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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Willow18 Am I being dramatic
  • replies: 1

Been with partner for over 20 yrs. Should have seen it from the start when he was jealous. I had some guy friends and he hated them, he wanted to hang out with my girlfriends and I when we were having "girl time" because he said we should be able to ... View more

Been with partner for over 20 yrs. Should have seen it from the start when he was jealous. I had some guy friends and he hated them, he wanted to hang out with my girlfriends and I when we were having "girl time" because he said we should be able to do what we do in front of him. We ended up moving away and he was still jealous..if I want to go for coffee its fine but if its like lunch/dinner, a bbq/party etc he will get all sooky and we end up fighting. Been happening our whole relationship. A couple of yrs ago our teenage daughter had some online stuff that broke us. Now he is really controlling with her. Not allowed to have a boyfriend, gets angry if she wants to hang out with her friend as he's worried she's doing the wrong thing. I have mentioned the way he is is wrong but he turns it around on me. Says I don't show him affection. I think I hold alot of resentment towards him for the way he is. I grew up with a abusive step father who didn't let me do anything. I also had an abusive first boyfriend who isolated me from everyone.My partner is not physically abusive but I feel like he is controlling. There are so many other things I could talk about but it would go on forever. He puts it all back on me. Says he loves us more than anything and doesn't want to see us hurt etc and then tries to make out like I don't love him as much as he loves me. He chooses not to have friends. He has acquaintances. He has really bad social anxiety as well so we don't do alot. I just want to know I'm not crazy. This is not right right? My 16yr old and 11 yr old can see his behaviour is not right. I don't know what to do.

IreneM Bereavement and Fear of further physical attack
  • replies: 1

My husband has developed dementia although he will not acknowledge it. Part of dementia is anger, he is unduly angry about something and he gets aggressive wherever he is, even at home. This can involve shaking your fists in the air and talking abuse... View more

My husband has developed dementia although he will not acknowledge it. Part of dementia is anger, he is unduly angry about something and he gets aggressive wherever he is, even at home. This can involve shaking your fists in the air and talking abuse even whilst asleep. One night I got hit very hard in the side because he was angry whilst asleep and in his efforts of expressing his grief to someone in his dreams he hit me really hard in the rib cage. I am on life support and as a result of this hit have become medically unstable. Few months ago I accepted the reality that the person whom I married is no longer there. It is just an angry person with completely different beliefs that he wants to push onto other people, but I won't let him push it onto me and he no doubt finds it frustrating, which fuels the anger more. Interested if there is anyone else experiencing similar issues. Take Care

AshamedHubby Married and having fantasies about massages
  • replies: 1

Good evening. I am 43 and married, I have three daughters and a loving wife of 15 years. Recently I have been fantasising about a happy ending massage. I find it thrilling to text, organise and barter but never follow through because I don’t want to ... View more

Good evening. I am 43 and married, I have three daughters and a loving wife of 15 years. Recently I have been fantasising about a happy ending massage. I find it thrilling to text, organise and barter but never follow through because I don’t want to cheat. In my mind I know this is wrong…. Can anybody lend a thought to help me stop this.. I know it’s not healthy and want to stop.

Poppy81 Jeolousy and depression
  • replies: 10

I have been fighting the green eye monster for over a year. I am in a 10 year same sex relationship/ married. My partner went through menopause and completely blew of sex for a year 2years ago and then 1 year ago made a new best friend from work whic... View more

I have been fighting the green eye monster for over a year. I am in a 10 year same sex relationship/ married. My partner went through menopause and completely blew of sex for a year 2years ago and then 1 year ago made a new best friend from work which further drove a wedge between my wife and I. I feel like this person has replaced me. I feel like an emotional affair is going on and my wife wont even have a discussion about it becoming avoidant. Just over a year ago her friend was drunk calling her and i got angry as we were on holiday, then my partner deleted all messages from this person and when asked why was told i knew you didnt like me tslkibg to her so i didnt want you to know. We have had constant arguments over this person and I feel like it is ruining my relationship. My wife says I am allowed to have friends and I agree with this but it is the type of friendship that I don't like as it has affected my relationship with my partner as she has become distant. My wife just says we'll things change. I am stuck with this person in my life and it is driving me crazy as my wife has not made any attempt to soothe my insecurities about their relationship. I know it is not her job to make me feel better but I just can't shake this gut feeling that they will turn into something more. We have 3 kids together and this is just shaken me to the core and have discovered thst we no longer are able to communicate properly, we just argue about it so it has become a no go topic. When i 1st tried to address the issues I was met with being shut down and my feelings on the matter were brushed aside and was told that she doesn't have a problem, it is just my problem. Fast forward a year and they are close as ever and I am not allowed to talk about it as she says I just want to put it all behind us, she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I am having a lot of trouble moving past it as they are always texting goidmorning to each other babe, and asking how they have slept. I feel boundaries are being crossed especially since the focus is no longer on us. How do I overcome this horrible feeling I have? I am really struggling and I was suicidal 1 year ago, have seeked psychologist as I have CPTSD and gave been trying to work on myself. I have gone from having the best relationship of my life to complete disregulation. I feel like I am going crazy!

Daisy G Single parenting: mental health & loneliness
  • replies: 1

I’m a single parent to three boys/young men. My ex husband, their father, cut ties with our sons 5 months after we separated. It’s now been over 5 years. I was a stay at home mum, so I had to work 2 jobs to keep all the wheels turning. My youngest so... View more

I’m a single parent to three boys/young men. My ex husband, their father, cut ties with our sons 5 months after we separated. It’s now been over 5 years. I was a stay at home mum, so I had to work 2 jobs to keep all the wheels turning. My youngest son has autism, and was 8 when this all happened. All three boys struggled with depression and abandonment for at least 12 months. I realise I’ve not stopped these last 5 years, I work and come home and be mum. I’ve realised how isolated I now am and feel incredibly lonely. I know I’ve done a good job raising my sons on my own, and I can recognise that, but now I’m being hit with feelings of guilt. I’ve missed 5 years of their lives, because I worked 50+ hours a week. My youngest is almost 14 now. I wax diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ptsd during the last year of my marriage. I struggle to make friends now, because I don’t feel like I have anything to offer, let alone dating. Am I alone in feeling this loneliness, or is this common amongst single parents with no contact from the other parent?

Elf911 Narcissistic parent of my children
  • replies: 25

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen... View more

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen years we were together, he took control of every aspect of our lives, right down to the coin to spend on food for our kids, I was totally under his thumb. For a long while it was easier for him to do so with small children to care for but it went beyond control, he made me question my own sanity and safety with him on more than one occasion. Now out of this relationship and try to maintain communication for my children's sake of having a father, I see all the lies and manipulation that I previously had rose coloured glasses on for. Now since I mentioned lawyers for parenting agreements he is sending messages to ask me if we can fix things. In my head I can not see a future where 1. He is not completely transparent and submissive as I was in the past as I'm have gained my independence and am never giving it up again; 2 that will ever agree to give up the things that lead us to break up, eg gambling and search for money; 3 I in my right mind cannot really expect him to change as so, I don't want a puppet to love with strings attached and in so couldn't ask him to be a different person. So how do I get what I need from him; closure and commitment to our children, without that narcissistic personality in the mix. He likes playing games and seeing a person's reaction. Do I be straight and tell him I will never entertain the idea of reconciliation and what dame the results of his reaction as I know it will be negative or play this slow and ask for commitments such as therapy and time before his actions inevitable show his intentions and throw it up as you weren't able to for fill what you were asking as an equal in this relationship therefore it can not happen. Either way my children will suffer as they already are because of his actions. I am stuck in a hard place.

B-STAR Strange After pay Transactions
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I am currently investigating strange Afterpay transactions on a joint account. My partner in the last recent years is spending about $15K per year on afterpay but I don't know what it is being spent on. The join account still has transactions... View more

Hi All, I am currently investigating strange Afterpay transactions on a joint account. My partner in the last recent years is spending about $15K per year on afterpay but I don't know what it is being spent on. The join account still has transactions for Supermarkets and other bills and insurance. She obviously becomes defensive when bring it up. She does get packages but the funny thing is I am not seeing new clothes furniture or anything like that in the house. My initial thoughts where therefore it must be gambling related. However my research has told me that Afterpay can not be used for gambling. On average the After pay amounts can be anything from a few dollars to $50 per payment. The other clue is that a lot of these transactions often land on the same day adding up to a few hundred dollars. Does anyone have any idea what these transactions could be paying for or funding?

PsychedelicFur Isolating because people and the world are too much
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, I feel like my only option in this world is isolating because I'm too difficult and traumatised to connect with others. I'm so wounded and Neurodivergent that I have to isolate myself because people are triggering and so many people don... View more

Hey everyone, I feel like my only option in this world is isolating because I'm too difficult and traumatised to connect with others. I'm so wounded and Neurodivergent that I have to isolate myself because people are triggering and so many people don't like me.

PsychedelicFur Triggered by someone's bad attitude
  • replies: 1

Hello, I suffer from Rejection Sensitive Disorder (RSD) and I need some reassurance when I feel anxious about a connection or relationship. I recently started talking to this woman who confessed she had feelings for me. She would bathe me in complime... View more

Hello, I suffer from Rejection Sensitive Disorder (RSD) and I need some reassurance when I feel anxious about a connection or relationship. I recently started talking to this woman who confessed she had feelings for me. She would bathe me in compliments like 'you are soo special to me!' And 'you deserve the world.' Well, her communication with me seemed a bit distant yesterday and I told her I noticed she seemed a bit distant and I wanted to know if she was OK. Then she told me 'why does it matter to you if I'm distant? You've only known me for like a month.' Her defensiveness and bad attitude really hurt me. Because I told her I need reassurance and I have relationship anxiety. From 'you are so important to me' to 'you've only known me for a month.' Is hurtful. Because she made out the relationship seemed so important to her. I told her the comment she made really hurt my feelings and I told her to not contact me again because twice now she has brought up that comment 'you've only known me for like a month.' She seemed to love bomb me in the beginning and then when I ask if she is OK and I ask for reassurance, which I don't always do but when I did she became defensive and gave me a bad attitude.

Br1sbaneg1rl Depressed Partner Is Nicer To Everyone Else
  • replies: 5

I am feeling quite hopeless and empty. My partner suffers from depression and we have had a difficult 6 months. It hurts me when he withdraws from me and is distant. One day he will be nice to me and loving and the next day he treats me though I am i... View more

I am feeling quite hopeless and empty. My partner suffers from depression and we have had a difficult 6 months. It hurts me when he withdraws from me and is distant. One day he will be nice to me and loving and the next day he treats me though I am invisible. He acts so nice to others but he’s cold toward me and doesn’t even speak to me at times. I cannot understand why he is so nice to others and treats me like I am nothing. 2 days ago I offered to help him with something and he accepted. I went to see him, helped him and he was much nicer toward me. That night we were intimate for the first time in a few weeks. This was initiated by him. He refuses to tell me he loves me recently. After we were intimate, he ignored me when I said I love you. This is something that came natural only a short time ago and I feel empty and used. The past month has been the worst. We have been together 15 months, we have had a lot of ups and downs and my love and support has never been a question. I am filled with anxiety and it is making me physically sick. This is an emotional roller coaster and I just cannot understand why he would treat others well and treat me the opposite. Is this a part of depression? I am desperate for answers and/or advice.