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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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KylieC2 Controlling Parents into adulthood
  • replies: 14

Hello. I am 33 and have come to stay with my family for a few months for the holidays. I have had a huge fight with parents and not sure how to come back from it. I feel like they treat me as a child. In my teens they were very strict and invaded my ... View more

Hello. I am 33 and have come to stay with my family for a few months for the holidays. I have had a huge fight with parents and not sure how to come back from it. I feel like they treat me as a child. In my teens they were very strict and invaded my privacy by reading diaries and phones. This continued into my 20’s and I recall my mother reading some text messages I had sent to a boyfriend when I was 27 and confronting me about them. Now anytime they tell me to do something I snap because I feel like I am being told off or controlled. Hence our huge argument. I went to stay at a hotel and my father sent me an emailing guilt tripping me saying I had broken their hearts when all I needed was some space to myself - because well I am an adult! My brother has a totally different relationship with my parents , he was a nerd and never up to any normal teenage mischief and had his own kids early on granting him a different level of respect . What should I do? How do I play nice? It’s sad as I only have a short time left before going back home overseas and my parents are getting old now. Thank you

RichoC My wife despises me, hates me, because I have a medical condition
  • replies: 5

Hi all, So, the weeks go on and months come along. My wife has constantly hated on me, despised me being around, wants me gone, hopes I'll have a heart attack (nice comment that one) cause you can die when that happens in my age group. I am at the en... View more

Hi all, So, the weeks go on and months come along. My wife has constantly hated on me, despised me being around, wants me gone, hopes I'll have a heart attack (nice comment that one) cause you can die when that happens in my age group. I am at the end now. About to call a lawyer and end it. It's what she wants. She will be so happy with me gone for good. Cause she says that. Well, it turns out that I have ADHD as diagnosed by a professional psychologist.I have spent hours reading about it.Apparently, I have RSD.And I am in the70% of ADHDers who experience emotional dysregulation, which means we struggle to manage our moods and feelings — and we may have intense reactions to things. I have.Today she asked a question about a person on TV. I answered with who it is, in a roundabout manner. She lost her sh&*t. I gave the person's name and said Yeah, he's so and so's son.Pretty simple stuff, but no, she abused me and complained about how I answered. I gave the details.Sadly, with RSD, thats what you do. It's not great, but it's a condition that I've never had in my life till now. Makes me angry.But she doesn't care and says it's just me, I'm an asshole, who cares about your condition. Not her.It's fun for her with her menopause to abuse me. An excuse, frankly.So she wants me gone, have a heart attack and be dead, or just drive off and disappear so she can keep our $2 million dollar house and I have nothing.That won't happen. I know the law and will pull that card and win; I'm legally qualified. I'm exhausted with the constant hate and wanting me gone.It was a lovely relationship before.I'm struggling with a new job I just got, feel like they're already having doubts about me after 5 minutes being there. 3 weeks.I can't have that happen again, illegally fired from my last job, using my qualifications to take them to court and sue. I will win that. Made my blood pressure go up, though.I met a gorgeous girl at my new job. She is a lovely Italian girl. Don't know what will happen there. If it does, I'll be the happiest person in the country. She's perfect. Change my life, but who knows, can't rely on that right now. She's very kind to me. Anyway, I am at the end. I'm burnt out. She's cruel toward me. Doesn't care about a condition, just says it's me doing it, I'm a bad person. Others don't think that.Venting here, love thoughts on what to do. I have nothing left. About to get a lot of money for my music royalties, I have a hit song globally, go me! I'm good at that stuff. I could move to Germany, have a lovely friend there. Would become a citizen with my background and be gone for good. Thanks if you can, as always, I'm busted.

Guest_66494915 Why does my family hate me?
  • replies: 1

Yesterday was my 34th birthday. I recently found out that my kidneys are finally in the initial stage of failure (I knew it was coming, but I thought I’d have a few more years). My nana has been sick for years with cancer and I’ve done a lot of physi... View more

Yesterday was my 34th birthday. I recently found out that my kidneys are finally in the initial stage of failure (I knew it was coming, but I thought I’d have a few more years). My nana has been sick for years with cancer and I’ve done a lot of physical/emotional support since I live with mum/nana/popa. My aunty started yesterday with constant texts to my mum because “dad used my full name so he must be mad at me”. She was going all day, and finally got to a barrage of texting my mum (not me) that everyone thinks I’m a pain and they hate me. Listing everyone by name and saying at least she (aunty) calls me a name to my face and isn’t a backstabbed like everyone else. Then she said she was going to kill herself when nana/popa/her dog (?) die (despite having 3 kids). I’m honestly broken. I have autism/ADHD and have always felt wrong and tried to be nice and helpful and caring to make up for it- and it’s all for nothing? This is what she sent me before I gave up. “I was already in hospital for suicide. I don’t use any slurs. Never called you a name! You all lie! (aunty2), (uncle2), (aunty3) n (uncle2) hate your guts! Always have. I told you to your face what I thought. I am not the backstabber! I don’t see them because I always feel belittled by you! So I stay clear. Also because being to close means it hurts more to loose them! I have asked to bus to the hospital when Ive had a day off work! Unlike some people I work and pay taxes. I was told not to. Just F off“

Olliepop Being caught in the middle of my husbands feelings and my family.
  • replies: 1

over the years, my husband has pointed out traits in my family he didnt like, i am the person who just accepts and moves on. as time went on, any issue i had my husband pointed out to his fmaily, which i didnt like because i felt many times they didn... View more

over the years, my husband has pointed out traits in my family he didnt like, i am the person who just accepts and moves on. as time went on, any issue i had my husband pointed out to his fmaily, which i didnt like because i felt many times they didnt need to know which only makes things uncomfortable. my husband is direct, and would rather air it out than consider feelings/people/personalities etc.now over time recently, he has reached out to my dad who has been the root to many issues on my side, this year 4 times in which my dad did not recipicate the hand out to him, my dad was/is a naracaccist, would complain about everyone (includling his family) to everyone, my husband included.after my dad did what he did over the years to my husband, my husband had enough.. the last event he stormed out at xmas and stated he wouldnt return to anything again. the 4 times my husband reached out, was for me.. and then after that he said no more.now that its reality my husband has cut them off, they have sadly learnt their lesson too late.. and i see that and my parents have admitted their faults and want to apologies to move on, my husband has again stated no. he never stops me from visiting, he never says a bad word, but he has said no to their contact, to them coming to our home, to our son sleeping over there, to anything that involves them 1 on 1 time with our son etc. its hard, my son loves spending time with them, but he too know whats happened and loves his dad also. now comes an event on my husbands side, who have invited my parents, my husband said there is no reason they shouldnt attend.. .my parents dont want to attend is my husband doesnt feel comfortable even speaking to them. they dont understand how he will be OK with them there if he choose to cut them off. he doesnt understand why they wont go for his families sake. all i pray for is for my husband to sit down with them, let out his feelings for them to hear what they have done and move on. im not asking for best friends, nothing could ever be the same again. but my parents are getting older, and i dont want to regret anything as days and people slowly go on in life. my husband states thats his lesson to learn in life, but i feel i recent him for being so stubborn now, but i also understand how he feels too. i have told my parents, its not fair that my husband look like the bad one now when in fact he gave many chances, and now that hes done everyone forgets the person he was before they hurt him. i dont understand how my husband can cut them out like that, esp when they are my family. in the past, my husbands family have bothered me, even though my husband dealtwith them in his own way, i moved on. ;like him i didnt forget, as i have the mentality they are family at the end of the day and its not like i married them and have to live with them. the more i try explain the empathy to let go to my husband the more he cracks back down to no, he tried and will not allow them back. and now sadly, i loose family day at my parents for christmas, all special events, seeing my nephews and nieces grow up and play with my son, many things as those are more important to me then being able to let go.im struggling to move forward and not think about this daily and have begun resenting my husband and his choice. he cant understand how i feel this way and i feel lost not being able to talk to anyone about it as noone understands and everyone just insists i tell my husband to stop.

miniforever Help to escape
  • replies: 1

I need help to escape an abusive relationship. it’s mostly a controlling and fear based situation. He has assaulted me a few times but he denied having done it. i am scared as he’s unpredictable. he doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong. he actual... View more

I need help to escape an abusive relationship. it’s mostly a controlling and fear based situation. He has assaulted me a few times but he denied having done it. i am scared as he’s unpredictable. he doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong. he actually believes he’s the victim. What should I do. Where can I go? how do I leave. I have no where to go. I tried to get help when he assaulted me last year but I chickened out of it fearing what would happen to my kids. help I don’t know what I should do. sorry I’m rambling. I’m scared and can’t sleep.

sksssnn Partner’s Nan is sick, he’s gone quiet, and I’m spiralling
  • replies: 5

Hey, I’m really struggling and could use some kindness at this time.My partner’s Nan just got out of hospital and is apparently quite unwell. He’s her main carer. He’s my only close person I have/ talk to. I don’t have friends at all to talk to, and ... View more

Hey, I’m really struggling and could use some kindness at this time.My partner’s Nan just got out of hospital and is apparently quite unwell. He’s her main carer. He’s my only close person I have/ talk to. I don’t have friends at all to talk to, and when he’s quiet, it feels like the world disappears. We live far away from each other, about an hour and half for me, as I don’t drive. I haven’t seen him for a week, and he’s not sure when he will be able to see me, because he has to take care of his nanna for a while, since she’s pretty weak at the moment. I work too during the week so my only break is during the weekend.I suggested to catch a train there, and maybe go get dinner (just to see him and help a little). He snapped, said I don’t listen and that he doesn’t want to repeat himself again. I apologised, explained I do actually understand and that I thought it could be nice to catch and see eachother since his weeks been stressful. I tried to validate his stress. He saw my last message 2 hours ago but hasn’t replied.I know he’s busy, and his Nan needs this right now. I know I’m not the priority right now. But the silence is eating me alive and I feel dismissed, selfish, and terrified I’ve ruined us. How did you cope with the quiet without spiralling? And the feelings of abandonment? Any gentle ways to stay connected without adding pressure?If anyone reads this, thanks for reading. Just need to some reassurance

Malto2001 Rebuilding relationship with mum
  • replies: 1

For a while now, my mum and I haven’t really gotten along. It got so bad that I didn’t speak to her for almost two years, even though we live in the same house. During COVID, her mental health really declined, and she became emotionally abusive. We f... View more

For a while now, my mum and I haven’t really gotten along. It got so bad that I didn’t speak to her for almost two years, even though we live in the same house. During COVID, her mental health really declined, and she became emotionally abusive. We fought constantly, and eventually I just decided to avoid her completely. I saw a psychologist for a while to help work through it, but it became too expensive to keep going. Fast forward to now, she seems to be in a better place. She’s apologised, and she’s tried to talk to me about why I resent her and what she can do to fix things. I’ve been trying to get along with her, but it’s honestly really hard. It doesn’t feel natural, and I can’t seem to relax around her. I’m still living at home, but I’m planning to move out with my partner this year. The reason I’m writing this is because I feel like I’m going crazy. Whenever she talks to me, I instantly get defensive, no matter what she says. She could just ask me if I remembered to empty the lint trap in the dryer, and I’ll snap or sound angry without meaning to. I notice myself doing it and try to calm down, but it only happens with her. The other night she and my dad were arguing, and she slammed her door. It wasn’t directed at me, but I froze and started shaking and crying. My heart was pounding all over a door slam. Then this week, we argued again because she ate my food. I completely overreacted, raised my voice, and made it a big deal. Later, I sat in my room thinking, why did I do that? If it were my dad, I probably wouldn’t have cared. She texted me afterwards saying she’s exhausted from trying to get me to like her and that she does everything for me but I still hate her. I don’t hate her. I just completely shut down around her. It’s like all logic disappears and I feel detached from myself when we interact. I don’t know how to stop being like this towards her, I’m defensive, and angry whenever I interact with her. We have had good moments but it still just feels off.

Clara1 Worried About My Mother
  • replies: 4

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge t... View more

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge to her. Sometimes I am just not sure what to say to her.

Willow18 I think I have finally realised Im being manipulated
  • replies: 4

Last week I told my partner that my daughter and I want to join the gym. It ended up starting WW3. He said he doesnt want men looking at me. I told him our daughter will be there and in January our 13 year old will be able to come. He told me to stop... View more

Last week I told my partner that my daughter and I want to join the gym. It ended up starting WW3. He said he doesnt want men looking at me. I told him our daughter will be there and in January our 13 year old will be able to come. He told me to stop using the kids as an excuse and basically feels I will run off with a muscle man. He says I should care how he feels and I said he should be more supportive. Then he broke down and told me has has never felt loved by me and I have a wall up and he thinks it stems from my past trauma. This may be true to an extent but the fact is he is controlling and I have been controlled most of my life and thats why I am the way I am with him. When he talked to me about it he does have some valid points but at the end of the day he has been the jealous type since the start of our relationship. Am I being manipulated?

evee My older sister triggers my panic attacks.
  • replies: 4

For quite a few years I have struggled with mental health problems and so has my older sister, this has been an issue for us in the past. My older sister has minor autism and sometimes struggles with seeing things from other perspectives and not hype... View more

For quite a few years I have struggled with mental health problems and so has my older sister, this has been an issue for us in the past. My older sister has minor autism and sometimes struggles with seeing things from other perspectives and not hyper fixating on what people say.We both still live at home and so we are together a lot. I struggle with quite severe panic attacks, and have a history of minor self harm. The problem I have is that more often than not it is when me and my older sister have an argument, or when she says something insensitive, that triggers my panic attacks. I love my older sister and we don't have a horrible relationship, but as siblings do we argue quite a bit. It is getting to the point where we are arguing too much and it is causing me very strong emotional distress. I don't know what to do because I can't stop being around her, and I don't want to hurt her who has gone through so much. But it is becoming a massive issue for me and when I have tried to talk to her about it in the past, she goes into fight or flight and starts yelling and saying I'm blaming her for my mental health issues. I don't know what to do with this situation and I really don't want to hurt my sister.