Staying well

A city to country relocate- why not?

replies: 12

Hi all. Do you want to wind down? Kiss most of your anxiety away? The ultimate tree change might be the answer. I was raised in the western suburbs of Melbourne. I hated it. It was so much in contrast to my pops fairy farm in Tasmania that we visited... View more

Hi all. Do you want to wind down? Kiss most of your anxiety away? The ultimate tree change might be the answer. I was raised in the western suburbs of Melbourne. I hated it. It was so much in contrast to my pops fairy farm in Tasmania that we visited for xmas every year. I had to get out and joined the RAAF at 17yo. Since then I came and went from the city and each time I left the city my anxiety reduced overall. So what is it about the country that relaxes us? No or few traffic lights and few cars, rarely see parking metres, greater distance between neighbours, more pleasurable walks, more flora and fauna, less noise and pollution, lower overall living costs...and more I cant think of. Its subjective but I feel the people are friendlier and the crime rate lower...its less dangerous. My first permanent move was one hour from Melbourne, then 90 minutes, then 2 hours and now over 2 hours. Ive found that the first two moves meant I mixed with commuters like me, working in the city. Eventually living much further away I'm living amongst seasoned country people which is more to my liking. What about finances? Well a move to the country can reduce financial stress. Currently you can buy a home for $180,000 2 hours from Melbourne. Recently on holidays I saw many homes in northern NSW in the hills for as little as $90,000. These towns have hospitals and shops. Self preservation with mental illness is a priority, it sounds selfish but its even more important than living in close proximity to family. As individuals we have to take measures to preserve ourselves. My daughter lives in the city...its taken as a Sunday drive visiting her. There are obstacles. Work issues, will you pick the right town?, facilities, in town or out of town?, will it be easy to sell if you cant adapt? Ive lived in country towns. The first a hamlet no shops, primary school only. The second with pub, store, 7 minutes from town of 10,000 and currently the same,town of 200 with a store and pub with town of 4,000 10 minutes away. For me its ideal and being over 2 hours from the city its really relaxing. Eventually a move into the larger town is inevitable. Aged care is there. Some large country cities provide little benefit to the transformation. However, my sister remains a city person regardless of her depression and bipolar. We drove past high rise units in the city "thats where I want to live" she said. Yuk! Other ideas to reduce anxiety are listed in Topic: be radical- beyondblue Tony WK

Crying, let it all out!

replies: 3

My mate told me he is an expert of red wine. He thought I was joking when I replied with "I'm an expert at crying". The fact is that my first 45 years of life I cried countless tears in an era that since Adam, was seen as childish or weak. I not only... View more

My mate told me he is an expert of red wine. He thought I was joking when I replied with "I'm an expert at crying". The fact is that my first 45 years of life I cried countless tears in an era that since Adam, was seen as childish or weak. I not only had (unbeknown to me) bipolar spectrum, depression and anxiety but also the dreaded dysthymia. Dysthymia is a chronic low mood depression that has less of a "wave" nature, more a constant sadness. I'm less effected by it now but the memories are permanent scars. Whats it like, how does it feel? It isnt easy to describe. Anything can trigger it. Even the slightest emotional scene on TV, or seeing someone upset, an injured animal, being disciplined or a big trigger...sad memories. It was responsible for many of my sad poems and sad songs would spark it big time. It is in effect like other mental illnesses in that it is an extreme state of mind so extreme emotion is an accurate painting of the picture. As the emotion built up over days I use to try and contain it, do what men "should do" and not cry. That restraint may have lasted a day or more then it would overflow. I learned by 25yo to let it out. So, I'd cry for an hour or so...quite a long time. Recovery no different than others about 2-3 hours (and a headache). At work I'd mastered the "allergic to cigarette smoke excuse or pollen" to explain my red eyes. On some occasions the bout of crying was so severe it felt like and likely was, going down the road of self destruction. If you ever feel this sad to this extent please get help. I know the difference a low dose of anti depressants can make and its huge. It just tipped me towards normality with my emotions. Try to look upon your period of crying as a process that needs to be carried out before you'll settle down again. Try not to be reactive nor drive a vehicle, be sensible and aware that the frame of mind you are in during heavy crying isnt cohesive and you have little control. Its a process you cannot rush nor snap out of. It is treatable. Once treatment is underway you'll do less crying and more living. And thats progress. Its also an act of self preservation and that isnt only good for you but your priceless loved ones. So let it out, no fear, no embarrassment and no guilt. Then chat with your GP, it could change your life for the better. It did with me. Tony WK

anti-social media

replies: 3

recently i've been off and on social media in between work,home life,down time and when im studying.wondering how many people have given up on those sires and have de-faced themselves and are now searching for other ways to talk about their problems ... View more

recently i've been off and on social media in between work,home life,down time and when im studying.wondering how many people have given up on those sires and have de-faced themselves and are now searching for other ways to talk about their problems and worrys and every day issues

Social exclusion.

replies: 2

I'm struggling with my social life and self esteem and depression as a result. I was in a car accident close to five years ago in which I suffered extensive injuries but most notably, a brain injury. I was very fortunate as my car accident happened i... View more

I'm struggling with my social life and self esteem and depression as a result. I was in a car accident close to five years ago in which I suffered extensive injuries but most notably, a brain injury. I was very fortunate as my car accident happened in Victoria so I was covered by insurance which covers my medical treatment costs for life. I've also been rather lucky in that my injury does not present at all, even doctors struggle to identify it unless I fill them in on the issues I suffer but I have social issues similar to suffering Aspergers'/autism. My best friend at the time was involved in the events that led to my accident occurring and whilst I was in my coma (3 weeks) and the entirety of my hospitalisation (9 months) she lied to all our mutual friends about how my accident came to be and to some that she was even with me on the night. as a result my friends withdrew from giving me their support and sympathy while I was in hospital and still refuse to this day. i currently can not work or study due to my injury and I have only 3 or 4, (not particularly close) friends. i do volunteer work at the dogs' refuge of WA and as a volunteer education assistant at my localprimary school but I've made no true friends through these avenues as my brain injury prevents me from being particularly social and I suffer bad fatigue plus I do not trust people easily so struggle to keep friends. Im very lonely and if it were not for me having adopted a little poodle just over two years ago I am sure I would have taken my life by now. I need to make new friends and be social to help combat my depression and anxiety, any advice on how to go about meeting new people or social activities to get involved with would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks, Megan.

Miracle's do happen

replies: 27

Hi I have been on this site for three days. After spending 8 years in the darkness's feeling hopeless and lost. I have had a break thru the last two days have been so fulfilling laughter's no physical tremors or anxious moment. Plus no bad thoughts t... View more

Hi I have been on this site for three days. After spending 8 years in the darkness's feeling hopeless and lost. I have had a break thru the last two days have been so fulfilling laughter's no physical tremors or anxious moment. Plus no bad thoughts the only thing I change was to talk on this site and ask for help which came from every one I wrote to and from. You are all champion's thanks 1 and all I am now looking forward to life one day at a time 1 happy evilnut

LIFE AFTER THE DARKNESS

replies: 8

Please share your expectations what you would like to be after the darkness. I want be able to just relax and not worry.

I'm struggling with alcohol abuse

replies: 12

I want to stop drinking but I feel like I can't. Due to my drinking I have lost friends because I have done or said things while I blacked out. Drinking has affected my work and relationships. I'm at a loss. I feel like I'm punishing myself. I have c... View more

I want to stop drinking but I feel like I can't. Due to my drinking I have lost friends because I have done or said things while I blacked out. Drinking has affected my work and relationships. I'm at a loss. I feel like I'm punishing myself. I have children and a partner who is trying to be supportive but I'm sure he's not going to want to put up with an alcoholic partner for too much longer. I feel like a failure.

Extremes, life on a herdy gerdy...

replies: 57

I'm not sure if its my bipolar, my depression or both that dictates my extremes in mood from ultra positive to my world as I know it...ending. Ending meaning marriage collapse and becoming a hobo, sad, homeless individual. I'm sure I'm not alone, tha... View more

I'm not sure if its my bipolar, my depression or both that dictates my extremes in mood from ultra positive to my world as I know it...ending. Ending meaning marriage collapse and becoming a hobo, sad, homeless individual. I'm sure I'm not alone, that some reading this will relate to the happy times only to regularly fall in a heap. For me to be joyous everything must be ok. Finances ok, car running well, wife and I on the same page, the weather fine, no one demanding attention in the family etc. But of course nearly every day something occurs. Thats enough to believe life is fragile. My mood thereafter for a number of hours is desperate, its like you just want to escape but you know from your early days 35-40 years ago that that doesnt work, all it does is create more problems needing more answers, not to mention the hurt it causes others and family and friends dont deserve that. For just one month to live a stable life, to string along many days whereby life is the same. No mania, no sadness, no self harm, no conflict or uncertainty. No feeling like you just want to enter a hospital...Medication I've learned can only do so much, the rest is huge challenges. I'm a really positive individual but I've learned that my ills do not allow me to keep my chin up all the time. Its just not possible. "You've got the theory down pat" said the psych nurse but putting it in practice isnt so easy. I think with mental illness one has a major problem advancing beyond a certain personal ability. After that its beyond our capability. Erratic mood, do you have that life of swings, roundabouts and herdy gerdies? If so what has been you best remedy? I'd love to know. Just to ease the pain. Tony WK

Reacting to the written word

replies: 7

One generation ago there were no forums, no text, no mobile phones, not many anyway. We conversed face to face or by letter that took days to arrive. Now usually we are within reach and if we arent there is message bank. Things have changed. When for... View more

One generation ago there were no forums, no text, no mobile phones, not many anyway. We conversed face to face or by letter that took days to arrive. Now usually we are within reach and if we arent there is message bank. Things have changed. When forums came about some understood the animal quickly, they adapted to the better way of handling a situation...others took much longer. Several years ago I had a car club member take a dislike to me solely because of my success in my business. Much later I found he'd ran a business that failed hence his resentment. So one day he sent a private message "why dont you go to your doctor and get some more meds you nutter". At the time I was a reacting person so in a rage I reported the abuse to the club president. He made some calls and concluded "its a storm in a tea cup". Clearly I'd done no wrong but I obviously had some learning to do. Its all about control. What you think you can control and what you think you cant. If you are at the end of an abusive comment, a person that wants to cause conflict you do immediately feel they have control for they have moved and aggressive chess peice towards you. Your move sunshine...take that! An automatic reaction is hurt then anger then righting the wrong. But the abuse could be approached very differently. Its a written word. There is no volume, no facial expression to be fearful of, there's no solid weapon and most importantly those written words are not read by all of your family and friends just a few. Immediately following reading the abuse if we sat back and saw the abuse as a few nasty words for what it is...a few words strung along with the intent to harm that are only effective if we react in the way the bully has meant...then we are permitting the abuse to grow. In forums however, we do have cyber friends that mean something to us. When an insult is posted we feel embarrassed and we try a number of remedies like- hurling abuse back, defending your honour, intelligent replies. What about not responding? Why is that so hard to do? I'd suggest its even harder with a mental emotional illness for we live in a world of extremes. What about, if we dont respond, we allow other forum members to respond? What about ignoring the verbal assault and focussing in the interest/topic. Why not simply remove them from our brain completely? Food for thought? Written words are only letters in a sequence designed to hurt you...but they are just letters. Tony WK

Action not only words

replies: 11

Its fair to say many of us are confused souls, seemingly talking and asking endless questions about things that dont come naturally to us. Thats good for we try to fill the void, we strive to gain what came naturally for many other people. However, w... View more

Its fair to say many of us are confused souls, seemingly talking and asking endless questions about things that dont come naturally to us. Thats good for we try to fill the void, we strive to gain what came naturally for many other people. However, we can study others riding bicycles, read up on balancing, get a teacher to show us the controls. ..but we wont progress without...getting on that bike! At the height of my anxiety late 1980's my therapist asked me to carry out various tasks between appointments. Relaxation, muscle tensioning exercises, bush walks, extinguishing unrealistic thoughts. After several sessions he questioned why I hadnt acted on those tasks for he knew I hadnt, such was my lack of progress. "If you dont act you dont get...you remain anxious" Indeed he was correct and those tasks were done for many years until recovery after being challenged. So why didnt I do those tasks?. I think the closest excuse is it was easier to take meds and "hope for the best" than introduce daily rituals that have effect only in the long term. Long term training isnt appealing for an anxious impatient person. We, the mentally unwell quibble about normal people not understanding us, about their lack of effort yet we shy away from physical effort that could cure us or at least help us. Only as individuals can we implant effort to, in practical ways, put that theory into practice. But if you are like me you'll end up with lots of theories and a limit on how much you can effectively implement those theories into practice. The key as I've found out over time is to expect little advance and be happy with whatever steps you achieve. Then armed with the right attitude we wont only get on that bike...we'll keep getting on it every time we fall off. As long as we dont give up. One day we'll ride down the road towards normality at least in that direction. Put theory into practice. Expect slow progress. Dont expect too much of yourself and dont forget to laugh when you fall off your bike. Tony WK

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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