Break up

[Rails]

It’s been 3 months since my 10 year relationship ended . My ex partner decided that he was unhappy in his life, ended our relationship, taken time off work and sold his house . He is turning 40. He ensured me that he loves me, but is just unhappy in life and needs to go and find what makes him happy and wants to travel and maybe work overseas without me or the relationship. I’ve been really struggling since the separation. I have been managing work and doing my general activities, but as it gets closer to his time to leave the country I’ve come more emotionally unstable . I have now started to become emotionally unable to manage my break downs and will cry for hours, I will also have thoughts on death, and feel stuck and am so tired of feeling sad . I have some really great friends and family, and adult children who I speak 2 and adore . However, I am still in love with my ex partner and he is aware and I can’t seem to “move on” and I am waiting for him to realise he is making a mistake - which is delusional in away. My ex and I are still very good friends. I just don’t know how to even start to process the changes in my life I am 44 and how to manage my emotions. 

[Croix]

Dear Rails~

I'd like to offer you a warm welcome to the Forum. Can I say at the start I think you are being too hard on yourself and have expectations of your coping skills which are not that realistic. Three months is a very short time after a 10 year relationship and I would think I'd still feel great loss, greif, loneliness, despair and doubt my own behaviour and abilities.

As the time comes for him to go overseas that only underlines your loss and makes it seem more final. Hoping he has made a mistake and things can be as they used to be is natural, however after being treated as you have I'm not sure things could ever be the same. You would always be wondering if it would happen again. Frankly he seems concerned about himself and not you.

It is not a case of 'moving on', an unrealistic phrase. More a case of gradually coming to terms with  the loss and being betrayed. I know you have a great family but sometimes one can speak more freely to outside assistance who may be able to do more.

May I suggest you get some counseling? Relationships Australia is a good service, and may either have a center near you, or perhaps if not then they may know of another that is.

Hang in there, you will cope better and better

Croix