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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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MissJ94 Overwhelmed single mum with no support
  • replies: 2

Ive been through a lot in the last two years because of my ex, who was abusive. And to me, if you really look at things, I feel like he is still being abusive. 2025, I had a 3.5 week voluntary mental health stay with my baby who is now 13months. I ha... View more

Ive been through a lot in the last two years because of my ex, who was abusive. And to me, if you really look at things, I feel like he is still being abusive. 2025, I had a 3.5 week voluntary mental health stay with my baby who is now 13months. I had one 3 day involuntary mental health admissions. I was sectioned under the mental health act twice. My diagnosis is BPD and cPTSD. I just want to be the old me again. I was damaged before, but because of the ex and everything hes done, I feel like im irreparable now. He took out an AVO on me because I was contacting him about our baby, he had told me he wants to be in the babys life but wasn't showing up. I ended up spam texting him telling him to just admit he doesnt want to be in the babys life and then ill never contact him again. So instead of admitting that, he took out the avo and now im not allowed to contact him. He goes around saying I dont let him see his son, that I dont put effort in. But he forgets to mention to people the full story. I have a 14 year old and a 13 month old, different fathers. I have no issues with my 14 year old, hes not as dependent on me now hes older.My 13 month old though. I ended up screaming at him yesterday because he wanted to be held the whole day. Hes been clingy the last few days and I was all touched out, I had had enough, I was becoming overwhelmed and angry. When that happens it all gets directed at his father. Knowing that the baby is half his father, makes me not want to even look at him. He was crying even if I stood up! So I yelled, telling him to shut up. Thoughts of putting both of them into foster care, or me just getting in the car and driving off to start a new life.I dont want to be like that. I dont want to be thinking like that. I hate myself for it. But after everything his father has done, I cant help it at times. Any normal situation youd be able to send someone a message or call them asking if they can help put in those times of being overwhelmed but I have no one. And im sick of it. How hard is it to be a parent if thats what you want. And if you dont, why not just say it! If I could have, I would have messaged the ex yesterday asking for him to come take his son for a few hours so I can regulate, but im not allowed to! I hate it! I hate doing it all myself, on my own! I was a single mum to my eldest and now to my youngest, I never wanted any of this. What supports are out there to actually help? When those times of overwhelm come on and I just dont want anything to do with the baby, what do I do? Because im scared that one day ill get so overwhelmed that id do something bad. I do love my sons, we have more good times than bad. But those bad times, im really not coping at all. Its like I need an on call support person to take over at those times, to keep baby occupied so I can calm down and hit the reset button. I just dont know what to do anymore and I hate it

Lost23 Relationship advice
  • replies: 5

Hi, hope everyone is well. So im mid 40s M and my partner is mid 30s F, its a interracial relationship. We have been together 4 years, we have never lived together as im from the country and she is in the city. At first I would visit her for 3 or 4 d... View more

Hi, hope everyone is well. So im mid 40s M and my partner is mid 30s F, its a interracial relationship. We have been together 4 years, we have never lived together as im from the country and she is in the city. At first I would visit her for 3 or 4 days at a time due to my work schedule, we have had the usual arguments about my ex, she suffers from anxiety which I new from the very beginning, so we had arguments which turned in to personal attacks the usual your not a man, im not your mother, you dress ugly, you never do anything and more. I would always point out her behaviour, but never point out her flaws. The intimacy was always amazing. I always helped her financially as she didnt work up untill mid last year, I mean paid for everything Bond for her, rent, food, trips overseas to see her family, hotels and a lot more, this never bothered me because I know she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. At the moment I pay half her rent and still pay for food and necessities. But when I try and explain that I need to save money to buy a house, she says I shouldn't of offered to pay for everything. Which im guilty of getting frustrated and angry, because I work overtime regularly. It's a constant struggle ATM but I just gotta keep going. As of a couple of months ago, very limited intimacy, as when I visit her we argue about petty things, like the footwear I was wearing, then the directions when we went for a walk, what to eat, I cooked dinner the lettuce was to big in the salad, then the way I cleaned the bathroom, it was just a mess, I had to sleep on the floor in the lounge room, I bought her a couch the next day put it together, and at the time I was angry and frustrated then I wanted to talk about us, that we need to talk about the previous day, it was about me not being a man and I need to go to therapy, I said we needed to go to couples councillors which turned into nothing is her fault, but I blame her for everything, she told her sister she was single, I tried to ask about that and she told me she has not told or family or friends about me cause they wouldn't accept and I said how would you know they have never met me, me only met one friend but im unsure what she has told her, she has met my parents, she shuts out any kind of conversation about how she feels, so I left and get a message I always argue, don't get me wrong I know that it takes 2 people to argue and im not perfect, but I never use her insecurities against her. I have asked her what she sees in me and just tells me what's wrong with me, And I know her mental health is not helping the situations. I just want advice and please don't hesitate to ask for more context, do I just keep trying or do I just walk away

Tri71Cr Isolation
  • replies: 6

Well. I'm done. Done getting judged by everyone, their condescending remarks and how they treat me. Calling me heartless, insinuating that I only care about money, that I complain, are a troublemaker. Tired of being undermined and treated like I'm th... View more

Well. I'm done. Done getting judged by everyone, their condescending remarks and how they treat me. Calling me heartless, insinuating that I only care about money, that I complain, are a troublemaker. Tired of being undermined and treated like I'm the one with the problem and are delusional. Tired of Doctors not giving a stuff then putting it all on me. I'm sick to my core and tired of everybody's shit.

DGC_19 Ongoing grief and depression
  • replies: 1

Hi, Was hoping that there are some coping mechanisms for grief? My father passed away 2 years ago and i was very close to him and during my adult life he was a great support when i was suffering periods of depression. Now that he he gone i feel like ... View more

Hi, Was hoping that there are some coping mechanisms for grief? My father passed away 2 years ago and i was very close to him and during my adult life he was a great support when i was suffering periods of depression. Now that he he gone i feel like i don't have anyone. I find myself constantly crying and being emotional and honestly it feels like the more time passes the more it hurts. I come from a family of 6 siblings and a mother who has never expressed love for me and i remember being 7 years old asking my father if my mother loves me. During childhood and adulthood she has excluded me from family activities purposely and my siblings don't visit me unless they need something. I feel like im driving myself crazy going out of my way to try and make them love me by going out of my way to do anything and everything for them in hopes they'd might want to visit me. I know i should stop but i know im going to truly be alone when i do and that scares me.

Aurora22 Issues in relationship from depression and loss
  • replies: 2

I have been with my partner for almost five years, and overall it has been a fantastic relationship. They live with depression and anxiety, and while I am proud they have started getting professional support, it has taken a long time to get here. Ove... View more

I have been with my partner for almost five years, and overall it has been a fantastic relationship. They live with depression and anxiety, and while I am proud they have started getting professional support, it has taken a long time to get here. Over that time, our connection, intimacy, and day-to-day relationship have been impacted. I hold some resentment and anger also that it has taken so long although I am trying to work through it. I understand mental health plays a big role, but I am struggling to separate what is related to that and what is not. I often feel like I am carrying most of the emotional responsibility in the relationship, and that my own needs come second. We argue more than we used to, and daily it is just “going through the motions” and I feel worn down trying to hold everything together. This has also been a very hard year for me personally. I lost my dad five months ago to cancer and have been under ongoing work stress. I had to keep functioning while also trying to support my partner, and I’m exhausted. I do not feel like I have much space to process my own grief or needs, and I am not sure how to move forward from here. Does any one have any tips on how to look after yourself and not take things so personally in a relationship whilst still being supportive?

John78 Mid 40s and childless
  • replies: 4

Im about to turn 45 and Im currently childless and single. This had hit me so hard with the realisation that I have little chance of becoming a father. All my friends and family have kids that are well into there teens, and I feel that I've missed so... View more

Im about to turn 45 and Im currently childless and single. This had hit me so hard with the realisation that I have little chance of becoming a father. All my friends and family have kids that are well into there teens, and I feel that I've missed something in life. Even in my mid 30s, becoming a father wasnt on my mind and I didnt really think about it. Now, turning 45, its like I've woken up and its hit me straight in the face, and its now too late. When i turned 40, i had the same feeling but now im turning 45, Its killing me inside and I cant stop thinking about it.

Dam9791 Open marriage
  • replies: 3

My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have a wonderful loving relationship with 2 teenage kids. I trust my wife 100 percent. Before we got together she had a relationship with another guy that was mostly about sex, ie. Kind of like friends... View more

My wife and I have been married for 12 years and have a wonderful loving relationship with 2 teenage kids. I trust my wife 100 percent. Before we got together she had a relationship with another guy that was mostly about sex, ie. Kind of like friends with benefits as the guy was a complete commitment phobe, due to being cheated on in a past relationship which also happened to my wife, her first husband cheated on her, so I think they had some kind of bond and they have known each other since they were teenagers.About 12 months ago my wife started talking to him again and have formed a friendship which I have no problem with, even though I think he is an idiot and I have nothing to do with him. Somehow when she spends time with him, he makes her happy, I put it down to that when she is with him she is free and not mum or the doting wife being weighed down with all the boring family stuff while she is there. About 3 months ago she bought up the topic of opening our marriage and we did a lot of talking about it, we came to an agreement that nothing would happen unless we were both 100% on board. A couple of weeks back we both agreed. Now she did not rush out and have sex with the guy as at the time she wasn't even sure she wanted to, anyway I got cold feet and asked her not to, so she hasn't. She still does visit him as normal friends would though. Yesterday we talked again and she said that she would like have sex with him again but would only do it with my permission, now I'm not totally against it, i'd get to have sex with someone else as well. She tells me that she is 100% committed to our relationship and she loves me more then anything which I believe. I am also very committed to my wife and until she bought up the idea of opening our marriage would never have even thought about having sex with someone else but the idea is sort of appealing. I guess my question is has anyone done the open marriage thing and is it worth it and what feelings did you have when your partner did actually sleep with someone else.

boringusername Blindsiding separation, have kids, please advise.
  • replies: 9

Dear good people of this forum, I'm going through a trial separation of 4 weeks that I didn't see coming. It's the biggest shock in my life and I'm desperate for some advice. I have no illusion about the outcome, it will be a form of permanent separa... View more

Dear good people of this forum, I'm going through a trial separation of 4 weeks that I didn't see coming. It's the biggest shock in my life and I'm desperate for some advice. I have no illusion about the outcome, it will be a form of permanent separation but I'd like to know which one is best for the kids. Please hear me out! A bit of context first. We both don't work and lead a relatively frugal lifestyle. We decided to step out of the workforce so we have more time for our kids' early childhood. We are living in a small part of her parents house, to save on living costs. She is the life architect of this family. She researches and plans everything, she homeschools the kids and takes them to homeschooling groups and plans holiday activities, etc.. I do all the housework: shopping, cooking/baking, cleaning but I do also chauffeur the kids to some of their activities, take them to doctors, put them to bed, look after them when they wake up in the night, etc.. Kind of a reverse role, as people have told me before, but I learned to live with it. We defaulted over the years to this arrangement because it was a clean separation of duties sparing us frequent decision making about who does what. It wasn't enough though, we still found ways to argue, too much recently. I've been using the couch for 2 weeks, the kids have no clue about the separation. I feel drained and exhausted from the shock of the separation and its consequences. I'm breaking every day imagining how the kids will be affected. My youngest (6), who's been really stressed by our constant 'squabbles' before the separation told me several times she was worried about me 'unmarrying' her mum, something I never thought would happen, and I had sincerely promised her as much. Nothing destroys me more than the thought of the realization on her face as I break my word and she sees me for a liar for the rest of her life. My wife seems fine. Hearing her having a good time with the kids in the next room while I'm just struggling to keep a face together is more than I can take some days. I don't feel able to be myself around the kids anymore either, they've started to notice my gloomier attitude and so I started avoiding being too long near them and that's killing me too. My mind goes over this question a thousand times per day: is it better to leave and try to rebuild a life nearby? I have no job, I've been out of the workforce for 4 years, I don't own a house or a car. I have some savings but nothing that will last long in this expensive country. If I restart from scratch, I'll probably only get the weekend to see my girls, and they'll see me in my most exhausted state for half of it. I'll get to see 2/7 of their childhood at best. The thought of it is destroying me. Losing their mum felt like a torn limb, I can't imagine what it's going to feel like to actually be cut off my kids for 5 days a week. An absolute nightmare. On the other hand, if we work out a way of cohabitating after separation, I'll get to see the kids, hear about their day everyday, be there when they need comfort, when they wake up in the night, I will still feel like part of their life. The problem will be running into my wife frequently, sharing the same kitchen, fridge, car (also belongs to her mum), it'll be a constant reminder of rejection, of how I'm not enough and not worthwhile to her, of the failed marriage, of the fact that I'm basically just a cheap live-in house helper now. I also absolutely don't want to witness her bringing in someone new and him cozying up to the kids, becoming their cool step-dad. Another nightmare that might push me off a bridge. There is no good choice for me here, so what's best for the kids? Please share your wisdom. TLDNR: Wife and I are trial separating under the same roof. I'm not living it well. It's going to be hard to see the kids if I leave and rebuild my life, and hard to be happy if I stay for co-parenting. Which is better for the kids long-term? Both depressing, for different reasons, to me. Please advise.

Clara1 Car Accident
  • replies: 3

My brother had a car accident three days ago. He may have caused the accident because he was drinking alcohol. Now my family are trying to get me to help my brother make an insurance claim. I am not sure how to help my brother. I did not witness the ... View more

My brother had a car accident three days ago. He may have caused the accident because he was drinking alcohol. Now my family are trying to get me to help my brother make an insurance claim. I am not sure how to help my brother. I did not witness the accident and I have no details about the accident. Not sure where to start really.

Meme I've left it too late to grieve
  • replies: 3

A few years ago I lost every one close to me, not all at once but within a few months period. Tragic accidents, undiagnosed illnesses, suicide and so forth, I couldn't grieve for any of them because at the time I had a child in hospital a house full ... View more

A few years ago I lost every one close to me, not all at once but within a few months period. Tragic accidents, undiagnosed illnesses, suicide and so forth, I couldn't grieve for any of them because at the time I had a child in hospital a house full of distant family members taking advantage of me and a job. My problem is I have all this greif left, so heavy on my chest that I feel I suppressed so long that I can't deal with it. Like as if the time to deal with it has passed and now the weight of it is permanent. I just really miss the person I was before all of this. I want to feel happiness again take enjoyment in things I use to. I know I've pushed away the living.

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