Hi Irene,
I'm sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time with your husbands health. I can relate to a large degree, having been through dementia with my father and then my mother and the angry phase is no fun at all so I empathise.
It took me a little time to come to the understanding that a person with dementia, doesn't necessarily know they have dementia. They seem to be aware that they are not functioning as they used to and that causes frustration that leads to anger because they know somewhere deep down that they are losing their independence and are unwilling to give up without a fight.
I came to understand that a part of the brain is no longer doing it's job and can cause many behaviours that are beyond the persons control. For example, that part of the brain that supresses our urge to blurt out whatever we are feeling at the time, may no longer be operating, hence the outbursts whenever and wherever. My mother would accuse me of lying to her, which I was untrue, but had to take it on the chin because I knew there was a fault somewhere in her brain that caused her to be that way.
My suggestion to you in the short term is to have a separated sleeping arrangement, either separate beds in the same room, or in different rooms whilst he is going through the worst of it. The angry stage does pass eventually, but is different for everyone how long that takes. Once that passes, you will see a gentler side that is much easier to deal with. It is a matter of trying not to stoke the fire whilst he is in the angry stage, even if that means agreeing with him, even when you don't, just to keep things as calm as you can for your own sake as well as his.
The other thing I wanted to suggest, if you have not already done so, is to ask the doctors to check for any signs of a mini stroke which can cause damage in a part of the brain. My father had two of these and they caused damage over time until the signals were no longer getting from his brain to his limbs and had to be in a wheelchair and lifted in and out of bed by machine.
I hope you are recovering well, I realise that this may not be much of a consolation to you at the moment but please know that what he did was beyond his control.
I do hope this is of some help to you. Please feel free to continue the conversation if you are comfortable doing so.
Take care,
indigo
