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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Alyka Why do I feel that my parents never loved me?
  • replies: 8

How do I begin...I'm an only child, so I don't have siblings to turn to, and from my observation, other people have very different family dynamics,even those deemed 'problematic' ones.My parents, well, they are not all bad, or like those extremely ab... View more

How do I begin...I'm an only child, so I don't have siblings to turn to, and from my observation, other people have very different family dynamics,even those deemed 'problematic' ones.My parents, well, they are not all bad, or like those extremely abusive ones, and they did say that they want to make amends with me and all that.The thing is, I do feel Very exhausted every single time after I interacted with them.And I, after all their attempts of making amends and patch things up, I still don't feel that they love me, or even like me.Of course they claim otherwise, and I somewhat believe that, in their head, they sincerely think they love me a lot.Apparently I feel the opposite.This is just one tiny example of wayyy to many to include:Whenever interacting with them, they rarely care about what I want, they'll always just talk or drag me into whatever they want, and that's not the worst part. The worst part is, I can't have an different opinion. That means, if they deem a movie is terrible, I can't say I like it or they'll just berate me non-stop. The same goes for songs, clothes, food, etc.I'd really really just want to be left alone in these cases, and they seem never really notice.In their minds, they are taking me to all these different experiences, and having wonderful times together.Which is, well partially true, I believe they enjoyed these, but do I enjoy them?Absolutely noooo.Do they care? also no.I still dread, hence avoiding share any of my thoughts with them, even when they made an effort asking me what I want, I would automatically go defensive and say, whatever.I know I can't show any 'weakness' to them because they'll turn it into a weapon.So unlike a lot other people complaining about negligent parents, I thought those parents were god-sent.The only happy times I had when I was young were those when they were too busy to mind me.So, although I hate lying about things (It's draining), lying to them has sort of became my second nature, and I kinda hate myself for that.Plus, it has made all attempts of patching things up, in vain.I don't think I'll ever be able to share literally any aspect of my life, big or small, with them.I knew this shouldn't be normal with parents and kids.But was my feelings correct?Did they ever loved me, are they lying when they say they love me?would you call this love?What is really going on with my parents and I?What should I do from here? Simply break ties with them?

CaseyJJ After 'no-contact' after abuse revelations
  • replies: 1

Hello and thank you for allowing me this access and support.My young adult daughter recently divulged information of SA by another family member. Family members knew of it but didn't disclose. Being guided by my daughter's requests...I have gone no-c... View more

Hello and thank you for allowing me this access and support.My young adult daughter recently divulged information of SA by another family member. Family members knew of it but didn't disclose. Being guided by my daughter's requests...I have gone no-contact...I am loyal to her and have gently asked about how to move forward.My request for insight is this.....as the collateral damage and side-taking of the perpetrator has been set by people I have loved and adored my whole life.......how do I 'move forward' without those I have loved since forever. My daughter is my priority and I am her absolute warrior and protector - I am WITH HER. But very quietly....I grieve the loss of my family members. Does it get any easier? Will they ever 'see' our side? I said no to contact but absolutely can't believe they went "ok" and then decided never to even reach out.Thank you.

Guest_24698210 Sister in Law's bipolar hurting my wife
  • replies: 1

My sister in law suffers bipolar. Although she recognises this and often takes her medication which calms her, often she stops taking the medication then starts emailing my wife. The messages are very hurtful and plentiful. She can send up to 48 mess... View more

My sister in law suffers bipolar. Although she recognises this and often takes her medication which calms her, often she stops taking the medication then starts emailing my wife. The messages are very hurtful and plentiful. She can send up to 48 messages overnight. My wife is distraught but fears any response may cause her sister to commit suicide. How do I support my wife? Should I suggest cutting the sister out of our lives altogether by blocking her phone number and email address? Fortunately she lives in another State. Is there a likelihood of her committing suicide if my wife doesn't respond or if she is cut out of our lives?

Bet My son is bisexual
  • replies: 2

Hi , I just want to let some stuff out . my 29 year old son , Who still lives at home told me 2 weeks ago that he is seeing a man and that he is bisexual. I thought I was open minded as I have gay and lesbian friends and didn’t think to much about it... View more

Hi , I just want to let some stuff out . my 29 year old son , Who still lives at home told me 2 weeks ago that he is seeing a man and that he is bisexual. I thought I was open minded as I have gay and lesbian friends and didn’t think to much about it. But this has thrown me. I am crying all the time ,I have sobbed at work and cannot tell m y colleagues what’s wrong . . There is so much back story but I cannot bring myself to write it. I sometimes feel that there is nothing left in my life and that it’s not worth going on. But I would not do anything silly as I would not want my family to feel any guilt. I am trying to act normally around my son but if does not feel genuine and this makes me so sad. I have read story’s online and I realise that I am grieving . Please tell me it will pass and everything will be ok . I have been a single mum since he was a baby. I want him to be happy and he seems to be . But I am just so sad and I know I shouldn’t be

Riggybee Mum is complicated
  • replies: 4

I find it really hard to connect with my mum. One of the things that puts a lot of strain on my relationship with her is her work. It's like she can't switch off properly, so is physically present but mentally not there at all and she doesn't have an... View more

I find it really hard to connect with my mum. One of the things that puts a lot of strain on my relationship with her is her work. It's like she can't switch off properly, so is physically present but mentally not there at all and she doesn't have any hobbies. Sometimes you'll say something and it will take several minutes to get a reply. And when she is not working she is always on her phone playing games or shopping and struggles a lot with her own mental and physical health. Because of this I often get really frustrated and feel like she doesn't care about us but it's just how she is. She can be even worse with my sister. Whenever I try to talk about it with her, she gets really defensive and angry then leaves and gives silent treatment. She also gets angry at me because apparently I use a tone with her like I'm talking to a child, which I don't with my dad. I don't know how to stop doing this but sometimes it does feel like she is the child because of how out of it she is. What should I do? Is it best to just leave it alone? Thanks,Riggybee

_justine_a Controlling mum
  • replies: 7

My mum threatens to kick me out every time i go out she calls me to tell me she is gonna kick me out im a 22 year old female i also pay rent 250-280 a Fortnight im so lost of what to do

My mum threatens to kick me out every time i go out she calls me to tell me she is gonna kick me out im a 22 year old female i also pay rent 250-280 a Fortnight im so lost of what to do

Lee93 Family breakdown
  • replies: 3

I Need help saving my marriage an getting him healthy,Y husband has been struggling since when have had children (6 an 3),But the past few years he really targets the oldest, his expectations for children are to high An he expects them to be seen an ... View more

I Need help saving my marriage an getting him healthy,Y husband has been struggling since when have had children (6 an 3),But the past few years he really targets the oldest, his expectations for children are to high An he expects them to be seen an not herd , he's not wrong in his parenting but he gets very over the top aggressive over the smallest things they do, eg 3 year old wee'd on toilet seat an he didn't want to clean it ,instead of husband showing him a way he can do that with out getting his hands dirty he stood there screaming at him , this has happend time an time again ,were the kids an I are say sorry for him been upset because he gets angry or upset , It took a drastic turn last month we're I askd him to leave, he was been very stand over an we all needed a brake, Iv askd him to go get mental help as he has trouble with controlling his emotions an expects everyone to change with his emotions, How do I support him in getting help an get him to understand 3 an 6 are still so young an his expectations are every high , I love my husband but I can't have him home if we constantly get mental abuse cause he can't controll his emotions ,How do I show him I did the best thing for our bbys, I didn't do it to hurt him but to protect them , my eldest already suffers from anxiety an shuts down when dads yelling he's allready showing signs of not wanting to be around him not wanting to be loved by him , He's blaming me for kicking him out , I understand y he's hurt I completely get that , an I hate that he's hurt but he's lashing out at me now everything I do or say , seems to create a bigger problem, I'm almost thinkn shutting up an letting it blow over is my best option atm , How do I save my marriage but protect my bbys at the same time , I'm not going to let him bully the kids cause he's mentally not ok

NBer Want to separate from a family member with BPD
  • replies: 2

I have a sibling with untreated, but diagnosed severe BPD. Following the most resent episode, I have come to the painful realisation that for my own mental and physical health, I need to permanently separate from this person and focus my attention on... View more

I have a sibling with untreated, but diagnosed severe BPD. Following the most resent episode, I have come to the painful realisation that for my own mental and physical health, I need to permanently separate from this person and focus my attention on supporting and protecting my nephew. I realise this seems harsh, but I do not want to share details of the horrendous and ongoing devastation this person has caused to our family and others. They also refuse to seek or engage in treatment. The issue I have is extreme guilt, not only for wanting to permanently separate, but also because I am so much happier and relaxed since making this decision. The other issue is that my mother does not understand my position as I have been the key support for this person, and this is causing friction and a deterioration in our relationship. I have looked around for support through this process but have not been able to find any. I have looked at Spectrum but other than information about carer self care, there is no information on point. I cannot afford to see a counsellor about this at the moment. I’m wondering if others have made this painful decision and what supports they were able to locate. Thank you

Ralb How do I toughen up mentally
  • replies: 6

Over 20 years ago my now ex wife suffered what I believe was post natal depression. She had wild moods swings and ended up "falling in love " with a woman overseas whom she met on a Johhny depp fan forum. To cut a long story short to get me out of th... View more

Over 20 years ago my now ex wife suffered what I believe was post natal depression. She had wild moods swings and ended up "falling in love " with a woman overseas whom she met on a Johhny depp fan forum. To cut a long story short to get me out of the picture so she could connect with this woman my life was turned upside down. I was regularly have police interview me about alleged assaults, she also reported me to DOCS and police (reported this incident 5 years after it allegedly happened). I went to extreme lengths to prove my innocence (I moved interstate without telling her and allegations were made about me physically intimidating her and finally police stopped taking her seriously and gave her a warning about wasting police time when knowing she would make a complaint about me on my birthday i sat in a police station waiting room to ensure I had a water tight alabi.. I left her keep the house, paid thousands of dollars a month in maintenance and paid off the mortgage. I did this to hopefully show my daughter i am a good man. It's now 18 years later and during this time I saw my business destroyed thanks to Victoria criminal knockdowns. My daughter is brainwashed about how evil i am. I have been living in my car and cooking on a small gas cooker and I park near beachside amenities. This has been the case since COVID. I had no money to make support payments so she sold a house for $3.5m and brought a replacement for $2m so they have plenty of money. In my situation with the bank seizing them business assets and garnisheeing a large amount of my now salary and crap credit history i can't get a home. It's impossible to meet people in my situation and even if I did they would ask me about my circumstances and frankly it's embarrassing. I have played mind tricks for years.. planning for a better future, reconnecting with my daughter etc but it's hit me now that's impossible I have had to resign from jobs outlet of embarrassment as if the ex finds out where I work she sends my employer vile lies about me. Police are not interested I would never self harm as its against religious beliefs and I believe you do the right thing in this life then the next life will bring rewards. So what I'm need is advice on how to be mentally tough enough to accept my situation and fight my way though it. Thank you

Quiettall Handling a very determined wife
  • replies: 1

I have a difficult situation where my wife of 20 years has chronic illness. She is using that as an excuse to be very determined, difficult and dictatorial. For example, she has decided to arbitrarily sell off what she calls "excess" items in the hou... View more

I have a difficult situation where my wife of 20 years has chronic illness. She is using that as an excuse to be very determined, difficult and dictatorial. For example, she has decided to arbitrarily sell off what she calls "excess" items in the house without discussing with me. I have asked that at least we should talk about it and agree on things we dont need and can sell. She is also totally dismissive of my voluntary work or anything I do around the house, constantly criticising and telling me she wants this or that and I dont seem to be doing anything right in her eyes. At this moment I am feeling very frustrated, if not angry and looking to take a few days away to get respite and give her time to reflect and realise what she is doing. Normally I am very calm and logical but finding myself constantly watching my back, readying myself for another instruction or criticism