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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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nicky76 My mum is addicted to ice
  • replies: 1

When I was 17 my mum fell into a bad ice addiction. She lost her job, our family home and everything she has worked for within the space of 12 months. She is now homeless and a prostitute which she chooses to post on Facebook on her multiple accounts... View more

When I was 17 my mum fell into a bad ice addiction. She lost her job, our family home and everything she has worked for within the space of 12 months. She is now homeless and a prostitute which she chooses to post on Facebook on her multiple accounts she makes. She suffers from bad psychosis and thinks I am either dead or out to get her. I don’t know how to deal with the grief that I have already lost her even if she is still here physically. I haven’t seen her for over 3 years and i to be honest I am scared to see her. I don’t know what I would do or how she would react to me and if she would lash out. How do I accept that my mum won’t be there to see all my achievements and say she loves me even though she is still here. I feel ashamed if any of my friends see her on Facebook because they will wonder who she is and why she posts the stuff she does and I don’t want anyone to make fun of her. My heart hurts for her when I think she might be unsafe and with people who don’t care about her. It’s just me and her. She won’t talk to my aunt and my grandparents have passed away. Sometimes I feel so alone.

Chrissy M Estrangement from daughter
  • replies: 1

My eldest daughter 26 years has estranged me and the family. It makes me very sad. Been six years now. I have no idea why, no big arguments, was very closed and distant towards me before the estrangement. No mother is perfect. Had a different marriag... View more

My eldest daughter 26 years has estranged me and the family. It makes me very sad. Been six years now. I have no idea why, no big arguments, was very closed and distant towards me before the estrangement. No mother is perfect. Had a different marriage DV. Loved all my childrens and treated they with love. I have grown closer to my faith. I would not survive without Jesus in my life. But most days I think of her, I pray that we will reconcile. But all I get is silence. Why does she punish me, with her no contact.

Star343 Loneliness
  • replies: 7

I moved interstate at the start of this year for a graduate job and I am finding it really hard to make friends. I have tried asking people from my work team to go out for after work drinks but they either say there are unavailable or do not answer. ... View more

I moved interstate at the start of this year for a graduate job and I am finding it really hard to make friends. I have tried asking people from my work team to go out for after work drinks but they either say there are unavailable or do not answer. I have tried joining clubs but everyone is always much, much older than me, most of them are retirees. I am really struggling to be optimistic, it is really hard when you want to be happy and make friends but people do not make themselves available. What should I do?

Headspace_occupied Bpd ruining my life
  • replies: 2

Hi all,I was diagnosed with BPD. I chronically overthink and stress about imagined scenarios.I recently said some pretty hurtful things to my partner which I adored, which has pretty much ended the relationship. The relationship had been strained the... View more

Hi all,I was diagnosed with BPD. I chronically overthink and stress about imagined scenarios.I recently said some pretty hurtful things to my partner which I adored, which has pretty much ended the relationship. The relationship had been strained the last month due to my ex-wife causing issues (harrassment/stalking etc.)My partner had decided to distance her self from me the last month which has set my head into overdrive. I ended up in hospital twice in December which has played a part in the end of the relationship.Is there any chance to save the relationship?

EarthAngle Was I abused as a child??
  • replies: 4

I’m having some things come up from my childhood, since yesterday I had the first real every argument with my father over the phone yesterday, I am over thirty. I saw colours in him I never new existed.these were colours of gasliting, controlling, bl... View more

I’m having some things come up from my childhood, since yesterday I had the first real every argument with my father over the phone yesterday, I am over thirty. I saw colours in him I never new existed.these were colours of gasliting, controlling, blaming and victim mentality. He is resentful of me about the past (I was a kid) and it has sept out into our relationship over all these years, with anger, rudeness and grumpiness… I hated being around my dad for this reason and kind of still do… I am an empath and feed off these emotions, it makes me terribly uncomfortable. Anyway since this event arose yesterday I had been noticing things from my childhood popping up, such as; when I was 8 he got all three of us kids to line up in the dining room, my father sitting on the chair with a fry pan cord… I knew what we were in for, all this for not getting our room cleaned on time. He asked “who’s first?” Myself being the youngest, I braved and said “me”. He hit me so hard that I was left with a very sore bruise upper thigh on the backside of my leg where the temperature dial of the fry pan cord got me. It was a big bruise, my teachers the next day sore it, they were very concerned, but little me with a big heart told them “it’s okay, I deserved it”. Mum wanted to do something about it but she didn’t, my father is a very assertive man.I would never ever ever think about doing something like that to my kid EVER! I kept saying to myself over the years that it never hurt me, actually thinking about it… I believe it did. He would criticise me a lot on my AWESOME drawings when I was younger, wouldn’t let me colour in his colour in book because “ you won’t colour in the lines” that stuck with me, he pushed and shoved into me while I payed down on the couch one day… I was a young teen, I don’t remember what I did wrong to deserve that.. it scared me and got my attention, he through a lighter at me and it hit me in my eye and because I cry’d he told me not to and that it wouldn’t of hurt that much. When my mother had cancer and I’m hospital us kids were being looked after by him, I remember being so upset (this occurred when I was 7) he didn’t come in to comfort me… it was so hard not knowing if my mother was going to come home or not. I just never felt validated by him, there were other insistences I remember but it’d take too long to write. I felt always criticised, I hated his energy and actually kind of still do, always yelling, always cranky. Was I abused??

brooksbbyy The love of my life left me for mental health reasons and I want him back.
  • replies: 4

The love of my life broke up with me yesterday, I know it wasn’t planned nor did he want to but he still did. Me and my ex were together for a year and a bit, we loved each other very much, it was us against the problem and we were always supportive ... View more

The love of my life broke up with me yesterday, I know it wasn’t planned nor did he want to but he still did. Me and my ex were together for a year and a bit, we loved each other very much, it was us against the problem and we were always supportive and trying to help each other, setting boundaries and making sure each other is appreciated. We were really in love, eachothers best friend. I made him believe in love again after a very mentally abusive relationship, he swore off dating for 2 years and then met me and everything changed. He has been struggling at work, he’s a mechanic and his new job essentially told him recently that they didn’t know what he was doing at his last job and told that he essentially knew nothing and had to start from scratch. He has adhd so he doesn’t have high self esteem and struggles with his self image and confidence. Me and him then started getting into little spats here and there a little before our 1 year anniversary. This also took a toll on him and his family had been pressuring him to save money or to buy a new car which he didn’t want to do. He also has been depressed and anxious as well as starting on meds for that and new meds for his adhd. We had a big fight last month which was the catalyst for this whole break up. We had been less comforting less understanding which I regret so much. Then he went to talk to me about fixing the weirdness we felt and all the issues that were unsolved. During that conversation he came to the conclusion that it was best that we were to break up. He said he didn’t want to, and I know he wasn’t planning too breakup with me. He said that he loved me so deeply but “his battery was empty” he has no will left, that he couldn’t be what I needed and deserved. He was crying by then and he never cries, at all. I then told him to get better, he said he would for me. We then made a pinkie promise (he hates making promise but earnestly made one with me) a promise that when he got better and was ready to commit to us again I would be the first person to know. I told him no matter how long it takes I would wait for him. I know he didn’t say all of that to make me feel better about the break up I know he was being honest and genuine. But now I’m breaking down, I can’t stand to be without him, I want him to get better but it hurts not being there to help him or being able to be there as his rock like I usually am. My mum said that its not a good idea to make big decisions when your in the middle of big changes happening in your life or heavy stress so she things that he might come back when he’s ready and regret it all. But I don’t know what to think, I burn for him like he does for me, I keep searching for answers on whether he actually still wants to be with me and wants to be with me in the future again one day. He hasn’t blocked my number or any of my social media’s and I said I’d be there when he’s ready to talk, if he wanted to tell me anything or even just about his day which he said he would. I feel like I’m falling apart and I know giving him his time and letting him reach out is the best idea so that’s what I’m doing for now, I hope he comes back I really really do. I’d do anything to see him again to hug and kiss him again. Do you think there is a possibility he could come back to me? Someone please help it’s killing me from the inside out.

Hana-1 Feeling a little lost.
  • replies: 2

I’m not sure where to start since this is my first time ever opening up about how I’ve been feeling… Life’s been a little difficult lately, I’ve been caring for my ill mother since I was a teenager (didn’t finish my education or receive job training ... View more

I’m not sure where to start since this is my first time ever opening up about how I’ve been feeling… Life’s been a little difficult lately, I’ve been caring for my ill mother since I was a teenager (didn’t finish my education or receive job training because of it) and recently she’s become a bit harder to deal with… I also have a grandparent with dementia that needs support as well because my uncle & aunt abandoned him and I’ve been the only family member taking care of them. I haven’t seen my older sibling #1 in a decade since they left the family and older sibling #2 is unstable and drug addicted. My extended family are across the country because my mother moved us away 15 years ago for a DV relationship that fizzled out so they don’t really make an effort to get to know me because of past disagreements with my mother…. We’ve been wanting to move back home to reunite with family but can’t afford it. I'm living off fortnightly payments and after paying medical expenses, transport, utilities & food, we barely get by. I’m just really stressed about what I’m going to do after my mother and grandfather pass away? I’ll have no one, no source of income & no roof over my head… I won’t even be able to pay for anyone’s funeral. There’s literally no one I can turn to for support… I struggle to even make a doctors appointment for myself. I feel so hopeless.

yours_truly Do you have a dysfunctional family? Tell me about it.
  • replies: 1

Dysfunctional family? Constant arguing? Getting nowhere? Crying? Screaming? Giving up? yeah sounds a lot like my fam situation. My parents argue like actual children. I’m wondering how you guys coped with it and how you managed to figure it all out. ... View more

Dysfunctional family? Constant arguing? Getting nowhere? Crying? Screaming? Giving up? yeah sounds a lot like my fam situation. My parents argue like actual children. I’m wondering how you guys coped with it and how you managed to figure it all out. Why can’t adults just grow up, I mean like seriously, what happened to communication?

adamc Mum Doesn't Like Dad Helping Others
  • replies: 4

Some months ago, Dad and I helped out a neighbour by looking after his dog while they went on holiday for 2 weeks and recently has asked us to do it again.Mum was totally against it the first time, saying "You don't even know the dog. Why do you have... View more

Some months ago, Dad and I helped out a neighbour by looking after his dog while they went on holiday for 2 weeks and recently has asked us to do it again.Mum was totally against it the first time, saying "You don't even know the dog. Why do you have to it? Nah, tell them you can't do it."When we returned from his place, after agreeing to feed their dog, Mum said "I thought you said you weren't going to do it."I have no issue with it a second time but Dad is stressed out about it, saying "Do you know how your mother will react if we helped out again? I will get abused and get 'Oh, you'll help with someone else's dog but you don't want to have a dog of your own. No, tell them you can't do it and to get someone else.'" Dad has always got the opinion from Mum that he's only allowed to help out with her brother and not anyone else.

LostPigeon407 Father troubles
  • replies: 11

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use ... View more

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use his physique and extroverted social difference to intimidate us into silence to retain authority. He has maybe mild hostile possibilities if we would persist. He used to tell my mother that it was good that we fell over at primary school, He has misogyn & sexism and in ways he views his wife to be a house maid. He is arrogant & ignorant and can't be informed about anything by his immediate family, He has controlling tendencies. He admitted to me in the 1980's he would go looking around to bash homosexuals and he used to claim to be a sharpie. He uses my mental health diagnosis against me, to say that I am disabled or mental and when we argue he tells me to either leave home or that he would ring the police to get me admitted into a hospital, even though he provokes my anger when he sais I'm weak, useless or inept. He has a hegemonic concept to perceive sensitivity and emotional intelligence as being soft. I can't even manage my diabetes because he is in the background looking over me and he tells to not burn the house down when I'm going to cook instant noodles on the stove. His always tried to treat in ways that your a child and never more than 12 or 14 mentally. He makes us to be dumb for not knowing things, He never taught us anything in life, because it's effort, He wouldn't as he just believes were incompetent to learn anything. No one can learn from a crap parent who can't explain more than once and he has a way of speaking that doesn't make sense when explaining things. I can't even talk to my mother if his in the same area, because he doesn't want me talking at all, His definition of a parent is merely a 1940's dysfunctionality to work labor construction, than that the wife does everything else and if you have been kept under his wing until your 18, that his done his part, despite being horrendous with everything else. He even once asked me wither I want to work, making it seem optional that we need money.