Relationship and family issues

Advice:Family member not fit for caring duties

replies: 5

The situation involves my mother in law caring for her husband which has vascular dementia, mobility issue slow walking and has higher care needs. Has been approved for the top level aged care package with respite and approved residential living for ... View more

The situation involves my mother in law caring for her husband which has vascular dementia, mobility issue slow walking and has higher care needs. Has been approved for the top level aged care package with respite and approved residential living for the future. Her mental health has declined a lot when family approach her about seek professional help of counselling she denies it and ask for my anti depressant as the solution. She had been using his aged care approved package the for her benefit such as provide meal on wheel or cleaning non important areas of the house like a patio mostly for her needs not her husband who need it. However, when approached be friend or healthcare provide a spill about her non existent or minimal health issues like muscle sprain which seem to be all for attention and pity. Sometime there been occasions where she doesn’t want to deal with him and say it too hard and would leave him dirty and unhygienic due to lack of shower this cause issue where he has reoccurring medical issue on his buttocks area. But he can listen to instructions and can do the task. They live in small bedroom apartment where he sleeps on a sofa bed and lately she been hoarding item inside the house where there heaps of fall risk for him. Aged care have come to do an assessment and I’m upset they never indicated that this living arrangement is not appropriate for him.when she complained about caring for him the family have suggested it time to transition him to residential living where he can be taken care of by professionals but she always say no he not ready and she want him with her. There relationship wasn’t great where they were seperate for over 10 years before he became unwell. She make say comments to him about being stinky. At this time I feel like she may not fit to care for him and has mental health issues where she can be very nasty when trying to help. She has tried to palm him off to us but we can’t as we have full time jobs and she had no job. I’m sorry for the rant, I feel helpless as I cannot talk openly with anyone as it will affect my relationship.

Pre teen gaming addiction

replies: 2

I have a beautiful and brilliant son 12 years old who plays chess at grandmaster level and with bots but he is addicted to mobile gaming. He reached the highest level on fortnight xbox but he was only allowed to play on weekends but now we can not ge... View more

I have a beautiful and brilliant son 12 years old who plays chess at grandmaster level and with bots but he is addicted to mobile gaming. He reached the highest level on fortnight xbox but he was only allowed to play on weekends but now we can not get him off his phone. I have created a class action against the makers of the game that I think caused this addiction. We have tried all we can we go out so much on weekends but really can not be at home then. I have created a petition about this. Anyone like to discuss this problem please message here.

Marriage on the brink

replies: 3

all, this would be a bit long story but I will try my best to make it short as possible. So I have been married for 10 years after hwving 6 years of being in a relationship with my wife but throughout the years it was msinly a long distance relations... View more

all, this would be a bit long story but I will try my best to make it short as possible. So I have been married for 10 years after hwving 6 years of being in a relationship with my wife but throughout the years it was msinly a long distance relationship as we were in two different countries even until the first four years of our marriage. We married in 2015 however due to visa issues we couldn’t be together until 2019 but during that time i visited her couple of times. The issue that I’m pointing out started around 2020/2021 where my wife started to have a chat friend from his previous work it was not actually a regular chat at first as she told me about it. But I had full faith on her but things went on the wrong side and both my wife and other other guy became close that they kinda fell for each other. I know all this as I have seen their chats. Few times i confronted her to stop but it went on and it was ruining my mind. I found out my wife has sent few pics of her wearing a see through night dress and also a video clip while she was having bath. And in 2022 we went to our come county for a vacation there she was planning to meet him in a hotel. Also I have seen thier erotic chats as well and that guy has sent her videos where my wife has requested from him earlier to send as she wants to see his one. I was so helpless and during that time i suffered a lot thinking sbout this couldn’t sleep and work. However during our vacation we had a discussion about it and told my wife to stop the chatting and I forgave her for what she did. But i couldn’t stop thinking about it since then even sometimes at night I wake up having those chats coming into my mind. Well there’s much more important point I have to make, fot all these years we haven’t had sex at all I mean we have tried many times but the actually act didn’t went at all. So she was pointing that she was neglected that’s why her mind went astray hsving that chat. And recently I have been going through a similar situation with al the memories in mind I fell for another woman we chatted and it went too far that I had sex fot the first time with her as well. Now I can’t forget that woman as I think I’m having a strong bond with her and the feeling I had wasn’t the same with my wife I know we have been together for 16 years but I feel different with that woman whom i now love her. My heart wants her but sometimes it makes me sad if I’m doing a wrong thing to my wife coz we are going for a devorce since I have no feelings for her . Even thoug we didn’t have a good physical relationship we had a strong emotional bond between us. I’m struggling to make up my mind of what to decide. We have been separated for the past 3,4 months and I have lost the love that I had for my wife. Going to a devorce is the best option I have here ? Please let me know your thoughts on this

Lost

replies: 3

Not even sure why or what I’m posting. Just reaching out so I don’t feel so alone basically. I’m a mum of 7.same father for all my kids. Ages newborn to 16 Seperated within last year or so. Previous DV. Not physical but due to alcoholic husband emoti... View more

Not even sure why or what I’m posting. Just reaching out so I don’t feel so alone basically. I’m a mum of 7.same father for all my kids. Ages newborn to 16 Seperated within last year or so. Previous DV. Not physical but due to alcoholic husband emotional and mental and more etc. married for a really long time. Was seperated under one roof partially as housing crisis and he initially refused to leave as everything is half his. I’m just so lost I’m forever trying my hardest to make ends meet and make sure everyone is happy…. Some of my older kids struggling with highschool so exploring distance ed. I don’t have anyone to talk to, it’s just hard. Any advice on how to stay this strong. ? Probably a really stupid post

Depressed and Divorce

replies: 2

Separating due to dynamics (emotional abuse) in the relationship resulting in me experiecing depression after many years together. I initiated the separation and he seems completely accepting and devoid of emotion and refuses to take any accountabili... View more

Separating due to dynamics (emotional abuse) in the relationship resulting in me experiecing depression after many years together. I initiated the separation and he seems completely accepting and devoid of emotion and refuses to take any accountability. He wanted to control the narrative of how others found out and since not a single person from his family has exchanged a word with me, however never really had a close relationship with them to begin with which is also really dissapointing. We're still separated under the same roof and he goes on with life as if nothing happened, even seeming happy.We don't communicate because he will wait for me to initiate and then twist my words and make out that I'm starting conflict or attacking him which is how our relationship has always been because he is always ready to defend rather than listen to understand/connect. I wish I could get things off my chest and let him know how much I'm hurting, seek some sort of comfort but I have to stop myself because I will end up hurting more. When I did ask, he says there's nothing he wants to discuss. It's really hard to talk about with others as I feel they don't understand and I don't want to overwhelm them.

Is it too late?

replies: 1

My boyfriend and I worked together at the same place and both ended up quitting at the same time. He ended up taking a job with his brother 2 hours away, which means he's only home on weekends. This has been a big adjustment for me as we've lived tog... View more

My boyfriend and I worked together at the same place and both ended up quitting at the same time. He ended up taking a job with his brother 2 hours away, which means he's only home on weekends. This has been a big adjustment for me as we've lived together pretty much since the begining of our relationship (been together almost 2 yrs). I havent found another job yet which has really gotten me down but he's encouraged me to focus on my art and assured me that he can support the both of us. A couple of weeks after he started working away, I went through his phone and found that he'd been talking to another woman. After I confronted him, he apologised, told me that they havent actually met up and blocked her on everything. I guess he thought that would be the end of it but this has really made my anxiety flare up. Since, every weekend hes been home, I've managed to bring it up again and cause a fight, even though thats not what I want to do. Hes never been good at texting me back or calling to check in and since hes been away my anxiety has made me think the worst. Ive asked him to reasure me more often but he doesnt seem to understand. This past friday we ended up in a massvie fight and some of my family and friends got involved. The next day he said he thinks we should break up, I asked him if there was a chance we could try to work it out and he agreed on the condition that we take some time to reflect on our situation. I really dont want this to be the end of our relationship, I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to get past this. I hadn't talked to anyone about it until after our big fight, which I think has contributed to me not being able to move on. I'm worried that its too late to fix this and that my anxiety will get the better of me and I wont give him the pace he asked for. Is there any way that we can build trust again? He'll be home to talk on the weekend and I want to be able to comunicate without arguing or alienating eachother.

moving on

replies: 2

Hi all, I have experienced some hard things in my childhood that I find hard to let go of and resolve. However, when I talk to my boyfriend about it, he says that I should try and move on from it. Is that the best response?

Dealing with a drunk as a brother in law

replies: 3

Hi,I need some advice on how to deal with this.My brother drinks to much and when out in public or dinner occasions he always drinks more and starts an argument with people even a fight.1st time was out on a family golf day and he drank to much beer ... View more

Hi,I need some advice on how to deal with this.My brother drinks to much and when out in public or dinner occasions he always drinks more and starts an argument with people even a fight.1st time was out on a family golf day and he drank to much beer and started a fight on the golf course and all of us was asked to leave.2nd time at his wifes birthday he drank to much and was making the waitress feel very uncomfortable and got into a argument with people and made his kids cry and all of us feel uncomfortableLast time was at my birthday he started drinking heavy and got into an argument with someone and punches being thrown by both in front of both there kids and family. I have told my wife that for a while i don`t wont to go to any event when drinking is going on with my brother in law as it is not acceptable. I need some help dealing with this as my wife and his family decide its ok and always say i need to do with it better.

Changing unhealthy friendship patterns

replies: 5

In recent times I’ve become much better with boundaries and removed myself from a number of unhealthy situations with others. But almost like some kind of test, I’ve recently been presented with some challenging situations again. A long time unhealth... View more

In recent times I’ve become much better with boundaries and removed myself from a number of unhealthy situations with others. But almost like some kind of test, I’ve recently been presented with some challenging situations again. A long time unhealthy pattern in my life has been that particular other people view me as their analgesic (I’m there to make them feel better), their shock absorber (I’m there to vent stress on) or their punching bag (I’m there to take anger out on when they’re frustrated or upset in their life). All of these dynamics are repeating the pattern of how my mother viewed/treated me and I unconsciously fell into these roles that others projected onto me. I thought I’d gotten past this but in the last week I’ve had toxic anger directed at me from one friend who is frustrated with others in her life but chose to take it out on me, as I’m gentle and therefore she thought she could get away with that. And now a very challenging friend from the past has contacted me wanting to catch up. It was so draining and stressful dealing with her previously and damaging to my health. I bumped into her recently and because I’m still polite and kind, she now wants to re-establish a friendship. But I just know it would go badly and exhaust me. I have coped with behaviours from her such as tantrums, abusive messages and her phoning me incessantly in an extremely dysregulated state. I know I need to not re-establish contact. She swung between love and hate and has bpd and I have real empathy for her situation, but I simply don’t have it in me to endure the challenges I went through with her before. But what concerns me is that the patterns seem to still present themselves and I wonder what I may be doing that may still invite that dynamic, as much as I don’t want it. Does anyone else relate to people being clingy with them, using them as a punching bag etc? I feel like it’s the story of my life. I think I need to shift something more energetically within myself for it to stop. Basically I find people who have alienated everyone else from their life and feel desperate cling to me because my soft spot is empathy and kindness. But I’ve learned over and over they never really see me or my needs, just someone they can feed off and use to get their needs met. Just feeling vulnerable with this right now and wondering if others have similar experiences and how they’ve dealt with it?

I am delusion

replies: 3

I recently started university and talking to a variety of different types of people that I wouldn't have met in highschool (aka people of the opposite sex). I've realised that I've become delusional when talking to guys, and for every couple of guys ... View more

I recently started university and talking to a variety of different types of people that I wouldn't have met in highschool (aka people of the opposite sex). I've realised that I've become delusional when talking to guys, and for every couple of guys I meet, I'll assume they like me even if they're playing friendly. This is a bit difficult to explain considering "friendly" is a very broad term, but the main issue is that I'll convince myself that they like me (when they most likely don't), and then overanalyse every single behaviour. This is even worse considering I usually don't like them and I know we wouldn't be compatible in a relationship. Even worse, if I found out they actually liked me I would probably entertain it just to feel better about myself, EVEN if we weren't compatible. Knowing myself, I just want male-validation which is fine to a point. This behaviour damages my friendships and is bad for me (and my mental health). I don't want to be one of those people who lives and breathes male-validation but I'm scared that is becoming me. If anybody has ANY advice on how to get rid of this delusional mindset, PLEASE tell me. I am in dire need of help!!

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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