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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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will_never_love_again nassasistic break up i need help
  • replies: 2

Hello, This is my first time. it's late, as usual cannot sleep. too much heartache, hurt, confusion and worthlessness to get to sleep. I have so much to say, but the thought of starting from the start overwhelms me... in short... (can fill in blanks ... View more

Hello, This is my first time. it's late, as usual cannot sleep. too much heartache, hurt, confusion and worthlessness to get to sleep. I have so much to say, but the thought of starting from the start overwhelms me... in short... (can fill in blanks after you have an idea) after an earlier relationship break up following my 2 fantastic children (now 8 and 10) I met *andrew* after 5 years of being a single mum we took it slowly but fell in love some time after. things were great we were happy, he had a lot of time for my kids, we did things together, he was full of praise he was mature, had a job etc. after a year, we started talking about the next stage. prior to this relationship i didnt want any more children in fear of breaking up again. but he didn't have children we talked about it for some time. but eventually I loved him so much that I loved the idea I talked to my kids subtly about it and they have the idea they would love a brother or sister after trying/planning... i fell pregnant in march/April 2013 everything was fine. however after 12 weeks, and announcing it he started to act a little distant, he seemed frustrated a lot. we'd argue more out of no where, he was picking fights. deliberately booking things on days he knew I couldn't go then getting angry bc I couldn't. but making out it was my fault we dont do anything because I would be limited (I still liked to spend weekends with my children) then another 2 months later (in short) i found out he was going on a holiday overseas he told me only 6 days before leaving i was devestated he hid it he told me it was all for work etc. once I tried to get over that he then said we decided we would have 3 days relaxing too so now we going to Thailand as well and leaving earlier. I was devestated i couldnt understand why he hid this and made me out to look crazy for being upset. I was very suspicious. he left.. i tried to be supportive and hope to deal with it. he called when he arrived. but after that only time I'd hear from him is hours after I'd message. if that. then one morning I called to suprise him and say I loved him he was angry that I "woke him up" and that I still got upset. he hung up eventually I was a mess i felt as though he was up to no good. thinking it was pregnancy hormones i spent the next week emotionally ruined.

Linda1818 How to forgive myelf for being a terrible gf when my bf has left me ... deeply sad and broken hearted, not knowing how to move on
  • replies: 2

Being plagued by guilt and deep pain in the heart.. not able to cope with life.. don't know how to move on, my family is in Germany and here I am on my own, psychologist doesn't really help.. any people I can talk to?

Being plagued by guilt and deep pain in the heart.. not able to cope with life.. don't know how to move on, my family is in Germany and here I am on my own, psychologist doesn't really help.. any people I can talk to?

lucy2 Estranged from my daughter.
  • replies: 7

Hello everyone, I am new to the forum. I thought writing on this forum to strangers might help me. I feel I have been coping fairly well with life....until now. I have had a lot happen to me (as have others). But I guess living without seeing my 4 ye... View more

Hello everyone, I am new to the forum. I thought writing on this forum to strangers might help me. I feel I have been coping fairly well with life....until now. I have had a lot happen to me (as have others). But I guess living without seeing my 4 year old grandson for nearly a year now, has finally broken me. I am on antedepressants but am now silently breaking up inside. Not a day goes by without me thinking about my daughter and grandson. My husband can't cope with me now as I told him where to go at my son's house for dinner and daughter-in-law their to. I don't even know what I said ?????. In the last few weeks I texted my daughter and phoned her but no reply. Apparently my daughter-in-law has tried but daughter says she doesn't want anything to do with me. Daughter has alienated my husband, my brother and my mother (who is 92 yo). My daughter has her reasons for her behaviour, as she is 32 this year and has been with her husband says age 14. Her father died 4 years ago two days after her son was born (he was a very sick man). My daughter-in-law told me at dinner that her sister-in-law did not talk for a year due to standing up to daughter-in-laws husband. My husband and myself were never invited to her wedding. The only people attending the wedding was his parents and his brother and wife. I have never forgivin her for that, as she had the wedding in another state which meant her own father couldn't afford to get there and was too unwell. Things had been ok with me and her but I always never trusted. My husband and I have helped countless times with babysitting duties at a drop of a hat and having my daughter phone me so many times being so unhappy with her husband. One day he accused her of being with some-one else and I just couldn't take it any more I let him have it. Off course now I am the wrong one, she is still with him, and is pregnant with another child. My son finds her hard to deal with and so does the daughter-in-law. I know I can't do anymore, but I need to stop eating so much and stop thinking about my little grandson. My neighbour visited with his 5 year old grandson the other day and I decided to leave and go shopping???? Even out shopping I think of all the times I had him and loved him and now there is nothing. There is lots more I could write but what for, I guess, I know its hopeless. My trust has gone and forever will but how do you get on with your life.

Linda1818 Numbness in my heart...
  • replies: 2

My bf of 9 left me for my distrust and jealousy and blocked me everywhere he could. I treated him terribly with distrust and now he is haunting me everywhere. I feel deeply sad and lost and have less hope ever to forget him. Is there any group I can ... View more

My bf of 9 left me for my distrust and jealousy and blocked me everywhere he could. I treated him terribly with distrust and now he is haunting me everywhere. I feel deeply sad and lost and have less hope ever to forget him. Is there any group I can join to talk to people with similar issues? please HELP

LoveLost Break up with boyfriend of 8years
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I guess by posting here I'm looking for some sort of comfort or support.. or advice as I am in a pretty bad way at the moment. 2 weeks ago my partner of 8 years and I broke up. We had broken up 2-3 times in the past and those times were terri... View more

Hi all, I guess by posting here I'm looking for some sort of comfort or support.. or advice as I am in a pretty bad way at the moment. 2 weeks ago my partner of 8 years and I broke up. We had broken up 2-3 times in the past and those times were terrible, and for some reason I felt like this final time would be easier, I was so wrong. It is so much worse as we have already tried so hard to make it work, broke up, had a final try and failed. So the point is that it was our 'last try'. We had many differences and problems but the main fact that we kept coming back together is that we really had grown a deep love for eachother and wanted to be around eachother, but unfortunately we just weren't a good match and just couldn't make it work. My problem here is that we were so in love, and I don't know about him, but I still love him and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like life has been completely unfair in putting us together, we built such a bond and deep love but then we apparently are just not meant to be together. I dread the thought of being alone, I can't sleep, I wake up in tears after dreaming about him sleeping with other people (this scenario is SOO horrible)... And one thing i have never experienced before is these weird flashbacks I am having to things we have done together, places we've been, music we've liked, and it is traumatizing me. It happens in the middle of doing completely unrelated things. Even if I wanted to move on I couldn't and honestly, this is pretty much as dim as it has been for me in a long time. I just don't know what to do and so desperately want to go back to him, I miss him so much. The last times we came back together is because I thought "surely we can change things", and even now I am still thinking that way. I literally do not know what to do, and it hurts so intensely.

Salsa Marraige problems -Please help!
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 14 years, we have a young daughter and I am currently pregnant with our second. After a very stressful 1.5 years of living with my parents and renovating our home my husband has gone into a major depression which has b... View more

I have been with my husband for 14 years, we have a young daughter and I am currently pregnant with our second. After a very stressful 1.5 years of living with my parents and renovating our home my husband has gone into a major depression which has brought out many of his childhood issues, worsened his anxiety and caused him to no longer want to work. It has also caused him to question our marraige, love and the person he is married too. He feels I let our marraige slide whilst all the craziness of the living with my parents and the renovation took place and on reflection he is right I did get caught up in moment and I unintentionally caused him hurt and resentment through my inaction. I have expressed my deep regret and apologised profusely but it does not seem to help.... he has shut me out almost completely, has said he no longer loves me the way he did, he needs space and he is not sure if we will be married after this baby is born. In fact he said he is waiting till the baby is born as he is hoping the baby will change his feelings about us.. he refuses to try and work on things now and is refusing to see a Marraige Counsellor. He has had one session with a psychologist which helped with his diagnosis but again he blames me as nothing in his life thus far has resulted in him needing to see someone. I'm so confused, last week he told me we will get through this and we were somewhat affectionate with one another and this week he is discussing divorce and what the arrangements will be in relation to the assets and our children and he has shown nil affection whatsoever. I am at a absolute loss as to what to do, I love my husband deeply and I don't want lose him! Please help!

Humby I know I did the right thing in breaking up, but ...
  • replies: 6

After being in a relationship for nearly 2 years, and after several recent splits and get-togethers in the recent past, I have finally made the final move and kicked out my partner from my home and from my life. I met this woman on an online site , a... View more

After being in a relationship for nearly 2 years, and after several recent splits and get-togethers in the recent past, I have finally made the final move and kicked out my partner from my home and from my life. I met this woman on an online site , and she had just recently moved from Victoria to the NT. Early in the relationship she seemed very, very keen. Then soon after started making regular disappearing acts to go exploring, or to stay with friends as she was tired and overworked. However, I never got to meet any of these friends, and later on they had apparently left the NT and were now gone for good. Odd events included flowers arriving at her work, and a text message of a suggestive kind that was apparently just an in-joke with a work mate. Things settled down once I actually said she could stay at my place and live with me. Even then, she was always a bit secretive about her past, and her actions and behaviour at times erratic and easily ranging from deep love statements to fits of rage at the drop of a hat. More recently after a nasty fight and throwing her out of the house, found out that much of her past as she had told me was fabrications. And even as we had been trying to patch the relationship, also found out she was still active in dating sites and strongly denying it when confronted with the evidence. Further found out when digging for answers that while in the early stages of the relationship she flew interstate with another man and booked a hotel for the weekend, and once again when confronted with this she just made more and more convoluted excuses. The reality is that I know the relationship was never going to work, she drove a deep wedge between my friends with her lies, she was manipulative, and a compulsive liar. The thing is, that when things were good they are great, and intimately it could be fantastic. But at the end of the day I was living in denial and trying to keep a lie alive. I know I have done the right thing, but the mix of hurt, betrayal, loneliness and longing for something that should have been are intense and at times overwhelming. Anyway, right now just keep dipping into that well of darkness and even more so when trying to sleep at night. She was attractive, charming, helpful ... but also compulsive liar, manipulative, and a fake. I know I did the right thing, but the hurt is strong and not sure out to make it go away. I am nearly 50, and I truly did think for a while she was the one.

Magyarok What it means to be a single father?
  • replies: 4

Hello All, The current situation with my wife is untenable and i am on the verge of leaving. I have tried so hard to make things work but with very little reciprocation of effort from her. I feel like an empty shell of a person, i feel sick in the st... View more

Hello All, The current situation with my wife is untenable and i am on the verge of leaving. I have tried so hard to make things work but with very little reciprocation of effort from her. I feel like an empty shell of a person, i feel sick in the stomach. I feel as though i have done everything that i can without being met half way. It is very obvious that her interpretation of working things out is different to mine. She has double standards - what she considers acceptable for herself is certainly not acceptable for me. I would rather be happy and single than to continue to endure this situation. However we have a beautiful 5 yo daughter i love her so much and she loves me. She needs me as much as i need her. I am her primary carer and her rock. I can't bare the thought of not being with her or of being a part time father. It would not be fair on her but it is also not fair on her to see me as an empty miserable shell of a person. I can't see a way forward in my marriage but any decision i make needs to be deeply considered - for my daughters sake! I just want to hear from other single fathers and their experiences and what it means for them. Thank you in advance Kind Regards Dave

Linda1818 No trust into my boyfriend - due to his past
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have a very unique situation where my boyfriend of now 9 months is very loving and supporting but I distrust him through out of our relationship due to his past and fact that he had many prostitutes and betrayed his last gf. after he told me... View more

Hello, I have a very unique situation where my boyfriend of now 9 months is very loving and supporting but I distrust him through out of our relationship due to his past and fact that he had many prostitutes and betrayed his last gf. after he told me about his past, everything changed, I started to get jealous, overly alert and always looking at him if he is looking at other women or not. it got so far now that I am suffering from anxieties and insomnia and cant cope with everyday's life. He was in school of philosophy where he has been thought no sex before marriage. So by the age of 27 he broke out and started to visit many different kinds of adult services for the period of 3-4 y until he met me. I am very decent woman and always wanted a decent man. He is very good to me and has been very supportive until now he threatens to leave me every time I have a distrusting thought and it increases my anxieties and I have helath issues due to it like no sleep and depression. I am wondering should I leave him and it is valid because I cant cope with the thought of him doing it in the past or maybe doing again at some point in his life with me. I am very confused, I love him very much but is it enough to keep the bond and solid future? He is ready to leave me because he started to get angry at me (verbally) every time I express my doubts. He cant stand this anymore and I seem to not be able to change my view about this brothel thing. I don't know what to do. It is a life changing decision and I don't know what price to pay, heart break and losing him or my health and trying to get it under control. but is it possible to get it under control or should I trust my instincts??

Gaiablue Totally lost
  • replies: 1

I can't stop thinking about my ex! He played me for 3 years, cheated and used me! He is already moved on with someone else, and I'm here feeling so depressed everytime I see his happy photos on social media, I feel like I can't move on... The problem... View more

I can't stop thinking about my ex! He played me for 3 years, cheated and used me! He is already moved on with someone else, and I'm here feeling so depressed everytime I see his happy photos on social media, I feel like I can't move on... The problem is that he is flatmate of my best friend, so I know everything he does with this new girl and it hurts that my friends have this life with him and I'm all alone... I feel replaced, I can't go to parties o any events cos I know he is with her and everyone is telling me to get over it! That I'm just doing a big drama and I need to let go.....