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Our son was charged with murder

Community Member
Does anyone know of any support groups for parents with criminal children? We can't get ourselves out of this depressed state of bewilderment and need to talk to other parents coping with same issues. Our son was 18 yrs old when he was charged. 
13 Replies 13

Community Member

This is hurt me so much.  I am the mother of a 16 ur old currently being chaeged with murder we haven’t been to court yet but I am struggling 

Hi, welcome


This is a very old post. I responded some 8 years ago. Nevertheless, I suggest you start your own thread just seek the depression section and start new topic.


I'm sad you aren't coping, it must be really hard for you. Try to remember that the stronger you are the happier your child will be. Also many things are out of your control which would rob you of your parenting but on the other hand, there is no point worrying over such matters. That's why it's taken over your emotions. Have you spoken to your doctor?


Hey Guanyin

I am also going through this but my son is a couple of years older. I’m really struggling. Did you find any support? Please let me know x

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi welcome all


I can't help you with your specific request however I'd like to pass on some information from the eyes of a past prison officer. 


I was 21yo when I joined the officers in 1977. The youngest officer recruited in Pentridge prison then 120 year history. Although I'd been in the Airforce my learning curve was steep, I was there for 3 years.


Being only 28yo your sons curve will be steeper. The old way of keeping quiet, discreet, stay out of trouble, do as officers direct but not too eager or suspicion will grow- will always be the case for smooth survival.. he'll learn that. 


 But to parents the long sentence for their child can be a harrowing ordeal. Some parents don't live long enough to see their child's release, others find it too hard to maintain a relationship at all due to their child's lack of desire or ability to change their ways.

The one thing that's fact is there is no effective rehabilitation in jail. In fact often the opposite, some go in as car thieves and get released as safe crackers. Mmm education at its best!


However, during the many of your visits over the years I have some suggestions.


1. Try not to plea for him to change his "criminality". He will seek his own desire to change when he is emotionally ready. When you see those signs then you can encourage him on that path. 

2. Inmates that find a path to redemption often like to involve themselves in activities like painting, drawing, writing, education and some of that can be to help others in need. This seals their path. It gives direction. 

2. Being confined means very limited as to how they can help family in crisis. That could mean limiting the information you supply. If they worry about you with financial hardship when they cannot assist, protecting their mental health might include not divulging the problem. 

3. This is fact- if he remains a model prisoner he'll make it to a minimum security prison sooner. That could entail working daylight hours like- trimming pine trees in a forest, making brooms, number plates or similar. Eg industry. Visiting rights are also relaxed by time extension and direct contact visits instead of behind a screen. 

I've mentioned all this because the easier he does his time the more content you'll become. 

I'm open to any questions if I can answer them. 



A son, a ship anchored fast

A mum, a rudder, a love that lasts

To raise that weight just a bit

To steer the course where it drifts


You gave your all with sugar and salt

But it was never your fault

Settle and accept what it is to be

One day he will be wiser and free


And regret might fill his daily needs

A son that reflects in a son indeed

Your a mum, you're feeling somewhat aghast 

A mum,  a rudder, a love that lasts