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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Hadesjw Lying
  • replies: 3

Hi all, (trigger warning)I don’t really know how to do this, I’ve never done anything like this before I guess the first thing is being honest.I’m a 24 year old woman and most of my childhood I never lied but when I was 10 my mum met a guy and while ... View more

Hi all, (trigger warning)I don’t really know how to do this, I’ve never done anything like this before I guess the first thing is being honest.I’m a 24 year old woman and most of my childhood I never lied but when I was 10 my mum met a guy and while she was at work this guy would physically beat me, and I would learn to lie not only from my mum about the abuse but lie to the guy in hopes of him not doing anything. And well 14 years on I had told little lies here and there, but when I met my now partner my lying has just gotten out of control. Like for Christ sake the other night I lied about bread, like who does that (for context I cooked to much for dinner and I lied saying I got the meals mixed which wasn’t the case) but seriously who lies about that stuff. Anyway my partner sees me as this horrible/ bad person and honestly I’m starting to feel like I am. Cause who would cause so much pain and discomfort to their partner who they love. I really don’t know what to do if I’m being honest like I’m crying writing this because I can’t afford to get professional help. In the 3 years we’ve together I’ve lied quite a bit but lately it’s just increased and I don’t know what to do or how to stop it

Ocean26 Not Infertile, But Not Pregnant
  • replies: 3

Hi BeyondBluers,I'm having a really hard time. With a family history of mental health challenges, my Mum and two of her brothers all took their own life before I turned 18.After years of psychology sessions, a uni degree and finding the love of my li... View more

Hi BeyondBluers,I'm having a really hard time. With a family history of mental health challenges, my Mum and two of her brothers all took their own life before I turned 18.After years of psychology sessions, a uni degree and finding the love of my life, I'm now married and hoping to start a family with my Husband. He's such a warm, wonderful and supportive guy. I have beautiful friends who are also supportive, and so many of them are PREGNANT. Or have a child. We've been trying for 18 months. I don't know if I or my husband have any issues yet. I haven't felt ready to start the process of working with fertility clinics to take it a step further. Plus my psychologist tells me that being within 2 years from starting to try for a baby is actually "normal". I'm feeling the cycle of disappointment, heart break and loss for something I haven't had yet. This grief is as real, raw and deep as when I lost my Mum. Except it also comes in cyclical waves when I get my period, when a friend announces they're pregnant or when I'm around friends who are pregnant and they're talking excitedly about their futures. I don't check social media much anymore because I need to get away from all the announcements. I never knew that wanting to have a baby but it not happening yet could bring so much pain. Not many people around me understand, or know what to say to me when I confide in them (which is fair, we're not trained to know what to say!). They try to make me feel better by telling me not to worry, that a baby is just around the corner, don't give up hope, at least I should be grateful for XYZ, or the many different versions of that. It's hard to feel heard, understood and not alone. I can feel happy, and grateful at times, and at the same time, the heart ache and pain is so frequent. It's just hard. I'm hoping someone here might understand. Please don't make me feel guilty as I already understand that others can be in a tougher situation than me. It doesn't mean what I'm feeling is any less valid, which is hard to remember at the best of times. Thanks in advance for reading. I'd love some support.

Bayaami Loneliness
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone!I am 57 years old and feel lonely a lot of the time, even in a large crowd of people I know. I am divorced, with. no kids and when Covid hit, I moved back in with my mother to support her after my father passed away.While there are people... View more

Hi everyone!I am 57 years old and feel lonely a lot of the time, even in a large crowd of people I know. I am divorced, with. no kids and when Covid hit, I moved back in with my mother to support her after my father passed away.While there are people in my life who call me a friend, it's almost impossible for me to message them or visit them as they have their own families and other friends who take priority. I'm very aware of being the pathetic, annoying single guy, constantly seeking some sort of validation or connection.Most of the time, I feel in their way and never want to disrupt their daily routines. I feel they eventually get sick of me and stop contacting me after a period of time. I've tried Dating Sites, community groups, etc...to make connections, but it hasn't worked.People say I am nice guy and come to me for advice and happy to have a brief chat from time to time, but I'm never included in anything.

Dawnii Verbally Abusive Mother
  • replies: 4

Hello I'm Dawn and I think I have a verbally abusive mother. She says it's 'tough love' but she has been constantly critisizing me and calling me really mean things. Like: " you're so lazy'" and "you're such a pig", etc. I really need help as soon as... View more

Hello I'm Dawn and I think I have a verbally abusive mother. She says it's 'tough love' but she has been constantly critisizing me and calling me really mean things. Like: " you're so lazy'" and "you're such a pig", etc. I really need help as soon as I can.

white knight Relationships- the moment it ends
  • replies: 0

For some, 3 months in a relationship, when it dissolves can contain as much grief as 10 years with that person. Love has no bounds, grief is different for every person- the grief cant be in comparison due to length of time together alone. The devasta... View more

For some, 3 months in a relationship, when it dissolves can contain as much grief as 10 years with that person. Love has no bounds, grief is different for every person- the grief cant be in comparison due to length of time together alone. The devastation can be huge and that "moment you walk away or are left alone" has your future disappear in front of you, you certainly dont think you'll recover. To paint a rosy picture of recovery and a new life as being easy would be misleading. It takes time and/or planning. Allowing time to heal is ok - to allow that to sooth your feeling of abandonment or loss might see you dwelling for a long time before you might find another love interest or the memories fade. Planning is logical but in a highly emotional state logic goes on holiday. One simple step can be an insurance policy for your emotions- visiting your GP for a simple chat. That way they can monitor your grief level to keep you safe. If you feel out of control some time later you can return and your downhill spiral can be stopped with assistance. I say all of this through lived experience from the post separation of 3 long term relationships. None were easy and no, I didnt go to my GP. Had I done so post separation or in one case I made a suicide attempt one week prior to separation I would have saved a million tears and a possibility of my young kids not having a father. I would never have known my grandchild due next year! We have insurance for all our goods, even our lives. In case of theft or accidents we pay so as to make certain we dont lose out. Having medical people there ready to chat is your insurance because although you think you can manage emotions, at the most challenging time of your life that of grief immediately post separation, you need that insurance. Being a stubborn male I didnt realise the value of therapy for a long time but to sit for one hour a month for several months was utterly amazing for my recuperation. Yes, you wont be thinking of any future the "moment you walk away" but there is a future you can carve out and most likely a better one. An old man once told me "out of 100 women you could probably fall in love with 10 and 3 would be ideal- a soul mate forever." It means that the person you feel you'll never recover from isnt the only person you could fall in love with to make a great future with. It means they werent in the top three... You deserve one in the top three... TonyWK

Canopy New friendship restrictions
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm navigating living in a new area and making new friends. I've been developing a friendship with a woman over the past year. She, like myself, has been through a lot of hardship. We go walking together with her dog and it's always under her con... View more

Hi, I'm navigating living in a new area and making new friends. I've been developing a friendship with a woman over the past year. She, like myself, has been through a lot of hardship. We go walking together with her dog and it's always under her control as to the when, the where, the how long. Now that I'm fine with as she's busier than myself and so it works for both of us. Recently we went to a thing about the coast where we live. On the drive home I was having a rant, as I do when something perplexes me. Now my rants last for about 10 minutes then I'm over and done with it and my rants often lead to interesting discussions around big world topics ... with other people but not with this person. She went deadly silent, so I remarked how I loved how loud her silence was and I was intrigued by it. She then went on to say "You're berating me." I was shocked and taken aback. My first response was put my hand to my chest and apologised sincerely while asking her what she thinks was "berating", was it the topic or my tone and asked her to help me understand. It came to light that she was feeling "battered" that day and it was a day of a painful anniversary for her. Now I had no idea about any of this, if I had known I would have curbed my conversation. On coming home, we left each other well. But when I came inside I was gutted. Berating someone is verbal abuse and I was certainly not engaging in that and nor has anyone in my 55 years told me I'm berating them. I bumped her an email and said how sorry I was that she was hurting so badly and that I was cooking a big pot of food up and would love to drop her some off. In her response she apologised to me for using the word berating, which she frankly needed to do. She then went on to tell me that she has no care to talk about the state of the world and has made a pact with herself to not talk about anything she cannot change as it's simply not beneficial to anyone. Basically a polite way to tell me to shut up and not talk about world affairs - which we mostly don't, by the way. Now, I'm familiar with boundary setting. But boundary setting in my eyes is not a directive or restriction to someone else, it's what I can take control of ... myself and not make demands on other people. I've not encountered this before and I've also seen streaks of control in this person with other issues. I've been obsessively ruminating about this for a month. My psychiatrist is away. I feel she is limiting and restricting me. Thanks

Guest_10029895 Being the black sheep and only treated nice when they want money
  • replies: 1

My sister wanted to borrow $850 out of my locked account I have been at work all day and don’t get a brake to go down to bank I said no and have been abused put down and called names and wiped by both my sisters I am sick of feeling worthless

My sister wanted to borrow $850 out of my locked account I have been at work all day and don’t get a brake to go down to bank I said no and have been abused put down and called names and wiped by both my sisters I am sick of feeling worthless

Mazie Tapped by manipulation involving substance abuse
  • replies: 1

My daughter and partner have health issues as do I. Children are involved age 6, 12 and 5 months. My daughter has not been well since the birth of the baby and her partner has health issues like fitting etc, but he plays on his health issues to manip... View more

My daughter and partner have health issues as do I. Children are involved age 6, 12 and 5 months. My daughter has not been well since the birth of the baby and her partner has health issues like fitting etc, but he plays on his health issues to manipulates my daughter for instance if she asked him to help with the baby, he will have a coughing fit, or he will go out smoking and come back in his own time. I had the family and their dog living with me for 9 days and I saw how her partner manipulates the situation and sucks up to me because he knows I'm not happy with him, also there are drugs involved, they both take drugs, and he carries a tinny with him as well. When he is supposed to look after the family, it ends me having to pick up the pieces and. I'm not well with osteoarthritis and needing an injection in my shoulder for a torn tendon. My daughter is so thin and not eating properly and the house is like a bomb hit it. I don't want to ring the authorities yet because it will destroy my daughter, but her partner is doing a good job of that, she can see what is but won't say anything to him, sometimes makes excuses for him like you can't push him or he will fit etc., they are both hooked on different drugs, and my fear is they will end up on even harder stuff. She takes care of the kids well but is not looking after herself. She has only me to turn to for help and I have no one for support or help. I simply do not know what to do. Like I mentioned it's easy to say report them, but the repositions will be bad. Two children do not belong to him it's a very hard sticky situation. it's like damned if I do and damned if I don't. The only way I would report them is if the children are in danger, but for the moment they are not in any danger. It's my daughter I'm worried about and as far as her partner goes, he is a manipulating person who is trying to weave his lack of responsibility with his charm which won't work with me, and he knows I'm onto him as being a liar and a lazy good for nothing. He is not helping my daughter in any way or form infarct because of his lack of responsibility and morals, he has dragged her down to the ground all he does is smoke, drink take drugs sleep and play the good villein when his is on a high. I've tried talking to her, but she makes excuses for him every time, like, you can't push him because he will fit, you can't do this or that because he will fit. I was asked to go shopping for her and get meds for her because he was unwell and in bed, when i turned up with the shopping he came from a neighbours place, happy full of life and I thought he was supposed to be not well, so why did my daughter not say ok you can go shopping and I'll ask mum not to bother , by the way I haven't been well with some flu bug. When I went into the house, he was so nice to me helping me etc., I was not impressed, then after when I was leaving, he walked me to the car and went back to his neighbour's house. My daughter could have even left her partner to watch the kids while she popped out, but no, I was called to drive almost half an hour for something they could have done themselves. I am not impressed.

AlostPosie Narc, menopause, & many other things
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have been on here before......Im going to get straight to it. I am 54 years old i have been married 31 years now hubby and i both go to the gym 2 years ago a friend of ours from the gym is a bodybuilder now he has never won a title but has b... View more

Hello, I have been on here before......Im going to get straight to it. I am 54 years old i have been married 31 years now hubby and i both go to the gym 2 years ago a friend of ours from the gym is a bodybuilder now he has never won a title but has been doing it for 20 years so I asked him 2 years ago if he could help me loose weight, he put a plan together he asked me what was my goal i said loose weight mainly for a holiday and we had interactions in the gym with hubby there and the PT asked me to send before and after pics in my underwear, now at the time i did not think anything of it at all NOTHING I mean nothing... he asked me to pose in t he body building stance now moving forward 2 weeks ago, my husband found out that this guy is a sleeze and apparently does this to women and take them to bed. Now this did not happen and this definately was not my intention way way way out of this thought I love hubby but as always we have hand problems. So now he basically is accusing me of sleeping with him, talking to him, meeting up with coffee, he wont let me speak I am afraid to speak everytime he asks me and then he says my stories change its not that they change its that i also remember something else and add to the story so he says i am lying and not taking accountability for this, he suspects that i have told an old friend that i dont love him and that i want to leave him this is not the case. He kept picking and picking and picking at me about this it got to the point where i could not handle it as i know my thruth and he wants me to take accountability for something that was not done or intended. He messages friends for their opinions but does not use my name and then his friends agree with me then hubby shows me the messages and says see you are lying. I am so confused i dont know what to do anymore there is so much more to this in regards that he is a narc and does not let me talk over the years i have lost myself and today i am numb and i dont know how i feel i cant make decisions and i dont even know if i want to leave, we just purchased a new forever home our kids are 26 years plus. He wants me to admit to things i have not done I have turned around and told him its ok we can split and you can tell everyone i am a slut its ok i understand...this is because of the continuous torture of his words over and over again, we have had sex and then the next morning he starts with something else that he remembers or doesnt like my answers, i told him that i believe he is using me for sex now because we do and then we fight and its ugly fighting now i hide in my room to stay away We both went to a psychologist 2 weeks ago and he just left to see him on his own and i have my own psychologist to see in 2 weeks. I can post the messages he sends me and how he talks to me its vulgar I found trauma bond maybe this is me....

Guest_46736006 mis
  • replies: 1

I have had a crush on a boy for over a year, and he didn't make any impression on me. And he is the one who stated it, but now I'm the one who obsesses over him. i wanna move on because I know that there is no future for us, but my crazy heart doesn'... View more

I have had a crush on a boy for over a year, and he didn't make any impression on me. And he is the one who stated it, but now I'm the one who obsesses over him. i wanna move on because I know that there is no future for us, but my crazy heart doesn't wanna move on, and I'm having a really hard time because of that. I tried to stop things and start to moving on, but I'm coming back to the same stage