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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_77258096 Concern about my girlfriend and finances
  • replies: 1

I have had this celibate girlfriend for 35 years. I cant get around to marrying her for many reasons. She is an alcoholic now after not confronting mental health issues and she has wasted two inheritances and is about to receive another. I basically ... View more

I have had this celibate girlfriend for 35 years. I cant get around to marrying her for many reasons. She is an alcoholic now after not confronting mental health issues and she has wasted two inheritances and is about to receive another. I basically help her manage her finances but she gets very distant when she has a a windfall. How can I learn to deal with my situation?

Andrew Anger issues
  • replies: 5

I’m an older dad of 9 year old twin boys with a wonderful younger wife. My father was an angry man and I was determined not to emulate that. It seems I’ve failed plus it appears I’m worse. I’m on a lot of meds: depression, blood pressure, epilepsy an... View more

I’m an older dad of 9 year old twin boys with a wonderful younger wife. My father was an angry man and I was determined not to emulate that. It seems I’ve failed plus it appears I’m worse. I’m on a lot of meds: depression, blood pressure, epilepsy and arthritis. My wife and I are not in the best place emotionally and physically which also doesn’t help. To be honest I think the anger issue really kicked in when the boys were born, which is so not fair on anyone. I’ve tried to set up online counseling but the organisations never get back to me. Help!

Hepa4300 Grieving the loss of a relationship
  • replies: 1

I don’t know what I need if anything I just need to share my heartbreak.My partner of 10 years tonight has told me she wants me to leave. She had an affair which has caused me mental health issues for the last 2 years, during this time, as I struggle... View more

I don’t know what I need if anything I just need to share my heartbreak.My partner of 10 years tonight has told me she wants me to leave. She had an affair which has caused me mental health issues for the last 2 years, during this time, as I struggled, I found she had messaged men online with explicit content causing me to deteriorate further. I love her deeply and know what she had done was due to grooming when she was younger.My only comfort from the panic attacks and anxiety was her presence, her touch, her voice. 2 nights ago I drove myself to hospital, I put my plan in motion, if it wasn’t for a close friend I’m unsure what would have happened but I’d said my goodbyes, I was so tired of existence with this over me.But tonight she has told me she can’t help me anymore to cope with my mental health. She doesn’t want me anymore. In my current mental state I am terrified of being alone, I can’t be in the dark alone, it feels like doom. An empty room feels like a tomb, if I woke in the night and she was gone I would have terrible panic attacks. Now I am alone in a strange house, I am panicking about what my kids will be like when dads not there in the morning to dress them and make breakfast and pack lunches and take them to school, all the things I would do every day so their mum could have a career. I grieve that they bare the brunt of this decision that their lives will forever be changed, that every day forward is unknown territory for them. I am scared that I now have to exist with a hole beside me that only one person in the world could fill, but she doesn’t want me because of my mental state. I can’t breath, I can’t sleep, I’ve lost my home, I’ve lost my family.

nixxyboo I don’t know what to think anymore (relationship)
  • replies: 3

Long story short my partner and I have been together 3 years but have been friends for about 6. I genuinely love with with all I have but lately he’s been distant. We spent most of our relationship long distance but together now. But in the 4 months ... View more

Long story short my partner and I have been together 3 years but have been friends for about 6. I genuinely love with with all I have but lately he’s been distant. We spent most of our relationship long distance but together now. But in the 4 months he’s been here he hasn’t really hugs or kissed me in any way and it’s usually me to him. He’s back visiting family and I have hardly heard from him since he’s been back (it’s the second time in 4 months he’s been back). I found out from my sisters today that he’s made a few comments in the past that they weren’t to please with. But now I just don’t know how to feel or think

Nesta adult son is depressed and drinking heavily
  • replies: 3

My adult son (33) is separated from his wife and he has a 2 yr old daughter. He is suffering from severe stress and as a result of this stress , it has caused him to become legally blind! (well documented, stress and blindness) He cannot drive nor wo... View more

My adult son (33) is separated from his wife and he has a 2 yr old daughter. He is suffering from severe stress and as a result of this stress , it has caused him to become legally blind! (well documented, stress and blindness) He cannot drive nor work because of this. On top of this, his ex wife is withholding his daughter. This is where his problem is ....He cannot see his daughter and it's causing him severe anxiety . He dearly loves his daughter and misses her so much, ( it's been 18 weeks since he has seen her) . he is in discussion with lawyers etc, but it all takes time. I feel sooooooo sorry for him . He drinks to ease the pain of not seeing his little girl. He is now living with us as he cannot see to get about and we drive him to appts. etc. I just dont know what to do. He says things like......He wants to 'unlive' He doesn't want to be here anymore..Hes in pain, he misses his little girl...its all a vicious circle... Advice please

Mrs Chloe Newly single
  • replies: 7

Hi,I’ve been separated from my ex husband a year ago, but not divorced yet.A mutual church friend of ours from 20 years ago found out about what happened and messaged me. He said he was sorry for what happened but, we found ourselves engrossed with e... View more

Hi,I’ve been separated from my ex husband a year ago, but not divorced yet.A mutual church friend of ours from 20 years ago found out about what happened and messaged me. He said he was sorry for what happened but, we found ourselves engrossed with each other. We couldn’t stop messaging each other until we eventually succumbed to our feelings.Now we’ve been dating in secret for a month. There are many reasons why we agreed to keep it a secret for 2 years before we go public. One is that we need to both get divorced first. Our preference. Now I can’t help but think about him 24/7. There aren’t enough “I love you’s” and “I miss you’s” that can get my mind off him. Sex of course is amazing. But because we’re both busy single parents, seeing each other needs a lot of planning.I’m used to my old relationships where I can see my bf anytime I wanted to. This situation might be infatuation but it makes me not function at times. That “Crazy in Love” song by Beyoncé is exactly me. 🤪 Happy to discuss what you think is happening to me. Help!

Anzacspirit Infidelity and forgiveness
  • replies: 8

Hi, I have been married for 17 years and two months ago cheated on my wife. My wife knows about it she has actually been amazing about it all. We are still together and are closer now than ever before. She has forgiven me for what I did however I am ... View more

Hi, I have been married for 17 years and two months ago cheated on my wife. My wife knows about it she has actually been amazing about it all. We are still together and are closer now than ever before. She has forgiven me for what I did however I am struggling to forgive myself. Every post on dealing with moving on says you must forgive yourself but I’m finding it so hard. I hate what I’ve done, I keep looking back thinking why did I do this when everything I ever wanted was already there with me. How can my wife forgive me but I can’t. My psychologist seems to think I’m dealing with it ok but I’m constantly thinking about what I did and it stirs up so much emotion. I have cut all ties with the person I cheated with, my wife and I are so close now it’s unbelievably great but I’m still in pain internally for what I did. How do I move on from doing such a stupid thing?

Mels1e Disloyal husband
  • replies: 1

I recently found out my husband had organised to meet up with someone and pay them for sex. He was also on tinder even though we’ve been together for 15 years and married for 7. He claims he didn’t go through with it but I’m so broken I don’t think I... View more

I recently found out my husband had organised to meet up with someone and pay them for sex. He was also on tinder even though we’ve been together for 15 years and married for 7. He claims he didn’t go through with it but I’m so broken I don’t think I believe him. Even if he didn’t the fact that he’s been sneaky like this behind my back is heartbreaking. I feel like the trust is broken, but I have nowhere to go. I keep things between us private from family and friends out of fear of judgment. I’m so lost I don’t know what to do.

spigalmo Marriage breakdown
  • replies: 4

I am 32F married to a 33F for 5.5years, together for 12. We share 2 young boys, 4 & 2. My own mental health has been spiralling for some time now, but this has come to a real head recently. My wife and I recently witnessed a traumatic event with two ... View more

I am 32F married to a 33F for 5.5years, together for 12. We share 2 young boys, 4 & 2. My own mental health has been spiralling for some time now, but this has come to a real head recently. My wife and I recently witnessed a traumatic event with two close friends of ours which brought to the surface a lot of triggers for both of us. Not to say that this event is the sole cause of our relationship breakdown, but it has certainly served as something of a catalyst over the past few weeks. My wife and I have quite different coping mechanisms - I typically prefer to talk things out (the pursuer) while she tends to withdraw and need space to process how she’s feeling (the distancer). I guess this all came to a head because I was feeling really unsupported and alone, and as a result was kind of pushing her to talk to me which was only serving to further make her need more space. On Tuesday, I had a friend message me (who knew how much I was struggling) to say that if I needed some space and to not come home from work straight away, that she could help my wife out with the kids that night so that I could have some time on my own to think and process how I’ve been feeling. I ended up messaging that friend just saying “just take care of them for me okay” - which in hindsight, I know that that message paired with my poor mental health would have read in the worst possible way. Cue an onslaught of messages and phone calls from friends, family, and colleagues. I think I had about 40 missed calls. I was truly spiralling and feeling really overwhelmed and suffocated. I know that I worried a lot of people, and that the barrage of calls and texts was purely out of concern for my safety. I did end up messaging my wife telling her where I was, and about 20 minutes later my sister and her husband arrived. I really wasn’t in a good space, and they took me to the hospital. I was assessed by a mental health nurse who deemed that yes I was definitely in a mental health crisis, but that I wasn’t an immediate threat to myself or anyone else. A referral was made to a mental health team, and I was allowed to leave. I spent the night at my sisters house. Since then, we’ve had a lot of really good discussions but she has indicated that she wants to spend some time apart to clear her head. For her, this looks like a 4-6 week “break”. I 100% support and respect that decision, as much as it hurts me. I just don’t really know where to go from here. Can I save my marriage?

newmum07 Husband cheated, new mum to 4 month old
  • replies: 3

Husband and I have been married for 5 years, we have a 4 month old daughter. I discovered 3 weeks ago that he has been unfaithful to me for the last 2 years and this has absolutely crushed me. It was one woman and he says they never actually had sex ... View more

Husband and I have been married for 5 years, we have a 4 month old daughter. I discovered 3 weeks ago that he has been unfaithful to me for the last 2 years and this has absolutely crushed me. It was one woman and he says they never actually had sex but they did “other stuff”. I never thought this would happen to me because he was cheated on in a past relationship, so he knows the pain. He is wanting to rebuild, we are talking more than ever, he is helping more around the house and with our daughter. He seems genuinely sorry and remorseful. He has been open to talking about everything, answering every question I have about her, even repeated questions. We are seeing a marriage counsellor and he is open to telling anyone I want to, no matter the cost for him. I’m looking for similar stories. I still have days where I’m absolutely shattered and other days I feel more hopeful for our future.I know I love him, he’s my best friend but I’m so broken and don’t know if I can ever trust him again. I know it would be potentially easier to leave him now as my daughter won’t know any better. I fear that he will do this again and cause worse pain when she is 5 or 10 years old.