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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_94947506 Resentment towards my step-daughter and my spouse
  • replies: 1

My wife and I started dating when her child was 2 years old. My parents were opposed to the idea that I was dating a person with a child from a previous relationship as things can get messy down the track. I was madly in love and could not care less.... View more

My wife and I started dating when her child was 2 years old. My parents were opposed to the idea that I was dating a person with a child from a previous relationship as things can get messy down the track. I was madly in love and could not care less. A couple of years later, we got married, and soon, our first child came along. I have become incredibly protective of my child and jealous when my spouse devotes her time to our stepdaughter. I do not enjoy the time my stepdaughter stays at our place. I wish I could only spend time with 'my own family'. My parents-in-law, who are very inclusive, constantly invite my partner's ex and his new family to all family gatherings. All of them are nice people. Initially, I was okay with that I felt that I was the new addition to the family. Years went by, this 'tradition' has not changed and I feel resentful. My wife and I never talk about how we feel, and I am sure both of us are not happy deep down about the whole situation. She 'pretends' that everything is okay. I have become more emotionally detached and have started to give her cold treatment. I feel awful that I have taken so long to realise that I cannot accept my stepdaughter. After all, she has done nothing wrong. I am resentful towards my stepdaughter and now my spouse. This is unhealthy and abnormal.

Needstrength Advice on how stay strong during separation while living together
  • replies: 1

Hello alli I have recently realised that my husband has been emotionally abusing me and controlling me for a very long time. I am not allowed to go anywhere without him knowing how long I will be, who I am meeting, how much it will cost etc. the more... View more

Hello alli I have recently realised that my husband has been emotionally abusing me and controlling me for a very long time. I am not allowed to go anywhere without him knowing how long I will be, who I am meeting, how much it will cost etc. the more I think back over the last 30 years the more incidents and examples I remember. i have tried to talk to him but he jumps straight down my throat if I try to tackle and talk to him, over the last few years I have told him I have had enough and we have separated for a few days but then he comes and worms his way back, balling his eyes out the last time. Anyway, my question really (as I can see how this is going to play out), is how do I cope and stay strong when I tell him that I am done? It is going to be very difficult because he will refuse to move out so I know that we will end up living in the same house for months while I get everything sorted. How do I stay strong to make sure that I go through with it this time?he had a period of regularly working away last year and I was so happy while he was away even my friends saw a big difference in me and I know I need to separate it’s just he has always been the dominant one. thank you in advance for any advice

RayOfLight Need help rationalizing
  • replies: 1

Hi Team, Need help rationalizing my response to an issue with my wife. A few months ago, my wife was stressed at work and sought comfort from a colleague in another state.In the month or so I became aware of it, the last 2 weeks before confronting th... View more

Hi Team, Need help rationalizing my response to an issue with my wife. A few months ago, my wife was stressed at work and sought comfort from a colleague in another state.In the month or so I became aware of it, the last 2 weeks before confronting the situation, my wife would be out of bed earlier and could hear messages going from 6am.This would persist late into every night and would often wake up at 1am to find my wife in the lounge, phone pinging while she did her resin work. Over the next 3 weeks, it got to the stage my wife would abruptly end our chats to respond to messages, going so far as for my wife to interrupt our dinner chat to start speaking about the colleague. I noticed my wife starting to leave the room I was in with a smile on her face, going to another room to continue the conversation. While working from home, the phone was always face down now or the phone being put away when I got close. I tried to organize some "us" time, however even when out to dinner, the messaging didn't stop. It all reached a head when I lost my cool and blurted out "how long until you're sending nudes", to which my wife became very defensive.Pointing out the weeks prior and asked how she would react in the same situation, my wife defended here actions and said she would be fine if the roles were reversed. My wife is a very jealous person and know this would not be the case. I opened my wife's WhatsApp to ask her times of messages to highlight how neglected I felt. I know the conversations were continuing after the incident and reached a point I would sink when I would hear her phone ping. I hate myself for checking later, but opened her phone and WhatsApp now had a password. I don't believe there was any intent at this stage, but could see an emotional relationship starting between them, as my wife was openly talking about some of the topics without listening to what she was saying. In all I felt my wife needed someone else to talk to, though at my expense as I couldn't get any interest at all and felt like I had lost my value. A few months later on my Birthday, she left for the morning to spend with friends and was assuming she would be back around 5pm to have a birthday dinnerwith me.Instead I got a message saying she was too worried about driving home in peak hour.She arrived home around 11pm, kissed me then went and sat in the lounge. I know it's me, however only feel wanted when no one else is giving her attention. I try giving all I can, but I don't feel it's enough.

Aria87 My Husband VS My Family
  • replies: 10

For many years my husband has been "putting up"with how my family behave. I used to cover up for them whenever they would be in the wrong, assuming it would help him just move on from the situation as i believe you cannot change people and at the end... View more

For many years my husband has been "putting up"with how my family behave. I used to cover up for them whenever they would be in the wrong, assuming it would help him just move on from the situation as i believe you cannot change people and at the end of the day im used to how my family are. December came to breaking point, where i had an argument with a sibling, which lead to my husband letting out all his frustration against my family. Which lead me to confronting people and their behavious, in which they have all learn how to speak to in laws etc. My mother is a big help in my life, now my husband refuses to help drop off our son at her house as he doesn't want to see her until hes ready. This brings a huge divide for me as my family want to apologize to him to work and move on from the siutation. My husband feels if he does this he is giving in and it will only happen again. Ive made it VERY clear the boundaries noone can cross. Im not expecting my husband to have daily lunches with any of my family. But i do wish he would just let my mum know whats bothered him, allowed her to apologize and we learn and move on from this. My husband needs more time, but the more time the more its oging to break more relationships and this gives me massive anxiety. I feel i cant turn to any family as they will just keep pushing me to fix my husband, ad i cant keep pushing my husband because im afraid he will loose it. Please help

Olliepop Text message pressure!
  • replies: 1

So the Christmas period for me, brings alot of pressure during the day, and leading up to Christmas even more so. Yesterday, my husband and my son went for a drive to visit his family etc, and i was at work very very busy. In my brain, my husband and... View more

So the Christmas period for me, brings alot of pressure during the day, and leading up to Christmas even more so. Yesterday, my husband and my son went for a drive to visit his family etc, and i was at work very very busy. In my brain, my husband and son are okay, my husband loves to text, alot. and i fell behind in the many messages and pictures of things he was sending me. By the time i finished work, and handled all the staff who required my attention i replied, and he was very short. I tried calling as i was wrapping up the office, he didnt answer, then i called again no answer, then i sent a message im calling to see if you want anything for dinner on my way home? he replies, not yet. so in my mind, i was hoping for some fun at home, walk into the door and they are planning something for my day which was huge, i walk in to silence from my husband and my son his usual self. I look at my husband and hes livid, im like are you okay? then long story short, he was upset i didnt reply to his messages, i looked at them but didnt reply.. and it was not good enough that i didnt reply no matter how busy i was.I was in shock. So i apologised, as thats how he felt, and he continued to ignore me for the rest of the night, we made dinner separately, i was very tired so went to bed on my own, and this morning i get another text from him good morning, i reply and he said oh i wasnt sure if you would reply.starting on the jokes.. and again, i said i was busy if you realised how my day was you would realise how silly this looks, and he stated again... to open and not reply to many messages,is no excuse no matter how busy you are. Im really confused.. firstly, he knows where i am and what im doing.. when he was in my position with staff and working, i never got upset he didnt reply, and also may i add what we text about isnt life threatening. But my husband, he likes to text, ALOT!.. and we have had a few fights in the past where i ask him to refrain from so many messages and text fights as id rather deal in person, because most of the time he doesnt hear me in his messages. As i work with family, his indirect stab was him assuming i wasnt on my phone thinking i was around my family as he thinks they put me on edge, when they dont, but he just keeps assuming. Is this a little uncalled for from him?Im so tired, and this must reply attitude for texts is crazy.But does my husband have a valid point? i would assume he would call me if it was so important.

blues23 Toxic family dynamic
  • replies: 4

I really don’t know where to start , my father wants me to bring my child to see my mother ( this happens 3x4 a year birthdays, Xmas ect ) my mother has a long history of being abusive and just down right nasty to myself & my siblings a lot happened ... View more

I really don’t know where to start , my father wants me to bring my child to see my mother ( this happens 3x4 a year birthdays, Xmas ect ) my mother has a long history of being abusive and just down right nasty to myself & my siblings a lot happened when I was growing up a lot of it sad , abusive , due to my mothers behaviours . i have told my father I don’t want to go and visit my mother anymore with my child due to the very real reality of history repeating itself, I’ve had to make up lies so that we don’t have to visit I have to go out of my way to not feel guilty for not visiting and making my fathers Xmas miserable I’m trying to to protect my child from my mother as I don’t want history repeating itself and it will I know my mother . It’s almost like I’m leaving an abusive relationship all over again as my father won’t accept no for an answer and bully’s me into going to see my mother with my child so he can have a peaceful Xmas and whatever . How do I escape this situation? I’ve tried the truth , I’ve tried making up excuses, I want a relationship with my father but I’m starting to feel very trapped by his inability to accept my choices and it’s really making me feel guilty.its almost like I have to run away again when I’m a 40 year old woman .

Guest_97885543 Am I being dramatic
  • replies: 1

Been with partner for over 20 yrs. Should have seen it from the start when he was jealous. I had some guy friends and he hated them, he wanted to hang out with my girlfriends and I when we were having "girl time" because he said we should be able to ... View more

Been with partner for over 20 yrs. Should have seen it from the start when he was jealous. I had some guy friends and he hated them, he wanted to hang out with my girlfriends and I when we were having "girl time" because he said we should be able to do what we do in front of him. We ended up moving away and he was still jealous..if I want to go for coffee its fine but if its like lunch/dinner, a bbq/party etc he will get all sooky and we end up fighting. Been happening our whole relationship. A couple of yrs ago our teenage daughter had some online stuff that broke us. Now he is really controlling with her. Not allowed to have a boyfriend, gets angry if she wants to hang out with her friend as he's worried she's doing the wrong thing. I have mentioned the way he is is wrong but he turns it around on me. Says I don't show him affection. I think I hold alot of resentment towards him for the way he is. I grew up with a abusive step father who didn't let me do anything. I also had an abusive first boyfriend who isolated me from everyone.My partner is not physically abusive but I feel like he is controlling. There are so many other things I could talk about but it would go on forever. He puts it all back on me. Says he loves us more than anything and doesn't want to see us hurt etc and then tries to make out like I don't love him as much as he loves me. He chooses not to have friends. He has acquaintances. He has really bad social anxiety as well so we don't do alot. I just want to know I'm not crazy. This is not right right? My 16yr old and 11 yr old can see his behaviour is not right. I don't know what to do.

IreneM Bereavement and Fear of further physical attack
  • replies: 1

My husband has developed dementia although he will not acknowledge it. Part of dementia is anger, he is unduly angry about something and he gets aggressive wherever he is, even at home. This can involve shaking your fists in the air and talking abuse... View more

My husband has developed dementia although he will not acknowledge it. Part of dementia is anger, he is unduly angry about something and he gets aggressive wherever he is, even at home. This can involve shaking your fists in the air and talking abuse even whilst asleep. One night I got hit very hard in the side because he was angry whilst asleep and in his efforts of expressing his grief to someone in his dreams he hit me really hard in the rib cage. I am on life support and as a result of this hit have become medically unstable. Few months ago I accepted the reality that the person whom I married is no longer there. It is just an angry person with completely different beliefs that he wants to push onto other people, but I won't let him push it onto me and he no doubt finds it frustrating, which fuels the anger more. Interested if there is anyone else experiencing similar issues. Take Care

AshamedHubby Married and having fantasies about massages
  • replies: 1

Good evening. I am 43 and married, I have three daughters and a loving wife of 15 years. Recently I have been fantasising about a happy ending massage. I find it thrilling to text, organise and barter but never follow through because I don’t want to ... View more

Good evening. I am 43 and married, I have three daughters and a loving wife of 15 years. Recently I have been fantasising about a happy ending massage. I find it thrilling to text, organise and barter but never follow through because I don’t want to cheat. In my mind I know this is wrong…. Can anybody lend a thought to help me stop this.. I know it’s not healthy and want to stop.

Poppy81 Jeolousy and depression
  • replies: 10

I have been fighting the green eye monster for over a year. I am in a 10 year same sex relationship/ married. My partner went through menopause and completely blew of sex for a year 2years ago and then 1 year ago made a new best friend from work whic... View more

I have been fighting the green eye monster for over a year. I am in a 10 year same sex relationship/ married. My partner went through menopause and completely blew of sex for a year 2years ago and then 1 year ago made a new best friend from work which further drove a wedge between my wife and I. I feel like this person has replaced me. I feel like an emotional affair is going on and my wife wont even have a discussion about it becoming avoidant. Just over a year ago her friend was drunk calling her and i got angry as we were on holiday, then my partner deleted all messages from this person and when asked why was told i knew you didnt like me tslkibg to her so i didnt want you to know. We have had constant arguments over this person and I feel like it is ruining my relationship. My wife says I am allowed to have friends and I agree with this but it is the type of friendship that I don't like as it has affected my relationship with my partner as she has become distant. My wife just says we'll things change. I am stuck with this person in my life and it is driving me crazy as my wife has not made any attempt to soothe my insecurities about their relationship. I know it is not her job to make me feel better but I just can't shake this gut feeling that they will turn into something more. We have 3 kids together and this is just shaken me to the core and have discovered thst we no longer are able to communicate properly, we just argue about it so it has become a no go topic. When i 1st tried to address the issues I was met with being shut down and my feelings on the matter were brushed aside and was told that she doesn't have a problem, it is just my problem. Fast forward a year and they are close as ever and I am not allowed to talk about it as she says I just want to put it all behind us, she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I am having a lot of trouble moving past it as they are always texting goidmorning to each other babe, and asking how they have slept. I feel boundaries are being crossed especially since the focus is no longer on us. How do I overcome this horrible feeling I have? I am really struggling and I was suicidal 1 year ago, have seeked psychologist as I have CPTSD and gave been trying to work on myself. I have gone from having the best relationship of my life to complete disregulation. I feel like I am going crazy!