Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Bailey262 I’ve had to weird dreams I’m worried about
  • replies: 4

So I’ve had 2 dreams the last 2 days of someone in my real life who has been trying to hurt me for the last year and a half. who used to be my friend but has made many threats to me since then and police have been contacted multiple times. But last n... View more

So I’ve had 2 dreams the last 2 days of someone in my real life who has been trying to hurt me for the last year and a half. who used to be my friend but has made many threats to me since then and police have been contacted multiple times. But last night and the night before I had dreams of being chased by him personally just him last night through where we both used to hang out at. Then the night before was I was out somewhere I can’t remember with a long driveway and him and his friends pulled up in a van and started chasing me there was about 7 people in that dream at one chasing me, i want to go into more detail about it but don’t want to talk to my girlfriend about it

thisismetrying The 'Joy' of Family...
  • replies: 1

Hey - first time poster, here. It's pretty amazing how ingrained the need to 'show up' for our family is in a lot of us, even if they treat us pretty poorly. I had my family christmas party yesterday, and as a result here I am silent and teary the ne... View more

Hey - first time poster, here. It's pretty amazing how ingrained the need to 'show up' for our family is in a lot of us, even if they treat us pretty poorly. I had my family christmas party yesterday, and as a result here I am silent and teary the next morning, trawling through Beyond Blue forums after a 20min chat with an online counsellor. (Very grateful for this organisation). In short, I'd love to open this forum post up to anyone who feels they have some tips or tricks to coping with family gatherings at this time of year. How do we engage with the loved ones we want to make an effort with, even if attending those gatherings involves people we'd prefer not to see? How do we protect ourselves from the people whose comments and one-liners that act like piercing daggers? How can we not let it ruin our day? How do we deal with a mixed family group, particularly when they have a tendency to lean towards negativity? How do we have boundaries with people who won't truly understand the boundaries or necessarily respect them? I find it especially hard if they are actually trying to, but just aren't emotionally or intellectually able to and it ends up with you feeling exhausted from reminding them of your boundaries all the time.Do we just smile through the hard bits and have a cry about it later?Thanks in advance for your pieces of wisdom & food for thought.

sbella02 Breakups.
  • replies: 13

Hi friends of the forums, I love supporting people on these forums, I look forward to it every week. But today it's me who needs a little support. Had a breakup a few days ago and for some reason, even though we were only together for a few months, i... View more

Hi friends of the forums, I love supporting people on these forums, I look forward to it every week. But today it's me who needs a little support. Had a breakup a few days ago and for some reason, even though we were only together for a few months, it seems to be hitting me harder than my last breakup after a two-year relationship. It's weird going from seeing each other nearly every day to just not at all. It was a mutual breakup, probably for the best, and we're still on relatively good terms, but it still hurts a lot. I've tried going out, seeing friends, listening to music, crying, but nothing's helping and my first instinct is to talk to my ex-partner, which I know is terrible and is also not really an option as we're both trying not to do that. We also work together, which hasn't been awkward so far but is still rough. I also can't really fully take the time to be sad because I have so much uni work to do and I can't be distracted, because they're all huge projects. Any advice would be much appreciated. Even if anyone's going through the same thing and wants to share their experience, I'd love to hear, anything to distract myself or feel less alone. Much love.

Muddilyn Social Media and family
  • replies: 2

Hello I tell myself to stop being a sook but cannot seem to move past mixed feelings ranging from anger, disappointment to joy when reading family FB posts. They are all lovey dovey about my sister and my niece who have both passed away in the last t... View more

Hello I tell myself to stop being a sook but cannot seem to move past mixed feelings ranging from anger, disappointment to joy when reading family FB posts. They are all lovey dovey about my sister and my niece who have both passed away in the last two years and their immediate family seem to carry a torch all the time which I think is lovely with the soppy posts. However my issue is that they were my family too and I lost my daughter in the same time frame and we do not ever even get a mention and it hurts a lot. There is no rift or fight we were all very close just they don't think beyond themselves that someone else may be hurting and miss the dear departed as much as they do. I share their grief but it is not returned and I wish they would not be so rude. However without being a grump or childish I cannot say anything to stand up and say I lost my family too you know . It really really hurts and if I left FB then would not have any family news etc as everything is on there .

Coyfish No support network
  • replies: 2

Hi there thanks for having me i work in hospitality 38yr old male i have found my self with very limited friends and social circle and have found that im very shy to find that again since being on my own for so long im am happy to chat but when it co... View more

Hi there thanks for having me i work in hospitality 38yr old male i have found my self with very limited friends and social circle and have found that im very shy to find that again since being on my own for so long im am happy to chat but when it comes to talking about myself I find that I shut down, I have very limited family my fathers passed years ago i have a mother in high care aged care du e to strokes its a hard world we live in i just seeing if anybdy is feeling the same hard to make a friend these days everybody's is in the clicks socially just putting it out there its ok to br alone but not ideal everyday that turns into years

Bee1998 My past trauma has been triggered badly tonight
  • replies: 4

my partner and I were having such a happy and amazing night together tonight, until he put a movie on about porn. Before he put it on, I didn’t feel like watching that movie tonight, because I wanted a break from sexualised things (they are triggerin... View more

my partner and I were having such a happy and amazing night together tonight, until he put a movie on about porn. Before he put it on, I didn’t feel like watching that movie tonight, because I wanted a break from sexualised things (they are triggering for me). He completely disregarded what I said and put it on anyway. After about 15 mins into the movie, the porn sex scenes came on, and a waited a few moments before walking away in spite of my partner trying to make me stay. I went straight to the bathroom and slammed the door. I could hear through the bathroom door that my partner was still watching the sex scenes and it was extremely distressing for me. So I walked back to the lounge room and asked my partner if we could watch a different movie, and explained that this movie was traumatising for me and also making me feel extremely uncomfortable and distressed. My partner’s responses were, “Well, I’m enjoying it.” “I want to watch it.” He also laughed when I told him I felt uncomfortable. This triggered me, and I ended up throwing the remote at the wall, smashing it to pieces I stormed to the bedroom and in my distress without thinking I started punching things in the room. I felt all of my traumas creep back into my all at once, and was being laughed at as well, and so misunderstood. My feelings were being invalidated and ignored. I felt so helpless in this situation and like I had no control over any of it. A few moments later, I returned to the lounge room and apologised to my partner for throwing the remote, and also tried to explain one more time that the movie he had put on was triggering for me, and that I had already expressed prior to him putting it on that it would upset me. My partner just continued to play his game of chess on his phone, without looking up at me once, or responding. So, I went back to the bedroom and started bawling my eyes out. I feel like complete crap right now

Lolue Im Bad At break Ups and hurt people I care about
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I am bad at break ups and end up hurting people I care about I struggle to let go and end up messaging my ex when they want to be left alone.My most recent relationship ended 9 months ago I went a month of no contact and then message my ... View more

Hi Everyone, I am bad at break ups and end up hurting people I care about I struggle to let go and end up messaging my ex when they want to be left alone.My most recent relationship ended 9 months ago I went a month of no contact and then message my ex on my birthday cause I missed them. (I didnt know this at the time but I made them feel super uncomfortable, which I feel really bad about) A month later I messaged my ex If his offer to be friends was still available, they said yes but wanted to wait another month. I waited another month and messaged again if they were ready but they needed another month.whilst waiting for the next month I messaged them saying my anxious attachment was starting to get bad and the waiting around and could we discuss what a friendship would look like and what are boundaries would be. I misinterpreted there meaning of "All good for it" in their message as we were in all good but on reflection their meaning was all good for it was a no. late in October I tried to talk friendly with them but definitely came on too strong and they were being politely with me before saying why wasnt I getting it. I stopped messaging them. recently this month I got a scam message that looked real and for a booking for them. they were polite and checked their accounts and confirmed they werent hacked. I should have left it at this but a week later, during the day I messaged them How are you. They replied with saying they were not interested in talking to me. I sent an angry message saying that I thought they owed me an apology for saying they wanted to stay friends and not put the effort in and and how they went about the break up (i was upset about being broken up with at an end of a treatment for a physical issue that was affecting our relationship. I asked my ex to block me which Im really glad they did as I think being blocked will help me. I feel absolutely horrible and regretful for my words and actions and my sister has given me some stern words today. And that I dont come accross how I think I do, instead of coming accross as wanting talk things out or fix things I come accross as confrontational. And that I end up hurting the people I care about and that I need help. Im hoping by writing this out it will help me when I go to speak to psychologist as I havent stopped crying since I sent me ex the message. Im hoping if anyone can share resources, tips, books on how to stop being a bad person, to stop hurting people and to let go that I can use.

R.Penn Emotionally Abusive Parents
  • replies: 3

Hi everybody, It has been a while since I posted on the forums as I have been in therapy the whole of this year. I have come out with a diagnosis of ASD ADHD PTSD and Social Phobia. I am feeling a bit left without coping tools from my psychologist th... View more

Hi everybody, It has been a while since I posted on the forums as I have been in therapy the whole of this year. I have come out with a diagnosis of ASD ADHD PTSD and Social Phobia. I am feeling a bit left without coping tools from my psychologist this past month, I have found the last 3 sessions not so helpful and feeling pretty crappy afterward. I think Talk therapy isn’t working for me as my parent wound is pretty big. Some background: My mum and dad divorced when I was 14 years old because my Dad cheated. He also made me meet his girlfriend after he was kicked out of the family home. It was a very stressful time for me and I know there is much worse cases out there. What I am struggling with: My mum told me 4 years ago that my father sexually assaulted her and my younger brother was the result of this. I am a middle child and have felt like a bit of a doormat for both my parents problems. I was very frustrated as I had forgiven dad for his mistakes after being so angry and moving away for 9 years, only to be reopen the wound again when my mum told me that, she was drunk at the time too. Fast forward it’s Christmas and I haven’t spoken to him in months, he lives in Bali and is with a lady that is younger than me and my brother over there which makes me feel pretty gross to be honest. I don’t know how to relate to him and he is always calling me and making me feel guilty for not talking to him enough. I need some help, like what would you do in this situation. My sister still loves my dad and talks to him even though he was a crappy dad. I just need to heal but can’t when he keeps phone stalking me. I don’t want to ask him about it as it will just cause more drama and anger and conflict on top of my own history with my uncles behaviour. I am really conflicted and feel a knot in my belly over it all the time. My sister said he thinks he has dementia symptoms and he might come back home, but I don’t believe it. I get really hateful thoughts towards him and want to believe my mums experience over his word because he has betrayed us before. I really wish I had a good dad that wanted to love me and get to know me and accept me for who I am. I also came out gay when I was young and he didn’t like that much either but never said anything. I think Christmas makes these feelings worse for me. Thanks for reading if you do and I hope someone out there can chat with me as my psychologist hasn’t really told me what is wise to do and not do. Thankyou and happy holidays

Bee1998 Not sure where to go from here… :(
  • replies: 1

I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed with sadness tonight. So, a bit of back story… I found out my partner pursued another female while on a work trip in the U.S earlier this year. I only found this out months later, and only because I investigated. I w... View more

I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed with sadness tonight. So, a bit of back story… I found out my partner pursued another female while on a work trip in the U.S earlier this year. I only found this out months later, and only because I investigated. I went to couple’s therapy with my partner tonight, and at the end he brought up how he will be travelling overseas again for work next year, maybe on 3 seperate occasions. Hearing this obviously pulled a lot of strings for me, and I’m now feeling hopeless for our future and extremely stressed and anxious about what’s to come next year. I really am not going to cope with him going overseas again without me after what happened last time. I don’t know what to do, what to think, or what to feel right now.

Cindy-_ Confused
  • replies: 1

I am not sure what to do. My husband is a good father but he has a bit of a temper. He has a tendency to yell at the kids and sometimes me. We went on a camping trip and he yelled at my son because he was slow getting out the van and got in his face.... View more

I am not sure what to do. My husband is a good father but he has a bit of a temper. He has a tendency to yell at the kids and sometimes me. We went on a camping trip and he yelled at my son because he was slow getting out the van and got in his face. My husband will say he is just disciplining the kids but when I told him his son wishes he had a scarey dad he then confronted my son. He of course denied it asking in front of me to make a point. We were out for dinner and he swore at me at the table and then left abruptly before yelling at his brother in law because the brother in law said my husband would not pass me the menu. When I tried to talk to him he said he was too stressed to talk. I messaged him as he is away about being worried about our marriage and family. He said I should have known that I married someone with emotional baggage and the problem is I have had it too good in the past with my own upbringing, I have never told anyone or my counsellor that he has punched the fridge and put a hole in the wall once when no one was around. He says this level of disagreements we have is normal and not to worry. I love my husband and don’t want to divorce but he sees me bringing things up as blaming him when all I want to do is work through issues. We have been to counselling twice but he does not necessarily see it as helpful when I start bringing things up. I feel stuck, very anxious and have presently lost my appetite. I don’t know what to do.