Please help me to understand...!

[Frenchie2817]

Hi there! 

So basically I moved overseas with my partner for a few years & within that time both of my best friends (of 15 years) got married within 6 months. Due to financial reasons I couldn't afford to go back once let alone twice within 6 months so I chose not to go to either. The result of that was I lost them & everyone else around me. I have since come home & I'm struggling with having no friends around & I don't know what I can do to make it better. I've tried countless times to apologise but neither of them want to hear it nor do they understand. I've deleted all social media cause I cannot handle seeing it all anymore & it was making me feel borderline suicidal. 

How do I start all over again? How do I make new friends?😢

Frenchie2817

[geoff]

dear Frenchie, welcome to BB.

Isn't it amazing that even due to circumstances beyond your control, by lack of finances, some people just don't understand, so it makes you wonder if the same happened with you would they have come to your wedding, chances are they probably they wouldn't have, but to them that would be OK, and you would understand.

Maybe down the track they might come round and realise why you couldn't, but by then the friendship would have long passed.

Common interests would have altered, as they may have a family by then, but if for some reason they do become depressed then they may try and find you, but that's hear say.

I can understand how you feel, but please don't hurt yourself and it may be a good idea to seek some professional help, because by having depression, which is a total curse, it leads to debilitating everything that you do, and I am worried about this.

I would be interested in knowing what type of activities that you were and even now keen on, as this may help answer your question. Geoff.

[Troyboy]

Geoff is 100% right, a lot of people only see how something effects them but rarely think how it would be if the shoe was on the other foot, coming back from overseas twice in six months was not feasible for you at that time in your life, and as your friends they should have understood that, you have done nothing wrong, their behaviour in this says more about them than you.

The part that hurts is, that like all of us we put time and effort into friendships that we think will last a lifetime, but that is not always the case.

Social media is a curse when you are struggling and seeing others getting on with their lives is hard to take so deleting it is a good idea, you don't see it don't worry about it. 

I'm no expert in making friends, but like Geoff said maybe you have some old hobbies, interests, or even friends you may like to reconnect with? Even coming on here to vent with people who understand can help when your feeling low.

But never be afraid to seek help, depression can take a lot out of you and there are people out there that will help you when you need it.

I hope this all is the start off something better for you

Troy...

[Frenchie2817]

Hi Geoff. 

Thank you for your reply & your support. 

I feel as though I have let this take over my life & I hate it. 

I used to go to dancing all the time but I have somehow convinced myself that I'm too old to go out now & do anything but I'm only in my late 20's.

I've been on medication for about a year now which has helped but I can't use it forever. I was seeing a therapist abroad which I don't think helped too much.

Any suggestions? 

Frenchie 

[Frenchie2817]

Hi Troy,

Thank you for you reply & support. 

With regard to the social media - my work said I have to have it (Facebook) to be included in upcoming information & functions but I refuse to do it. They said I need to make a fake profile but I said no because I know what I'm like, I'll search for the girls names just to see what they're doing & I'll spiral downhill all over again.

I think my biggest struggle is having no friends to turn to. I feel like a 20 something year old loser! 

[Troyboy]

Hi Frenchie.

I think you made a great positive step by coming on here to seek advice and understanding in what is a difficult time in your life, I've always felt that talking about something and getting it off your chest is one of the best ways to help feel better, and it's not always about wanting advice, just someone to listen and understand is all we need sometimes.

Does your work understand what difficulties your going through at the moment? Is there anyone there you can confide to about why Facebook is something your trying to avoid? They may have other options for you to be able to stay in contact as far as work is concerned?

There would be not one person reading what you have shared and think your a looser, just a person like the rest of us that is going though a tough time, depression can take a lot from you and in many ways, but you can come through it. Your doing so much right now to help yourself and I'm sure everyone on here is on your side.

Im sorry to hear that you feel you have no one to turn too, but always know that if you post in these forums, you will find someone who will listen, they have been a great help to me during some rough times.

I hope you've had a good day.

Troy..

[SpongCake]

Hi Frenchie

I can identify with your circumstances on many levels and think that you HAVE been badly done by. However, having come onto BB and aired your difficulties I think you have the resources to get up and go again. When my social life has fallen in a heap at times I have found it helpful to join online communities and take up group activities, even though I have had to push myself. I have found some great new friends by joining MeetUp.com to find people who want to meet and go out around shared interests, for instance: photography, wine tasting, short local historical walks or bush walks. These are not things for "pairing up" and everyone understands this- amazing mix of people. Yelp is similar but also has leaders for some activities, eg. I recently toured a heap of art studios with them and met artists at work. All you do is add your name to a list and meet at the agreed place, eg. a cafe. Since you're no longer into social media, I won't go into the groups I've joined through those, but they've helped me.

I hope you find some new pals of all ages like I have!