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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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SubduedBlues Where is my friend?
  • replies: 11

Growing up my family moved very often. In fact I never attended the same school more than two years consecutive. As an adult I joined the military and moved to different towns quite often myself. As a result of my nomadic lifestyle growing up, I beca... View more

Growing up my family moved very often. In fact I never attended the same school more than two years consecutive. As an adult I joined the military and moved to different towns quite often myself. As a result of my nomadic lifestyle growing up, I became quite used to meeting new people and speaking with strangers. Unfortunately I really didn't have any friends last more than a couple of years. So I suppose I really didn't learn how to make a long term relationship work until after I got married. And then it was always the hard way. My only long term friend, outside of a work colleague, has been my wife. Now she's gone. I can make short acquaintances for a couple hours, but nothing that is likely to last more than to the next time I bump into them at the next public social. No real friendship ever cones. Come to think of it, the last time anyone ever rang to ask me to participate in a social event was when I was in the military. Over 30 years ago. No one wants to be friends with someone who has issues. So any idea where someone with problems goes to meet people with problems?

Sankhata No friends
  • replies: 2

Hi, Im new to the forums. I guess Ive ended up here looking for some advise. Im not sure if Im depressed. I know I have unhealthy thinking patterns sometimes. I think Im more dysthymic which I guess is a form of depression. I practice meditation, exe... View more

Hi, Im new to the forums. I guess Ive ended up here looking for some advise. Im not sure if Im depressed. I know I have unhealthy thinking patterns sometimes. I think Im more dysthymic which I guess is a form of depression. I practice meditation, exercise and use st johns wort so I seem to be managing it ok at the moment. My main concern is a pattern I see in my relationships that has been ongoing for many years, decades in fact. I just cannot seem to maintain friendships with anyone. I end up feeling very disappointed in people. I meet people and at first I seem to click well with them then they will do or say something nasty, spiteful or thoughtless etc and it turns me off them and I go into avoid mode. I also discover quite often after Ive known someone for a while that they have issues with alcohol. For example once they start to drink they can't or dont stop and end up really legless and abusive. A nasty streak is revealed. This has happened to me often enough to make me feel like its not a coincidence and that perhaps Im attracted to these sorts of people. My father was an abusive alcoholic and Im wondering if there is something about these people that feels comfortable or familiar to me because of my childhood??? Anyway so I end up preferring to be alone because I just find people way to difficult to deal with. I cannot tolerate the substance abuse, the dramas, the egos, the petty jealousies and resentment etc etc. The problem is I feel very lonely and long to connect with people in a meaningful way but never meet people who I consider mentally healthy enough to want in my life. I know nobody is perfect and I am far from it but surely there are people out there who are on a path towards self realisation instead of self destruction. Where do you meet healthy likeminded people in this money, looks, status, alcohol obsessed society?

white knight CHILDREN- do you love unconditionally?
  • replies: 3

I'll try to be specific in this long torturous journey with my youngest daughter. My eldest daughter (now 25) left her mothers home at 12yo and never went back. she had been subjected to emotional abuse like I had been when I was married for 11 years... View more

I'll try to be specific in this long torturous journey with my youngest daughter. My eldest daughter (now 25) left her mothers home at 12yo and never went back. she had been subjected to emotional abuse like I had been when I was married for 11 years. My eldest has zero contact with her mother for that reason. My youngest daughter is more like her mother in nature, has adopted her behaviour and both my eldest daughter and myself have had difficulty keeping a relationship with her together. Subsequently my eldest wont have anything to do with her younger sister. I first tasted problems with my youngest when she was 14yo. Since she was 4yo she spent every second w/end with me and more time over school holidays. Then out of the blue "I dont want to see you anymore". Just like her mother she gave no reason and went silent. I endured years of on and off silence from her mother during our marriage. I was afraid she had picked up her mothers traits. The on and off again relationship started from there. As a dad I'd supported her financial over and beyond her mothers child support including a one off extra payment to cover her dental/jaw operations , a total of $14000. So there should be no concern there. It ends up a guessing game. I always prided myself to loving my children unconditionally. Up until last week it wouldnt matter what my children did to me, I would always be there for them- always. But last week at the end of a 6 weeks period of my youngest having e as a friend on Facebook then dropping e off without warning....I came to the conclusion after 8 years of this yo-yo relationship, always at her whim, that it was over. I've withdrawn my fatherhood from her. She doesnt know it yet. When she again want to come bck into my life I will ask her to explain what she wants...if it doesnt not include an apology, a recognition of her hurt to me, then there is no reason for me to chat further. eg the door is a tiny bit ajar but in reality I know her spot on her leopard skin wont change. This stance is unusual for me. How much is enough? Losing the love of a child can be heart wrenching. Many times over and it can drain you, hurt you indescribably and other loving friends and family watch you decline until you get yourself together again. There is a time, a moment that comes around when you say- no more. For many of us it is a form of survival, emotional survival, so you can more on to focus more on those that really love you- unconditionally, the way you love them..

Loz43 feeling worthless and unlovable
  • replies: 2

I was in a loveless marriage for 6 years before I had enough. My ex husband didn't feel the need to work with me to make things better, making me feel not worth the effort. Also during that time my eldest son got into serious trouble with the police ... View more

I was in a loveless marriage for 6 years before I had enough. My ex husband didn't feel the need to work with me to make things better, making me feel not worth the effort. Also during that time my eldest son got into serious trouble with the police and into hard drugs. I had to deal with all this all on my own as the ex wasn't supportive. I have been separated and divorced now for just over 3 years. I have tried dating and have dated a few men over the last 3 years and thinking some of them might be interested in a relationship but they ditched me and disappeared after getting what they want, yet again making me feel unlovable. I know the old saying of you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. I do love myself, I am a good, caring and nurturing person. I have friends and my kids love me so I just don't know what is wrong with me and that I can't find a partner to share my life with. This seems to be hindering my recovery of depression and no I don't think finding love will cure it but it will give me someone to share and lean on.

hopeless_amp_helpless I just ended a friendship with my ex but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do...I'm so confused & it's complicated
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, I just ended a friendship with my ex a couple of days ago but I'm not sure it was the right choice as he was a positive influence in my life.....I think anyway...maybe you guys can enlighten me? I'm writing to you people here so I don't cave... View more

Hi guys, I just ended a friendship with my ex a couple of days ago but I'm not sure it was the right choice as he was a positive influence in my life.....I think anyway...maybe you guys can enlighten me? I'm writing to you people here so I don't cave in and write to him coz my head is all over the place at the moment and I need to know I'm doing the right thing before I say or do anything. We haven't been a couple for about 5 years but stayed friends all this time. My depression was what made us break up, he just couldn't deal with me yelling and screaming at him and taking out all of my anger and frustration on him. We didn't 'break up' like normal couples do. I was so dependant on him that we never had that time apart from each other. I would just keep calling him and we'd meet up and hang out and I got stuck in a cycle where I would hope that we would get back together but he didn't love me anymore.....I just couldn't accept that there was no chance of us getting back together. To his credit, he did stick by me as a friend and he even helped me find alternative treatment overseas. This alternative treatment lasted for about 6 weeks and I felt amazing. I really thought I was ok with us just being friends but now the feeling has faded and reality is setting in & I'm not OK with just being friends. We did start up a sexual relationship when I came back from being overseas but then I decided to stop because I realised that having sex with him didn't mean that we were back together and that he didn't love me but I was ok then to just have some fun with him. Once I started to recognise the signs of my depression returning, I thought it would be best if I stopped contacting him coz I didn't want to put him through all the crap he had to deal with before. I emailed him to let him know that for his sake, I was going to stop seeing him. I thought it was better for him to not have anything to do with me coz I don't wanna bring him down with me and I feel like I'm preventing him from moving on with his life. I thought that I was doing him a favour...giving him a way out. I feel like I'm being selfish by keeping him in my life but he's my only real friend. I do enjoy his company but I just can't get caught up in the cycle of wanting to get back together again. It's been 2 days since I contacted him and this is the longest I've ever gone without talking to him. I hope I have the strength to stay away and let him move on with his life.

nlr enough is enough....
  • replies: 11

This is weird. i know i have a problem yet i don't know what it is. To now I've lived what i thought was a good life. travelled, great jobs and financial freedom. The world i live in now is nothing like that. I mad poor judgements in trusting people ... View more

This is weird. i know i have a problem yet i don't know what it is. To now I've lived what i thought was a good life. travelled, great jobs and financial freedom. The world i live in now is nothing like that. I mad poor judgements in trusting people in business and now have lost it all. I can live with that, after all its just money... i would have gladly given every cent i have for happiness. In the last few years I have met two women. The first one lied and manipulated me when all i did was show love, respect and honesty. She took a major piece of me when i finally picked up the courage to walk. It was hard... probably one of the hardest times in my whole life. I lost a lot of myself when things ended. I never thought i could be with someone again. Then something happened. I met a amazing beautiful soul who welcomed me into her arms and her life. She showed me how to love again and feel good, no.. great. Only two weeks ago she wrote in my birthday card, 'thank you for being a beautiful part of my life and making me so happy'.Now i sit here not even 24 hours after we broke up. I'm lost. I'm in a dark place. I'm tired. I'm really over it. I have lost the willpower and the desire to keep going. I never thought I would be this way. I thought depression was a lame excuse, when my mother first told me she was battling it i didn't believe it. Now i know what it is and I can see how destructive it is. Now i sit here as a person that can't do anything right. i feeluseless and un necessary to this world. the hurt and pain in me is not worth living with for the lack of anything else. I have no friends that i can trust, no partner to love and nothing but problems. So I ask this.. When does enough become enough? Why try and move on just to be shot back down? The darkness in my life has now consumed my mind and body. I'm sick of living on 2hours sleep, sick of the pain and sick of the hurt. I am so, so tired.....

Anthony1 Separation with Kids Involved
  • replies: 4

Hi, My marriage is ending after almost ten years. We have two wonderful kids together. The relationship has been under stress for a couple of years. Main problem has been my wife is very aggressive and wants things a certain way and in the face of th... View more

Hi, My marriage is ending after almost ten years. We have two wonderful kids together. The relationship has been under stress for a couple of years. Main problem has been my wife is very aggressive and wants things a certain way and in the face of this I retreat and avoid conflict. This is a very broad explanation of course. I have been studying at uni to become a teacher but have had to defer until things get better. My wife has already started seeing someone else and stays with him alot and the kids miss her. I have to try and get a new job so I can move out and get a nice place for my kids near their school but its so expensive. I don't know whats going to happen and my main concern is my kids and my mental health. I am seeing a counsellor and talk to friends. Initially my wife suppported me staying in our unit and continuing with uni but things change every day it seems and now she wants me to find a job and move out so she can rent the place out. Feeling lost and like life has taken a surreal turn. I just want to be set up with my kids in a nice place, but I don't feel like I have any control. I want to avoid any legal stuff and to behave like "adults" but its hard...

boilingpoint I think my mum is a narcissist
  • replies: 22

I am 40 and have just realised whats wrong with my mother, I think she has NPD. Last straw was when she picked a fight (wasn't really a fight) packed her bags while staying at my house and just left 3 days before xmas. Like I was not worth talking to... View more

I am 40 and have just realised whats wrong with my mother, I think she has NPD. Last straw was when she picked a fight (wasn't really a fight) packed her bags while staying at my house and just left 3 days before xmas. Like I was not worth talking to sort things out, left me very easily. So I have decided no contact was the way to go. Realised a grieved for a mother a never really had but wanted so much, relaised she never did really love me and never will. Though do I still let her see my kids - her grandkids? Is it fair to not let her see her grandkids though what if she hurts them too as they grow older? they are 2 and 3

Brokenandbruised I've lost the love of my life
  • replies: 2

I'm not sure what to do.. I've tried everything.. Maybe someone can offer me some advice. I met a wonderful guy online about 3 months ago. We haven't met in person yet , he lives in another state. But we had gotten very close. We would chat on messen... View more

I'm not sure what to do.. I've tried everything.. Maybe someone can offer me some advice. I met a wonderful guy online about 3 months ago. We haven't met in person yet , he lives in another state. But we had gotten very close. We would chat on messenger each day, on the phone and on Skype. We had long video chats on Skype and even kept Skype on during the night as we slept. I fell in love with him, and I think he did with me as well. We talked about a future together. I was seriously thinking about moving to live with him. We were making plans for me to visit him. Then about 5 days ago, I made a terrible mistake. I got insecure about a female friend he had. He still said he loved me, but I felt very unsure. So I started talking to other men online. It wasn't to find someone else, but more to protect myself. I didn't want him to be my only option. I was worried he would fall for this woman, and I'd be devastated and alone. He found out what I wrote and said I betrayed him. Because I was saying similar things to these other men that I had said to him. He accused me of cheating, even though there wasn't any sexual or romantic element to my conversations. We weren't officially in a relationship yet, and he'd always said I can do what I want. So I was confused as to how I cheated. Now he's barely talking to me. He told me as a consequence of my actions, he and his friend are 'closer', implying they might get romantically involved. And last night he said the only thing he's considering now is whether he wants to stay friends with me. He said we can't be more than that now. I asked to come and visit so we could meet and talk In person. He said it's not a good idea. I've apologise so many times to him. But he says I went too far, because also of hateful things I said. He said I've hurt him very badly. He said he can't trust me and can't forgive me. He thinks I was faking my feelings for him. But I told him I wasn't and I was insecure. I've told him how much I love him. But nothing is working.. We had something very rare and special. He used to say that too. He was my best friend and the man I love. He saw all these qualities in me other people miss. We just got each other.. Now he says I'm a stranger. I feel empty without him. He became an important part of my life. For the first time in a long time I had hope for the future. I'm afraid I've lost him for good. If we stay friends, I'm not sure I could handle it if he becomes involved with this woman.

youaretall123 Moved house, broke up with partner... single, lonely and crying alot.
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have spent 6 months building my dream house. I realised my partner was not for me during this and broke up with him (8.5years) Was feeling really good about it all. 2 days ago I moved into my new house, alone. I said goodbye to my old place of ... View more

Hi, I have spent 6 months building my dream house. I realised my partner was not for me during this and broke up with him (8.5years) Was feeling really good about it all. 2 days ago I moved into my new house, alone. I said goodbye to my old place of 15 years and familiarity. The fact that I am single has hit me, my new house does'nt feel like home and I have no motivation to unpack. I feel so lonely. I have many friends but they are busy with family and their own lives. I also have to step back into my old life pre renovation which is casual work and does'nt fullfill my time as much as I would like. This is daunting. I have started a part time course to gain more work though. There was also a mutual attraction with one of my carpenters. I hav'nt been on a date, but he kissed me one night. We have known each other for 6 months. I thought he might be someone to look forward to knowing and dating. But I can't allow my hopes to run away with me. I have to put that hope away for now. I want to stop crying and feel my motivation again. It was there only a few days ago and know it's gone.