feeling worthless and unlovable

[Loz43]

I was in a loveless marriage for 6 years before I had enough. My ex husband didn't feel the need to work with me to make things better, making me feel not worth the effort. Also during that time my eldest son got into serious trouble with the police and into hard drugs. I had to deal with all this all on my own as the ex wasn't supportive. I have been separated and divorced now for just over 3 years. I have tried dating and have dated a few men over the last 3 years and thinking some of them might be interested in a relationship but they ditched me and disappeared after getting what they want, yet again making me feel unlovable. I know the old saying of you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. I do love myself, I am a good, caring and nurturing person. I have friends and my kids love me so I just don't know what is wrong with me and that I can't find a partner to share my life with. This seems to be hindering my recovery of depression and no I don't think finding love will cure it but it will give me someone to share and lean on.

[AGrace]

Hi Loz,

I wanted to start by saying it's so refreshing to hear someone talk about themselves in such a positive way. It sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders. 

It can be quite a difficult situation to be in, when you are ready to move on and find someone new but you keep finding the wrong type of person. I'd start by saying it's nothing against you, as tough as it may be to believe that. Where have you been looking for love? It can be ideal to meet people via different platforms. You might join a community group, start a hobby, join a social networking site/group, Internet dating just to name a few. This way you are exposed to a wide variety of people,  with varying interests.

I'd also suggest starting out as friends first. Really get to know the person and what they are looking for from a partner. If things dont start to match your wants or needs then there's no point taking it further. 

You're right, loving yourself needs to come first, and I'd also add to that embracing being single. Enjoy the luxury of not being dependant on someone else, this will ensure you maintain healthy level of independence when you do meet the right one.

Are your depression symptoms still pretty prominent? 

Hope to hear back from you. 

AGrace

[Loz43]

Hi AGrace, thank you for your response. I have tried internet dating and they talk the talk but when it comes down to it they are only after one thing. When I am out of my current slump I am going to think about doing something different. It is so hard to be motivated when I feel so tired all the time. I am about to start counselling and am getting reviewed by a psychiatrist regarding my medication as my GP has me on max dose and I still feel like crap. I am comfortable being single as I pretty much have been for the last 10 years. All I want is someone to lean on, to actually feel loved and appreciated, like everyone else I guess. My best friend is great but she just doesn't fully understand my depression and gets cranky at me when I feel unsociable and she hates me doing online dating.

I try to look on the positive side of things and believe that things happen for a reason and when they are supposed to but with my depression is gets hard sometimes.

Loz