Something I regret....

[Weaponsofmassdisstortion]

You know, looking back I have missed out on a lot of chances for creating freindships.  There was people back in my high school years who tried to reach out to me. I think they were geniune, because they never tried to make things hard for me  I rebuked thier advances, I didn't want their pity.  I didn't need their companionship.  I cursed them out.  Told them in quite langauge to go away.  I have done something like this even more recently.  

I wish I could go back and apologise.  Let them know I just saw everyone as another source of pain.  I was bieng bullied quite severly.  I didn't want to go to school. But I didn't want to go home either.  I was in pure survival mode. My defense were always up. I was full of rage. Because that was better than being sad. God I am so sorry to those people. 

But they probably have lives of their own now and I doubt they even give me a second thought.  

[Weaponsofmassdisstortion]

I just finsihed writing another few thousand words on my life story.  You knoiw there was a time, when I didn't really know what to write about.  So, I just the word 'bullying' on a blank screen. Then underneath that heading, I put all these dot points.  About how I was bullied. Different ways I was bullied.  Different instances of how and when I was bullied. Different reasons for being bullied. 

I think I must have written about thirty or so different dot points.  I just finished writing about an instance were someone bullied me.  And I retailated.  I pretty much got away with it that time. But as the years went on,  I soon learned that no matter what happened,  everyone else was always in the right, and I was always in the wrong.  I still get flash backs every now and then. I still have days were I fantasize about hunting one of them down and beating the ever loving snot out of them.  No don't worry, I don't have a criminal record.  And I won't do anything.  But sometimes it makes me feel better when I imagine them in dire harsh circumstances.  Getting a little taste of the pain they caused me. 

[Ggrand]

Dear Weaponsofmassdistortion,

A warm welcome to the forums,

Regret/s, many people have them…I have so many regrets from my life, that it causes me deep sorrow….Im so sorry you’re struggling with regrets…

Life is full of choices, and regrets can form from the choices we make…Thinking about our regrets can make us feel guilty, down on ourselves and sad…the thing is, that when we constantly think on our regrets, we take away the present time and our day becomes clouded with sadness and possibly depression…

Moving on is important, forgiving yourself is paramount to being able to move forward in your life…You done the best for yourself at that time and you have nothing to feel bad about now…..and you know that you’re more right then wrong in thinking that those people who tried to reach out to you, haven’t  even thought about since…

Be kind to yourself, and try to always live in the moment….God knows you’re sorry….you know you’re sorry…forgive yourself and try to not reminisce on what you said to others in your past….you were protecting your mental health and that was the right thing to do…

My kindest thoughts Dear Weaponsofmassdistortion…..

Grandy..

[TrueSeeker]

Hello

Toxic people get what they deserve eventually once the society start seeing the destructiveness of it all. We don't have to do much, only bring up what is happening and show the damage that it can cause. The world is constantly improving and it's up to us to campaign for the next improvement.

In the meantime, we can create our own little world based on what we believe in and let others do what they want to do while staying away from it if it's not what we approve. It's up to you what you'd like to do about people that you might've hurt while being in a very difficult situation. A lot of people would understand. The important thing is to get better so you get the energy to create better life.

I think it's really great that you're writing your story. It can help you and others to understand and learn how to prevent those situation. I hope that everything will work out for you. Please feel free to share how you're going whenever you feel like it