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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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onedge confused
  • replies: 3

Hi all need advice been in a relationship for 2 years now sparks flew straight away we both have kids from previous relationships we get on good with each others kids to the point I've done everything to make her feel loved but the other day she said... View more

Hi all need advice been in a relationship for 2 years now sparks flew straight away we both have kids from previous relationships we get on good with each others kids to the point I've done everything to make her feel loved but the other day she said she needed a break from the kids she wanted to have a couple of drinks with her friends I said OK I'll watch the kids at her house and she said she might not be back home till morning etc we had a little argument she dropped me home she picks me up from work and pulls up at her place and says I can take the car I said no just drop me home didn't she flip no call for 2 days then she come around to drop my wallet off I asked for a lift to work and as she was taking me to work she says I don't think its working out its not u It mite be me this hit me hard its new years night to so she's out drinking and all these things are running through my mind she doesn't answer my call or text she know I treat her like a queen but flowers etc I can't live without her and its making me feel like crap a lot of bad stuff running through my head

NickyV Guilt and shame
  • replies: 14

I had some minor anxiety issues as I approached my thirties, but always seemed to pull myself out of it.Then, two years ago I went overseas for a family occasion, leaving my wife and children in Australia. I got very drunk one night and took drugs, a... View more

I had some minor anxiety issues as I approached my thirties, but always seemed to pull myself out of it.Then, two years ago I went overseas for a family occasion, leaving my wife and children in Australia. I got very drunk one night and took drugs, and had a one night stand with an old family friend. I couldn't believe what I had done. I never believed that I would ever behave in such a way. I agonised for days about whether to confess, and decided to stay silent when I got back for the sake of my young children. My marriage (and life) would be over. The other woman has assured me she won't say anything, and has been good to her word. She regrets it as much as I do.The last 2 years have been really hard. I've had counselling, am on antidepressants, and have been slowly improving. But every so often I just crash and burn. Anxiety sweeps over me, I pour sweat all day, can't concentrate, leg shaking constantly. I took up smoking again in the hope I get cancer and die. I feel so guilty and worthless on many days. Today is one of those days. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Wallabee I just don't know what to do
  • replies: 10

Wife came back from family visitation and she is clearly ignoring me. i think we are it, I think she decided it was over in her mind and on top of that I think she is having an affair or preparing the ground for another man....

Wife came back from family visitation and she is clearly ignoring me. i think we are it, I think she decided it was over in her mind and on top of that I think she is having an affair or preparing the ground for another man....

smartgirl63 I am torn between feeling miserable and feeling selfish
  • replies: 8

I am in my 40s and have been with my partner for over 20 years. We have two teenage children and a mortgage. I have been unhappy for the last few years. I originally wanted to get married all those years ago but my partner didn't. We separated when w... View more

I am in my 40s and have been with my partner for over 20 years. We have two teenage children and a mortgage. I have been unhappy for the last few years. I originally wanted to get married all those years ago but my partner didn't. We separated when we were in out 20s for about 3 months and after we got back together I developed a compulsive gambling problem and he had an affair. Somehow we worked through this and about 6 months after all of this came out I became pregnant with our first child. Having children, getting our first mortgage, having a tenant that ripped us off as well as my partner being stuck in a terrible work situation kept us busy, distracted and united for so many years. I would be lying if I said I didn't love him but I can truly say that in the past few years I have completely fallen out of love with him. When we first got together and after he had the affair he said many times that he didn't think humans were meant to be monogamous and that it was natural to be sexually interested in other people. He even suggested that if I needed satisfaction elsewhere that would be ok if it meant we could stay together. I found this threatening to me and I would be very jealous but recently I have found myself uninterested in him sexually and wanting to feel that with someone else. Now after 20 years I did sleep with someone else. It was meant to be simply a sexual experience and he is much younger than I am so I was pretty sure he wouldn't want anything more. The problem is that we have become very good friends and the sex I had with him was the best I have ever had. The end result is that I know I'm no longer interested in being in this relationship, but I don't want to break up my family. No one has done anything wrong or different except for me. I feel so much conflict all the time and feel like I am faking my life. I can be cheerful and happy in front of people or at work but when I get stuck in my head about the way I feel, or when I hang around with my younger friends (one of whom is the guy I slept with), these are the only times I feel like I'm actually being myself. I have genuine fun with my younger friends and people make fun of my for it, like I'm just a deluded mid-life-crisis victim. When I'm stuck in my head with my thoughts this is genuine too but very distressing. I am seeing a psychiatrist and have been diagnosed depressed and am on medication. I just don't know what to do. I can't afford to move out.

mt1984 ">Partner's online relationship, what do I do?
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, after some thoughts, advice or anything else that can be offered.Without going into too much detail I have recently (accidentally) discovered that my long term partner has been carrying on an online relationship/fantasy life with a friend of... View more

Hi guys, after some thoughts, advice or anything else that can be offered.Without going into too much detail I have recently (accidentally) discovered that my long term partner has been carrying on an online relationship/fantasy life with a friend of hers who lives overseas. It appears she has plans to end things, quit her job and move to be with him (I'm not sure if I should treat this seriously or if it is just a fantasy?).Things haven't been good in the relationship for some time and this has just served to bring matters to a head. Our sex life is non existent (her choice not mine) and getting her to make any kind of commitment to the relationship is like pulling teeth (yet despite these issues she has been talking about wanting kids for the last year or so).I am financially stable, work in a relatively high paying job in a growth industry and bought my own house young (she couldn't be part of it at the time because she was still a student). I take financial responsibility for the house and everything else is shared but for the last 3 years or so I have suggested that we take shared responsibility for the payments and I make her a legal owner. When this failed I suggested selling and buying a place of our own, she seemed more interested but has never really followed through.Sex is a rarity and hasn't happened for over a year now, I tried to initiate for a long time but being constantly rejected wasn't good for my self esteem and it became easier to just not try. Hugs, kisses, hand holding and general romance is lacking too. I wouldn't consider myself a romantic person but I like to feel loved.We have spoken about this in the past and she says she is either tired or doesn't feel comfortable with her body (she has put on around 20kg since we started dating). I have suggested exercise might help and try to get her involved in cycling, walking or rowing (all of which are very convenient in our location) but instead she starts fad diets and joins the gym, neither of which last.Full disclosure, when I was most down about the lack of sex and intimacy I sought and found a mistress. The relationship was only sexual and she was aware of my situation and did not expect me to leave it. I felt terrible and couldn't handle the sneaking around and double life and ended it. I still speak to this woman occasionally and she tries to offer suggestions to help sort out my relationship.

Stephen_P Loss of fiencee
  • replies: 2

I moved into a flat complex and after a few months met a really nice lady of 32 (I was 43) We really got on well and had great connection, but we did have communication issues. I also had Anxiety and meltdowns where I'd snap at her about something, t... View more

I moved into a flat complex and after a few months met a really nice lady of 32 (I was 43) We really got on well and had great connection, but we did have communication issues. I also had Anxiety and meltdowns where I'd snap at her about something, then feel like everything had collapsed, I was a monster and it was all over. Id go offline for days. At the time, I was doing 3x 15 hour days in a row due to TAFE. We got engaged as part of the inertia of our relationship. We were both virgins. I had more and more anxiety about the reception, and eventually blew up at Fiancée even though it wasn’t anything to do with her. Put a 'trial breakup in' her family closed up and even though we got back together after a few days as usual, I felt I was on the outer. I got more and more negative until Fiancée said 'well I think the wedding should be cancelled' I went into shock and started cancelling stuff. I was in Grief shock and couldn’t talk properly to her, but wanted to contact her so I was split both ways. There was then a lot of stuff going on where I tried to get back, and she would rebuff, then she may have tried to get back and I panicked and ran away. I also moved out of the flat which probably wasn’t a good sign for her, but I couldn’t handle her presence, even the sound of her opening her garage. All this settled down to 4 years of me scenarioising about what she was doing and hoping I could get back to her. Without contacting her. I cannot release from this!!! Last Weekend I contacted mother because I wanted to try to ‘catch up’, who told me she has a boyfriend since early this year, they are having sex, is living with the guy and that the mother doesn't see her much. This really hurts because obviously she was not comfortable with me, but is with this person. She is in a Comfortable and Powerful relationship. I'm the last dog in the shop. I am REALLY grieving *again* for the loss of my life partner – due to me, and that she has moved on, but not me. I am scared because I only met this person by good fortune when I moved in I won’t have that opportunity to meet someone again as I’m not social. I don’t want to live a single life! I want to be loved, and to love, but it feels impossible. I am taking Anxiety meds, but history doesn't change.

travelsoul confused and divided
  • replies: 9

Well i have a girlfriend of 3 years and my family who she sees them using me and i see as our close family ties my parents live in a granny flat on my land so im linked to my brother and sister visiting often my girlfriend thinks im be used . When i ... View more

Well i have a girlfriend of 3 years and my family who she sees them using me and i see as our close family ties my parents live in a granny flat on my land so im linked to my brother and sister visiting often my girlfriend thinks im be used . When i like my family visiting . My parents pay a rent and are very helpfull to me with my yard as im away a lot as a truckdriver. I understand my girlfriend but she cant see how close our family are and i understand her point but i love her as well. Thankyou

Posie Replacing adult children with animals
  • replies: 1

Hi, new to all this do here goes. I have adult children and grandies that mean the world to me, however my children can be quite critical of me and my hoarding and my habit of getting more and more pets. I have told one that at least the animals love... View more

Hi, new to all this do here goes. I have adult children and grandies that mean the world to me, however my children can be quite critical of me and my hoarding and my habit of getting more and more pets. I have told one that at least the animals love me unconditionally and love cuddles, hugs and don't back answer . Have been told off that I spend too much and will never own my own house . I enjoy although have to push myself to do craft work and have the habit of wanting to run before I crawl. Funnily enough at moment I have issues with both of my knees which have crushed my hopes of work and voluntary things I am used of doing. Even driving has been an issue in the past, no real support and bedroom antics are minimal due to pain and loss of interest. At moment looking after friends chickens and another's dog to go with the three that I already have. Not yo mention my own menagerie of chickens and geese and cats. Sorry this is muddled. Too much going on in my brain.

glimmer_of_light Hatred by daughter
  • replies: 21

Not sure whether or not my daughter has taken drugs or still on drugs, but her personality and behaviour has dramactically changed. My husband and I have bent over backwards to encourage her, support her (especially financially wise the past year). S... View more

Not sure whether or not my daughter has taken drugs or still on drugs, but her personality and behaviour has dramactically changed. My husband and I have bent over backwards to encourage her, support her (especially financially wise the past year). She is 18, has just recently moved in with boyfriend whom we don't know very well at all. Tried to avoid the situation at all costs but unfortunately the law was outta our hands. One month ago after paying for and organising her 18 she suddenly has wiped me (mother), father and sister totally from her life. Does not want to see us, talk to us and has blocked my number. Leading up to this she has been saying things that were very paranoia in nature. I know for a fact that the students she hung around with were on drugs. She has portrayed some signs perhaps of either drug use (presumed no evidence) or mental health illness or both. Rumors in school grounds were circulated. For three months approx this year her skin on her face got really bad and nothing seemed to clear it. Eventually went on antibiotic/skin solution regime for approx 3 months. She always has bruising up both legs, and has distance herself from all of her friends. Didn't really seem to have many anyway. Now she says the most hurtful things without any remorse or reasoning. Is there any one out there that has any personal experience on the level whereby could shed some light. ? Ice- some of the traits kinda lead to this drug. Although was still maintaining studies at VCE level, and going to work. I'm beside myself as I think she is at risk- unfortunately nothing I can do over 18.

Downgirl Husband leaving me because of depression/alcohol
  • replies: 3

I really don't know where to start so I will just ramble on! I think I have had low level depression/anxiety for a long time, it started when I was about 15 (I am now much older!). I had terrible body/image issues in my teenage years. My grades suffe... View more

I really don't know where to start so I will just ramble on! I think I have had low level depression/anxiety for a long time, it started when I was about 15 (I am now much older!). I had terrible body/image issues in my teenage years. My grades suffered in high school so I took an office job and left home early. This was because I have an overbearing and controlling mother. She has put me down all her life, never wanted children (tells me constantly), criticises everything I do and say and is never in my corner about anything. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life, failed relationships, dead end jobs. I make bad choices. I have been married for 13 years with two gorgeous children who are the light(s) of my life but the bottle has become my enemy. My husband told me six months ago he wanted to leave the marriage. He didn't actually blame the alcohol, he just said I haven't been there for him (he lost his father two years ago) and that we have nothing in common. I have also been made redundant at the same time as all of this. The thought of bringing up two children under 12, one of whom is only just started school, alone is terrifying to me. I am not on anti-depressants. I should be, I don't take them because my mother has been a pill addict for 40 years but this is probably better than drink. Anyhow, the bottom line is I am middle aged, two small children, no job and husband wants out. Yes he will have to support me financially but that is not the issue. His rejection has done nothing to help my depression and booze issues, it makes me want to drink more. The drinking is causing mood swings, aggressive behaviour and irrational actions. I have seen a counsellor. She asked me to ask my husband if he would support me while I got counselling. His response was 'no, it's your problem and I don't want to enable you'. Is this his own grief or did I make a serious mistake marrying him? We are both in a state of angst and depression and making each other worse. This is very bad for the children. We have tried counselling so I guess we are done. Anyway, thanks for listening to my waffle, it does help to write it down.

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