How can I help my son?

[hope23]

I'm not sure how to help my 25yers old son. He is at home and doesn't want to work or study or go on centerlink. I'm financially supporting him, he plays internet games, sleeps in and hardly ever goes out, is overweight. gets angry when I ask him what he wants to do? or I have suggested him to study, that I will take him to see a doctor, help him to find work. I ask him everyday if he is ok, a couple of times a day. I make sure he has a cooked meal and food in the house. In the past he has started and stopped courses and work and going to job club. He has been like this for a few years. Now I have recently married 2 years ago, after raising 2 kids on my own. I want help my son to help himself and be happy, productive, to work or study and be active. I have no idea how to do this?????

[Neil_1]

Hi there Hope

Firstly, welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for coming here and providing your post.  I so hope that some of the wonderful community members will see your post and reply to it with some hopeful advice for you.

I will try myself, but in the first instance, maybe we could bounce a few things off each other as though I'm not in the same situation as you, some of the things you've mentioned really resonated with me.

You see, I have a 16yo son, who we've barely seen over the past 3 or so years - he's also into these internet games (strategy games with talking involved - who too, we have no idea) but it's so weird cause it's at all hours of the day and night.  He has chronic problems sleeping during the night, which then means he's hell to wake up and get going of a morning.    And yep, he gets antsy when we ask much of him - I just beat myself up as being a bad dad - because there's NO WAY I would have ever gotten away with what he's getting away with, when I was growing up.

For your son, it sounds like at least he HAS scored a job in the past, yeah?

You also mentioned raising two kids - the other one is still at home or has moved out?

I really just wanted to type in to say, that I've heard and read your post and that I have a son who's into these kinds of things (at a much earlier age) - although, may I ask how your son was during school years?  Or did he not acquire this internet gaming habit until after school was finished for him?

I do hope others might get onto your thread and have much better suggestions than myself, because I haven't really helped you at all - and I can see how much you obviously care for and love your son (I hope you can write back also).

Kind regards

Neil

[hope23]

Thanks Neil, I really appreciate hearing from someone who has similar experience.  My son didn't really enjoy school but he finished year 12 with a low score. He worked for a few months but then was not interested anymore, so he left. He has started several courses over the last couple of years, but never completed them. His younger sister has moved out, My son has been into internet games since he was a young teen.

Thanks

[geoff]

dear Hope, well how the world changes over time, like when we were kids, firstly these games were not available, but there were other toys/games like meccano sets, ( this shows how old I am), train sets, or hop on our bikes and ride for hours, but now the technology has all changed, like it will in the next 50 years.

Just a couple of questions and it's not to upset you by any means, and if it does I'm very sorry, but I am wondering if he sees or knows his dad and what is his relationship with your husband of 2 years.

I know that you have mentioned that he doesn't want to work, however has he thought about getting a job in a computer shop, maybe as an apprentice, or perhaps selling equipment in a big store, but I would only suggest just for a half days a week, because if it's full time he won't like this, so he has to be gently eased in. L Geoff. x