Moved house, broke up with partner... single, lonely and crying alot.

[youaretall123]

Hi,

I have spent 6 months building my dream house. I realised my partner was not for me during this and broke up with him (8.5years) Was feeling really good about it all.

2 days ago I moved into my new house, alone. I said goodbye to my old place of 15 years and familiarity. The fact that I am single has hit me, my new house does'nt feel like home and I have no motivation to unpack. I feel so lonely. I have many friends but they are busy with family and their own lives. 

I also have to step back into my old life pre renovation which is casual work and does'nt fullfill my time as much as I would like. This is daunting. I have started a part time course to gain more work though.

There was also a mutual attraction with one of my carpenters. I hav'nt been on a date, but he kissed me one night. We have known each other for 6 months. I thought he might be someone to look forward to knowing and dating. But I can't allow my hopes to run away with me. I have to put that hope away for now. 

I want to stop crying and feel my motivation again. It was there only a few days ago and know it's gone. 

[JessF]

Hello youaretall123, what a dreadful thing to have your dream house build coincide with you breaking up with your partner. It is no wonder that you are associating the two in your mind. Was this a project that was yours alone, or was it a joint thing?  If it was something that the two of you worked on, I can imagine that it will be difficult to be in a place that is a constant reminder of what you have lost.

If not, and this really was your dream and yours alone, then I feel you should be kind to yourself and give yourself some time. This could turn out to be a good thing: yes you are away from your old place, warm and familiar, but this could also be your chance to start new with an empty canvas.  If you were still in your old place, you would still be feeling the grief of losing your relationship.  Try not to let these two things become enmeshed in your mind.

And as for your friends... I think you might be falling prey to a common thing that happens when we are depressed: we think that we are unimportant and that the people around us don't care, or don't care ENOUGH. Your friends will understand what a big thing it is for you to have broken up with your partner, and that you are in a new place by yourself.  Why not invite a few of them round at the weekend, order some pizzas, and get them to help you unpack?  Make a social thing out of it.  Surround yourself with a love and support you deserve.  

[AGrace]

Hi youaretall,

It's been a week since your first post, so I was wondering how you are gettingon in your new house?

You mentioned this was your dream home that you were building, have you given some thought to why it was/is your dream home? Is it location, size, the fact that it has everything you wanted in a home? In terms of unpacking, I'm not sure if you have progressed with this, but start small. Focus on one room at a time, and think back to how you wanted your dream house to look.

In terms of the ending of your relationship how are you feeling about this now? I think you were fortunate to have made your realisation before moving in to your new home. Otherwise you would have had your partner associated with your dream house.

I think Jess has made a valid point regarding your friends. Of course your friends are going to be busy, but they are your friends for a reason so I'm sure they will want to celebrate you moving in with you. It might be worthwhile asking each of them to help you with unpacking, maybe not all in one day but across a few weekends. They would also want to know if you are struggling with the loss of your relationship. Have you spoken to any of them about how you are feeling?

The carpenter...If you think this has potential then go for it, what have you got to lose? Sometimes because of our low mood we think it best to put things on hold until we are feeling better. In reality doing these things can actually make us feel better. Do you have the opportunity to contact this person? Maybe give them a call or send them a text and see if they would like to catch up. They could be thinking the same thing you are.

Your new home will feel more familiar over time. At the moment it feels like a house but as soon as you start decorating it and creating memories in it it will start to feel like a warm inviting atmosphere.

I hope you will get back to us, I'd be keen to hear how you are going.

AGrace