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Lost the Love of my Life: Destined to be LONELY

Sara14
Community Member

Hi

This is really hard but I am at a loss of what to do with myself anymore. My life changed in 2011 May when I met the man of my dreams and he soon became the love of my life. My life had turned around. He proposed August 2012 and we moved in together that october. Things were wonderful we were planning our wedding, then March 2013 my fiancee went scuba diving which he did reasonably often but he never came home and the knock that I got at the door that day changed my life to what it is now. I dealt with the loss of my fiancee by picking myself up and continuing with my div 2 nursing course which I finished october 2013. I then got my first nursing job in a nursing home not far from home and its all been going well until my fiancees first anniversary came around. I thought I was okay and I thought I had dealt with it but apparently I am not that okay and not even a month after wards I have spoken to my boss and I am now having 6 months personal leave to grieve some more. I don't know if this is good or bad as its only been two days but I already don't know what to do with myself and I feel miserable. Do you ever get over something like this? I mean I am only 31 years old and have already lost the love of my life. Where do I go from here?

1 Reply 1

JessF
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hi Sara14, I am very sorry that you have lost your wonderful man. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now.  Grief is an unpredictable beast, I do know that it has a nasty way of coming back on us just when we think we are over it, and that first anniversaries are particularly well known for this.  A good friend of mine who lost a husband and a subsequent partner said that she is not 'over it' in the sense that you forget it ever happened, or the hurt goes away completely, but that the perspective changes over time.  She has come to accept that these men were in her life, that in one case they raised children together and she has become grateful for the time they did spend together, even though it was much shorter than she would have liked.  She has since found someone else, and while the feelings are never exactly the same (we always fall in love with different people for different reasons) they are just as valid.  You can't imagine moving on right now because you are still grieving, and that is perfectly understandable.  All you need do for now is just listen to that small voice of reassurance that says you will go forward from here.  'How' might be too overwhelming a question for you right at this second. but you honestly never know how life can change and what can be just around the corner.  It's great that your boss has been so understanding to grant you the leave that you need.  Have you considered seeing a grief counsellor?