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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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S18 Need to talk, but no one to talk to!
  • replies: 12

Hi guys, I'm new to this website and I have joined seeking someone to listen and to confide in as at the moment I feel like their is just no one I can speak to about what I am currently going through!I have a lot of friends but not any that I can pro... View more

Hi guys, I'm new to this website and I have joined seeking someone to listen and to confide in as at the moment I feel like their is just no one I can speak to about what I am currently going through!I have a lot of friends but not any that I can properly talk to and confide in until I met my boss. We first started chatting and it was just about work etc and slowly the chat got more and more off topic and we became really close friends. He is honestly the only person I feel like I can just be myself with and talk to about anything besides my partner. As this relationship grew strong naturally some feelings started to pop up (more on his behalf , but a bit on mine too) and he made it pretty clear to me that he finds it too hard for us to chat all the time like we have done for so long because he wants more. We decided after a long chat that it would be in both of our best interests that we text and talk less and only see each other at work (once a week) or in small groups so their was no temptations ( I am engaged happily with a baby). And while I thought this was going to be hard and sad as we spoke so regularly I accepted because that's what needed to happen.last night I received a message from him saying that it was the last message he would be sending me ever and that he was deleting my number following the message and request for me to do the same also. I'm feeling absolutely gutted that we can go from being such good best friends to him cutting all ties and going to the extent of deleting my number and being so harsh in doing so. It's like there is a piece of me missing and honestly my heart actually hurts and I'm just on the verge of crying all the time. I can't talk to my partner or my family because of the feelings that were shared and I don't want my partner to get cross with him. And most of my other friends are work colleagues and really shouldn't know about this. I don't know if I'm being silly or what butI' m just feeling so low and hurting inside and I really just needed to tell someone that would listen beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Frenchie2817 Please help me to understand...!
  • replies: 6

Hi there! So basically I moved overseas with my partner for a few years & within that time both of my best friends (of 15 years) got married within 6 months. Due to financial reasons I couldn't afford to go back once let alone twice within 6 months s... View more

Hi there! So basically I moved overseas with my partner for a few years & within that time both of my best friends (of 15 years) got married within 6 months. Due to financial reasons I couldn't afford to go back once let alone twice within 6 months so I chose not to go to either. The result of that was I lost them & everyone else around me. I have since come home & I'm struggling with having no friends around & I don't know what I can do to make it better. I've tried countless times to apologise but neither of them want to hear it nor do they understand. I've deleted all social media cause I cannot handle seeing it all anymore & it was making me feel borderline suicidal. How do I start all over again? How do I make new friends? Frenchie2817

Woody123 How to I find happiness again?
  • replies: 5

I'm an easy going guy who is new to Beyond Blue though I have been suffering from depression for a long time. I have always gone that extra step to try to help other people who have problems yet I feel so isolated in my own personal pain. I came to A... View more

I'm an easy going guy who is new to Beyond Blue though I have been suffering from depression for a long time. I have always gone that extra step to try to help other people who have problems yet I feel so isolated in my own personal pain. I came to Australia 10 years ago with my wife of 19 years and my young son. It started out by being a wonderful experience and there is no reason why I shouldn't be happy here. I am older than my wife by 11 years. I am now 65 and she is 53 though she looks 20 years younger. For most of my marriage she was loving and devoted then, overnight, she suddenly changed. For the past 5 years she has been argumentative to the extreme and she did everything possible to force me out of the house. Apparently, she got some advice about the divorce laws in Australia and the division of assets. She took out an intervention order on me which keeps me out of my home and curtails any communication between us. She tried to claim child support from me but that backfired as my son has chosen to live with me (he was under stress too). She is now after her share of the marital assets which will leave me with insufficient for my retirement. My real loss is the love that I had for her and the sense of rejection that I feel. We have been separated for 11 months and I must now enter into the divorce process. Where has love gone? How can someone I've devoted my life to change so quickly and so violently?

Progmaster Abandoned by a close friend
  • replies: 6

Hey all, my name is Matt and I have Bipolar II and Aspergers. I recently chose to end a friendship with a girl who I work with and is quite a bit younger than me (and it was a friendship, nothing more). We shared a lot of laughs, went to see bands to... View more

Hey all, my name is Matt and I have Bipolar II and Aspergers. I recently chose to end a friendship with a girl who I work with and is quite a bit younger than me (and it was a friendship, nothing more). We shared a lot of laughs, went to see bands together, shared the same sense of humour and just really clicked. She is a much more guarded person than me, however, and she became a little less comfortable after I told her about my condition and symptoms. But we remained close and she said she would always be there for me. One time, I had a major alcoholic meltdown in front of her and her friends. A couple of months later, we were both drunk and got into a shouting match because I made a statement and she loudly belittled my statement with opinions I found totally offensive. I didn't talk to her for a week but we patched it up. Around this time, I started going to the gym, rarely drinking, jogging, entering fun runs, all of which made me feel so much better. I maintain this lifestyle to this day. Anyway, while I was making all this effort and being much more positive, this is the time my friend decides to give me really negative, passive aggressive vibes whenever I tried to have a conversation. This went on for months, I was feeling belittled and humiliated and one time when I asked to eat lunch with her, she lied that she was going to be out of the office to avoid having to eat lunch with me. We were once such close friends and even though my behaviour was sometimes far from perfect, I always learned from my mistakes and was overall a really loyal and supportive friend to her. She even helped organise a mental health workshop through her sporting club! So, finally, after months of negative vibes from her while I'm doing everything possible to improve myself, I recently unfriended her on Facebook and sent her a lengthy but very respectful message explaining that I was going to cut her loose as a friend and pointing out her strange, cold behaviour to me during an overall positive time in my life. She messaged back that things sometimes run their course, that she supposed she had changed but that was natural too. So now we are just work colleagues. Even though I feel the final result is for the best, I am still confused, upset and hurt that this once very close friendship has died. She was one of my very best friends but now I feel raw, hurt and abandoned. I've never had such a close friend freeze me out before. Any advice to help me feel better?

Emski Depressed and getting to the point of uncertainty
  • replies: 5

I' ve been battling depression for the last 13 years, I never thought I had depression until I saw my doctor. I was bullied from grade 5&6 all the way through high school. At first I thought and was convinced that I was the problem because I wasn't s... View more

I' ve been battling depression for the last 13 years, I never thought I had depression until I saw my doctor. I was bullied from grade 5&6 all the way through high school. At first I thought and was convinced that I was the problem because I wasn't sure why I'd always end up with no friends, then I came to realise I was being bullied because people didn't like me.I grew up in the eastern Suburbs of Melbourne and ended up moving to the West when I was 11 (this is when my depression started) I hated that we moved as I lost all of my friends. When I started at my new school I made friends although I was shy at first, not long after I was picked on by a girl who I thought was my friend, this then spiralled as she told the other girls not to like me. Most people thought I was a rich little kid as I always had nice things, and without sound like an idiot I was actually a pretty cute little kid, fair hair, tanned skin etc, as a result jealousy would always come into play. I never went around acting like I was better than anyone and I certainly wasn't, all I wanted to do was fit in.As a result of the bullying I decided to leave high school and start working so I got a full time job. I made friends with some great people who I adore. Few yrs later I ended up changed jobs. I kept in contact with a few girls who I loved very much, one of the girls became my soul mate, we would talk every day. I opened up to her and told her my life story, she too went through depression. She even dragged me to the doctors once as knew that I was troubled, a few years later she ended up killing herself, I had no idea this was even on her mind as she always seemed so happy (I do this too.. put on a happy face when deep down it hurts).Having lost my only true friend I didn't know what to do, I ended up in a car accident (hoping it was the end but it wasn't, I even closed my eyes and relaxed). I got addicted to pain killers and started drinking alcohol. My life was a mess! I was even living on my own so no one was able to see the state I was in. I then turned to illegal drugs.Today I am proud to say that I'm clean, I'm not drinking or taking drugs, I've been trying to get my life back on track but I often question why I'm even bothering, what do I have to live for? this crosses my mind on a weekly if not daily basis. I have no friends, people think my life is perfect but it's not. I don't even feel like I belong to my own family.Not sure where to go or what to do..beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

whitesdream Recently separated and so scared of being alone
  • replies: 2

After 18 years together I split up with my partner about a month ago. The whole thing is very difficult to explain in a few words, but I will try. I’m a very emotional and caring person and all I want in life is to be happy and to be with someone tha... View more

After 18 years together I split up with my partner about a month ago. The whole thing is very difficult to explain in a few words, but I will try. I’m a very emotional and caring person and all I want in life is to be happy and to be with someone that cares for me as much as I care for them. I have little self confidence and suffered from depression right through my teens and mid twenties. I haven't suffered from the depression much for more than 10 years expect from dealing with a fairly serious chronic back issue. The problems that lead to me leaving my partner basically stem from my emotional needs and her not being in touch with her emotions at all and, though she is in many ways a very caring person, the way she shows it is very very limited. After years of my affection being ignored or not reciprocated, plus her work taking precedence over almost everything, I was left feeling very lonely and unloved in the relationship. I just couldn’t handle it anymore and decided it was time to move on. Its been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’m so scared of being alone and I constantly question whether it was the right thing to do. I’ve now moved out, leaving an amazing home, nearly all my belongings and my cats and am living in a pretty crummy rented place with a fairly small room as my space. My moods/feelings are very up and down and some days I struggle a lot, feeling very lonely and depressed. I try to keep as busy as possible to keep my mind off the bad stuff. The only thing that is keeping me going right now is having met a beautiful and caring girl, who I’ve been seeing pretty much since splitting with my ex. She makes me feel things I never thought possible and things seem to be going fairly well, though my recently ended long term relationship and my somewhat excessive enthusiasm for her are freaking her out a bit. When I’m with her I’m completely happy, but as soon as I’m away from her, I’m straight back to feeling extremely down and depressed. She’s going away for 3 weeks in October and I’m really scared how I will handle this time alone. I’m so paranoid that I’m going to mess things up with her and if I end up alone I'm very scared that I will slip into a severe depression and won't have any will to li

RedRebecca Absent grandfather.
  • replies: 4

My husband of 32 years left me 7 years ago. It was so unexpected that I am still sad about it after all this time. Since he left there are now 2 grandchildren which he is not in touch with. I can't stop feeling such strong feelings of sadness when I ... View more

My husband of 32 years left me 7 years ago. It was so unexpected that I am still sad about it after all this time. Since he left there are now 2 grandchildren which he is not in touch with. I can't stop feeling such strong feelings of sadness when I see other grandparents with their grandchildren. He would have been a wonderful grandfather as he was a wonderful father.

LonelyMiss My husband moved out and I'm so alone...
  • replies: 4

I just feel so alone.... He has been my companion for almost 10 years. We have been married for only a few months and he decided to move out only a couple of weeks ago. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore that our relationship was toxic and ... View more

I just feel so alone.... He has been my companion for almost 10 years. We have been married for only a few months and he decided to move out only a couple of weeks ago. He said he didn't want to be with me anymore that our relationship was toxic and that he has been so very unhappy for years..... The signs were all there, the distance, the frustrations, he even told me countless times that it wasn't working and I just ignored it. I didn't want to admit there was something wrong, that things needed to change, I didn't make an effort and now he is gone, and I am so very very alone. We are still together just living apart, going to reassess our relationship at the end of the year, but is it too late? Has he already given up? The nights are the hardest, I am in our apartment, our home all by myself. I have my good moments and then I have some really bad times too, especially at dinner, eating alone and crying myself to sleep. People keep telling me that some space will be good, a chance to discover who we are as individuals, to gain some perspective and to get some me time. But why is it that I feel like his life is going on as usual, that he is coping completely fine without me and I am stuck all alone. I don't know what to do, how to cope.... He has been my everything for years and now I have nothing but lonely nights wondering what he is doing and why he hasn't called. I just want to know if he still loves me, if it is worth making an effort on our relationship, or if I should start moving on. I just want to be happy again, to stop feeling so alone.... Any words of wisdom would be amazing!

TFiend My Girlfriend Sleeps With Another Man
  • replies: 12

My girlfriend has father issue, please keep in mind she's a victim also. Her father kept cheating on her mother, hit her and I can tell that she's always looking for a father figure in her relationship. To be exact, she's looking for rich and powerfu... View more

My girlfriend has father issue, please keep in mind she's a victim also. Her father kept cheating on her mother, hit her and I can tell that she's always looking for a father figure in her relationship. To be exact, she's looking for rich and powerful men. Man who can give her material wise and stamp the bright future on her forehead. I believe she's never realized it, but everyone around her can see her needs, her craving for that. She even had an affair with her principal when she's in senior high. Now we're in relationship for 2 years and, yeah, she's getting much better since she's with me (her brother said it to me). She's 24 right now and I'm 29. The problem is, I'm far from the figure of a father she always wanted. And I worked so hard to be the best for her, I did everything I could to give her what she needs, to make her happy. And now we're in LDR, she takes her master study abroad and unfortunately she met this 55 y/o guy who appeared like a prince charming on a white horse in her eyes. She came honest with me that they already had sex. I feel powerless, humiliated, small and no use to live. Worst than someone spits on your face. Please help me I' m so depressed right now, I know her so well and she did that because of the issue she has. We were happy and very loyal to each other. Please help me, I love her so much. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

SubduedBlues I need to find a bigger rock!
  • replies: 7

These past couple of days I have had to approach a most frightening subject with my teenage children: the breakdown of the marriage between their parents. This was difficult as I didn't want to portray their mother as the guilty party (even though I ... View more

These past couple of days I have had to approach a most frightening subject with my teenage children: the breakdown of the marriage between their parents. This was difficult as I didn't want to portray their mother as the guilty party (even though I wanted to continue with the marriage). Actually I did want to, but doing so wouldn't have done my children any benefit ... so I chose not to. Thus I gave them a watered down version. I said we are struggling, that their mother is having a break whilst she works out what she wants to do. In the meantime I am just weathering the storm. I'm hoping that this approach will be a little easier for them to adapt to, vs saying that their mother just decided to quit. I'm sure I've done something to make staying an undesirable option for her, though for the life of me I haven't a clue what I did. But it has to be there. People don't just leave for the heck of it; do they? Also the kids maternal grandmother is coming up for a visit in Sept. I don't think my wife has said anything about the breakdown to her mother yet. So it will be an interesting week when the mother-in-law and departed wife are back in the house. It's as though the wife is not even considering the impact her actions are having on me or our children. I think she's acting quite selfishly. But do I stoop to her level and refuse her welcome, or rise above and accept her back into our home? Even if just so she can pretend to her own mother? My girls are in two minds on this one. All of our kids are all over 16, so there's unlikely to be any custody battles. But they'll still need to decide where they want to be. This is just so messy and all too hard. Sometimes surviving those life threatening illnesses sucks. Sorry, I'm just feeling the blues tonight. I need to find a bigger rock to crawl under-- hope and despair keep finding their way to me. D'