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my life is pointless

Community Member

I'm turning 24 in a month. I've suffered from anxiety low self image, self hatred and depression for many years. When i was 15 i quit school and stayed in my room until i was 20. During that time i abused drugs. by some stroke of luck i met my ex through a friend i had online and moved into her house. I immediately quit drugs and we were together for 3 years. She wasn't just my girlfriend she was my best friend. On valentines day last year she broke up with me in a very cruel way. Keep in mind i had no friends before i met her so she was my only friend. One month after she dumped me my grandfather had a stroke so i flew to sydney to see him before he passed away. While there i also saw my father that i hadn't seen in 8 years. All he did was insult me and say things like "i can't belive she even liked you who would like you?? you don't even have a job!!" 


So here i am almost a year and a half later (which i spent in my room the whole time) i

abused hard drugs to cope and recently went to rehab and am now clean. Then it hit me....i used drugs to kill the loneliness....what's the point of staying clean if im still sooooo lonely that all i want to do is die?? I have no one. No support network. I had the girl of my dreams and she betrayed me I have no friends to turn to....I have nothing. So to try to move forward i apply for jobs....the problem is...NO ONE will hire me due to my lack of work experience!! It's not my fault i was too afraid to leave my house in my youth and have chronic depression!! Also i should mention i've been to MANY psychiatrists/psychologists and tried at least 12 different anti depressants. None helped. In fact many of the psychiatrists said outright they can't help me.


So here

i am alone in my room i can't stop thinking about my ex even though it's almost been a year and a half since she dumped me im still lonely to the point i can't take it anymore i've done everything i can do to get help and nothing works. The loneliness is killing me. And i have no one to turn to and no clue what to do.
2 Replies 2

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Beyond Blue Staff
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Community Member

Hey Izimini, 

I recently went through a breakup and have felt the same feelings of being alone, no support network and no friends.

I also know the feeling of not being hired because of no work experience.

What I tell myself is that 'You're not alone'. Everything you're feeling I guarantee there is someone out there that feels the same way.

What's your favorite thing to do? Watch movies? Play games? There are a million of social groups online and offline you could join to meet new friends. I joined one at my university where we just watch anime and play games every friday.

Getting that first job is hard, however maybe possibly doing some volunteer work in the areas youre interested can help. I volunteered and taught english to an immigrant once a week and it has helped me out with employment.

I tell myself everyday, Don't give up hope. You are not alone and it helps me out.

So Izimini, youre not alone and dont give up hope mate