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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Elizabeth666 Fighting the narcissist in the magistrate court - need an experience barrister for hearing
  • replies: 1

I am hoping to find a lawyer / barrister to represent me in court that understands a narcsissist mind games. I have had 2 lawyers, both expecting me to plead guity for breach an IVO just to make a quick dollar. I cant plead guilty for acts I cannot r... View more

I am hoping to find a lawyer / barrister to represent me in court that understands a narcsissist mind games. I have had 2 lawyers, both expecting me to plead guity for breach an IVO just to make a quick dollar. I cant plead guilty for acts I cannot remember doing. We were in a relationship for 3 years, it got quite abusive. I reported him many times to the police, even afte showing bruising all over my body police did nothing. He reports a lie to the police, the police jump to help me. My psychologist says because I had attack after attack by the man, his current partner and police, I had a traumatic episode as I have no memory of the events for 48 hours. I went into fight mode. I did not hurt anybody but I breached an IVO. I believe he manipulated the police with false stories. I told another woman who was also sleeping with this man is a conman be careful. That was it, the attacks against me started. I am in the process of collecting all the evidence and getting a psychologist forensic report. Now I need a barrister to help me at the hearing. I have been fighting this battle for 12 months. I cant have his name next to my name on record as the abuse will continue. I need all ties with him broken. My life has been turned upside down.

liv_2377 I’m lost on what to do
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for nearly over a year now and my issue is surrounding my relationship I have a boyfriend (he is great, amazing, nothing to complain about) but recently I have met this guy let’s call him Colli... View more

Hello, I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for nearly over a year now and my issue is surrounding my relationship I have a boyfriend (he is great, amazing, nothing to complain about) but recently I have met this guy let’s call him Collin and collin and i get along super well and i feel like i have known him for ages and there is a lot sexual chemistry between us and im sometimes tempted to see what it would be like to take it further but i dont want to lose my boyfriend over this crush but i feel like im missing out on an opportunity

movingon1970 How do I put a past relationship in the past,
  • replies: 1

I’ve never talked at length about this before… kinda thought it was daft. Back in 1986 i met “F” who I thought was the girl of my dreams, the one! I was almost 16. We dated for c4 years and then out of nowhere it was over a month before her 18th birt... View more

I’ve never talked at length about this before… kinda thought it was daft. Back in 1986 i met “F” who I thought was the girl of my dreams, the one! I was almost 16. We dated for c4 years and then out of nowhere it was over a month before her 18th birthday. I’ve no idea why it ended although she was moving away for uni. Over the following 4 years we kept in touch and saw eachother now and again. I continued to hold a flame for her even though during that time we had seen various other people. In 1991 I met my now wife “S” and a year of so later “F” met her now husband. I think that there were probably a hand ful of times where “F” and I could have gotten back together, but I either never took the chance or the timing was not right. As my relationship with “S” got deeper it became clear that my ongoing communication with “F” was getting in the way… “F” seemed to pop up when S or I was feeling a bit wobbly. In early 1995 I wrote to “F” to say goodbye…. That wasn’t received well and I saw her for a final time. “F” said she understood.In late 1995 “S” and I got engaged. I had heard that “F” got engaged a week or so later. I married “ S” in mid 1996. Turned out that “F” got married the week before. Since the goodbye letter I have now and again thought of “F”. Bizarrely when things weren’t 100% with “S”, I’d have an out of the blue dream about “F”…. Which always made me feel a bit wobbly for a day or 2. Fast forward to 2007 and “S” and I plus our 2 round kids have moved to Australia from the UK. Within a month of moving downunder “F” made contact via social media. The messages seemed innocent although she did reminisce about the past using “in” language. I showed “S” all the messages as they came through. After 3 months the messages stopped. Again since that time I have thought about “F” now and again plus had the odd dream…. Never anything sexual, just “F” and I doing everyday things. fast forward to December 2023 and out of the blue I dreamt of “F” again… this time I woke up with an overwhelming sense of loss, sorrow and sadness. 2 days later I’m still feeling the same and becoming very emotional. i believe dreams have meanings and so found the old messages from “F” and wrote her a message asking if she was ok, explaining the dream and the intensity of feelings… I deleted the message as I thought it hadn’t been seen and thought that such a random message after 16 years silence was a bit wierd. ”F” did see the message before it deleted and responded. She was grateful for my concern, we shared a couple more messages about our kids and dreams…. And that is it. My mind is now running overtime thinking about “F”, what could have been, could there be something now etc… every time a thought pops in , the tears flow…. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous as I don’t know the 51 yo “F”…. Just the 18yo memories.. .There’s no way I’m giving up on my almost 30yr marriage. When I entered into marriage it was for life… divorce was and is never an option. We life 12000 miles apart. so how do I put “F” firmly in her rightful place in the past and kill off the emotions?

brokenman81 Where to from here
  • replies: 3

I don’t know where to start. I discovered my wife of almost ten years and mother of my two children was having an affair with one of my good friends. Who is also married with three children. I’ve seen text messages talking about sex and saying how mu... View more

I don’t know where to start. I discovered my wife of almost ten years and mother of my two children was having an affair with one of my good friends. Who is also married with three children. I’ve seen text messages talking about sex and saying how much they love each other. Anyway, since it all came out, his wife tells me that he came clean about everything and is wanting to get counselling, etc, whatever it will take to save their marriage. My wife on the other hand, kept denying it was physical and gets angry with me when I ask her how long it’s been going on, when, where, etc. It seems like she wants me to play happy families for Xmas, for the kids, then it’s all over. I feel sick all the time, can’t eat and can’t sleep. I’ve had suicidal thoughts but the only thing keeping me going right now and wanting to try to work on it is my two children, they don’t deserve any of this.

Emma82 Alcoholic spouse
  • replies: 5

I’m hoping someone here has some advice to guide me through a really hard situation.My husband and I separated two years ago because he was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. After 12 months apart I agreed to give our relationship another ... View more

I’m hoping someone here has some advice to guide me through a really hard situation.My husband and I separated two years ago because he was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. After 12 months apart I agreed to give our relationship another go as we had a then 2 year old. In the last 2 months the drinking and emotional abuse has started again. He continues to drink drive with my son in the car. He finishes work earlier than me so picks him up from childcare. I am able to get him and begged him to stop but he continues anyway. I have called the police and they have said unless he’s caught in the act there’s nothing they can do. I know my son and I need to leave but with the housing crisis and not having any family in the state, we have no where to go. I have spoken to his family about this but they don’t seem to be as concerned as they should. I’ve begged him to leave but he won’t. How can I stop him from drink driving with my son? TIA

Louisegal Time to give up
  • replies: 1

Hi all. First timer here.My parents divorced when I was 8yrs old, I have an older sister(8yrs older) who was always spoilt & time spent on. Over the years there's been alot of dirty water under the bridge with my mum, sister & I. I've kept in contact... View more

Hi all. First timer here.My parents divorced when I was 8yrs old, I have an older sister(8yrs older) who was always spoilt & time spent on. Over the years there's been alot of dirty water under the bridge with my mum, sister & I. I've kept in contact with my mum, even though we've never been close, I've always helped & given support. Over 6 yrs ago I wrote a letter to my mum to try & reach out & improve our relationship. In short what was in the letter was about how the divorce affected me & that I don't remember any of my childhood. How I always felt left out & looked down upon. (I wasn't a smart kid but more practical. Whereas my sister was & alot of attention given to her.) How I was bullied at school, etc. And how over my adult life I have tried steps to make our relationship closer. At one stage I even moved up to where my mum was to be closer, but nothing changed. I even helped my mum look after her parents.After a year I moved back to where I was from(better work) as I couldn't see things improving in our relationship. But I would still keep in contact weekly & visit a few times a year.On my visits my mother never made arrangements or wanted to spend quality time with me like going on walks, shopping,etc. She would go about her days like I wasn't there. Went to outings, bingo, etc. So a few years ago I decided to distance myself from her for my own mental health as my mum is a very negative person & can't see the positive in anything. I have explained this to her & she still doesn't understand why I have distanced myself.Now she rings & the first thing she says is 'oh your still alive then'.I just feel I can't win. What can I do.Thanks in advance

jemma09 End of a relationship, self-care tips?
  • replies: 23

I ended my long-term relationship recently. It was something I took a lot of time to think through and to decide. This is the first relationship I have ended where the person is someone I have cared a lot about and loved. They were very upset, which ... View more

I ended my long-term relationship recently. It was something I took a lot of time to think through and to decide. This is the first relationship I have ended where the person is someone I have cared a lot about and loved. They were very upset, which is understandable. I tried to be there with them and listen. However, they became disrespectful and began to send me nasty messages and call me names. I asked them to stop, they wouldn't. They had said it should be expected that I must accept it from them. I started feeling heated as I did not like being spoken to in that manner. So I put a boundary in place that I needed to step away and would give them time to process and connect with them again the next day. I did that. They were very annoyed and stated I left them to fend for themselves. They feel I am in the wrong. I tried to remind them of my boundaries and explained that - I am getting better at that. I am glad I could stand up for myself. It is not easy though. They did reach out to some friends for support, which I am glad about and it is good practice for them to do that.I did upset me when they called me names, I know they were upset but I did not expect this and it was disappointing. We are still in contact a little and texted today - it was very draining for me. They were more respectful, however, we have very different viewpoints of the situation. They want to talk on the phone once more as closure. The plan is this will be neutral and give us both a chance to farewell and then cease contact. I agree with that plan. I want to completely move forward and for it all to be finished. I am very tired. I wanted to post here as a way to express myself and to ensure I am not causing friend burn out. As since I am in a 'moving on' process, I am trying to be careful not to push my emotions onto others. I have told my friends that also. I have decided to buy a new journal to express myself. My reason for writing is to seek advice for self-care. Do you have any tips for self-care and regulating emotions during this time?I am trying to practice acceptance of the situation and acceptance that the other person is upset, and try not to take their responses to heart too much. I do have a therapist, however my next appointment is not for another week or so. I do know I made the right choice for myself and my wellbeing, however, it was still not an easy choice by any means. I want to try my best to move forward. Thank you for reading.

R2k2020 Feeling lost
  • replies: 2

First of all, My English is not really good but my emotions are real so hopefully my grammar doesn’t embarrassed me to the readers浪I have three beautiful childrens, Ricky the Grot, Rissa the Grab and Oscar the Grouch.I came from Philippines, grow up ... View more

First of all, My English is not really good but my emotions are real so hopefully my grammar doesn’t embarrassed me to the readers🤪I have three beautiful childrens, Ricky the Grot, Rissa the Grab and Oscar the Grouch.I came from Philippines, grow up poor and grow up in a big family but VERY HAPPY..I haven’t been to the doctor to check what’s wrong with me, I know theres something wrong with me especially my mental health, and my anxiety doesn’t help. Not much of friends, I cut them all my two teenagers never grow up with me they both busy. My youngest is 3 Oscar the GrouchMy little weakness.Sometimes I feel sad in random places and my tears drop for no reasons.maybe I’m crazy . When it’s quite and dark and son is asleep I cried really deep and hold my breath so no one can here me crying.I’m too scared sometimes when I’m sad coz it brings back my childhood memories that no one knows how strong and sad I am. I have no family here , apart from my kidsi just miss my OLD ME.I changed a lot , I feel like everything is falling apart and it’s all my fault.I feel sorry for my 3 year old son It’s not fair and it’s not his fault why I’m lost myself sometimes. Don’t know where to start to asked help and I’m too shy to open up coz of my anxiety.

Earth Girl She would invite me to hang out, leave me on read and now she's bullying me really badly?
  • replies: 5

A long time ago, I went to this place where people with disabilities like me can hang out with each other and there were support people there. I thought the support people were really nice and one day, one of them, A, asked me if I wanted to hang out... View more

A long time ago, I went to this place where people with disabilities like me can hang out with each other and there were support people there. I thought the support people were really nice and one day, one of them, A, asked me if I wanted to hang out with her and S (another support worker) so we hung out and I had a great time and a few more times A and I would hang out and I told her that I was kind of a loner and she said "Aw, well, I'm your friend ." I was so happy that I had managed to make a friend that I could be myself around and who so nice. One day I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she said sure and we organized to meet up and she canceled at the last minute because she said she had a work thing, but she also said that she was going to take me and S out for a fancy tea thing and this happened again a few times and almost every time she would say something like "I'll take you out to the special gardens" after wards and it took me a while to realize that she probably didn't want to hang out anymore so when I finally realized, I stopped asking her if she wanted to hang out. A long time had passed and I wrote a Facebook post saying that I had a lonely life and so my life basically was the pandemic (this was during the pandemi) and A said on my post "Let's hang out! Sunshine girl shouldn't be lonely!" so we organized a time to hang out and on the day I asked her if it was still on and she left me on read so I was a bit confused, but I think I stopped messaging her to hang out after that because it sounded like she really didn't want to hang out even though she originally invited me to. I asked on another forum about this and some people there said that she might be acting this way because she has depression or anxiety so I said "I'll message her on Facebook to see how she is going but I won't ask her to hang out. So I did that and she messaged me back saying "I'm doing great. I'm going to invite you and S to ...... :)" which didn't end up happening either. And I think it was a while after that that she shared a post on Facebook saying something like "I don't like organizing outings with people too far away from the day because I don't know how I will feel on the day and I don't like organizing outings with people too close to the day because (of some other reason) where is my support team at?" which I'm pretty sure was about me but I don't know what I did wrong? A couple years later I found out that A and Ls (another person with a disability from that place) were writing the meanest, nastiest things about me online. A was saying things like "She (me) is probably prone to anorexia because of her insecurities and she flexes her new handbag" (I don't think I'm better than anyone else just because of a handbag and just because I use my handbag, it doesn't mean I'm showing off). And Ls said I wasn't doing enough volunteering and she was talking about how she's better than me because she does so much volunteering and they were both making extremely dirty jokes about how I apparently liked A as more than a friend and talking about how we were doing things together which I actually find really disturbing that they would make jokes like that. Like, imagine if your teacher and her favorite pupil made jokes about you like that, it's kind of like that and it's just weird. Also A is in her 30s and Ls is at least in her mid 20s so they should know better. I was never even mean to either of them but they are being the worst to me. I find it so hard to trust people now. I don't know how I wronged A but it's nothing in comparison to what she's doing to me now. I don't know how they could be so cruel especially when A seemed so nice and Ls even seemed like such an innocent person who would never be horrible to anyone. I told my Mum about it and she doesn't even remotely care. She just seems to think they are "being silly."

Clover9312 Feeling worse about my break up months on
  • replies: 4

Hi, I’ve found it helpful to write on here before and I’ve found everyone’s responses comforting. I went through a break up almost six months ago. We were dating for 3 months. The nicest and most healthiest relationship I had ever had. I knew the guy... View more

Hi, I’ve found it helpful to write on here before and I’ve found everyone’s responses comforting. I went through a break up almost six months ago. We were dating for 3 months. The nicest and most healthiest relationship I had ever had. I knew the guy was reluctant to have children and that this would be an issue because I grew up always wanting them. It became an issue a few months in, as we were discussing taking the next steps in our relationship. I had minimised how important children were to me when we first discussed it. There truly was a part of me that wanted to change my mind and weigh up the possibility of not having a child. However, it was clear that we both had different stances on this when we spoke more. I became really emotional and I felt that he was becoming a bit reluctant about us. He was worried about me regretting not having children. His reasons for not wanting them are completely valid, he did explain all of those things to me. He was still so kind to me despite these unresolved issues, which I’m really grateful for and we still continued to see each other for a couple more weeks after this chat. Everything was going so well up until these chats and it made me so devastated knowing I had to eventually decide whether to stay or go. But he made that choice for the both of us and decided to end things. He mentioned that over those last couple weeks, our relationship had become stagnant and that I should find someone with the same long term goals. He seemed genuinely sad and even didn’t want me to leave his house straight away when he ended it. I’ve had a lot of intrusive thoughts, wondering if it was more than just the kids issue that made him want to end things and that I was just able to easily become a platonic connection after everything we experienced. I’m in therapy, have spoken about this at length with my therapist. I find that I sometimes feel a bit better, but mostly I still feel so heartbroken. The more time that goes by, I feel awful that I’m not better and I imagine that he’s doing great. It’s making me worried that what we had was one sided and that I had deep feelings and he didn’t. It was weird not speaking to each other everyday, but he eventually broke the ice and reached out to me a week after the break up and told me that he still wanted me in his life. I was surprised by how soon he wanted to catch up. We had a lovely catch up (some time after, as I needed more healing time). He even initiated another catch up a few weeks later. I feel guilty about this, as I shouldn’t have agreed to see him if I wasn’t ready. He seems to have kept to his promise to still want to see me, which I find kind of amazing. I wondered at first if he said that to be nice. I was even surprised when he reached out again, because I had wondered if our first catch up was just to establish a “no hard feelings” sort of thing and that would be that. In his eyes, I’m sure I seem fine. Our interactions are really natural. I’ve been amazed by how confident and calm I have been during these catch ups. But they have made me sad afterwards. He probably thinks it’s ok to be friends because of how calm I seem. Secretly I’m really upset that he seems to be able to easily catch up with me. I feel like he’s had an easier time and is probably over me completely. It makes me feel like I didn’t mean a whole lot. I feel like I need to take a step back and not see him anymore. This relationship is tied to a lot of grief in many ways that would take me paragraphs to write. Not only this, all the women in my family have started having babies. I found out that one of them was pregnant when him and I had our first emotional chat about kids. Then when we discussed it more and ended it, the family member’s baby was born. I keep feeling heartache during everybody else’s milestones and it’s really heartbreaking. This guy was really so healing for me and I’m gutted we didn’t want the same things. It took me so long to find a nice one. While I know it’s for the best, I can’t shake off these emotions. I’m meditating, seeing doctors, but I thought I’d write here tonight to gather my thoughts in words. I know I shouldn’t feel rejected, logically it made sense to end this relationship, but I’m struggling to cope with the emotions.