Miserable & Alone

[Butterfly86]

Hi I'm 28 years old. Have been on anti depressants for a year or two now. Thinking I may need to up them or change. 

I've recently got back into the dating game (since August 2013) after a long on and off type relationship with my ex boyfriend. I have tried the online dating thing, met about 20 guys. Really thinking that its never going to happen for me, 

Everytime I seem to be happy and things are going great its like it just all of a sudden turns to crap. One guy i was seeing for about a month all of a sudden was no longer interested in me. I also fell pregnant to the ex of 10 years back in 2012 and miscarried. This is one thing that everyday i think about. I have dealt with the loss but will never forget. I've always wanted to be a Mummy and have a family. But beginning to think that this is never going to happen. 

I have come on here to just vent to people I don't know and that won't judge me. I kinda just feel a bit numb and lost at the moment. 

[geoff]

dear Butterfly, thank you so much for trusting us to give you some support and maybe suggestions to help you through this ordeal.

I would tend to believe that you suffering from PND, and excuse me for saying this as I'm a male, but my wife ( ex ) also suffered from PND.

Can I ask you a question and it's something which you don't have to answer as it may upset you, but this chap who you met, did he pick up that maybe you were depressed.

Perhaps the girls on here maybe better on replying to you, but I'm still happy to give you support.

Your real want to become a mum is lovely, and to have a relationship for 10 years must be lonely and sad for you, so I am wondering on whether you are still comparing these 20 guys to the previous relationship you once had.

Please if you want get back to us that would be great, because it may give us a bit more information. L Geoff. x

[AGrace]

Hi Butterfly,

I wanted to start by asking in addition to the antidepressants, what professional support are you getting for depression? It may be that you need to review your medications, but do you also feel that it would be worthwhile getting some help with the loss of your baby and the loss of your relationship?

I'm guessing that your self esteem has taken a bit of a beating, so it may be worth working on this before trying to seek a new relationship. People will leave us, and some people may not like us, but if we are confident within ourselves we won't always be blaming ourselves when things don't go as we planned. This is something you could work through with a Psychologist, or you may like to find a support/therapy group you can join.

I'm glad to see you have tried platforms like internet dating. I wanted to share the story of how I met my partner. I was 29 and had just ended an emotionally abusive 10 year relationship. I really started to feel like I'd never meet anyone and that I was destined to be alone and without a much wanted family. I decided to try online dating, and it was here I met my partner. We have been together almost 5 years, and are now in the family planning stage. I hope to give you some hope, it's not too late, you will meet someone who truly deserves you. The benefit in having some failed relationships is that you really begin to know what you don't want from a partner. Try to look for Mr right now, rather than Mr right, and just have fun doing so.

Have you tried meeting people in other ways? Perhaps focusing on you for a little while. Join a sports club, start a hobby or join a group. Maybe even get your friends on board with setting you up. Friends seem to love doing this, and again it can be a bit of fun.

I hope you will post again.

AGrace