personal ability. After that its beyond our capability.

Erratic mood, do you have that life of swings, roundabouts and herdy gerdies? If so what has been you best remedy? I'd love to know.

Just to ease the pain.

Tony WK

[gld]

Hi white knight,

You talk about things that happen in your day to day that puts us in a place. I feel that most of the things that happen are things that most of us have no insight that they are going to happen and can not be controlled. As we place more attention on them and look into why, how and should this happen the more we increase pressure as our moods shift towards a direction that is unhelpful.

I now feel it is life's way of working and we are here to move with it as it constantly changes before our eyes instead of fighting against it as well as trying to change it. Today i work on things as they come up for example my car needs fixing i do it as i do not stress about money as it will be paid for and other bills will get paid when i have the money. When i feel unwell i work on getting supports when i need them without letting them build up and placing more pressure on myself that i do not want or need. It makes it less complicated as i feel i sometimes make it than it needs to be.

Keep living in the moment as the past has happened and i am unable to predict the future.

Gen

[white knight]

Hi gld

Thankyou for a very good reply. I'm going to read it a few times today

Tony WK

[Guest_128]

Hey Tony,

I will try not to go of topic or confuse you.

Over the last week I have been trying to find some unrelated paperwork.

Everywhere I looked was traces of my past MH,letters,poems,notes,pages and pages of theory from classes I have attended. Everything was the same. Nothing had changed over the years,since life turned spiralling down.

I have had very mixed (of course) emotions with finding all this stuff,sad I cried cause I couldn't see any change,was excited to find things that I believe can help, and I mourned for who I once was.

I do believe also that I was born with this defect and life situations has intensified it.

I disagree with you,you have the gift to always move forward and with it learn. I seriously don't think you realise how brilliant you are with the info you put out for everyone.

For me to be joyous was when everything seemed to be perfect,a long time ago!

But was it?

Later

[Guest_3712]

Hi Tony,

For me routine is the key . I have a set morning routine and I get very flustered if I have to change it .

I can adapt to time changes if I have to work or something, but the actual rituals cup of tea, slow to wake , go for walk with dog all non negotiable.

I have never been a spur of the moment type , I need plans, appointments , diary, calendar all keep me on track .

Of course life gets in the way and s..t happens and like you I flounder but I still try to control what I can and grit my teeth and get through the rest .

Stressless

[white knight]

Dear Stressless

I thank you so much. My eife and I are duscussing this downturn at length and going over the two suggestions so far.

When bach home in central Vic (snowing atm) I'll visit mt psych. I havent seen him for 7 years.

I'm very unwell. I havent been this low for some 12 months.

Im grateful you replied.

Tony WK

[gld]

Hi white knight,

Sorry to hear you are feeling unwell and i feel it is good that you have the support of your eife until you are able to visit your psych. I am here for you with the rest of the community to chat about different subjects and you have the 24/7 call line if you need support.

Gen

[white knight]

Gld

I thank you.

Im disillusioned. It seems so many people I've helped here are only interested in their own threads.

Thats life, and I hate it

Best I withdraw for a while.

Tony WK

[Guest_9809]

Hi Tony WK.

Sorry to read that you are going through the worst period in 12 months or so. You are such an inspiration and guiding light for so many of us here on the Forums. The help you've offered so many here, over a long period of time, is appreciated by the huge number of members you have benefited through your quiet wisdom and kindly advice.

I'm sorry you are feeling disillusioned with life right now, and that your efforts to help others is perhaps not being reciprocated. Of course you battle with life just as the rest of us do. But you always appear so strong and assured, so perhaps thats why people are not aware when you need a bit of extra TLC. I'm sorry this appears to be the case for you.

I hope a short break will enable you to bring back that usual positive gentleman that we all know and admire. And when you come back, I will be more mindful about your needs, and hope I can be a better support to you if or when you need it again.

Take care, and kindest regards to you.

Taurus xx

[Croix]

Dear Tony~

There are many wrapped up in themselves, no denying it, though here in the Forum is somewhat better. I tend to regard it at times a bit like my late wife faced in what was called CAS (now A&E). She would be presented with an endless stream of people suffering a wide variety of problems.

The procedure was stabilize &/or fix, discharge or onto a ward. Not that much feedback even though her heart could go out to many. Sometimes someone would come in with a token of thanks - a lot were parents. The majority just recovered as they could and went on with their lives.

It's a hard thing to keep doing, even when you know you are doing a massive good. Many here regards CCs as stable robust dispensers of comfort and wisdom, not seeing the often fragile parson underneath.

I regret to say I've been guilty of that too, seeing your wise threads on deep subjects and you very finely judged responses to posters, simply having the quite unjustified impression at the back of my mind that you are dealing successfully with all that life puts forward.

I don't believe I'm alone in that, many see you as stronger and more composed.

As for practical tips, I may have mentioned this before, I forget. I like to put myself away with a task that involves hands and mind, building a bookshelf, trimming a hedge, cataloging my database. When the job is more hands than mind I listen to British radio comedy from the 60's & 70's while doing it.

All is deliberately non-reflective of our modern frantic lifestyle, does not involve people, does end up with a finished worthwhile 'product'.

I wish you well

Croix