Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jake5546 Fear of being cheated on
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Hi guys, Im new here and i really just wanted to see what other people think i should do and how i could quiet my racing mind. I know I shouldn’t have but i went on my boyfriends phone last night because i always have had this ill feeling that he cou... View more

Hi guys, Im new here and i really just wanted to see what other people think i should do and how i could quiet my racing mind. I know I shouldn’t have but i went on my boyfriends phone last night because i always have had this ill feeling that he could be talking to other guys or hooking up with other guys. I went on his phone and went on X (formerly Twitter) and saw he looks at porn etc. which i dont care about because i do too but then i went to his dm’s and saw he was messaging different guys. I wanted to look at more but i just got really sick and had to stop looking at his messages but one that stood out was he said “you looking” i dont know what to say to him about it i brought it up to him saying are you talking to any guys or are you hooking up with other guys and he kept saying no but i dont know how to bring up that i looked through his phone and saw these messages.

Rails Relationship Breakup
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I was in a relationship for the last 7 years, that has had its up and downs. There has been times where I felt I should have left the relationship, but I’ve stayed and worked through issues . Recently my partner cheated on me and we worked through th... View more

I was in a relationship for the last 7 years, that has had its up and downs. There has been times where I felt I should have left the relationship, but I’ve stayed and worked through issues . Recently my partner cheated on me and we worked through this in counselling and changing aspects of our relationship. 6 months on and out of the blue my partner has decided to end the relationship. He has stated that he doesn’t feel “wanted” and that “there is no passion or excitement” (we are 43 and 40). This has come as a complete shock as in the past 6 months we have made some significant changes, selling and buying houses together and making plans for the future . I have just felt so blindsided by the change and am struggling to even function in a normal way. I feel like my entire world has crumbled in front of me and I have no control over anything that is happening. I can’t sleep, eat or even think about other aspects of my life . I am also stressed over the finical situation of the relationship ending. I also am worried that it will all become too much and I won’t be able to cope at all. I don’t have any close friends or family and would be living alone. I work and love my job and this is my main purpose . Also at 43, starting or even thinking about a new relationship or being hurt again seems impossible to even comprehend. I think I’ve always had issues with rejection and mental health and it just seems like this is a lot to deal with.

tillyyyy Feeling rejected
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I met a guy through an online dating app, (I have never used these sort of apps before and just wanted to see what it’s like), after he asked me for my instagram and whatnot I deleted the app. We’d only been talking for 2 weeks which makes this sound... View more

I met a guy through an online dating app, (I have never used these sort of apps before and just wanted to see what it’s like), after he asked me for my instagram and whatnot I deleted the app. We’d only been talking for 2 weeks which makes this sound even more stupid, but just the other day he asked me to go out with him for New Year’s Eve (we hadn’t met before cos I’d been away from home for the two weeks we’d been talking but I got home on the 30th). He picked me up at 6 and drove me to this nice Italian restaurant. It was honestly a really good date and he was flirting and it wasn’t awkward. We parked his car and watched the fireworks and he kissed me. We made out and cuddled and stuff for like an hour and we were enjoying it I think. He took me home and he kissed me through the car window and whatever, like it felt like he liked me, he didn’t have to do any of that if he didn’t like me. I messaged him once I walked inside just saying “thank you for taking me out I had fun” and he just said yeah same and then I messaged a little later saying omg the thunder is crazy (it was actually crazyyyy) and he just said yeah I know. I felt like something was off but I didn’t wanna say anything, so I just let him be. But last night he messaged me saying “I had a lot of fun the other night, but we just won’t work” I feel stupid. I genuinely thought he really liked me and something serious would come of it and now I feel so stupid and rejected idek. And I know it’s not his fault at all, I just feel so confused because I thought he really liked me, and he had said it too. I’m not even sure what I’m asking, just how do I get over it cos I don’t wanna dwell on it and make it a big deal out of nothing.

cih16 Hurtful words from sister post miscarriage
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I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks. When I told my sister (after some comments she made) she said “don’t be sad, it happens to everyone”.I told her that I couldn’t believe she said that and that it is a terrible thing to say.This has really hurt ... View more

I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks. When I told my sister (after some comments she made) she said “don’t be sad, it happens to everyone”.I told her that I couldn’t believe she said that and that it is a terrible thing to say.This has really hurt me. It’s been over 2 months since her comment and I still think about it daily. I haven’t spoken to her since.My husband isn’t as phased by her comment and now that some time has passed he thinks I should speak with her again. I’m not close with my family so haven’t told them about my miscarriage but they know my sister has said something really terrible. They think I should stop being so sensitive and get over it.I do not know anyone that has miscarried or understands what I’m going through. I’m feeling upset and lonely and was hoping by sharing my story there would be others that can relate to my situation and provide some support around what my sister has said to me and my feelings towards it.

_ssf Anxiety and depression from heartbreak
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I don’t know where to even begin.Ive recently gone through the most agonising breakup in my life.no this isn’t a first love or second, I was married for 12 years and it didn’t hurt as bad as this one. I’ve been through heartbreak and hurt and yes my ... View more

I don’t know where to even begin.Ive recently gone through the most agonising breakup in my life.no this isn’t a first love or second, I was married for 12 years and it didn’t hurt as bad as this one. I’ve been through heartbreak and hurt and yes my anxiety always hit however, ive found my anxiety and depression has really got a hold of me in a way I don’t even know how to process or understand, i can’t leave my bed no matter how hard I try, and when I do I get a cold painful rush through my body. I feel dizzy and my chest hurts, I can’t function and just want to sleep, I find myself not eating. I feel like a zombie but in so much pain. It feels like it’s not ending. the worst part is…I don’t have any friends! I’m not exaggerating on that I genuinely mean when I say I have “no one” I try make friends, I’ve tried reaching out, I’ve tried groups etc and nothing. I'm doing this on my own and I feel even worse.

Earth Girl My parents ignore me
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Ever since I was little, my parents would ignore me and it doesn't get better as the years go on. They pay a lot of attention to my older sister and some to my younger sister, but I feel so unwanted. My parents spend most of their time on their forum... View more

Ever since I was little, my parents would ignore me and it doesn't get better as the years go on. They pay a lot of attention to my older sister and some to my younger sister, but I feel so unwanted. My parents spend most of their time on their forums. My Mum uses a horse forum and I have to hear her carry-on on it. She talks out loud as she reads and types on there and also bursts out laughing or getting really mad at tiny things on that site. My Dad ignores me even more than my Mum does. I can sometimes have a semi-conversation with my Mum, but not with my Dad. I have tried to talk to them about how I feel many times. My Dad said "Well, what can you do to make yourself more interesting so I will want to talk to you?" which made me cry and he didn't care, he just rolled his eyes. My Mum practically only wants to talk to me about horses, gardening, writing, clouds, ping pong, water color, horse poo, grass, using horse poo as mulch for gardening, etc. I actually think horses, gardening, writing and water color is really cool, but its ALL she EVER talks to me about so I get really sick of it. I've explained this to her many times and she just laughs and angrily says "Maybe I just won't talk to you then." When they do talk to me, they usually only talk about their interests and most of our conversations are extremely superficial. My Mum will say to me "Hey Earth Girl, that leaf had a shadow on it, and look, now the shadow is on the other leaf" like WOW, that is SO amazing!? She often also talks AT me rather than to me and she sometimes just talks at me for about an hour. I feel like a lot of the time when she tries to talk to me, it's more so she can feel like she's doing her job as a parent rather than because she actually wants to talk to me, like, "okay, I had a conversation with her today, so I'll just tick that off my list" type of thing.She does try harder than my Dad does though. I feel like I'm never going to be able to be close to my parents (though I don't like them much anyway). My psychologist says she finds the way my parents talk to me sad (they would sometimes come with me to appointments) and that I should try making my own family with friends but I really struggle making friends too. My Mum says that I could always try starting a conversation with them, but I don't feel comfortable doing so because I feel awkward talking to my own parents. I can barely even talk to them about how my day went or work/school. They don't want to know me.

Kez77 Abusive relationship rights on our home
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I have been living with my fiancée for 3 years now and he purchased the house about 1 years before I moved in and since we have been living together I have been paying weekly full mortgage repayments and for all things for the house and food. We thou... View more

I have been living with my fiancée for 3 years now and he purchased the house about 1 years before I moved in and since we have been living together I have been paying weekly full mortgage repayments and for all things for the house and food. We thought we would pay double repayements weekly so we could save and get ahead so started with $450 weekly payments and now $600 a week I pay and then pay for things we need around house and food and we are renovating so buying furniture and things also. My family and myself have done most of the renovations ourselves with no help from any friends or family of his for they aren't around. I spend every day off and spare hour working on the house and he spends every spare minute inbed as he was a herion addict 30 years ago and the doctor changed medications about a year ago and then put on bipolar tablets and all for he has abusive out bursts and goes from0-1000 in a instant and is verbal and physically abusive. I have tried all I can to help and support him through all of this and now has taken himself off the bipolar tablets and he forgets things in a instant is like I am talking to 3 different people in the same conversation. My family has witnessed the changes in him and are we are all trying to help him but he seems to think is no issue or and does but doesn't want to admit to it and then just gets angry when I try and help. I am to the point that I just don't talk for scared will trigger him. I need to know where I stand with the house so I can make a plan for myself and my future for have put him first the last 2 years trying to help him through it but seems now he doesn't want to help himself just blames me and my family for everything. Does anyone know what legal rights I have on the home as I have been family full weekly mortgage repayments and for all else is just the home loan is just in his name but have full records of all payments and documents of all I have done to the house and now the house has tripled in value. As we decided to renovate this property so we could by our dream acarage and then his medications got changed and alphas been not as suppose to be ever since and I have been scared for my life a couple of times and the police themselves put a restraining order on him one night when we were out for saw him flip out . I told them I didn't want it but they said is their choose and if anything is for my own protection. I just want to protect him also and know he needs help .

Raisa Negative feelings towards in-laws
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My husband's family, his mother (F53), father (M67), initially did not accept me as a daughter in law. They used to taunt me, insult me in subtle and obvious ways. Sometimes infornt of my husband and sometimes behind his back. I always wanted to shar... View more

My husband's family, his mother (F53), father (M67), initially did not accept me as a daughter in law. They used to taunt me, insult me in subtle and obvious ways. Sometimes infornt of my husband and sometimes behind his back. I always wanted to share my feelings with my husband but he used to get defensive. Didn't stand up for me for an entire year. Nowadays, he says he realizes that his parents hurt me and they did wrong. But he says, his mom is kind of naive and doesn't know what to say or how to say things to a person. I believe, his mom is supet cunning and loves to hurt people because she is a jealous and insecure woman. Now me and my husband lives in another country far aways from his parents (for work related issues). My problem is I am not being able to forgive my in-laws even though they behave in a good way to me sometimes (depends on their mood). My husband showers his love upon them over the phone. I know they are his parents and he must love them. But I feel very angry and disgust towards my husband when he does that. And i think he does that intentionally infront of me. Why would he do that? What should I do? I am not being able to forget what they made me feel. I cannot forgive them. Am I overreacting? Please provide me some valueable advice on this!

Estrangement estranged
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I struggle on and off some days i manage better then others its just me and my dog and cat. My three adult children do not communicate and have not given me any rreason why they have shut me out... I am a christian and lean on that faith, but sometim... View more

I struggle on and off some days i manage better then others its just me and my dog and cat. My three adult children do not communicate and have not given me any rreason why they have shut me out... I am a christian and lean on that faith, but sometimes the hurt runs so deep,, Its not knowing why, and i heard it said we know why thats not true I do not know why,,,,, I know the marriage was difficult and abusive situation but i was a kind gentle mother, I had epilespy in those yers and had many seizures, after 25 years and out off that marriage, I have been the last 20 odd years seizure free. I believe that they where caused from the stress off that life... However thats over 2o years now their father has passed on and I attemped to reach out to them but the door is closed with no exclamation. So at times i get very sad indeed .

Durga_M Still being harassed by my narcissistic ex even after break up
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I was with my ex for 6 years. At the beginning of the relationship everything was great. He said and did all the right things. Everything did seem too perfect which should have been a red flag but I just took it as being lucky enough to find the perf... View more

I was with my ex for 6 years. At the beginning of the relationship everything was great. He said and did all the right things. Everything did seem too perfect which should have been a red flag but I just took it as being lucky enough to find the perfect man.He some how convinced me to move states. Away from my family and friends which I was ok with but things started to change as soon as we moved away.He would leave me at home while being out with his work mates for hours. The excessive binge drinking started which would go on for days then weeks then months at end.If I raised concerns about his drinking then he would disappear for days without telling me where he is then come back home randomly expecting me to forget everything and move on.He would yell and scream at me and when I asked him to stop the abuse he would clearly tell me that he is not abusing me and it is only abuse if he physically harms me. Eventually he started bringing girls home while I was away and would sleep with them in our bed.The abuse got bad and there is a lot more he has said and done but I am too scared to share it here in case he finds this post. We ended up settling our assets and moving seperate ways a few weeks ago but he still kept contacting me.Actually pointed out how much of a good guy he is that he took the bed with him cause he couldn’t bear for me to use it. i ended up telling him that I know a lot more of what he has done which I can’t share here to which he threatened me that he will sue me for defamation if he finds out I’ve spoken to anyone about him. Then thing is that what I know isn’t a lie and I’ve got prove of it all plus I know that he has gone around spreading lies about me. I know that if he does sue me that nothing will come out of it because I’ve got prove of his abuse etc but I am still tired because he has put me thru the hell of going to court before.I would have won them aswell but the whole process was so draining , time consuming and expensive that i cannot be put thru it again. He doesn’t have a leg to stand but I can’t understand how or why he is still trying to contact me and scare me. we both agreed on NO CONTACT but the next day he would message me or call me. If I don’t respond then he gets angry. i am scared that if I block him then he would get angry and harm me some other way. I am so scared.Does this end?How do I stop being so scared all the time? I have really good support from my family and friends. Everything else in life is fine.Its just that he won’t leave me alone still.