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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Eternal_Happiness Unrealistic Job Requirements
  • replies: 5

I am sure I am not the only one that has noticed this but employers setting unrealistic requirements for jobs these days and intentionally cutting out competition by doing so. They also don't pay very much either for the amount of qualification they ... View more

I am sure I am not the only one that has noticed this but employers setting unrealistic requirements for jobs these days and intentionally cutting out competition by doing so. They also don't pay very much either for the amount of qualification they require. It seems that there is a culture now to demotivate everyone and force everyone to stay within their bubble. They have requirements for software you have never heard of because they use proprietary software but also require you to have 5-10 years of experience for an entry role. How stupid is this? Most of these employers won't provide a pay rise either. I like I stay truthful and honest when I apply, but I don't meet certain requirements for a job. Unfortunately, even if I finish my degree, I am not sure if such a qualification will be relevant in 5 years when artificial Intelligence enters our shores. Even when I look into blockchain, they require you to have experience as far back as 2008 when it first started. Anyone have any pointers on anyone that wants a career change? I don't want to continue doing accounting crap because the field will vanish in 10 years.

white knight "Water off a ducks back"
  • replies: 35

So easy to say for some. Some people that say that to us chronic worriers just dont know what its like to not possess the capability to shrug things off when the need arises. I found a similar challenge after 11 years of emotional abuse at the hands ... View more

So easy to say for some. Some people that say that to us chronic worriers just dont know what its like to not possess the capability to shrug things off when the need arises. I found a similar challenge after 11 years of emotional abuse at the hands of my first wife. Once seperated I spent 5 minutes daily in front of a mirror "you are a good person, you deserve a good life with a loving partner" etc. It worked. Confidence can grow and progress made from teaching ourselves what others might teach us. As a 40yo I had a small list of personal challenges one of which was to accept that somethings in life arent curable so why beat myself up about things I cant change? I began the journey of accomplishing "water off a ducks back" and it wasnt easy. As usual to rid my mind of topics, conversations that tormented my mind I'd have to distract myself. Distraction not only focusses your mind on other things, it dispenses time and time heals. Also telling myself over and over "I cant change that, I cant control that, I am not responsible for that"... A good example of the success of this challenging area of life that eluded me has been my youngest daughter now 24yo. She has returned to my life several times and on each occasion treated me poorly. The above techniques have worked. Aging helps too, it becomes easier. I accepted with my daughter that her toxicity was inherited from her mother and there is a limit to my ability to change that. I'm not responsible for everything. I went through a period that I'd wanted to reject her if she came knocking. Then I realised if I made her welcome, talked but remained firm with my views, after she left my home the act of "water off a ducks back" would be easier. The guilt non existant, in myself satisfied I've given her a chance...I've continued to be a father. This is regardless of what the outcome will be. Punishing yourself is imprisoning yourself over issues that harm you ten fold more than the initial event. To teach yourself to let go of topics of torment you need to lay a foundation of thoughts, mental discipline that were missed in your younger years for whatever reason. Compensating for that capability is not being able to just develop the ability "normal" people have to shrug problems off. We need to use other means at our disposal to achieve a level of peace. Distraction, repetition of lessons learned, reminders of what is beyond your control and maintaining a compassion so guilt doesnt fester. Tony WK

Quercus Blogging as therapy?
  • replies: 22

Hi everyone, First off I have to mention sharing addresses for blogs I don't think os permitted (forums being anonymous after all). But blogging is a topic I wanted to talk about. This week I tried an experiment. I feel very isolated offline lately a... View more

Hi everyone, First off I have to mention sharing addresses for blogs I don't think os permitted (forums being anonymous after all). But blogging is a topic I wanted to talk about. This week I tried an experiment. I feel very isolated offline lately and not very well. BB has it's limitations being anonymous so although I enjoy writing to new members it wasn't 'enough' when I couldn't sleep and felt like crying again. Part of me wanted more of a connection. So I paid for a year with a blogging company (no idea what the right term is). $60. And have my very own blog which (even if I do yell at the screen occasionally) hadn't been as hard as I expected. I haven't told anyone. I don't use social media. Felt like a complete idiot actually. But part of what I miss here is visual. I took photos of my garden to go with my words. It felt good to record it for myself even if noone else knew. Then something weird happened. Strangers read and replied. So I read and followed their blogs. One was a young man. A suicide survivor who writes the most beautiful poetry. Another a gardener too. A third a transgender man. I began to see there are so many stories out there. Public. With photos too. So brave. I like my anonymity for now. I started thinking about how on these forums after members have been here a while some conflicts form because people feel restricted by the rules. The rules are here to help us to be safe but I also wondered if when people become frustrated at the limitations here does that mean they are ready for more of a connection than what is achievable here? Long story short... Do any of you blog too? What do you like about it? Is it different to you than writing here? And most importantly... Does it help you manage your mental health and why? Nat

AndrewP83 Loneliness and shift work
  • replies: 5

I've had a long running battle with loneliness and when it gets bad it in turn triggers my anxiety and depression, its gotten worse with shift work as I tend to find my social life is null due to the hours I work making it difficult to engage social ... View more

I've had a long running battle with loneliness and when it gets bad it in turn triggers my anxiety and depression, its gotten worse with shift work as I tend to find my social life is null due to the hours I work making it difficult to engage social functions or outings, so I then in turn find myself constantly going out on my own and the whole loneliness factor kicks in as it feels like ground hog day every time I go out, does anyone have any tips on how to cope or work through this as its feeling like a right struggle as of late.

james1 What can men do to help women feel safe?
  • replies: 35

Hello everyone, I just read an interesting article and have also recently watched a controversial show which got me thinking: what can men do to help women feel safe? I would like to think that most if not all people here want a society where women d... View more

Hello everyone, I just read an interesting article and have also recently watched a controversial show which got me thinking: what can men do to help women feel safe? I would like to think that most if not all people here want a society where women do not feel like they are at risk. The situations that come to mind for me are walking through a dark area, being at a party and wanting to have a drink, leaving a drink to go to the loo, having a stranger talk to you, being offered a lift, among countless others. I am asking because there have been many times where I have this massive umbrella (because I lose small ones) and I want to offer to share it with someone, but then I wonder if they'll think I'm creepy and be put off by that. Or if I'm driving my car and someone is running in torrential rain, and I want to give them a lift, but that is creepy. Or if I'm walking behind a lady in a dark alley, and so I stop walking and wait until I'm not making scary footsteps behind her. Somehow by being a guy, I feel like my presence can be a threat so I try to avoid that as much as possible. So I just want to put it out to everyone: what can men do to help women feel safer? Is there even anything we can do (aside from the obvious don't do bad things)?

PamelaR What helps to keep well?
  • replies: 210

Hello everyone Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay wel... View more

Hello everyone Have been around the forums now for a couple of months. Posted a couple of threads under PTSD, but think it's time I move on to 'Staying Well'. In reality that is the reason I came to Beyond Blue Forums in the first place - to stay well. Not to dwell or mooch in the past. Many of you will have read the factual information about my past. Something that is missing from my posts though is - how I really am. That's what I want this post to be. It has to be about things I'm finding out about 'who I am and how I keep well'. I was so down, having retired last year, losing all sight of what I wanted to do, being physically incapacitated, thyroid medication not right and screaming inside. The psych who I'd just started seeing wanted me to look a my personality..... No you don't. That's not what I wanted. So I moved on to a new psychologist. The new psychologist is drilling down. I have to take stock of myself, my feelings, my emotions and ultimately - who I am (so I need to look at what has formed by beliefs, behaviours and values). Interestingly I'm still apprehensive about divulging me. You know why - because I was brought up to show no emotion, to not feel good about myself. And especially NEVER talk to others about yourself. That would be bragging or worse, getting too big for my boots. ATM feeling very emotive. I want to scream, I want to reach out to you all out there and to hug you all. Hugs were never something that happened in our household. I only learnt how to hug women in the 1990s when I worked with some wonderful group of women in the disability field. How good was that!! What had I'd been missing all those years - hugs from women. It learnt it was okay. Hugging men - of course that was always okay cos it's normal. Me - my heart pounds at least an hour or two every day. I spend and hour or two settling those pounds. Why does it happen - every look, every word, every sound and every thought make me feel worthless. I asked hubby today if he loved himself. He said well, yes a lot more that I did before. You know I did that. I thought him to love himself. But can I do that for me. I'm really trying. Loving oneself - keeps you well. I'll get there. BB forums is helping me like you'd never believe. Sending everyone who reads this all the hugs I can. Kind regards PamelaR

Carmen_Lisa Exercise for mental health
  • replies: 9

Every where I read info about depression and anxiety and also, most of the people I talk to suggest exercise to be extremely helpful. I have trouble doing the smallest things when I am struggling. It seems impossible to contemplate walking to the mai... View more

Every where I read info about depression and anxiety and also, most of the people I talk to suggest exercise to be extremely helpful. I have trouble doing the smallest things when I am struggling. It seems impossible to contemplate walking to the mail box, let alone 30 minutes of exercise. Why are there not exercise programs set up that don't cost a bunch of $$$ and don't rely on just my own motivation to get to? There are 10 billion things to not like about the gym. Fit people intimidate me. I'd just like to have a few people who get where I'm at to go walking together or maybe a gentle bicycle ride or a hit of tennis just for fun. Maybe some kind of coach who got mental illness who could help us keep going. Does this kind of thing exist? I can imagine that the majority of us on this site would be quite unfit. I have enough motivation to write this post, but will I do any exercise tomorrow?

ScarlettR Studying how the mental health of people from ancient times - a fresh approach to mental health research?
  • replies: 3

I remember someone telling me that cavepeople had to walk miles for food and shelter, and no other commute other than animal. Yet in those times, the cavepeople didn't have the mental illnesses that we have now. So what makes the cavepeople/ people o... View more

I remember someone telling me that cavepeople had to walk miles for food and shelter, and no other commute other than animal. Yet in those times, the cavepeople didn't have the mental illnesses that we have now. So what makes the cavepeople/ people of ancient times less depressed/anxious/mentally well than us modern humans, even though they didn't have the technology and services we have now? I suppose studying the mental health in ancient times would be a fresh approach to mental health research. I find this research interesting, anxiety-reducing and even exciting - to think that the first humans were actually quite mentally well! I'm proposing discussion of mental health in ancient times, to compare historical and contemporary mental health, as a way to study mental health and understand how we think the way we do, as a result of centuries of human evolution and societal progression.

white knight Narcissism
  • replies: 11

Hi. Narcissism is very common. Tyrants from our blood relatives and friends right up to some country leaders..Gaddafi, Hitler, Hussein and many more. Chances are you are in contact with some. Here is a description from the www. What is the personalit... View more

Hi. Narcissism is very common. Tyrants from our blood relatives and friends right up to some country leaders..Gaddafi, Hitler, Hussein and many more. Chances are you are in contact with some. Here is a description from the www. What is the personality of a narcissist? Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by an extreme sense of self-worth. ... People with narcissistic personality disorder are not interested in the feelings of others - they lack empathy; they are unable to feel or appreciate feelings that are not their own Do you have NPD?. If so then as with BPD and any other mental illness if you have swallowed your pride and sought treatment then thats great. Well done. The victim however might not be so forgiving. The narcissist could run with the line that its their makeup, their nature and they've inherited the condition but as narcissism is inheritedly to include lack of empathy their focus should not be on them but on their victims. Thats an education process that would be a difficult journey and where psychiatry has a firm place but your recognition is a major step forward. The victims of narcissistic people is not determined by age. Even adult children can dominate their parents to the point of no respect. Nor is it gender biased. Having a narcissistic BPD parent I tried for 55 years to toe the survival tight rope. Lengthy separations, counseling etc, to no avail. A narcissist will often go to extraordinary means to "win" and to "own" you, thoughts and all. As a younger man my mothers actions made no sense. An unavoidable arguement days before my first wedding (1985) all but ruined it. Manipulation has always been an extreme past time of my mother. It still saddens me and even embarrasses me to mention it! Numerous upheavals later and my second wedding was under threat of ruination. Finally an AVO was sort and finally I had the wedding of my dreams. Such is the extraordinary measures one must take to counter the vicious nature of a narcissist. Google Queen witch hermit waif The power a narcissist will rock your world. Manipulation could result in losing relatives, being left out in wills and personal harassment. There is one answer. Let them go! Releasing a narcissist from your life has no half measures. You will find it impossible to "just keep in touch". If however you observe effect of them getting treatment then its your call if you can endure the process of support. No one can judge that decision- its yours alone... Tony WK

startingnew COPING STRATEGIES
  • replies: 95

hi everyone so ive only been on these forums for about 2 months now and have come to realise alot of people are after coping strategies. i have quite alot of coping strategies- not all of them work on me but i thought id share what i have and what i ... View more

hi everyone so ive only been on these forums for about 2 months now and have come to realise alot of people are after coping strategies. i have quite alot of coping strategies- not all of them work on me but i thought id share what i have and what i think of as it goes along and maybe itll help others. please feel free to add your own coping strategies too the more the better

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