WMy soulmate needs to move on after 27 years

[Pleaseonly1]

So after 27 of the best years of my life my wife turned to me and said she needs to start the next phase of her life. Without me. Two weeks before my 50th birthday. 2 beautiful adult children. Both too stressed to talk to me.  I am so lost. I love her so dearly. I can't believe it. I cry every hour. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I literally dream of her. I still feel her presence in bed next to me, on sofa's. We did everything together.  I tried to save it but was told she has fallen out of love with me. Rocked me to my core.  Trying to move on but can barely breathe.

So sad. So heartbroken. So scared. So lost.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

So sad. Just as an intro I've had 4 long term relationships of durations- 7 years, 11 years (married), 10 years and now 13 years (still married and happy). Each separation was how you described it and I shudder when I reflect on that pain. My 1st marriage we had 2 young kids 7 and 4yo (now 36 and 33) and that tugged at my heart strings more than anything. So what is the answer to this situation?

I stumbled upon it. After separation and grieving for my full time fatherhood (I had the kids every 2nd weekend) the 1st 8 weeks or so was painful. I lived in a 11ft caravan in a caravan park, worked shift work and had no direction. I walked a lot. One day I passed a real estate office and saw a block of land that was in my low budget. I got it at auction. Every spare moment was taken up by clearing the overgrown land while I ordered a kit home. I then erected the house and was so exhausted with the shift work as well I noticed I was too busy and too tired to be upset anymore. I was also excited with the walls going up. After 9 months the house was finished enough to house my kids so overnight stays resumed and it was the happiest night of my life. 

However you carry out your physical exercise and distractive methods is dependent on your interests and dreams. Some might fly model airplanes others go fishing whatever it is throw yourself into it.

I dont know how your friendship has continued but dont forget the birthday card and xmas card. You have a deep connection to her so you are likely still important and she also might be sad that she's hurt you. You never know the future in these situations and there's a possibility life without you and the family as it was will trigger her to return.

I also had a jigsaw puzzle, a large one in a spare room. Every time I eared up I went in there to do 10-20 pieces. That was long enough to distract myself.

You can also join a mens shed.

Does that help? 

"They say life has no guarantees... So you have to create your own and we are valued more than we think" 

TonyWK

[Pleaseonly1]

Thanks for the kind words. I'll get through it eventually. So sad.

[Ryan0707]

Hey there. I'm tremendously sorry for your situation. Have you managed to find a therapist that you feel comfortable with?

It sounds devastating and from an outsider, 27 years is something you should be proud of as surely you have had some great memories and life experiences in this time. You are still in shock and this is okay. Turn to friends for support, journal your feelings and allow yourself to have these feelings. It won't always be like the way it feels now. 

Try to invert the feelings of loss into the mindset of that some relationships that end after a long time as something to mark with a sense of achievement. Both parties tried their best and that is an accomplishment.

Alternatively, I imagine you would feel awful if she didn't honour her feelings and stayed in the relationship - seeing her decline in happiness out of fear.

I'm currently going through a seperation from my ex-wife with an 8 year old son and I am about 6 months into it. It has been tremendously difficult and life shattering. In similar circumstances, she turned to me one day and said that she had been feeling unhappy. Since then she said to me that there is nothing I could do or say to change her mind.

Sometimes I have to sit with the feelings of being alone, when I'm not with my son and yes, it's agony. I journal, read or simply watch a movie. I spent a good amount of time comparing my pain to hers but it's not helpful. People really do process things differently. Antidepressants are helpful, exercise when you can manage, meditation and I even tried acupuncture.

You are in grief. Crying is okay. Allow yourself to cry and don't get upset that you "can't snap out of it". I'm hoping that you can bring self-compassion into your routine and just know that it is going to be a real journey. Take the time when you are feeling better to get to know yourself better work out the practices that make you feel better. I go to the sauna at the local aquatic centre and this really resets my nervous system. This is a small step into something new, I discovered I liked.

Good work on reaching out. You're not alone, even though you're in the dark, murky maelstrom that you are now. I hope some of this helps you. 

[quirkywords]

Pleaseonlyo e, I am sorry for your sadness. Some people feel that the relationship is over long before they tell partner.

You have been given support from others.

i want to thank you for your honesty in sharing your grief. This helps others know they are not alone. 

[sherlocks]

Thank you for Sharing your raw journey, I would just like to say be as strong as you can be and day by day. This too will pass .

Your healing time now and love and best wishes to you.

Karen x