Our son was charged with murder

[Tinam]

Does anyone know of any support groups for parents with criminal children? We can't get ourselves out of this depressed state of bewilderment and need to talk to other parents coping with same issues. Our son was 18 yrs old when he was charged. 

[Yana8216]

Hello Tinam,

The Australian Prison Foundation website has lots of organisations listed for each Australian state, including email & mobile for an organisation that provides bulk billed psychological services around Australia to prisoners and prisoners families.

Christianity has helped me accept my own mistakes and forgive others for theirs, an understanding church group may provide support and perspective to help you through.

I am sure you love your son no matter what, make sure he know that.

[white knight]

Hi Tinam, welcome

I'm 59yo. In 1978 I began working as a prison officer at the notorious Pentridge jail. I was just 21yo.

What I learned in the 3 years I worked there was that the prisoners visitors seemed to do the "time" more so than the inmate they are related to. Visitors would come and go, crying, waiting and more waiting. The prisoner has a set schedule that includes about 7 hours of out of cell activity. Included in that time are 3 meals and a little exercise or perhaps a job like cooking or industry.

I'm not suggesting life in there is easy but once accustomed to that life and its routines....it becomes a waiting game. Whereas the inmates visitors often grieve often and need support.

Another member her has had a topic on this some time ago. You can google it by incerting the following -

"Topic: Sadness,grief and regret over sons incarceration"

Good luck and take care.

Tony WK

[pipsy]

Hi Tinam.  I'm sorry to hear your son has been charged.  How stressful for you.  Did you know about it before he was charged?  Don't know where you are in Australia, but if you contact the prison chaplain, where he is, he might be able to put you in touch with someone who could help you.  There is also an organization in Qld called 'Sisters Inside' who deal with victims and families of prisoners.  My ex was a prison officer for 25 years in Qld and he often talked about 'Sisters Inside'. 

Hope this has helped.

[geoff]

dear Tinam, how deeply sorry I am for you as well as your child for committing this terrible act, but if you google 'support groups for parents who have a criminal child' there are many groups and sites for you to consider to contact.

I know of a couple of parents who both their sons has done something which has put a label on them for the rest of their lives, but the pain that the parents have to try and cope with is unimaginable, so I hope that one of these sites will be able to help you, but please let us know. Geoff.

[Chris_B]

Hi Tinam, welcome to the forums. Have a look at the thread below, it's a conversation between a handful of our members who have sons in prison and have been supporting each other:

Sadness, grief and regret over son's incarceration

[A_Tech]

Hi all,

I don't mean to step on any toes here but when it comes to the question about a murder charge, I don't think that referring people to the 'Sadness, grief and regret over son's incarceration' is an appropriate choice.

I'm assuming that none of you have actually read that post thoroughly. Again no disrespect.

I have been active on that threat for a couple of years and I am the only person there that has a reference to murder. My brother murdered someone 4 years ago today.

All the other suggestions in this thread sound wonderful, and I hope for some one they were a help, but in WA none of that (although it says it's available is not actually accessible!), so here we are left to fend for our selves and suffer the consequences of being the family member of a murderer.

Even 4 years later I still have people (new friendships or whatever) stop wanting to catch up after they find out. People are so judgemental and it's a horrible thing to do to the family, who is also just as innocent as anyone else. And that's without mentioning the fact at least in my case, I have one friend that stood by me while the others have all vanished.

So I guess in short, in my personal experience I would say NO, there are no support groups for us, the families of a murderer. And 4 years later I still suffer with depression and PTSD.

I hope one day this all changes, I need to feel normal again but I don't think I ever will.

[Andthen8]

Hi Tinam,

i was just wondering if you could help me, I am in the same position you were in a few years ago and was wondering if you found any good support groups that you might be willing to pass onto me?

Regards

[Yana8216]

Hi Andthen8,

I saw your posts from Nov 7 also and just hope you're going ok. Just wanted to let you know everyone on BeyondBlue cares about everyone who posts. We're all going through the stresses life brings and want to help others - it makes us feel better so it's win-win! Hope u ok.

Yana

[Guanyin]

I just wanted to check in and find out how you have been going after all this time and did you find any support groups? I am experiencing the same situation now. It has been 2 years he was 16