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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Yim7 My Best Friends are Awful Roommates
  • replies: 3

I moved out of home with my 3 closest friends in 2023; It was great but over time I have started to feel increasingly miserable over their behaviours and bad habits pertaining to cleanliness of our shared spaces; we all work late night hospitality jo... View more

I moved out of home with my 3 closest friends in 2023; It was great but over time I have started to feel increasingly miserable over their behaviours and bad habits pertaining to cleanliness of our shared spaces; we all work late night hospitality jobs so I understand that it’s exhausting coming home and you just want to eat and sleep and ‘deal with it later’. But I’ve been finding it increasingly hard to use spaces without having to clean up their mess in order to use the space. From the vacuum cleaner not being emptied after use and getting blocked with mould, to stacks of empty toilet rolls stacked in our bathrooms, greasy/sticky bench tops and tables, food scraps on the floor and in the couch and carpet, overflowing bins; there is an expectation of ‘I’ll do it later’ that’s become ‘do it when I finally notice’. I was raised to clean up spaces and keep them tidy when finished using them, but I’m sick of having to clean up after myself AND others, whenever I need to use the kitchen, lounge or bathrooms. It’s become increasingly taxing on me and I find it unfair that I’m cleaning up after myself I’m cleaning up their mess too. We had a big argument/meeting over this because I tried talking to other people about what I should do, and it’s created a miserable tension in the house and a 3 vs Me situation; I was told I’ve forced myself into a matronly service role because I have a ‘psychotic’ standard of cleanliness, that the house isn’t as dirty as I think it is and it’s all in my head, and I’ve been basically been told there will be no compromise. they’ve basically told me to ‘suck it up or leave’, and I’m genuinely considering it; these people are supposed to be my best friends but when I told them how I felt, it was immediately thrown back at me… I don’t want to move back in with my parents or move in with strangers and I feel stuck, overwhelmed and unequal in this dynamic.

What-to-do Lost and hurt
  • replies: 1

Hi, I was in a relationship for 6 and a half years, I was the proud father of IVF twins and worshipped the ground my partner walked on. The last time I saw our kids was 28/10/24, their mother has now told our kids that I am not their Father and that ... View more

Hi, I was in a relationship for 6 and a half years, I was the proud father of IVF twins and worshipped the ground my partner walked on. The last time I saw our kids was 28/10/24, their mother has now told our kids that I am not their Father and that they are IVF children, I informed the mother that I was starting family court proceedings so I could speak with our kids. Then on the 2/12/24 I received a phone call from Brisbane police asking how long I have been in a relationship with our kids mother, I told the police 6 and a half years, to which the police told me that the kids mother told them we had broken up in 2019 🥲. I told them its over as of this phone call, 12th December 2024, she told the police that the kids have never called me day and that I put my hand through my wall infront of her and our kids mind you I live in a solid concrete unit, can't put your hand through my walls. My ex-partner treats our kids like they are her possessions, never has time for them, thinks buying gifts everyday makes it okay that she takes them no where and always tells at them . I don't understand why this has happened as I have never done anything to deserve this kind of treatment, nor do all the children involved. My ex-partner was also my sons stepmother for 7 years, my son was our twins older brother and the only mother figure he had ever had, now apparently he was never the twins brother and she was never his stepmother , but photos and videos prove our relationship 🫣Everyday now is a struggle, to find a reason to keep fighting, so lost, down,confused and just empty I don't see the point in life anymore

going_backwards Adult son stopped talking to me
  • replies: 15

I don't know what to do. For a reason I don't really know, my son (who is now 28) has just stopped communicating with me. He won't answer my texts, phone calls or emails and I haven't seen him in 5 months. He has also moved and I don't even know his ... View more

I don't know what to do. For a reason I don't really know, my son (who is now 28) has just stopped communicating with me. He won't answer my texts, phone calls or emails and I haven't seen him in 5 months. He has also moved and I don't even know his address (but do know the area). He also has no contact with his siblings either and didn't even acknowledge his own nephews birth recently. It is breaking my heart to the point where it is affecting every aspect of my life. My marriage broke down (9 years ago) after 30 years when my husband cheated and left to be with the other woman and it really did affect my son and tore the family apart. I fought hard with severe depression, almost taking my life at one point but got through by fighting hard and getting 3 years of counselling. I built up my life again, remarrying and my family are all happy for me but it was a very tough road. But now my son seems to have been slowly pulling away over the last few years (he has a new girlfriend too) but now no matter what he just won't talk to me. His father has no contact with him and he has now totally rejected his father from his life and I am terrified he is doing that to me. I just can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. He was a hard child to raise (ADD) and has good job and life now but because of the ADD I have to be careful how i approach the situation as he is more likely to run further if I push any blame on him etc. It feels like rejection all over again and I am finding it almost impossible to stop thinking and wondering and not knowing what to do. It is affecting my work, my family relationships and every aspect of my life. I have lost all interest in myself and feel like I am going backwards after all the hard work I put in to rebuilding my life. I was so so proud of myself, reinventing myself so to speak and becoming a strong and independent woman. Now I fear I am falling backwards. I don't know how to cope or what to do anymore. I know it is something he feels deeply about and I can only guess. My husband confided in me recently that he called my son's girlfriend but she felt (or would not) say what was happening. I suspect she is part of the reason too and the whole situation is just tearing me apart.

mooooo I left my partner for a crush I had during the relationship and now I am feeling lost
  • replies: 2

Hello lovely people, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year. He was so good to me. There were many traits I loved about him; he was sociable, driven, cared for me a lot, invested in the relationship and he was a great listener. However,... View more

Hello lovely people, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year. He was so good to me. There were many traits I loved about him; he was sociable, driven, cared for me a lot, invested in the relationship and he was a great listener. However, I couldn't help but feel that something was missing. It was a grey area for me as I have struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I felt misunderstood, and only after the relationship did I realise his lack of understanding for me was maybe because I shut him out a bit and was terrified of opening up fully and having him see me. I just wanted him to be able to read me better. I started developing feelings for a close friend of mine. I felt like he understood me like no one before and we had very similar humor. I loved how much we laughed together. I struggled for 6 months trying to work out whether the feelings I had for him should be a sign that I should leave my boyfriend as there was something better-suited to me out there. At the end of those 6 months, I was fed up with trying to make my relationship work. I decided to leave my partner and pursue the possibility of a relationship with my friend. It was really nice at first. I felt like we understood each other so well. But now, I have noticed similar patterns to my last relationship starting to arise. I find myself being overly critical of him, not feeling like seeing or talking to him and looking for something else out there. I also miss my last boyfriend so much. I have had a lot of reflection since we broke up and have been starting to believe that maybe there was less wrong with him and more with me. I didn't feel like we were on the same intellectual level and that our conversations were boring, but now when I talk to him occasionally I love it so much. I can't tell if I'm just missing the idea of him, or maybe if I unknowingly sabotaged the relationship out of fear of opening up and being seen. I love the guy I am with now, but cannot cope with how much I miss my ex-boyfriend and am feeling like maybe I could give our relationship another go down the track so am afraid of really hurting my current partner. Would love any advice or stories of similar experiences.

Guest_31826751 I always end up apologising to my partner
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have been with my partner for a few years now and we have acknowledged we didn’t have a healthy relationship for a lot of it and are trying to work to be better. I have begun to realise that I apologise and take the fault for most things, even ... View more

Hi, I have been with my partner for a few years now and we have acknowledged we didn’t have a healthy relationship for a lot of it and are trying to work to be better. I have begun to realise that I apologise and take the fault for most things, even when he plays a direct role in something going wrong. I am terrified to bring it up with him because I feel as though he won’t validate my feelings, he will take it as an attack. I don’t trust that I can say how his behaviour affects me without him getting defensive or finding a way to turn it around on me. I am genuinely worried that he doesn’t see himself ever at fault or that he has any poor behaviours.

Headintheclouds I feel so hopeless
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I am feeling lost and hopeless lately. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and it has been a roller coaster most of the relationship. My partner suffers from depression and confided in me quite early into the relati... View more

Hi everyone, I am feeling lost and hopeless lately. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and it has been a roller coaster most of the relationship. My partner suffers from depression and confided in me quite early into the relationship that he has attempted suicide once before and has struggled with his mental health for a long period of time. Overtime he has started to complain about something I’ve said or done and then follow those statements up with him wanting to end his life. This has weighed so heavily on my at times and I can’t understand why he would make me feel responsible for these feelings he has. Sometimes I am so filled with anxiety that I feel physically sick and/or I start to overcompensate and do more for him in hope that things don’t go south that day. If I do breakdown, he withdraws and walks away, leaves the room and tells me he can’t deal with it. I try so hard to be strong and not let things affect me but sometimes it’s overwhelming. I have constant concerns that he will commit suicide, sometimes he makes jokes about it but the comments stay with me. I had these concerns and recently I found that he was using drugs, ice. I think finding those drugs finally broke my heart completely. He admitted he was an addict a long time ago and uses irregularly when he needs an outlet as he’s been on every medication there is and ice is the only thing that helps. He minimised his drug use and made excuse after excuse. When I found those drugs I felt physically sick, shock, anger and then I felt devastated because I didn’t know about is addiction or use of drugs and I feels like it’s a betrayal and he owed it to me to be honest about those matters. I feel so hurt, I have been reminding him how much he is loved and cared for and how proud of him we all are but deep down I feel quite broken. It’s a strange feeling, I feel fragile and drained. In the moment I found the drugs, it felt like our relationship came crashing down and like I don’t know him. He felt/feels like a stranger to me. I have been feeling quite desperate so I booked an appointment with a psychologist to talk these things through and I had my first appointment a few days ago but the appointment was essentially me explaining everything. I’m looking forward to my next appointment. if you have any advice, please let me know.

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

laufeylistener Dealing with toxic friends
  • replies: 3

I had an interaction today with some toxic friends I dropped last year while I was on the bus going home. Let’s call them A and B. I purposefully distanced myself from them over the past few months, which has affected some of my own friendships since... View more

I had an interaction today with some toxic friends I dropped last year while I was on the bus going home. Let’s call them A and B. I purposefully distanced myself from them over the past few months, which has affected some of my own friendships since they’re part of a big friend group and some of my friends are connected to them. A forced me to have a conversation with B, and they began asking the most stupidest, immature and unethical questions. Mind you we just started Year 12, probably the most stressful year of our academic lives. B said that if I didn’t answer then they’d threaten to talk bad about me online and create fake alternate accounts of me that impersonated me. I felt really uncomfortable because it felt like they were violating my privacy, with A shoving their phone and taking pictures of me without my consent. I said I wasn’t comfortable answering their questions but they kept asking, so I just shut my eyes and asked them not to talk to me. I wanted to stand up by myself, but I just stayed silent for the rest of the bus trip until they got off at their bus stop. I just wished I could say more, but I didn’t know what to say. To trust that they were genuine at first and have that destroyed within a few minutes makes me feel dumb. I was trying to act respectful to them by saying that I didn’t want to answer their questions because I didn’t feel comfortable, but they didn’t respect my boundaries. I tried ignoring them, to be resilient as my mum said who told me that they were just trying to sabotage me and destroy my academic life. And reasoning to myself that they were projecting their own insecurities onto me. I just don’t need those distractions, especially for HSC. I just want to find friends that are supportive and mature enough. But now I’m quieter than usual, I feel like I've developed trust issues when talking with new people, and now I only have a few friends I can truly trust. I pretend that other people's opinions don’t affect me, but they do, just a bit. I have a bit of anxiety towards people judging me now. Someone targeting my insecurities, criticizing my likes and dislikes, just switches my mood completely and makes me feel detached, not like myself. A and B talk to me as though I’m a sort of plaything for them, someone to just talk to for their own amusement and enjoyment by belittling me. I’m sick and tired of it. What should I do?

Strawbs101 My husband is an alcoholic
  • replies: 14

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm feeling really lost at the moment. I’ve been with my husband since we were 18, I’m now 43. We have 3 kids. he has been a functioning alcoholic for many of those years. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t drink. w... View more

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm feeling really lost at the moment. I’ve been with my husband since we were 18, I’m now 43. We have 3 kids. he has been a functioning alcoholic for many of those years. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t drink. we’ve argued about it for years, nothing changes. last October, on one particular night after months of him becoming more angry & verbally abusive in front of the kids, I told him to leave after a few days we talked & decided we needed to give it everything we’ve got before we end things. So he came back home agreed to go to couplescounselling. I didn’t ask him to quit drinking outright, I think part of me was scared of the answer & the other part wanted to believe him when he said he could cut right back. The counsellor suggested setting up a agreement as to how much he drank. the agreement was no beer before 3.30pm & max 6 per day. I let him choose the amount. I thought it was still a lot he assured me it was much less than before. I think he was having between 12-18 per day & more on weekends cause he’d start at like 11am. He was good for about a week then went over maybe 2 or 3. I felt so let down when he was having more. He thought I was being ‘over the top & controlling’. Over time it gradually got back to where it was. Then we’d fight, then he’d cut back again then the same cycle over & over…. The week days aren’t too bad, mainly because he is working more so getting home later but weekends are a right off. He’s drunk Fri night then starts early Saturday & Sunday. He makes sure he does some mowing or something to justify cracking a beer so early. When I ask him to cut back he thinks I’m trying to control him. He thinks if he’s not yelling & carrying on there’s no problem with him being drunk. He admits he is an alcoholic but doesn’t think he needs to do anything about it. I think I’ve been living on hope for so long because when he’s sober he’s great & I do love that version of him but this other guy that comes out when he drinks is a complete a**hole. I worry about the effect on my kids. I feel like I’ve been riding this roller coaster for the past few years & I’m over it. I want peace. i think deep down I know he won’t stop. No matter how much I ask, he won’t. so I guess the question is do I walk away or stay….. thanks for listening. I would love to hear your thoughts if you’ve been in a similar situation

Noah4444 My partner is suffering and self destructive
  • replies: 1

I’m Noah,I find that my partner is incredibly interested in the next steps, like moving in together, talking about the future. But most nights she goes into a mood where she says hurtful things, like “you’re going to leave me anyways”, or “we don’t h... View more

I’m Noah,I find that my partner is incredibly interested in the next steps, like moving in together, talking about the future. But most nights she goes into a mood where she says hurtful things, like “you’re going to leave me anyways”, or “we don’t have a future together”. It’s completely different to how she normally acts. I’ve tried talking to her about therapy or a support group, but she wants nothing to do with it. She says the same stuff most nights and while I do love her it’s becoming something that drains me and makes me feel a bit helpless. She wants to spend all her time together, gets upset when we’re apart then sometimes she says self destructive stuff like “we’re never gonna work” or “nothing good ever happens”. I’m just a bit hurt and not sure how to get her the help I’m struggling to provide. Do I just take her to a group therapy session to sit in? She’s so adverse to seeing a professional 1 on 1, and she’s threatened to break up with me if I try get outside help. I have a feeling she’s not serious but she’s saying stuff as a ploy to get me to stop talking about help or solving any issues she’s having. She doesn’t have hobbies, won’t let me help her with stuff like her resume or job hunting.I love her very much, but the words I would currently use to describe her are self-destructive, ignorant and immature. We go on walks almost every day, but I can’t force her to take on a hobby or anything productive. She says things like “I should just end it all” followed by “you know I’d never kill myself”. I just need some help with helping her, thanks.