Text message pressure!

[Olliepop]

So the Christmas period for me, brings alot of pressure during the day, and leading up to Christmas even more so. Yesterday, my husband and my son went for a drive to visit his family etc, and i was at work very very busy. In my brain, my husband and son are okay, my husband loves to text, alot. and i fell behind in the many messages and pictures of things he was sending me. By the time i finished work, and handled all the staff who required my attention i replied, and he was very short. I tried calling as i was wrapping up the office, he didnt answer, then i called again no answer, then i sent a message im calling to see if you want anything for dinner on my way home? he replies, not yet. so in my mind, i was hoping for some fun at home, walk into the door and they are planning something for my day which was huge, i walk in to silence from my husband and my son his usual self. I look at my husband and hes livid, im like are you okay? then long story short, he was upset i didnt reply to his messages, i looked at them but didnt reply.. and it was not good enough that i didnt reply no matter how busy i was.

I was in shock. So i apologised, as thats how he felt, and he continued to ignore me for the rest of the night, we made dinner separately, i was very tired so went to bed on my own, and this morning i get another text from him good morning, i reply and he said oh i wasnt sure if you would reply.

starting on the jokes.. and again, i said i was busy if you realised how my day was you would realise how silly this looks, and he stated again... to open and not reply to many messages,is no excuse no matter how busy you are.

Im really confused.. firstly, he knows where i am and what im doing.. when he was in my position with staff and working, i never got upset he didnt reply, and also may i add what we text about isnt life threatening.  But my husband, he likes to text, ALOT!.. and we have had a few fights in the past where i ask him to refrain from so many messages and text fights as id rather deal in person, because most of the time he doesnt hear me in his messages. As i work with family, his indirect stab was him assuming i wasnt on my phone thinking i was around my family as he thinks they put me on edge, when they dont, but he just keeps assuming.

Is this a little uncalled for from him?

Im so tired, and this must reply attitude for texts is crazy.

But does my husband have a valid point? i would assume he would call me if it was so important.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Well, yes it is unreasonable. One of the biggest problems of the post millennia world it seems, is the inability for some people to walk a mile in the others shoes. To do that is an art, its also a sign of ability to show empathy.

All is not lost in your situation, it is a mind set that he has to adjust to and in these early stages, he'll need to listen, reflect and understand because he isnt a witness to your workplace at the time he texts, so he would have no idea how hard you are working. Juggling high workload and answering texts is multiskilling and the myth that women can do that during busy periods is hogwash imo. 

So this problem is in my view is in its early stages and quite fixable. Eventually you could find yourself talking about it with him in more relaxed atmosphere and thats an opportunity to set down some guidelines about when to text, if topics deserve your reply and perhaps a first reply from you could set the scene of how your day at work prohibits replying altogether.

Immediate answers to texts is a high expectation. Maybe reversing the situation as an example to him is one method of highlighting the issue. Eg if he is under the car servicing the engine and you text, which would require him to exit, wash hands then answer, if you had that expectation, he might realise the gravity of the problem.

Forget its xmas ruined and all those thoughts, this is life and you nor him can predict such upsets at this time.

I hope that helps and we are here if you need to reply.

TonyWK