Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

saskia misophonia
  • replies: 7

I’m still a teenager but since 8 years old, i’ve struggled with trauma based misophonia that grows by the day. It’s not just small sounds such as swallowing or tapping anymore, if i hear any sound of my mother or pretty much anyone, I go hysterical. ... View more

I’m still a teenager but since 8 years old, i’ve struggled with trauma based misophonia that grows by the day. It’s not just small sounds such as swallowing or tapping anymore, if i hear any sound of my mother or pretty much anyone, I go hysterical. I’ve been seeing therapists for years but no coping strategies have worked. It’s gotten to the point where my mother is sick of me.Like I mentioned, i’m still a young girl and live with my mother, so her telling me she can no longer deal with me day to day as she feels she is walking on egg shells because of my misophonia, i’m worried she’ll kick me out of the house. I know she loves me but I don’t think she likes me if that makes sense, so I don’t double she’ll do whatever she wants. I don’t know what to do, i’m scared.

Guest_73850472 Colic baby
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, My wife and I have a 5 week old little girl. We suspect she is has begun to be colic because after we feed her(formula), soon after she cries in pain. When we are able to get her to burp, she is fine but last few days it has been very diffic... View more

Hi guys, My wife and I have a 5 week old little girl. We suspect she is has begun to be colic because after we feed her(formula), soon after she cries in pain. When we are able to get her to burp, she is fine but last few days it has been very difficult to get her comfortable. We were advised by a friend to try a medicine that can help prevent colic . Any suggestions would be appreciated....we haven't seen our GP yet, as we thought try something first. But we also don't want to give our baby anything that could cause harm.

white knight Cutting ties, clarity and confidence
  • replies: 2

The ebb and flow can be confusing for many of us, the fluidity of allowing some to come closer to us on a personal level and others we push away and some far further. What action we take - is it over reaction, under reaction or should we not react at... View more

The ebb and flow can be confusing for many of us, the fluidity of allowing some to come closer to us on a personal level and others we push away and some far further. What action we take - is it over reaction, under reaction or should we not react at all? Most of those questions linger in the under confident whereas the confident do as they think is best for them automatically. Are the latter lacking guilt? Or the thinkers, the dwellers, full of guilt? Guilt has a large part to do with harming ourselves in terms of the inner turmoil we suffer in doubting ourselves. Yet us humans differ in so many ways and as a species we fall into conflict often. Those that dont have conflict- what does it say about them? In my observations the mean description could be "fence sitters" that do lots of listening, reply with neutral tones, like a social sponge without thorns. That not being critical, they are who they are and they survive easier in life among others far better without such controversy, but just as they are permitted to tackle the vastness of human swill so are those that find it difficult in their own world of disharmony. That spectrum includes is our own character and thats ok but the latter results in greater guilt and thats the core of this post Family and friends can possess adverse issues- their toxicity can include, manipulation, revenge, violence, verbal abuse, grandiosity, arrogance, possessiveness and so forth. When a family is divided not unlike marriage separation, the grief is on par with a death. Some families suffer parting of the ways that are permanent, then never patching things up is indeed like loved ones passing away as the damage done is so deep. Such conflicts are often caused by basic beliefs of how we all treat each other. In some of the male dominated professions I've worked in if a guy discusses his dislike and actions of another to other males in a group he could be seen as either disloyal or not containing the conflict with the person he has the issues with, either way he could end up alienated. That's one form of turmoil that can cause major issues not easily repaired. Guilt in your decision making can lead to major mental challenges as you battle internally for peace. This is where professional therapy is a marvel to not only cope with the guilt but sort through what could be irregular actions by the people you are interacting with. Clarity via therapy can confirm your reactions as appropriate or not for peace of mind. TonyWK

Guest_10071 Struggling
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do.I feel like I've got no where to turn to.I'm not sure where to even start this post.I just know I'm not happy. I feel stuck.My marriage isn't a happy one for me.Nothing I do is good enough.I've just turned 36, and feel like I'... View more

I don't know what to do.I feel like I've got no where to turn to.I'm not sure where to even start this post.I just know I'm not happy. I feel stuck.My marriage isn't a happy one for me.Nothing I do is good enough.I've just turned 36, and feel like I'm at breaking point.I feel like my issue began when I was 23 (2011). I was dating a girl I went to primary school with, who I reconnected with when we were 20. We dated for almost 4 years, she was a member of the Jehovah's Witnesses, I am not religious. But we loved each other and had plans for the future together. Or so I thought. It ended when she told me via text message, that she was pregnant with another man. That was the end. There was no follow up, no last phone call, no last time seeing each other.Took me around 18 months to be ready to date again, (August 2013) and that's when I met Aimee* .From the first date, it felt like we did whatever she wanted, when she wanted. Looking back now, I was just desperate to have someone in my life, so I went along with anything without thinking if its what I wanted. 12 months later, engaged. Married 12 months after that.First few years were fine, few arguments here and there, but nothing majorShe got her brother to get me a job at his workplace, and i've been there for almost 8 years now.Work supplies me with a phone and a car. My wife tracks my phone so always knows where I am.I can't even stop at the shops on my way home without being questioned as to why I've stopped.I constantly get verbally abused at home, sometimes over something as small as I didn't load the dishwasher correctly.Mind you, i work 40-50 hours a week, she works 20 hours a week. (when she doesn't take sick leave)We don't have kids.I know i need to leave her, but I don't know how to. Everything in my life is tied to her, and Im scared to start life again with absolutely nothing.Over the years, she's alienated me from my entire family. I don't speak to my brother or sister, and my relationship with my parents is strained at the best of times. All because if my wife doesn't like something they said, I 'need to have her back, because I'm her husband' Something as simple as my parents parking in front of the neighbour's house once, instead of in front of our house, was enough to cause her to call me every name under the sun. I've resorted to self harm multiple times in the last few months, cause i feel like physical pain takes away the mental pain.Life shouldn't be this miserable.

Von is lost Boyfriend called me his ex’s name
  • replies: 5

My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I went on a really fun week long road trip recently. It was a going really well, there was a few times I felt jealous of his ex because some of the places we went he said he had been there with her before. One night I sa... View more

My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I went on a really fun week long road trip recently. It was a going really well, there was a few times I felt jealous of his ex because some of the places we went he said he had been there with her before. One night I said that I sometimes feel like I’m competing with her because she and him had done so many things together. They also occasionally stay in touch and catch up. He listened and understood my feelings. Two days later though, we were driving and making jokes etc. then out of nowhere he called me his ex’s name. Initially I laughed it off but then started to feel awful about it and made me question a lot of his feelings towards me. He apologised a lot and eventually we had a big conversation where I asked why he did that, was he thinking about her, does he wish he was still with her, does he feel like he’s settled for me etc. He reassured me that he loves me and is committed to me but that it was just an accident and that they dated for 5 years so was a big part of his life. I still feel really offended by it but also don’t want to be over dramatic.

KMR HEARTBROKEN
  • replies: 1

I have been with my husband for 25 years... we just officially separated a few days ago - not my choice but his actions forced me to be the one to end the marriage at which time he admitted that that is what he had wanted but couldn't say it to me. M... View more

I have been with my husband for 25 years... we just officially separated a few days ago - not my choice but his actions forced me to be the one to end the marriage at which time he admitted that that is what he had wanted but couldn't say it to me. My heart and my soul are broken. Why has he treated me so bad, so many times and for so long, he has had affairs, I took him back, he has lied, a lot, I forgave him, I have given all of what I am to save our marriage - for nothing. I love him, still. I miss him. I believe he has a lot of narcasistic traits and he needs help but I am no longer the person that can help him. I am lost. We have three children in their 20's and are expecting our first grandchild in a few months. I am so worried about how our family will look moving forward as everything feels so broken. I am broken.

Lyssaa Intimacy insecurities
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, Recently, I've entered into a new relationship. We've been together for nearly three weeks and so far it's going well - I enjoy the time that we spend together, and my family really likes him. I feel like I can be myself around him and i... View more

Hi everyone, Recently, I've entered into a new relationship. We've been together for nearly three weeks and so far it's going well - I enjoy the time that we spend together, and my family really likes him. I feel like I can be myself around him and it feels like he's a friend, not just a boyfriend to me. We have made out multiple times and have attempted intercourse, however the three times we have tried it won't work - he cannot get inside of me. This is something that he has encountered once before and something that I have never experienced before. All three times, with multiple attempts, it hasn't worked. Around two and a half months ago I had a traumatic sexual experience with a guy that I was seeing at the time. In addition to this, in my one year relationship which ended seven months ago, there was a lot of emphasis placed on sex, where I felt like it was the only way in which my partner wanted to connect with me - this was also an emotionally abusive relationship. I'm starting to think that maybe subconsciously my body is not letting intercourse happen because it wants to protect me, and I have some fears and negative emotional reactions surrounding thoughts of intercourse, even though I do want it at the same time. My current boyfriend has witnessed me breakdown about this twice now. His reaction each time has been to hold me and comfort me while I cry, and tell me that sex is just a small part of our relationship and he wouldn't care if we never had sex ever, because he isn't dating me or with me for sex. In the meantime we have been making out without taking it any further, which he seems happy to do, but feels weird for me as my previous partner never would have made out with me if it didn't lead to intercourse. Despite my partner's reassurances, I'm really worried that he's going to get bored of me or leave me if intercourse doesn't happen for us. I'm also feeling like I'm defective, or there's something wrong with me and I'm damaged and useless. I feel like I have a problem and he's going to leave me or resent me if this continues. If the issue of us not being able to have intercourse lies with me, I don't know how to fix it or change it.

Olliepop Try to understand my husbands "cut them off" attitude.
  • replies: 3

My husband is very straight to the point, if he doesnt like something or someone, he would gladly tell them to their face, if someone has upset him for the smallest of reasons, its done.The past year, we have overcome my family upsetting him in which... View more

My husband is very straight to the point, if he doesnt like something or someone, he would gladly tell them to their face, if someone has upset him for the smallest of reasons, its done.The past year, we have overcome my family upsetting him in which he said he would move on, not let others get to him etc. again and just let people be as we cant change them.XMAS day, my family lunch, we were all in a room, the kids going crazy, my siblings shooting nerf guns and he just snapped, that he wanted to go and both him and i and our son had to leave.So we packed our things, and left. My family were not happy about this, for more reason than one i am the youngest girl of the family and all they saw was my husband wanting something and me obeying what he said. It took awhile (and my husband drank after this) to let out feelings he doesnt like how my family act, and how nobody says anything when something wrong is happening, he verbally critisied my entire family 1 by 1. I found this really unfair, although i still tried to listen to my husabdn and understand. I even tried to explain why to my family in which, they dont get it and just said you shouldnt have left, period. I belive it was wrong also, and pointed out to my husband that too although i didnt want to go, and i feel he overreacted i still left as i love him and hes my husband. My husband had a short fuse infront of his own family yesterday, i flagged how he was acting, and he cleared it up with them.This made me some what jealous, as he realised with his own family how he was acting and cleared the air.. yet nothing has changed on my family end. My parents are afraid to talk to me, im too afraid to reach out to them as im unsure on what they will say to me, and my husband hasnt apologised to the simple fact he blew up like he did and stormed out. I dont think my family mind he was upset, about whatever, but i do believe they think he should say something instead of storm out and then send drunken messages to people later and go over the top. There are some things my husband doesnt remembe rhe said after he began to drink, which i flagged to him also. But im just sad, and stuck. Trying to be patient to give everyone space as well. I know my husband misses his late father, and he stated in his state that after he acts that way he remembers his father and knows his father wouldnt be happy in how he acted.Trying to stay positive, not sure where to go from here.My mother gets jealous after these moments if i spend time with my in-laws, as I dont act like my husband, and she probably wished i did as my husband makes them feel a particular way.We have only been married for 6 years. My older brother and i did discuss, and he stated its still early years, and it is hard, but there is a line of accepting personalities and how you act etc. in life.I can feel my father is waiting for my husbands apology, and he too will be gossiping with my middle sibling, as thats what the family tends to do.I dont know how to approach my parents, and i dont know how to keep moving on and in hopes my husband finds a way to reach out to put things at ease.Thank you as always BB fam.

G.P I feel like he's emotionally unavailable but doesn't understand it's impacting my mental health
  • replies: 8

Unsure if any of this will make sense, but don't feel like I have anywhere to turn to right now. My husband and I have been been married for a year, and it's been a challenging year for us mentally. There's been some good moments this year, but overa... View more

Unsure if any of this will make sense, but don't feel like I have anywhere to turn to right now. My husband and I have been been married for a year, and it's been a challenging year for us mentally. There's been some good moments this year, but overall I feel like our relationship is not at its best. We've committed ourselves to working on our mental health by seeing psychologists separately, and have occasionally seen a couples counsellor. There's been some progress, and I know progress takes time, but there's one thing that we can't seem to work through. I feel like he's unable to accept my emotions or feelings because it doesn't make sense to him or is irrational. He withdraws when I cry, and then I feel guilty for crying, when honestly, I'm just trying to release what I'm feeling. Today for instance, I went for a walk to clear my mind and get some fresh air. I was in a reflective mood. I returned from my walk and he asked how I was feeling. I told him, I was reflecting on things generally and was looking to vent. I've been feeling flat lately about our relationship, and other anxieties have been bothering me which I mentioned. I mentioned lightly that we both need to continue working more on ourselves individually and together, while recogising that we're doing our best. Immedialtely he became defensive and began to talk about all the all his efforts to help. I expressed to him that I appreciate his efforts, but I wasn't looking for immediate action, but just to be heard that this was what was on my mind as I was asked when I returned from my walk. I was really looking for emotional support. And lately this is how our arguments have been, that I'll look to express my point of view, and when I become frustrated or hurt, I cry because it's all I can manage. And I'm crying as I write this now because I feel defeated at trying to feel understood. It's happened many times over months, and it hurts.. He says that it comes from a deeper place, that when he saw his mum being highly emotional he couldn't accpet it because he felt his mum was erratic, illogical and had mental health problems. I feel like I'm now this projection. That he's pacifying me. And worse, I feel like I can't be emotional around him for fear of being rejected again & again. I've communicated the above, but it's too hard for him. And I just feel so suppressed because of his emotional unavailabilty. There's so much more that's been happening, but this is all I have space for right now.

Mumof3teens Struggling
  • replies: 2

I’m feeling so lost and isolated and have no one to talk to. My partner barely notices me anymore and doesn’t know what to do when I’m sad. My father has not been there for me and is more caring toward his step family he’s emotionally unavailable and... View more

I’m feeling so lost and isolated and have no one to talk to. My partner barely notices me anymore and doesn’t know what to do when I’m sad. My father has not been there for me and is more caring toward his step family he’s emotionally unavailable and so is my partner. I want to go somewhere where noone knows me and start again with my life. I really don’t have friends. I don’t trust anybody. I go to work and I come home, don’t talk to anyone. I just don’t know what to do anymore.