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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Incipitous Dealing with the things you lost as you get better
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, My Name is Nicholas and I am now 30. I have been in treatment for major depression since I was 19 and was depressed before that. Three years ago I was fortunate enough to get diagnosed with ADHD and take medication to help with that. I a... View more

Hi everyone, My Name is Nicholas and I am now 30. I have been in treatment for major depression since I was 19 and was depressed before that. Three years ago I was fortunate enough to get diagnosed with ADHD and take medication to help with that. I also have started to accept although admittedly self-diagnosed (very confident) as having ASD. After my most recent tough period of burnout which led to a break up of a 7-year relationship, I have just turned a major corner and am improving significantly. I have added a new medication to my regime and feel like I have been able to sleep for the first time in my life. But now I'm feeling "Better" I'm left feeling a clearer sense of grief for the relationship I lost rather than the generic turmoil of sadness/guilt/anger and numbness that depression can be. I also sometimes feel a sort of grief for the "life that might have been" had I been diagnosed with ADHD earlier. Things always seem so obvious once you notice them and it's hard not to feel bad for not seeing it earlier. It's frustrating and sad to feel that if I had felt the way I do now I would have been able to better manage my life and I wouldn't have lost the things I did I'm not sure how to reconcile that and move on.

dxpe Infidelity, Self-Discovery, and Salvation
  • replies: 8

Hi, my significant other and I have been through it. We've been together for 9 years, and frankly I've been a piece of shit. We started dating at 19. We split up for a week when we were 20 and I slept with another girl. While we technically weren't t... View more

Hi, my significant other and I have been through it. We've been together for 9 years, and frankly I've been a piece of shit. We started dating at 19. We split up for a week when we were 20 and I slept with another girl. While we technically weren't together, we did get back shortly after, and to her naturally it felt like getting cheated on. She reciprocated the favor by hooking up with another guy not too long after. We both came clean, grew up, moved past it. She is amazing, in every way shape and form, and even if I wasn't a piece of sh*t idk if I'd even deserve her then. Anyways, we did a year of long distance when I was 22, and I during that time I struggled a lot. While there were some external factors involved, I'll save that nonsense and take full responsibility. I cheated on her 3 times during that year. 3 different women, slept with 2, made out with one, and I despised myself for it. By the time we were back together, I had convinced myself that putting effort into being a better man was good enough, and I was also too scared to tell her, even if I wouldn't admit it to myself. Flash forward a few years, we're engaged, but I still feel guilt, and ended up blowing up our engagement after getting hammered drunk and again, making out with someone. For those of you who it matters to, there was no sex, but still we both consider making out to be cheating. The fallout was brutal. Rumors ran wild, people said nasty things and it was unnecessarily toxic for us, however, I did spend some time telling myself I "deserved" it for my f-ups I kept secret. After a month apart, she decided she wanted to try again. Frankly, since then (3 years ago) we have been great. However, the time has come where we're likely set to take a step closer to engagement and trying this all again. In some ways I've changed for the better, in others I probably hadn't taken enough action. I've begun therapy again, and am attempting lots of self reflection because I owe it to her to have zero problems ever again. She is the most wonderful woman in the world and deserves the best...that being said, if we never want to have problems, I am thinking it is time to address my abhorrent behavior while we were long distance. It's going to be so hard to hurt her and ofc I'm scared it might be the end for good. I don't know if I have a form of sexual addiction, I definitely have issues with pornography and have since i was VERY young. But i don't want to use "addiction" as a bullshit excuse.

Sarah_99 Relationship break up
  • replies: 5

Hi, I’m not sure where to start as I have been going through so much issues with my husband. I recently found out he cheated and using substances. He has struggled with gambling addiction for some time now. He decided to move out after he admitted of... View more

Hi, I’m not sure where to start as I have been going through so much issues with my husband. I recently found out he cheated and using substances. He has struggled with gambling addiction for some time now. He decided to move out after he admitted of what he has done. I don’t think he is telling me the whole truth. I think he wanted something more from this woman. (They met at work by the way)I think he had behaved badly or something else has happened because she cut him off. I know he was still trying to reach out to her. I’m not really sure if there is anything going on now, I still have doubts though. Our children who live elsewhere at the moment. I’m trying to be positive and think we can work it out. He has said he’s not happy and hasn’t been for a long time. He never communicated this to me. We have been together for 24 years. I’m feeling lost without him, I feel unwanted, insecure about my appearance. He keeps saying he needs time to process his thoughts and feelings. We have been through so much in our life together. We lost our son he was only 6 when he passed, our life will never be the same without him. We have had so much loss in our family over the years. I’m worried about his metal heath, he knows he needs help but he is deconstruction mode. He wants to shut off from everything and his responsibilities. I never thought he would turn out this way. I’m just lost and confused about how we got to this point. I’m trying to focus on me but I find it hard as u feel alone.

fred4761 Support groups/services for MALE victim of Narcissistic abuse
  • replies: 3

Hi, one of my closest friends is the victim of what I believe to be Narcissistic abuse inflicted by his wife. They are now separated and she is making life very difficult for him. I have tried looking online for support groups or support services for... View more

Hi, one of my closest friends is the victim of what I believe to be Narcissistic abuse inflicted by his wife. They are now separated and she is making life very difficult for him. I have tried looking online for support groups or support services for male victims of emotional/psychological domestic abuse but haven't had much luck. He had become very isolated from his family, her family and his friends and colleagues as she gradually, over the years, limited the amount of people who he was allowed to be in contact with. She stopped him from attending any outside clubs and groups as well and his social circle consisted of his wife and kids - no contact with any friends or family members. For years he had been in denial claiming that men cannot be victims of domestic abuse, however after he tells his story to lawyers, counsellors and other professionals they all conclude that is the case. I would like to help him find other people who have been in his shoes and can relate to his experiences. She was investigated a few years ago by Child Protection Services for emotional and psychological abuse and neglect of their daughter. The investigation ended when they relinquished custody of their daughter. I am hoping that this will help to demonstrate her pattern of emotional abuse. They still have two other children and his wife is doing everything to limit access to them. He does not have enough money for the legal fees required to fight for custody, and is not eligible for legal aid so his lawyer advised him to use a mediator at Relationships Australia instead. He is concerned about seeing her for mediation as she has a way of making him feel very small and has him feeling that he is still mostly to blame for everything that has gone wrong in her life. She has a knack of twisting reality to make it seem as though she is the victim. Everytime she sees him she berates and belittles him and talks down to him and he just takes it all. It is really hard to watch and I don't know how else to support him.

DefiantPanda Sick of Myself
  • replies: 1

I am always reacting strongly to things, always burning through friends. I can't seem to change.Been in therapy many years... Sick of trying so hard and getting nowhere.Tired. Long term friend has ditched me. Blocked me. Doesn't want anything to do w... View more

I am always reacting strongly to things, always burning through friends. I can't seem to change.Been in therapy many years... Sick of trying so hard and getting nowhere.Tired. Long term friend has ditched me. Blocked me. Doesn't want anything to do with me.Keep getting upset at other friends over what most would consider nothing.I know in my heart I have a right to stand up for myself sometimes, it's just hard to do it in a way that's considered "normal." I feel things so intensely.I'm so tired of trying. Medication, therapy, meditation. What is left?I just want to live my life, have a job where I don't get upset at my coworkers and have to leave or get fired, have a romantic relationship, have friends. Be able to play sports and enjoy hobbies with others.Painful to want these things so badly but always to have them out of reach, or blow up in my face.Try to join social circles but have people avoid me because they're scared of me or feel they have to walk on eggshells around me.Just wanting to vent and wonder if anyone else is in my position.Just get so tired and frustrated.

Von is lost Ready for next step but bf doesn’t seem to be
  • replies: 1

Hi all, thanks for listening to my thoughts again.My boyfriend and I are living in different towns due to jobs, which is exciting for us bettering ourselves but I feel like this is affecting our relationships ability to grow. I feel ready for somethi... View more

Hi all, thanks for listening to my thoughts again.My boyfriend and I are living in different towns due to jobs, which is exciting for us bettering ourselves but I feel like this is affecting our relationships ability to grow. I feel ready for something more e.g., moving in together but I’m not too sure where his head is at. I try to drop hints and to bring up the conversation but he’s never fully clear on an answer. We’ve had talks of moving in together before, but since our job situations are a bit tricky he seems to have backtracked on the idea. Obviously we can’t move in together until we are working near each other but for future thinking he doesn’t seem to be giving me much. Or even for plans together like travelling etc he has a hard time committing or something? Or it has to be his idea for it to be followed through.

Janey_beyond Crushes
  • replies: 1

I notice when I ‘like’ someone I get quite obsessive about them and was wondering if there are people who feel the same way? I know it’s likely due to abandonment issues and insecurities, but the rumination sometimes feel out of control. I get super ... View more

I notice when I ‘like’ someone I get quite obsessive about them and was wondering if there are people who feel the same way? I know it’s likely due to abandonment issues and insecurities, but the rumination sometimes feel out of control. I get super excited thinking about this person and what life we would have together but extremely insecure if I got rejected. I know in reality, these ‘relationships’ could never work, but I’ve had crushes where I’ve seen them with other people and wanted to become that person so bad. I develop these feelings extremely quickly, turning into this fantasy where I am constantly thinking about them. Does anyone relate or have any advice?

Kim8375 Loneliness and lack of close connections
  • replies: 1

Hello. I'm at a stage in my life where I'm very lonely and don't have any close connections or relationships. I have a few more surface-level friends and acquaintances, some of whom I know value and care about me, but no one who I can really turn to ... View more

Hello. I'm at a stage in my life where I'm very lonely and don't have any close connections or relationships. I have a few more surface-level friends and acquaintances, some of whom I know value and care about me, but no one who I can really turn to for help or support when I'm feeling lonely or anxious - and they wouldn't know this about me. I often struggle to maintain close relationships and friendships and have lost a few throughout my life, including one good friendship just recently which I cared so much about. I pushed them away because I was too intense and communicated too much, and overstepped a friendship boundary. I didn't see this at the time and now also feel horrible guilt about it and am blaming myself for losing the one good friend I had. (I'm also not sure if they're lost for good or not, or if I'm overthinking or catastrophising the situation.) I think I am autistic and can struggle to read signs and signals in relationships, and can either communicate to much or not enough - I can never seem to get the balance right. I feel that once friends really discover the real me and what I'm like - although they seem to really like me at first - they don't stay around.Just makes me sad that I'm like this and seem to sabotage all my own relationships. I know I shouldn't blame myself and should accept myself for who I am (I do know I am a kind and thoughtful person and friend) and not feel I have to apologise for or change my authentic self, but it's hard.

Guest_93580817 Feeling abandoned
  • replies: 1

Hi,I’ve never posted here before but I’m feeling really alone and I don’t have anyone to reach out to. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for my whole adult life but the last 12 months have been particularly bad with thoughts of suicide. My ... View more

Hi,I’ve never posted here before but I’m feeling really alone and I don’t have anyone to reach out to. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for my whole adult life but the last 12 months have been particularly bad with thoughts of suicide. My best friend has been very supportive but yesterday told me that it’s all too much for her. She wants to put some boundaries to protect her own mental health and her family. The logical side of me understands it but it’s triggered my abandonment issues. I’m devastated, I think she will actually walk away from our friendship. It hurts because she’s such a big part of my life and has always been the one I leant on and vice versa. I feel like I’ve done something wrong and disappointed her. I’m embarrassed and ashamed and I don’t know how to move forward.Has anyone had similar experiences with friends or familyThanks so much

JustineW Burnt Out Need Advice
  • replies: 7

Hi Alli know I posted in 2022 on relationship advice but now it’s different issue. im a single mom. Daughter now 14.5.2 1/2 months ago started awful insomnia waking with racing heart, anxiety and this lead to being exhausted now, depressed and all ov... View more

Hi Alli know I posted in 2022 on relationship advice but now it’s different issue. im a single mom. Daughter now 14.5.2 1/2 months ago started awful insomnia waking with racing heart, anxiety and this lead to being exhausted now, depressed and all over the place. Put on an antidepressant and sleeping pill but still not sleeping properly. Anxiety and depression worsened. Struggling to work and function. Everyone withdrawing from me. Had hormones checked and thyroid and other bloods and all fine. I’m 45 now. Maybe it is hormones but it’s absolutely wrecking my life. I can’t find joy in anything and people are getting angry with me.My daughter struggles with anxiety and it’s affected her schooling. She wants to move back to where we used to live 3 years ago although there’s no guarantee that will make her happier.im so exhausted I’m at wits end. On a tight budget and can’t afford a holiday. All I can do is age care as I’ve been out of office work over ten years. I’d need to do courses but I don’t get that opportunity when I’m fulltime mum. I’ve been offered a break for a month at friends at coast which is so far from where I am. I’m North Queensland and they’re sunny coast. I’d have to pack in my job and sell up in order to take that break. I’m not happy where I live anymore because I’m just in a bad headspace. My son is at sunny coast with his partner. It’s expensive there.My ex husband who is in another part of qld wants my daughter to come live with him and his partner. My daughter says no. I am just feeling so torn. I need a break. I don’t know how to cope or get her through high school which she’s already missed too much of. Her dad can raise her more successfully is how I’m feeling now. It would be hard parting with her and then I’d only see her some school holidays when I can afford the travel. I really don’t know if I should send her to her dad and then try sort myself out. If this whatever it is I’m dealing with continues, I’m no good to anyone. I’m scared.