Relationship and family issues

Family member using drugs

replies: 2

My sister used to be an addict. When she was in addiction she completely turned mine and my familes world upside down. I still have so much trauma from it. 7 years sober and she is throwing it all away again. She has 2 children, one who is downsyndom... View more

My sister used to be an addict. When she was in addiction she completely turned mine and my familes world upside down. I still have so much trauma from it. 7 years sober and she is throwing it all away again. She has 2 children, one who is downsyndome. They are now 13 and still have trauma from when their mum was in addiction. I'm a complete mess. I don't know what to do. How do I save her kids.

Unheard

replies: 1

first, please excuse my english Husband and i are married for 9 years. Both Christian faith. I have just realised how much he had emotionally manipulated me. I used to be very expressive of how i feel with my past relationship. With him, i just learn... View more

first, please excuse my english Husband and i are married for 9 years. Both Christian faith. I have just realised how much he had emotionally manipulated me. I used to be very expressive of how i feel with my past relationship. With him, i just learned to keep it all to myself because whenever I would try to, he’ll just point out that either I do or say the same thing but he doesnt react the way i do. Sometimes, he’d make it about him that I hurt him for thinking or feeling that way. Over the years, i have learned to keep things to myself cause whenever id open up, same thing would happen. He’d make me think that I am wrong or he’d get angry or upset because I made him feel that way. But he never truly listen or try to understand how i feel. Sometimes, when we would have long arguments/conversation, even before i could explain or express myself, he’d already have assumed something about me or what i feel. I feel so unheard and not validated. Our friends often tell me that i need to tell him or converse with him. But how do i really do that when i dont really feel heard? And every time i would test waters and open up about how i feel, everything goes back to it. It just breaks me more. I already struggle enough with putting words to how i feel, but most if not all of my efforts are just crushed. I often wonder now how it would feel if someone just listen and understand how i feel. To be heard and validated. I dont even need solutions or advice because most of the time, i have already doubted myself and convinced that im wrong thinking or feeling something. How refreshing would that be.

Marriage help- husband found journal

replies: 1

Hi,I have been married 12 years- 5 kids. My husband always accuses me of cheating (I have NEVER cheated!!). Last night one of our kids woke up, I put them back to bed and went to the toilet. As I was walking back in the room he comes out and says ‘wh... View more

Hi,I have been married 12 years- 5 kids. My husband always accuses me of cheating (I have NEVER cheated!!). Last night one of our kids woke up, I put them back to bed and went to the toilet. As I was walking back in the room he comes out and says ‘what the f are you doing?’ He said I had been sitting on my phone. I told him no I went to the toilet. He asked why isn’t the toilet filling? I told him it did already and I washed my hands. He got up to check and said no you’re lying (I’m not lying!). I got angry and he asked why are you getting angry and defensive if you’ve got nothing to hide? I said I’m angry because it’s 3am and you’re accusing me of lying about going to the toilet and being on my phone. After that he grabbed my phone and continued to go through it for 2 hours. I heard at one point he took screenshots and sent it to my himself but he deleted it so I couldn’t go back and see it. He got up and went to work without a word. I checked the iPad and saw he sent himself screenshots of my notes section from my phone. These notes were written a year prior and were from after a fight we had. There were some aweful things written in there- how I didn’t feel good enough, I wanted to kill myself, I felt used. I called him a narcissist and an asshole and some not very nice things. He doesn’t know i know he has seen these bit now I’m unsure what to do. Please help! How do I fix it?

My wife of 4 years wants me to accept that she needs to have sex with her clients

replies: 2

I am a 68 year old male who raised 4 kids as a single Dad. After 10 years of being single I met and fell in love with a woman working in the sex industry ( teaching tantra’s) when I met her she was clear that she had 4 regular clients … two of whom s... View more

I am a 68 year old male who raised 4 kids as a single Dad. After 10 years of being single I met and fell in love with a woman working in the sex industry ( teaching tantra’s) when I met her she was clear that she had 4 regular clients … two of whom she had unprotected sex with and two protected. After seeing her for about 9 months she asked me to marry her … I accepted. I had assumed that after the marriage she would stop having sex with her tantra clients … but she continued and when I confronted her and told her that I was leaving the marriage she promised to put boundaries in place and stop having sex with clients … she would focus on teaching tantra’s without intercourse or oral sex. we live in separate houses and spend two or three days a week together ….we both work from home after 4 years she is now pressuring me to surrender and accept that she needs to have sex with clients if she is to teach tantra. She states that it gives her power and makes her feel free. .. she argues that she is helping her clients who need her! It also means she can earn more money. she was sexually abused as a child from age 7 for many years by her older brother who had serious anger issues … both her other two brothers are gay.the situation is doing my head in … I love her and thought by marrying her she could find some stability … I believe that she is using sex with male clients whom she cultivates to become “regulars” to feed her need to feel powerful and overcome the childhood trauma. She tells me she has dealt with her trauma but I don’t believe her … her brother has never been confronted by the family or the police for abusing her over many years … he has never been held to account. lately I have been feeling extremely worthless and very down to the extent of contemplating how to end my life. The marital situation is not helping and I’ve told my wife that she should just do what she needs to do without hurting me. I have been hurt enough and feel I should just cut ties with her as her behaviour and need for power through sex is not normal or healthy. I have decided that I will not surrender my boundary that she not have sex with clients. I am having serious trust issues and am not coping. i feel I’m losing my mind and don’t know what is right anymore. I can’t talk to my children or friends about it as I am ashamed of what she does and my kids and friends don’t know. I can’t continue as it is destroying my mental health … I’m having nightmares and have started drinking pretty heavily on a daily basis to numb the pain.

Trying to do the right thing doesn’t guarantee anything

replies: 3

I’ve had depression for 15+ years which was managed by medication. I was in a 9 year relationship that I ended as he was an alcoholic and I when I was scared to go home I knew it was time to end it. It was a horrible breakup process and took me 4 yea... View more

I’ve had depression for 15+ years which was managed by medication. I was in a 9 year relationship that I ended as he was an alcoholic and I when I was scared to go home I knew it was time to end it. It was a horrible breakup process and took me 4 years to even want to try dating again. And then I met this loving, caring man on a night out, and at the time I misinterpreted his actions thinking he was falling in love with me. This lead to a 7 year relationship and I thought he was the one, but when my depression returned deeper then I’ve ever experienced. Under his and my sisters guidance I was admitted to psychiatric wards 3 times for ECT, TMS, and multiple medication combinations which I did not respond to. I’ve been told by psychiatrists that I intellectualise my therapy techniques but don’t connect emotionally to them. I could see the damage I was doing to my boyfriend and because of my own warped sense of reality I could never believe he loved me, he just needed someone to fill the ‘girlfriend’ position. I tried so hard to give him the best but I could see how much he was suffering so I thought ending the relationship would be best for both of us. It’s now been 6mths, my depression is at its lowest. He’s now been dating someone for 3months and she is beautiful, younger and making him comfortable enough to publicise their relationship in ways he never did with me. I feel so bad that I wasted so much of his time, and I’m heartbroken that this was my closest change of being loved. I don’t know what I expect to from posting this, I don’t want sympathy or compassion. People have it much worse than me. I guess I just want society to change so that we are allowed to end our life’s when and where we choose in a safe, peaceful way. I really am happy for him In his new life, and want him to have that always. But I wish I could have been the one as I miss the life we had together and the hope for the future.

Struggling Socially

replies: 1

Hi, It feels a bit cliché, and possibly futile to even express this online, but I don't really know where else to turn to, so just wanted to get some outsider perspective on this. I've struggled with making friends my whole life, it's nothing new, bu... View more

Hi, It feels a bit cliché, and possibly futile to even express this online, but I don't really know where else to turn to, so just wanted to get some outsider perspective on this. I've struggled with making friends my whole life, it's nothing new, but it increasingly gets me down as time goes on. Once upon a time, yes I was a nihilistic, negative and quite annoying person to be around (around 10+ years ago). However, I've been actively trying to improve myself since, being receptive to advice I see online and receive from therapists. I try to be outgoing, approaching people and initiating conversations. I don't just talk about myself, I'm not mopey or needy, I actively engage with people's interests, always keen to learn about them and get to know individuals in general. I'm well groomed, I pursue hobbies whenever I can, all-in-all I've been trying to make myself a person that people want to be around. But they don't, and I simply don't understand why. My partner attracts heaps of people, which I won't lie I get resentful of from time to time - especially when she complains about not having friends. It's especially heartbreaking when I approach people and they're far more interested in her. And I swear it's not just me projecting - they talk to her more, they want to follow up and organise things with her after we meet. Meanwhile, I'll follow up after and typically people just won't reply to me. I've felt so lonely for so long, and putting all this effort into improving myself just feels like a waste. If there's anything I can elaborate on further to better inform a response, please let me know, because I feel like I'm going crazy.

Confused, depressed and feel stuck

replies: 2

I’m really hoping I can find clarity and help here. Me and my partner have been together 6 years and have broken up twice in that time. I have a daughter who is 11 (different father) and he and I have a 2 year old son together. He is a beautiful man ... View more

I’m really hoping I can find clarity and help here. Me and my partner have been together 6 years and have broken up twice in that time. I have a daughter who is 11 (different father) and he and I have a 2 year old son together. He is a beautiful man and I know he would never hurt me physically but on the weekend we had a pretty big fight because I was standing up for my daughter and his response was “well if you don’t like it get out”… I’m still feeling really emotional and hurt by this statement as he knows I don’t have anywhere to go and no family ect. We have just gotten back together but we were still living and sleeping with each other while ‘broken up’. The plan was I was going to move out with the kids and was saving to do so. I just feel like no matter how much I save and no matter how much I do I’ll never have the money to move. I just had to transfer him $400 for half of the bills. I love him but mentally and emotionally I’m just done. I can’t afford the rent here on my own where we are ($500 a week) and really just want to be on my own in my own house. Not only do I need to save for the first 4 weeks rent, I need to buy a washing machine, bed and mattress for myself and down the track a dining table. I just feel really stuck and alone.

Partner can not cope with difficult times

replies: 2

I am 51 years old and went through a very sad and painful marriage and divorce around 5 years ago. I have two children - 18 and 16 and am a loving and devoted sole parent. Both kids gave me absolute hell after the divorce and I was sole parenting fro... View more

I am 51 years old and went through a very sad and painful marriage and divorce around 5 years ago. I have two children - 18 and 16 and am a loving and devoted sole parent. Both kids gave me absolute hell after the divorce and I was sole parenting from day 1 of the separation as their dad was too unstable. They were traumatised and rebellious but things are getting better with them and they are generally nice kids, working and going to school. I opened myself up to a relationship 4 years ago with a man who seemed strong and caring and kind. He had been through hell with his divorce and then the breakdown of a long term relationship. His children were grownup when we met but had their own severe teenage behavioural and trauma issues when he was raising them. His 25 year old is a domestic violence perpetrator and our lives are ocassionally upended in dealing with it, but I am supportive and motivated to help both of his children with love and compassion. We have had a wonderful relationship almost every day and we have a beautiful life, with so much in common. He has been my favourite person in the world and he moved in 8 months ago. But...when the going gets tough with my children (they are not the easiest of teens but nor are they particularly bad), he goes into complete meltdown mode and disappears. Literally. He moves out of our beautiful family home and goes and stays with a family member. He is severely and disproportionately angered by crappy teenage behaviour and says that he has been through his own teen dramas, teen dramas in his last relationship and can not deal with mine. I feel so unsupported and somewhat resentful - he knew I had children when we met. The dramas with my kids are few and far between, though they can be extremely rude and disrespectful. I feel so cheated that he forgets all of the wonderful things that we have when an "incident" happens, and moves out. He starts talking about breaking up, and it only adds to the stress of whatever teen incident I am dealing with. I am unintentionally making him sound like a bad person, 99% of the time he is amazing and gets on with my kids and my family and friends love him. I guess it makes it all the more difficult to know what to do about this situation I find myself in.

Struggling in life and marriage

replies: 2

Really struggling right now and wanted somewhere to share my story and ask for advice. I’ve suffered from mental health issues since I was 13, primarily depression and anxiety but may be something else. Pretty sure both parents have mental health con... View more

Really struggling right now and wanted somewhere to share my story and ask for advice. I’ve suffered from mental health issues since I was 13, primarily depression and anxiety but may be something else. Pretty sure both parents have mental health conditions as well but neither have acknowledged this and “don’t believe” in mental health. I recently opened up to them about struggling for 30 years and just got “well, we never noticed anything” in response. I’ve been with my wife for close to 15 years and moved to Australia with her. We have a 7 year old daughter, who I love deeply. I love my wife deeply too but we are on the verge of separation. My mental health and panic attacks have caused major ruptures in our relationship and she had said she can no longer live with my cycle of behaviour. I understand this and in the past six months I’ve tried to put myself in her shoes. It’s been very confronting but necessary and I can only imagine how hard it is. She has called it a form of emotional abuse and I find it hard to disagree. It’s never been intentional but I can now see how draining and exhausting it must be for her. I’ve been on a renewed drive to try to really fix myself once and for all, but it’s been hard. My wife isn’t convinced about my therapist and still I get anxious easily. But I’m finding it tough and old habits die hard, and this weekend I had a massive panic attack over something stupid. I understand why the panic attack happened and what I can do in the future. my wife has had enough, and I feel I’m about to lose every part of my family. I’m trying so far but I know with ease lapse it drives a further wedge between us. I am devastated even if I know why. I’m also feeling desperately alone. I don’t have any close friends in Australia, no hope of talking to my idea, and I have no idea what to do next. any thoughts of advice are really appreciated.

Ex-partner is abusing my trauma to keep me out of our child’s life.

replies: 13

So for a little bit of context, I had a mental episode where I’ve disassociated and hurt my at the time partner. Immediately afterwards she had me arrested and a DVO was put in place. Since hen I’ve been doing everything I can to get some sort of dia... View more

So for a little bit of context, I had a mental episode where I’ve disassociated and hurt my at the time partner. Immediately afterwards she had me arrested and a DVO was put in place. Since hen I’ve been doing everything I can to get some sort of diagnosis and to try and make things right between myself, her and the few witnesses that were there, admittedly I pushed too hard but didn’t breach the DVO.But she seems to be taking advantage of this and is now constantly threatening to report me to the police. It seems to me that she’s wanted to end the relationship for a long time coming but the way she’s going about keeping us seperate is affecting both my ability to see my daughter and my sense of self.Ive spent damn near every day of the last 5 years of my life with this woman and she’s not only tossed me like a piece of rubbish, but she’s doing everything to try and burn my bridges to the world.Shes gone on such an offensive track that for a brief period just about every friend of mine turned on me and she’s had HER friends abuse me online. at this point I just wanna get my stuff outta the house and set up mandatory visitation rights but I’m that afraid of the legal system that any time I look into legal advice I can feel myself disconnect momentarily. i just want to see my baby girl again.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Family member using drugs

replies: 2

Unheard

replies: 1

Marriage help- husband found journal

replies: 1

My wife of 4 years wants me to accept that she needs to have sex with her clients

replies: 2

Trying to do the right thing doesn’t guarantee anything

replies: 3

Struggling Socially

replies: 1

Confused, depressed and feel stuck

replies: 2

Partner can not cope with difficult times

replies: 2

Struggling in life and marriage

replies: 2

Ex-partner is abusing my trauma to keep me out of our child’s life.

replies: 13

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Family member using drugs replies: 2

Unheard replies: 1

Marriage help- husband found journal replies: 1

My wife of 4 years wants me to accept that she needs to have sex with her clients replies: 2

Trying to do the right thing doesn’t guarantee anything replies: 3

Struggling Socially replies: 1

Confused, depressed and feel stuck replies: 2

Partner can not cope with difficult times replies: 2

Struggling in life and marriage replies: 2

Ex-partner is abusing my trauma to keep me out of our child’s life. replies: 13

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Family member using drugs

replies: 2

Unheard

replies: 1

Marriage help- husband found journal

replies: 1

My wife of 4 years wants me to accept that she needs to have sex with her clients

replies: 2

Trying to do the right thing doesn’t guarantee anything

replies: 3

Struggling Socially

replies: 1

Confused, depressed and feel stuck

replies: 2

Partner can not cope with difficult times

replies: 2

Struggling in life and marriage

replies: 2

Ex-partner is abusing my trauma to keep me out of our child’s life.

replies: 13