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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Alida Is there something wring with me?
  • replies: 4

Hello all. to start this discussion, I would just like to say that I am in the 15-18 age area, so take this to mind. This has all happened in the last few months. I am not overweight for my age, but I am a littler chubbier than the beauty standards w... View more

Hello all. to start this discussion, I would just like to say that I am in the 15-18 age area, so take this to mind. This has all happened in the last few months. I am not overweight for my age, but I am a littler chubbier than the beauty standards would like me to be. I have become extremely insecure to the point where I told my mother I had period cramps to get out of going to school for three days. I got into a massive fight with my "friend". I decided to tell her how I was feeling one day, hoping she would help me and support me, but instead, she said "You're not the only one with mental health issues, stop trying to act special to get attention". I haven't talked too her since, and I've been eating lunch in the school bathrooms. Ever since then, I've been finding the smallest things people do extremely irritating, and a get angry so easily. Is here something wrong with me? Please help!

Pippyl Hi I'm new. Single mum living with my abusive parents
  • replies: 7

Hi im new here. Never done anything like this I'm a very private person so I'm reluctant to give info but also I guess that's the point. I think what I'm looking for is likeminded people and support to get me through until this lockdown allows for me... View more

Hi im new here. Never done anything like this I'm a very private person so I'm reluctant to give info but also I guess that's the point. I think what I'm looking for is likeminded people and support to get me through until this lockdown allows for me to make the steps I need to make. I've had a lot of adversity in my life. It's come to the point I can no longer function and I have been bedridden for months. I'm a single mum with no support, I've started to see my own parents are abusive and the cause of so much pain so now that I see that I have no idea how I will raise my child as I was hoping they would take on a role in assisting me. My ex isn't around. So we live with them now as I can't even care for myself and that's when I've relised the severity. I left my ex due to domestic violence done years of work for us both to heal and earlier this year everything started to unravel and feel like I'm right back where I started so it feels I'll never get through it. I feel I've lost my identity like what I had with my ex was an illusion, now I feel my parents and my whole life is also an illusion. I'm scared for my child I think she deserves a foster home or something I feel so inadequate I don't know how to get better for her anymore. I question my worth as her parent I have been through worse and keep strong to keep her safe, I really wish she jus had loving capable parents, I have seriously considered this option and spoke with docs about it but she's had everyone give up on her, my parents actually kicked us out earlier this yr we were homeless then things came to a head and I was advised to return. I left her dad for her to have a better life but I feel nothing's changed coz I'm so broken. What I was trying to escape is actually our reality. So bcoz everyone's given up on her I can't I know how lost she'd be without me and it would be so painful for us both, but I also can't keep going this way. I have never felt normal I have never had genuine loving support that wasn't a person with an ulterior motive so trust is an issue. I don't trust or love myself I try. Honestly if I could foresee this life for her I wouldn't have had her coz it hurts so very much to hurt the 1 person you really love and she's the only person who's ever loved me and I have no idea how to love. Sorry I'm getting heavy it's jus not fair for her. I'm the adult to make the changes I know what I should do but I feel like I'm locked in a prison jus watching unable to do anything.

JSP How to be enough?
  • replies: 3

I've been facing my issues for 13 years. A lot of that time I was aware of my issues but didn't do much to fix them. In the past few years, I've made a lot of progress. I have a stable job with bosses and colleagues who love and treat me well. I've g... View more

I've been facing my issues for 13 years. A lot of that time I was aware of my issues but didn't do much to fix them. In the past few years, I've made a lot of progress. I have a stable job with bosses and colleagues who love and treat me well. I've gotten better at socialising - still not fantastic and can get anxious, but not as much as before. The people in my life have nothing but good things to say about me.The one thing that I have not had in the past 13 years is love, dating, romance. I haven't had it because for the most part, I haven't gone after it. It could be a cop-out for my avoidance, but I want a happy and healthy relationship and to be in one, you need to be happy and healthy yourself. So I've been a work in progress for a long time.But I'm starting to think that for a while now I would have been enough for a nice woman, it's just me that I have not been enough for. I'm trying to be perfect, but it will never be enough. I'll fix all my superficial flaws - it won't be enough. I'll have friends tell me that I'm a great guy, attractive, sweet, sexy - they must be lying or just trying to be nice.I don't even know what I'm doing anymore because I don't even know what it would be like to feel enough. How would you describe your feeling of enough? The feeling that lets you put yourself out there and gets people to love you in the way that I've been missing.

EarthAngle Grandparent/parent/grandchild relationship
  • replies: 1

Okay, so my dad is is not happy that he hardly ever gets to see his grandson anymore…. Understandable. Though my ex and I have court orders, I get my son Thursday after school and stays with me right through the weekend. We live an hour away from his... View more

Okay, so my dad is is not happy that he hardly ever gets to see his grandson anymore…. Understandable. Though my ex and I have court orders, I get my son Thursday after school and stays with me right through the weekend. We live an hour away from his school, so spending 2 hours in the car for him on Friday is so exhausting for a young boy of 7 by the time the weekend comes he doesn’t want to really go anywhere… I mean nor do I. We already live busy lives. Though I am in deep trouble because I don’t take my son out to see his granddad anymore… we used to visit each other occasionally when we lived in town. I also do hours upon hours a week of driving on top of work and maintaining the property where we live, my father and I don’t really have a great relationship but I have been threatened by another family member saying I am with holding my son from my father… that’s not the case. We all so damn exhausted we don’t want to be running around at the end of the week, we’re all spreading ourselves so thin. I’m so tired of the drama and being made feel like I have to run after him. I understand grandparent grandson relationships are important but I just don’t know what to do. He can come out and see him if he would like, though I like people to text before coming out as a courtesy.

SallyPeters02 Discovered partner had an affair
  • replies: 4

I have been with my partner James almost 5 years. I have two kids from my previous relationship, he has none (though he treats them as his own). James works in an industry where there are a lot of women and has always had female friends. He made it c... View more

I have been with my partner James almost 5 years. I have two kids from my previous relationship, he has none (though he treats them as his own). James works in an industry where there are a lot of women and has always had female friends. He made it clear at the beginning and wanted to make sure I was ok with that. I said yes as I trusted him. James become friends with Claire through work about 3 years and she also ended up being a client of his in his line of work. At one stage I began to feel uncomfortable with frequency of their texting and other little things like gift she got him for his bday with I felt was too much. He assured nothing was happening etc, but there was always something that made me uncomfortable. One thing being he was always quite secretive with his phone. I also tried to suggest we all go out and I become friends with Claire too and he’d say yeah yeah but never do anything about it. I tried not to look too much into it, and I wanted to trust him. However other than this, I did not question our relationship. He lived with me and kids and felt he loved me and always there for us. Always does sweet little things like bring me a coffee every morning and drop a lovely lunch to me at work. He is brilliant with the kids as well.Anyway, tbh while Claire is still in James life, I do feel it has backed off a lot in the past year. Recently however, James got so drunk to the point of me having to look after him and put him to bed. His phone was lying on the floor. I couldn’t resist and looked at his phone and went through all their msgs. They had a very volatile friendship/relationship, with lots of her yelling at him and calling him vile names. This causes me to scroll back very far in time and my worst fear was met, they were fooling around behind my back about a 1.5 years ago. I am so heartbroken and devastated, and empty. I confronted James about it the next day and he broke down. He admitted what happened a while ago and he is so incredibly sorry and will do anything to make things right. Which he did immediately by blocking her off all forms of contact/social media. He then proceeded to tell me that after he made his mistakes with her she turned on him and began to constantly use threats to tell me and ruin our family. To the point of photoshopping messages she sent to me , which she never actually sent. She would try to call him 10 times and if he didn’t respond she threatened to tell me. She also told him horrible physical things she would do to him like stab him etc. It was all to terrorise and break him. Which i believe as I saw a lot of it in those msgs. She is absolutely crazy.I found out 2 weeks ago and I’m still devastated. He says he is so sorry ang will do anything and everything to make things right. I am considering trying to work this out. But my mental state is so all over the shop. I feel so inadequate, sad, depressed, alone you name it. I keep thinking what did she have that I don’t? I am more attractive than her so it’s not that … from the msgs she is a cold hearted b$&ch so it’s not her personality. He tells me he doesn’t know why he did it, he loves me and always has, and has never been unhappy in our relationship.I don’t even know what I want /need from posting this, but maybe I just needed to write it out.

naralle My Marriage
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, well I didn't think I would do this but here I am, I'm very worried about my husband who has server depression and anxiety and is on medication but has been drinking for a long time. At the moment he can't go with drinking a beer before ... View more

Hi everyone, well I didn't think I would do this but here I am, I'm very worried about my husband who has server depression and anxiety and is on medication but has been drinking for a long time. At the moment he can't go with drinking a beer before going to bed, he asks me to get a slab of beer for him each day and by now his system is so use to it. My husband and I have many talks about his mental health and he doesn't really want to talk about it, he knows that I'm very worried about him and he knows that we can't afford the amount of alcohol he drinks. He's best friend has spoken to him about it, I've tried talking to him about it, we've been borrowing money, put stuff on loan and it's embarrassing. I just don't know what else to do. I love him so very much and I wont leave him. Oh I've forgot to mention that I have Major Depression and Anxiety. Thank you for listening

listeningmind Son hooked on weed and borderline girlfriend
  • replies: 4

I am at a loss on how to assist our son. 17. He has always been strong willed, kind and intelligent but also disorganised and emotionally immature, prone to angry outbursts. He could easily have ADHD but avoids assessment last year he started seeing ... View more

I am at a loss on how to assist our son. 17. He has always been strong willed, kind and intelligent but also disorganised and emotionally immature, prone to angry outbursts. He could easily have ADHD but avoids assessment last year he started seeing a girl also 17 who was diagnosed BPD. She is very possessive and demanding of his attention. He has suddenly changed since meeting her He stays at her house 6 out of 7 nights and her mother supports them smoking weed every day (and apparently financially) He has told me he’s addicted, the mother is of no assistance. He has stopped sport, learning to drive and barely does his one hospitality shift a week. He rarely sees any other friends anymore and they don’t go out They are both enrolled in uni but also have entitled attitudes with poor work ethic. Even when he’s home (usually only due to our pressure) she comes with him and they stay in his room, draining the cupboards of food We have little contact i am constantly anxious about this How do we get through to him and prevent him from going down this path. I’m trying to maintain the connection it’s devastating to see him make these choices. He still has a lot to learn. It feels we’ve lost him and I’m grieving! what can we do

Dragonfly_01 Neighbour Noise
  • replies: 2

Hi,I haven't posted before. Feel like I am going to shatter into tiny pieces. I am a quiet person in my early 60s and live on my own. I have been having issues with the people in the house behind me since I bought my house 15 years ago. They like to ... View more

Hi,I haven't posted before. Feel like I am going to shatter into tiny pieces. I am a quiet person in my early 60s and live on my own. I have been having issues with the people in the house behind me since I bought my house 15 years ago. They like to play their music loud and the bass beat is inescapable. They also tend to attract a lot of like-minded people and enjoy large loud gatherings in their backyard which might as well be in my house as my thin fibro walls are no defence against it. It wouldn't bother some people, I know, but it does me. It feels like they are denying my right to exist, that my needs don't count for anything which leads me to feel angry but also sad and pathetic. I have tried to resolve it both directly and through the housing organisation which leases the house to them. It works for a while but then it gradually just ramps back up again. I really want to develop some mental resources to not let it get to me so badly as I suspect it will always be an issue. I have tried practical things like earplugs and headphones which work for a while but I want to enjoy my house and garden and not have to block out birdsong and other nature sounds and feel totally cut off. I would welcome any suggestions for reconfiguring my brain/thought processes so that their noise doesn't bother me so much. Thanks.

Monkey444 Technology and friendships
  • replies: 2

I’d like everyone to get along I think. I am always lacking good relationships. I can’t help but being immature and childish when I get stressed, experience rejection or don’t get what I want.How can I be my best self when I’m frustrated all hours of... View more

I’d like everyone to get along I think. I am always lacking good relationships. I can’t help but being immature and childish when I get stressed, experience rejection or don’t get what I want.How can I be my best self when I’m frustrated all hours of the day. I’m venting, don’t know if this makes any sense. I think so often that at this point I can’t even understand my thinking. Why is so much of my life so unpleasant ??

belldrops Constantly worrying about my boyfriend losing interest
  • replies: 2

I’ve been with my boyfriend about 4 months (we are in a distance relationship, just under an 2 hour drive apart) and I noticed early on that I am quite anxiously attached. I worry that as time goes on, he is realising my insecurity and I’m projecting... View more

I’ve been with my boyfriend about 4 months (we are in a distance relationship, just under an 2 hour drive apart) and I noticed early on that I am quite anxiously attached. I worry that as time goes on, he is realising my insecurity and I’m projecting that onto him, which naturally is a turn off for guys if they can sense you are too over invested or dependent on them. At the beginning, I didn’t feel as anxious as I could feel his interest in me, whereas now I feel the energy has switched and I am the one chasing him. I am terrified of being clingy as I know this will only drive him further away. I hear all the time that fear of rejection is a self fulfilling prophecy as it causes you to act in a way that usually does end up driving your partner away, and I’m terrified that is what I’m doing and perhaps it’s too late to fix it. Last week he didn’t message me for 3 days, which is unusual. I reached out and he apologised for not communicating. When I saw him in person on the weekend, he bought it up and again apologised. I told him that I would like us to text a bit more regularly as it helps me feel more connected to him, which he agreed to. He said that he can’t really understand himself or articulate why he isn’t motivated to reach out - he said that he is generally quite exhausted from work as he is now working a lot, as well as with the distance he can get caught up in just doing his own thing. I then got into a rabbit hole of reading our earlier messages from the first month or two of us dating, and he used to reach out all the time, and it was playful and fun. I feel like we have lost that in our messaging, and I don’t know if that’s a natural progression of a relationship or if it’s a sign he is losing interest. I asked him directly if him not wanting to message me as much is related to his feelings for me changing, and he said no, that’s not it at all. But I can’t help but compare to our earlier text messages, and think that if he liked me, he should want to reach out and talk to me. I’m just so worried that I am self sabotaging the relationship with my fears and insecurity. He is a great, kind guy and I wish I could just enjoy it rather than be constantly obsessing and worrying