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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Phoenix09 I'm struggling with alcohol abuse
  • replies: 12

I want to stop drinking but I feel like I can't. Due to my drinking I have lost friends because I have done or said things while I blacked out. Drinking has affected my work and relationships. I'm at a loss. I feel like I'm punishing myself. I have c... View more

I want to stop drinking but I feel like I can't. Due to my drinking I have lost friends because I have done or said things while I blacked out. Drinking has affected my work and relationships. I'm at a loss. I feel like I'm punishing myself. I have children and a partner who is trying to be supportive but I'm sure he's not going to want to put up with an alcoholic partner for too much longer. I feel like a failure.

white knight Extremes, life on a herdy gerdy...
  • replies: 57

I'm not sure if its my bipolar, my depression or both that dictates my extremes in mood from ultra positive to my world as I know it...ending. Ending meaning marriage collapse and becoming a hobo, sad, homeless individual. I'm sure I'm not alone, tha... View more

I'm not sure if its my bipolar, my depression or both that dictates my extremes in mood from ultra positive to my world as I know it...ending. Ending meaning marriage collapse and becoming a hobo, sad, homeless individual. I'm sure I'm not alone, that some reading this will relate to the happy times only to regularly fall in a heap. For me to be joyous everything must be ok. Finances ok, car running well, wife and I on the same page, the weather fine, no one demanding attention in the family etc. But of course nearly every day something occurs. Thats enough to believe life is fragile. My mood thereafter for a number of hours is desperate, its like you just want to escape but you know from your early days 35-40 years ago that that doesnt work, all it does is create more problems needing more answers, not to mention the hurt it causes others and family and friends dont deserve that. For just one month to live a stable life, to string along many days whereby life is the same. No mania, no sadness, no self harm, no conflict or uncertainty. No feeling like you just want to enter a hospital...Medication I've learned can only do so much, the rest is huge challenges. I'm a really positive individual but I've learned that my ills do not allow me to keep my chin up all the time. Its just not possible. "You've got the theory down pat" said the psych nurse but putting it in practice isnt so easy. I think with mental illness one has a major problem advancing beyond a certain personal ability. After that its beyond our capability. Erratic mood, do you have that life of swings, roundabouts and herdy gerdies? If so what has been you best remedy? I'd love to know. Just to ease the pain. Tony WK

white knight Reacting to the written word
  • replies: 7

One generation ago there were no forums, no text, no mobile phones, not many anyway. We conversed face to face or by letter that took days to arrive. Now usually we are within reach and if we arent there is message bank. Things have changed. When for... View more

One generation ago there were no forums, no text, no mobile phones, not many anyway. We conversed face to face or by letter that took days to arrive. Now usually we are within reach and if we arent there is message bank. Things have changed. When forums came about some understood the animal quickly, they adapted to the better way of handling a situation...others took much longer. Several years ago I had a car club member take a dislike to me solely because of my success in my business. Much later I found he'd ran a business that failed hence his resentment. So one day he sent a private message "why dont you go to your doctor and get some more meds you nutter". At the time I was a reacting person so in a rage I reported the abuse to the club president. He made some calls and concluded "its a storm in a tea cup". Clearly I'd done no wrong but I obviously had some learning to do. Its all about control. What you think you can control and what you think you cant. If you are at the end of an abusive comment, a person that wants to cause conflict you do immediately feel they have control for they have moved and aggressive chess peice towards you. Your move sunshine...take that! An automatic reaction is hurt then anger then righting the wrong. But the abuse could be approached very differently. Its a written word. There is no volume, no facial expression to be fearful of, there's no solid weapon and most importantly those written words are not read by all of your family and friends just a few. Immediately following reading the abuse if we sat back and saw the abuse as a few nasty words for what it is...a few words strung along with the intent to harm that are only effective if we react in the way the bully has meant...then we are permitting the abuse to grow. In forums however, we do have cyber friends that mean something to us. When an insult is posted we feel embarrassed and we try a number of remedies like- hurling abuse back, defending your honour, intelligent replies. What about not responding? Why is that so hard to do? I'd suggest its even harder with a mental emotional illness for we live in a world of extremes. What about, if we dont respond, we allow other forum members to respond? What about ignoring the verbal assault and focussing in the interest/topic. Why not simply remove them from our brain completely? Food for thought? Written words are only letters in a sequence designed to hurt you...but they are just letters. Tony WK

white knight Action not only words
  • replies: 11

Its fair to say many of us are confused souls, seemingly talking and asking endless questions about things that dont come naturally to us. Thats good for we try to fill the void, we strive to gain what came naturally for many other people. However, w... View more

Its fair to say many of us are confused souls, seemingly talking and asking endless questions about things that dont come naturally to us. Thats good for we try to fill the void, we strive to gain what came naturally for many other people. However, we can study others riding bicycles, read up on balancing, get a teacher to show us the controls. ..but we wont progress without...getting on that bike! At the height of my anxiety late 1980's my therapist asked me to carry out various tasks between appointments. Relaxation, muscle tensioning exercises, bush walks, extinguishing unrealistic thoughts. After several sessions he questioned why I hadnt acted on those tasks for he knew I hadnt, such was my lack of progress. "If you dont act you dont get...you remain anxious" Indeed he was correct and those tasks were done for many years until recovery after being challenged. So why didnt I do those tasks?. I think the closest excuse is it was easier to take meds and "hope for the best" than introduce daily rituals that have effect only in the long term. Long term training isnt appealing for an anxious impatient person. We, the mentally unwell quibble about normal people not understanding us, about their lack of effort yet we shy away from physical effort that could cure us or at least help us. Only as individuals can we implant effort to, in practical ways, put that theory into practice. But if you are like me you'll end up with lots of theories and a limit on how much you can effectively implement those theories into practice. The key as I've found out over time is to expect little advance and be happy with whatever steps you achieve. Then armed with the right attitude we wont only get on that bike...we'll keep getting on it every time we fall off. As long as we dont give up. One day we'll ride down the road towards normality at least in that direction. Put theory into practice. Expect slow progress. Dont expect too much of yourself and dont forget to laugh when you fall off your bike. Tony WK

Elizabeth CP How to get back on track when life's stresses are pushing you to the edge
  • replies: 2

Over the last year I have been learning what I need to do to stay as healthy as possible. Medicine is not appropriate due to side effects which I can't tolerate. I see a psychologist & a psychiatrist regularly to help. Over the last couple of months ... View more

Over the last year I have been learning what I need to do to stay as healthy as possible. Medicine is not appropriate due to side effects which I can't tolerate. I see a psychologist & a psychiatrist regularly to help. Over the last couple of months stress has built up due to my daughter moving OS & I needed to help her . This included rearranging my whole house to fit her things in to store. I have almost finished but now need to catch up on everything else put on hold. In some ways I've been very effective & coped well under the circumstances. But there has been a toll. I have done what is essential but left everything else. This includes most of the things which I have learnt keeps me healthy. While my brain can accept that I should be exercising daily sticking to a healthy diet rather than eating junk & helping my husband with things he needs to do to stay healthy. If he deteriorates I will have more pressure. Unfortunately my brain doesn't have enough power to motivate me. My sleep has been very poor feeling tired but struggling to get to sleep & waking up very early. I can function while everything is working but as soon as there is the slightest hurdle I don't. I either leave things because I can't cope or I react badly. The other day I was trying to pack to go to a friend for a couple of days to have a break. I struggled even though it should have been easy. A few minor things went wrong. I became extremely angry & it took every bit of willpower to stop myself slamming the back of the car on my husband's head. He hadn't done anything wrong. This was so out of character for me. It took hours to calm down and I felt so guilty stupid &out of control. My husband avoided saying anything for ages & then asked what he could do in the future to help me. I appreciated that but felt even more guilty. What can I do to help me get back on track so I'm not so on edge. There are other signs of increasing anxiety. For example my teeth &jaw is sore from clenching it all the time. Sorry I am so negative but I want to get back to normal before I do something really bad which can't be undone.

white knight Insight and faith
  • replies: 22

We all try, but how many of us with a mental issue can accurately gauge if we are well or the seriousness of our problem.? After all, our problems affect others doesn't it? Are our partners/carers the better judge of our wellness? I'd suggest they ar... View more

We all try, but how many of us with a mental issue can accurately gauge if we are well or the seriousness of our problem.? After all, our problems affect others doesn't it? Are our partners/carers the better judge of our wellness? I'd suggest they are with a proviso (a little on that later). Let's take moods from the up and down bipolar disorder. When I am in a bad mood I feel angry at something or someone. To another person its a bad mood, an extreme of what would be classed as normal reaction. To me its none if that. Its something I'm angry about. Who is effected by the mood? My partner not I. In all honesty I don't feel my moods are extreme but too many people give me feedback so I can't deny it. But you can understand the struggle within. To believe others about your behaviour you think isn't extreme. Its a tough call. And I constantly question my own actions and words. One exception with this blind faith of others account, is the alterior motive. I had a partner once that used my moods as a lever to justify her side of arguments. It seemed that possessing bad moods meant you forgave any right to disagree with opinion. Be aware if this for although extreme behaviour is all part if the bipolar package, you should not resign your rights to opinion. We that need to jump daily hurdles in our quest for stability and happiness and crave for empathy from others should realise that our partners and carers need empathy also. It must be so hard for them to keep convincing us we are not being tolerable, easy going or fun. All the while we go about our life with no thought of how difficult it is for them. Insight into our own Illness is not a given. Some don't have it. If you have insight you are one if the lucky ones. If you have empathy towards others for the tolerance they need to constantly judge our mood then you have extended yourself to be considerate and have placed much faith in your carer. And that is a good goal, for you are returning effort. You are in fact a team. It is not likely we can step in others shoes and see us from their position....hence the level of faith needed. In most cases carers are better observers of our behaviour. What do you think? Tony WK

RandR WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FINALLY FEEL HAPPY & ALMOST EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS GOING WELL
  • replies: 7

Hi fellow forum members, I hope you all well. It's been some time since my last post due to some bad news regarding my mum however life must continue and go on. And she would say the same. Since overcoming depression (which I had for 12 years) I fina... View more

Hi fellow forum members, I hope you all well. It's been some time since my last post due to some bad news regarding my mum however life must continue and go on. And she would say the same. Since overcoming depression (which I had for 12 years) I finally for the first time feel like almost everything in life is on track. I feel happy, not worried, not depressed and not questioning. Yes, all the opposites to when I suffered major depression. Due to this I thought I would shed some of my feelings and thoughts around 'what to do when you finally feel happy & almost everything in life is going well'; * Don't worry and overthink - simply smile and remind yourself that you are deserving of this feeling * Rather than questioning all the good in your life, embrace it. * Ride the wave - stay on your feet even when you start to feel shakey * Reach out - Be the strength to other's who might be in need * Forget all the 'what if's that pop up in your head'! If things are going well it's for a reason * Write down in a journal changes you've made or some things you do on a weekly basis and SHARE with other's on gthe Beyond Blue forum * Lastly - remind yourself how strong you really, really are and that tough times don't last but tough people do Many thanks and I hope this may be of some help and that hopefully some of you may be able to relate to this feeling. Raman.

white knight Avoiding the feeling of failure
  • replies: 3

Our problem is that we can talk about motivation, switching mindsets and thinking we've turned over a new leaf by being positive then we meet a challenge head on only to fall in a heap the following day. Seems we just dont have the endurance to commi... View more

Our problem is that we can talk about motivation, switching mindsets and thinking we've turned over a new leaf by being positive then we meet a challenge head on only to fall in a heap the following day. Seems we just dont have the endurance to commit consistently to motivation. This "fake" motivation is something I experienced as an insurance salesman. "Yes we can sell a policy today, yes get on the phone, yes, yes, yes..." 30 phone calls later I go home deflated without a sale. For we are not made of the ability to remain pumped up. Its not in our mental genes. After years of studying my own mental strengths and limitations I've come to the conclusion its better not to go down the road of fake motivation. Motivation is far more effective when all the ingredients needed for motivation are present. What are these elements? Absence of worry- worry is overpowering. It consumes you. It will cause you to return home from a walk very quickly. Google Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue Physical health- some of us battle with physical limitations and injury. If your leg is damaged remember, you have arms and cardio that can be exercised. Finances- all must be in order. I became motivated after my wife made a budget and sorted our bills by direct debit eliminating my poor memory from storing those bill due by dates. Family- put up those walls to those that put burden on you. Be wise to your limits. If they ring to dump their problems change the subject subtly. Work- leave it at the gate!! Dwelling on work issues is unpaid overtime! Most workplaces are toxic, accept it. The we wait. Wait for the day things seem relaxed. Put your runners on and start with a stroll. Breath deep, focus on the bird sounds and live!. An old friend once said "Tony, you havent lived until you've seen a flower bloom from start to finish." Well I've never had that much patience but the message hit home. And I've never been able to get motivated until all my problems are sorted and then that golden day comes along. Until then its "fake motivation" and the problem with that is we feel we failed by attempting to do that exercise plan or go shopping or visit friends. All those "failures" add to our fragile minds. Our confidence shatters and we return to our doctors for an increase of medication and more frequent appointments. Dont have too high expectations of yourself. Motivation will come and go depending on your mental state on the day. Be fluid as your mind is Tony WK

startingnew i could really use some company
  • replies: 19

Right now id really like some company, jsut to sit with me. i dont like asking for help but tonight i really need it all of yesterday i spent with a sick horse trying to save her (vet treatements, mum ringing around for a vet yesterday, me ringing to... View more

Right now id really like some company, jsut to sit with me. i dont like asking for help but tonight i really need it all of yesterday i spent with a sick horse trying to save her (vet treatements, mum ringing around for a vet yesterday, me ringing today and in less than 24 hr ive done over 7 hours walking- the condition she had can sometimes cure it) and today all morning since 5am until 12 today i was trying to save her again but despite the best efforts of myself, mum and the vets she sadly had to be put to sleep today. my mother couldnt handle it so i watched my horse be put to sleep stayed with her until the angels came for her and then get buried. im completely heartbroken and right now i really could use some company

Guest_128 Dyslexia and learning disabilities
  • replies: 16

Hi, I would like to hear what other people have to say about Dyslexia and learning disabilities? I am 45yr old,was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 38,stayed in hospital for 8 weeks, and I was put on medication for ADHD when I was 42. 6mths... View more

Hi, I would like to hear what other people have to say about Dyslexia and learning disabilities? I am 45yr old,was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 38,stayed in hospital for 8 weeks, and I was put on medication for ADHD when I was 42. 6mths ago I discovered I have discovered that I am Dyslexic and or learning disabilities.(undiagnosed by professionals) I don't know a huge lot about and find I am going around in circles. What I'm struggling with is what to do about it, where to go for advice, is it common with mental health, other people's stories, This is all new to me any advice would be great Later