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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Amali Confused by a break-up
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have been trying no contact with my ex for about 4 months. By this I mean he has been texting and calling and I have been ignoring. Besides one text to say it's too hard on both of us if we stay in contact and then on Sunday morning he rang wak... View more

Hi, I have been trying no contact with my ex for about 4 months. By this I mean he has been texting and calling and I have been ignoring. Besides one text to say it's too hard on both of us if we stay in contact and then on Sunday morning he rang waking me up, I picked up the phone and he pleaded with me for half an hour to take him back and that he can't not have me in his life. I do really miss him and am equally devastated by the break up as we were building a house together and about to move in. But this is the second break up in 2 years and his actions never match his words, he tells me I deserve better and that he can treat me how I deserve but I just can't risk the pain again, if he let me down a third time. I guess I'm confused by his behaviour as he used to treat me like a princess and then I think a mixture of immaturity, losing his mum to cancer, steroid use, wanting to impress his friends and other girls, got the better of him and changed him for the worst. I guess a small part of me wonders if I made my decision too rashly and gave up on him too soon, but being with him, dealing with his lies and emotional manipulation was just so exhausting it tipped me over the edge. And now I'm even more confused as to why he wants to patch things up when we've already tried that time and time again. He wont give up, we both love each other, the damage is done but how to completely say goodbye to someone who was such a massive part of your life? amali

gnull Friendship makes me lonely
  • replies: 3

Hello I get lonely constantly then when i am with other people i just get more lonely. I have real trouble feeling close to anyone this has been a common theme for most of my life. Sometimes I believe there is no cure for loneliness. I stay home and ... View more

Hello I get lonely constantly then when i am with other people i just get more lonely. I have real trouble feeling close to anyone this has been a common theme for most of my life. Sometimes I believe there is no cure for loneliness. I stay home and feel alone or hang out with ppl and feel more alone there's no winning.

Dustin Lost mother, grandfather then wife cheated
  • replies: 2

I am bairly functioning you wouldn't know it to talk to me I seem like my outgoing self. I can't do anything when I'm at home and alone. I haven't grieved properly over lossing my mother or grandfather due to the chaos in my relationship. We were mov... View more

I am bairly functioning you wouldn't know it to talk to me I seem like my outgoing self. I can't do anything when I'm at home and alone. I haven't grieved properly over lossing my mother or grandfather due to the chaos in my relationship. We were moving 2000 miles away to live our dream when our dream house fell through she started dating a doctor ( because i didnt keep my promise to quit smoking she says because it kills our sex life she says) who has been chasing her for years ( I found out ) she broke it off with him told me all the details (devastated me) moved to our dream location with out me telling me to come with her. Now six months later she bought a house she can't afford without me. She is waiting for me to get there and I can't even bring myself to pack. I'm so torn. I love her and hate her at the same time. I'm so depressed and don't know how to get through this

Amali Feelings of guilt after break up
  • replies: 9

I'm 4 months into a bad break-up. He was my first love and we had big plans for marriage and children. He has sent me occasional messages saying he wants to talk as he's not coping well, and a week ago he called and left a message saying he really ne... View more

I'm 4 months into a bad break-up. He was my first love and we had big plans for marriage and children. He has sent me occasional messages saying he wants to talk as he's not coping well, and a week ago he called and left a message saying he really needs to talk. I 'm trying my hardest to keep no contact as this is the second time in 2 years we have broken up and I want to stay strong this time as I know I can never trust him again. What i'm struggling with is feeling guilty for ignoring him when he reaches out, as I think he needs help that I can't give him, I cant help him through it because I'm trying to deal with it myself. He thinks talking will help both of us but I think it will only make it harder. I've told him this in a text. But I think he will try to contact me again. He told me that losing me is the same as losing his mum 2 years ago, and I know that break ups can feel like a death, but he's had a double hit of losing 2 important people in his life and I still care about him. This doesn't change the poor way he treated me and I have given him too many chances. I am also so so terrified of running into him. Thoughts of him with someone else flood my mind and cause a lot of anxiety, I know it's inevitable that I will eventually see him with another partner but I know I wont be able to handle it, it makes me so sick. I know it's not healthy to avoid going out and living my life, but at this stage I feel if i saw him I will spin out of control and I'll be ringing him trying to work things out when I know its beyond repair this time. Any advice will be helpful Thanks Amali

Tank103 Gf cheated
  • replies: 11

My live in gf of 4 years had been sexting and possibly cheating with at least 4 men during our relationship...I caught her sexting pics to one of her ex bf 3 months before our break..her excuse alchohol...after our break I learned she confessed to ch... View more

My live in gf of 4 years had been sexting and possibly cheating with at least 4 men during our relationship...I caught her sexting pics to one of her ex bf 3 months before our break..her excuse alchohol...after our break I learned she confessed to cheating for 6months prior to break with one she picked up off park bench..that ended a month after our break and imeadiately afterward 6 weeks after our break she entered into a relationship with an aquaintance who has also been on her facebook page the whole 4 years..she denied cheating with him but deliberately posted pics on public social media.i was informed by her friends.. ..I've initiated indefinite no contact from her and her friends ..blocked social media..but the humiliation of her cheating and her new relationship is difficult to live with...I have the what was wrong with me syndrome going because her new man is obese whilst I'm slim and somewhat athletic...she is very attractive and slim

missd I don't know where to start..
  • replies: 3

Sitting here right now I would give anything just to see his face... It's gone from giving anything for a cuddle, give anything to hang out for 5 min, anything to hear his voice and now utter dispair because I just desperately want to see his face. H... View more

Sitting here right now I would give anything just to see his face... It's gone from giving anything for a cuddle, give anything to hang out for 5 min, anything to hear his voice and now utter dispair because I just desperately want to see his face. He was my world my rock my everything... My soul mate. The day he left is such a distant memory so why does the pain of losing him intensify each day to the point I can't feel anything and I'm losing myself all together. Maybe it's because I don't have a support network, or a single friend in the world. I know I did it to myself, I made him my world. Why wouldn't I? I had everything I could ever want in life and more right in front of me. We were perfect, how could it go wrong. But then it did... So bad. I will never forgive myself for losing him. I can hardly bare to live with the pain of knowing he was mine and I lost him. How do you get over that great love that rocks your to the core? I just want to be happy again. I can't pull myself out of bed morning after morning and place that fake everything's fine smile on anymore. I just want to be rescued... Rescued by him!

bluesarah trying to move on and out of the hole.
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am new to this and not sure I should even be here after reading others stories and experiences. I go up and down and when I am down all I want to do is stay in bed- It usually gets ignited by seeing my ex partner who is a very prominen... View more

Hi everyone, I am new to this and not sure I should even be here after reading others stories and experiences. I go up and down and when I am down all I want to do is stay in bed- It usually gets ignited by seeing my ex partner who is a very prominent person in my industry and is everywhere- this in turn makes me not want to go out (or if I do i drink excessively) and distrustful of my friends (as they are also friends/colleagues of his). I do not have a partner and get extremely lonely and thoughts fill me of unworthiness, lack of self esteem and basically think no-one wants me. I am 36 and get down when I don't want to leave the house because how will I find anyone if I don't. Very tired, just watching 80's films all day and feel that because I go up and down all the time I can't talk to anyone as they are tired of this. Sometimes I think if my ex wasn't around life would be so much better as I would compare myself to him. But he is and need strategies to let go, move on and feel worthy and to live this life which I know can be beautiful. Thankyou x

Geekaboo Post Breakup depression
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone. I'm new to the forums and I hope I'm posting this in the right place. I was diagnosed with depression at age 18, I'm now 27. I have only had 2 major relationships in my life, the first was very traumatic, abusive and unhealthy and took a... View more

Hi everyone. I'm new to the forums and I hope I'm posting this in the right place. I was diagnosed with depression at age 18, I'm now 27. I have only had 2 major relationships in my life, the first was very traumatic, abusive and unhealthy and took a long time to heal from. The second formed with a person who I knew in school who was very friendly and kind to me when he learned what I was going through. This second relationship was extremely complicated. In the beginning it was very casual, which I was fine with at the time as I wasn't looking for anything serious after the previous one. However over time I fell for him and then it got really messy. I moved to his city to pursue my career. He let me stay with him while I got on my feet. We slept in the same bed the entire time - which ended up being 2 years. In that time I played the part of the dutiful girlfriend. Eventually the relationship began to crumble as I was frustrated with his refusal to acknowledge our relationship - which was fantastic most of the time when he was not flirting with others - and he of course had his own grievances, most notably it would have been difficult to put up with my depression when he did not want to take responsibility for me as a girlfriend. I moved out into my own house and we continued sleeping together and seeing each other/talking regularly. After three and half years - despite the complications of the relationship, he was my best friend and I loved him very much. About six months after I moved out - we were still sleeping together - he began hanging out with a new group of friends, and a girls name began popping up in conversation more regularly. He dumped me on Easter Sunday, the day after they first got together, for her, so about six months ago now. My question is how have others dealt with depression after a break up? I am unsure how much of what I am going through is my existing depression and how much of it is the break up as it has been six months now. Also, how do you detach as I miss him terribly - he was my closest friend and confidant and although he would be up and down with me - sometimes I was the partner and sometimes I wasn't - we shared a lot together. A large part of me would want him in my life again, but I know that is not reasonable or healthy for me right now and I could not stomach being supportive of this new relationship as I am very hurt and betrayed.

volvodriver why does emotional pain feel so physically painful?
  • replies: 2

I'm 22 and 7 months ago my best friend of 9 years walked away from our friendship because her criminal drug-dealing boyfriend kept hitting on me in front of her. not once did i ever respond to his advances, in fact every time i rejected him and alway... View more

I'm 22 and 7 months ago my best friend of 9 years walked away from our friendship because her criminal drug-dealing boyfriend kept hitting on me in front of her. not once did i ever respond to his advances, in fact every time i rejected him and always tried to talk to her about how uncomfortable it made me, but in the end she chose him over me. i know im young and i have my whole life ahead of me, but to be honest, i was in love with her and to me it does seem like my life has changed. im in a relationship with the most wonderful guy, have been for over 3 years (yes even though i felt something for her instead), but im scared im only with him because i know that without him i dont have anyone else. thats not a good enough reason to stay is it? he's my best friend, my rock. he wouldn't stay friends with me if i broke his heart, i know this because ive tried to end it before. almost all of my friends have slipped away, they chose her side instead of mine, and its because she became so dependant on him and his drugs that it was out of worry for her life and safety. can i really be mad at them for caring about her survival? it hurts that they dont make time for me no matter how hard i try to organise a time to catchup. ive always been okay being left on my own, i could always entertain myself. but these days it just gets harder. i always look forward to night time cause my dreams are so much better than my life and i always have this weird hope that the next day will be better. i love my family and i have a great life, i really do, i've been so lucky and i've never taken anything for granted..but sometimes i cant help but feel so alone and my heart physically aches, sometimes so much that i end up crying for hours. i feel guilty for feeling like this when i know some people have real reasons to not be happy.

Zygote Lonely in a city of millions
  • replies: 7

I'm lying next to my wife right now, in bed. My kids are in the other room. I work in a gym and get to talk to people all day every day. Everyone seems to like me a lot. The thing is I have no friends. I have no social life. I have no one to confide ... View more

I'm lying next to my wife right now, in bed. My kids are in the other room. I work in a gym and get to talk to people all day every day. Everyone seems to like me a lot. The thing is I have no friends. I have no social life. I have no one to confide in. Everyday I go to Gloria Jeans or Starbucks before work and I sit there hoping I'll meet someone to make this feeling go away. Sometimes I do meet someone and talk to them, sometimes I just sit there for hours.I'm being treated for my anxiety but I can't be honest with them.I don't need help for that. I'm okay with that. But it is that bad often, tonight is really bad I don't know why.What I really need right now is someone to talk to but there's no one. My wife is in bed with me right now but we don't talk. Mostly she doesn't talk. Its like we have a wall between us. Whenever I tried to talk to her or ask her she closes off, goes quiet. We've been together since 1995 and I don't really even know her.Its very hard to describe the feeling, when its in print it seems pathetic. Its been so long though its wearing me down, the loneliness, anxiety, depression I get from both is very painful and I'mtired of it. I'm lonely lonely lonely lonely and I have no way to fix it. I'm trapped in my marriage, trapped in my body and I can't see any way to escape.beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.