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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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svitra New born
  • replies: 4

Hi ,I recently delivered my baby two weeks back . He's my second . My first one is a special kid . The issue is at night initially he took formula feeds and slept off. Now he's awake the whole night despite having his ffeed . Mom suggested to increas... View more

Hi ,I recently delivered my baby two weeks back . He's my second . My first one is a special kid . The issue is at night initially he took formula feeds and slept off. Now he's awake the whole night despite having his ffeed . Mom suggested to increase dosage I did and still he's quite restless from night 12 up until afternoon 12 . I'm so confused restless I don't know what to do . I only formula feed him twice in the night as I have latching issues and after c section I'm v tired to stay up all night . I'm so skeptical what I'm doing is right or wrong , how to make him atleast sleep sometime in the night as it's only 2 weeks I'm not sure what to do and sometimes the guilt that I missed something for my first child that led her to the diagnosis peeks in and I'm all the more stressed and tired . Anyone can share their experiences which might help me in this journey Thanks in advance

samaz I need suggestions on what to do
  • replies: 11

I started dating my now wife when we were 16 and both living in different towns. We would talk on the phone regularly and send letters and see each other every few months. I had feelings for her that were way to strong for that age but never told her... View more

I started dating my now wife when we were 16 and both living in different towns. We would talk on the phone regularly and send letters and see each other every few months. I had feelings for her that were way to strong for that age but never told her. After 12 months i enrolled in a course in the same town and moved there excited to be able to spend time with her. When i got there she told me that she had cheated on me ( at this age cheating meant kissing) and that she wanted a break. She developed the relationship with the other that she had cheated on me with while on this break with them both regularly sporting fresh love bites. After a few weeks i lost my virginity to a stranger that i had no feelings for in a one night stand. I hoped that she would find this out so she might feel what it was like to be hurt. I left town soon after this to start a full time job in my home town.i didn’t see her again for around 12 months but when i did she came up and hugged me and said she was sorry and that her and the other fella were over. I apologized for what i had done and was happy that they were over because i wanted to start again. Soon after this she started a full time job and moved into her own flat back in her town. After a few months our relationship became sexual. I was quick to tell her how i felt this time around because I didn’t want to lose her again and told her that i wanted to be with her forever. She responded that she also had feelings for me but she wasn’t sure about forever. She told me that she had lost her virginity to the other fella and that they had a strong sexual relationship. Over the next decade she trickled me information about her previous relationship while our relationship blossomed and after 3 years we became engaged and she moved to live with me. We lived together for 2 years before getting married and had our first child 2 years after marriage. It was at this time she told me that she didn't completely end things with the other fella when we got back together. I was hurt but didn’t press for details i just asked that she cut all communication with him.during the next 16 years we sailed along as any other married couple would but she always said that i shouldn’t have any social media accounts as this was something women did and men didn’t use it. I knew this was wrong but did what she asked anyway. During this time she was very protective of her phone and I didn’t have access to her emails or any passwords.fast forward to a month ago and the kids now use her phone and social media more than she does so i am suddenly able to see everything. I noticed that she had the other fella in her facebook friends. I approached her and said that i had asked her to cut all contact with him years ago. She said no because he is my friend. I thought about this for a few days and then told her that on order for me to understand this i need to know when it all ended. She told me I don’t know. I said well to keep it simple when was the last time you had sex, she said I don’t remember. I said i find that hard to believe and asked well when was the first time you had sex she again said I don’t remember. I said that i find that impossible to believe since it was when you lost your virginity. She said that their relationship is her business and not mine. I said ok but if you don’t remember when it was do you remember where it was she said in my flat. This hit me for 6 as this meant it was at the time that we got back together and if they really did have as many intimate encounters as she had said they had it must have continued for quite some time after this. I have been losing alot of sleep over this sometimes barely sleeping at all for three days, i have almost completely lost my appetite, my mind is filling in all the details that she won’t disclose and they are not good thoughts. I have asked her to tell me but she simply says that is all dead and buried but to me it is fresh information that hurts like it was yesterday. What do i do? Am i overreacting or wrong?

Earth Girl Feel like they enable me too much
  • replies: 10

I love my family, but I realize now how much they enable me and I don't think it's helping me grow. I'll try to make a long story short. A girl from college would invite me to outings. I thought she was nice, but I grew out of the friendship so I sta... View more

I love my family, but I realize now how much they enable me and I don't think it's helping me grow. I'll try to make a long story short. A girl from college would invite me to outings. I thought she was nice, but I grew out of the friendship so I started telling her that I was busy. One day after telling her I was busy, she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her and her guy friend. I didn't know how to say no nicely so I went. I thought he was nice as well. The next day she asked a group of us if we wanted to see a movie with her and I told her I was busy. She then sent me a message saying that if I need her, she was there for me, but she was going to give me space as far as our friendship goes which was kind of her but I didn't know what she meant and I thought she thought I was annoyed at her or something and I didn't want her to think that so I told her I was just going through a hard time and maybe we could hang out when I was feeling a bit better (which was dumb of me). We continued to hang out for about a year I think and sometimes with her guy friend. I couldn't be myself much in this friendship so I realized that I was somehow going to have to end it. I thought it would hurt their feelings if I distanced myself from them again or if I told them I didn't want to be friends anymore so I ended up deleting them of Facebook (again, very dumb). 3 or 6 months later, I got a message from them asking me why I deleted them. I answered the girls one saying "Hi ..., I just deleted you because I didn't really feel a connection." She then asked if we were still friends and I said "not really I guess" (I didn't realize at the time how that might sound) and then she said "Thanks for using me. You crossed my kindness big time." A while later, I got a text from the guy about it and I told him that I just deleted him because I thought it would be rude to just delete her and he said "Look, I don't really want to get involved, but she's a great person so please help me understand why you didn't feel a connection there" (This is the part where I messed up even worse) I was annoyed at her for saying I was using her because that wasn't what I was trying to do and I didn't know why she would think that so I said "she is nice, I just felt like I couldn't open up to her much and she kind of bullied a girl in college about her weight." He said that he was sorry butdidn't want to be associated with someone who felt that way that way about her because she was very loyal to me

Guest_14978740 Past insecurities impacting marriage
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone,I’m hoping to gain some sort of insight as to how I can get through this. I was in a very bad relationship for years. Cheating, mental and physical abuse ect. I’ve never fully dealt with the emotional trauma it left me with. I’ve always ... View more

Hey everyone,I’m hoping to gain some sort of insight as to how I can get through this. I was in a very bad relationship for years. Cheating, mental and physical abuse ect. I’ve never fully dealt with the emotional trauma it left me with. I’ve always had terrible self esteem and views on how I see myself. I’ve been in my current relationship for 7 years now and he is amazing. We got married last year. He has never done anything to hurt me or make me feel negatively at all BUT I still seem to feel threatened by others, scared he will cheat, worried he is more attracted to other women ect. It’s really bloody draining! I struggle to be naked around him as I’m worried I’m disappointing him with how I look. He clearly loves me more than anything and has never done anything to make these feelings valid but I don’t know how to get out of my own head. It’s literally stopping me from being able to enjoy our marriage to the fullest. It’s spiralled my binge eating and depression. I go through times when I’m not too bad and then there are times where it sends me absolutely crazy Please help!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! TIA

Tea Break Up and Moving across state.
  • replies: 2

Hi, my partner and I just split up. Mentally I just couldn't stay in the relationship any longer. He was drinking more and becoming possessive. If I left the house I would be questioned and called constantly. I go to woolies and a small 5min duck in ... View more

Hi, my partner and I just split up. Mentally I just couldn't stay in the relationship any longer. He was drinking more and becoming possessive. If I left the house I would be questioned and called constantly. I go to woolies and a small 5min duck in duck out would end up taking half an hr because id be stuck on the phone explaining why I needed to get milk and if id spoken to anyone. My family would call and he would beg me not to answer and if I did he would get mad and upset, saying all I do is talk to them when I should be spending quality time with him. When he was literally just sitting there on his phone while I was trying to get his attention to do something. The list goes on...I feel mentally crushed. I loved this man so much but as time went on in the relationship and things got worse my mental health started to decline. Ive lost most of my friends and feel extremely isolated. My anxiety levels have gone up as well as my depression. Life feels heavy. Ive moved away trying to start a fresh life but I can't stopping think I should stayed and worked on the relationship. He blames me for absolutely everything.

thanladies123 Pregnant with a short term partner
  • replies: 1

I am 25 years old and recently found out I am nearly 6 weeks pregnant with a short term partner I had that didn’t work out. Since finding out I have been through unexplainably complex feelings and emotions towards the situation. I have informed him t... View more

I am 25 years old and recently found out I am nearly 6 weeks pregnant with a short term partner I had that didn’t work out. Since finding out I have been through unexplainably complex feelings and emotions towards the situation. I have informed him that I am pregnant and his first response was “let me know the costs of termination”. I saw my GP to discuss my options, and was told I need to wait a further two weeks as my scans are too early to see anything and can’t receive intervention until then. As you can imagine, this has left me growing more and more comfortable with the idea and increasingly attached to the pregnancy as days go by. The thought of termination makes me feel physically unwell but I know I have to do what is right for the baby. I know I have the means to do this on my own, I have a great accomodating job and the most supportive family and friends in the world that would have my back through it all. But then I can’t help but feel guilty for potentially turning his life upside down for my choices that he has no say in. I’m sorry if this story is all over the place, I feel so stressed and emotionally exhausted. I am basically looking for any positive advise that can be offered to me as I navigate this challenging time.

Bailey13 Wanting to hear from survivors of infidelity
  • replies: 26

Hi, I have been on the receiving end of a cheating husband (married 10 years, 2 kids). I know the majority will say reconciling will never work but I'm not ready to write it all off. I'd love to hear from anyone who has stayed in their relationship a... View more

Hi, I have been on the receiving end of a cheating husband (married 10 years, 2 kids). I know the majority will say reconciling will never work but I'm not ready to write it all off. I'd love to hear from anyone who has stayed in their relationship after being cheated on and how they are coping or managed to find peace, if that's even possible. My husband is very determined to rebuild or marriage. I sway day to day from feeling positive to not comprehending how it could possibly work. I'm feeling really stuck and scared of making everything worse either which way I turn. I don't want to fully invest myself back into our relationship unless i can cope with the lies and infidelity creeping up on me all the time. I trust that he loves me and would never do it again, but i don't trust myself to be able to get over it enough to not allow my hurt and sadness to interfere with our marriage. Anyone been or in a similar situation with some advice for me?

Tanti Loss of libido after kids - Relationship dying
  • replies: 3

My partner and I have been together for 10 years and we have 2 kids together (2y.o and 6m.o). My libido has yet to come back after my second child. To be fair, I think it was slowing down before kids but now it's non-existent.I've been to the doctors... View more

My partner and I have been together for 10 years and we have 2 kids together (2y.o and 6m.o). My libido has yet to come back after my second child. To be fair, I think it was slowing down before kids but now it's non-existent.I've been to the doctors and medically everything is all right. I just don't want sex. I don't think about sex. I don't feel sexy. I don't find anybody else sexy. It's as though my body is just numb. My body feels sexually and emotionally unresponsive.To engage in sex feels like a chore and I'm not getting much out of it.This is not a reflection on my partner. I love him. I just have no sexual desire and it's impacting everything.It's more dramatic than just no sex, my partner has said I no longer show him as much affection generally. I wasn't even aware I was being less affectionate as a whole until he told me.Knowing this does not change how I feel though. In order for me to be more affectionate, I have to consciously choose to act so. It's not intuitive anymore. And it feels forced and unnatural. I get the whole 'fake it until you make it' idea but it's not working and after a while I forget to make the effort because it's not an instinctual behaviour. I don't mean to do this. Then he has to have THE conversation again with me. Which makes him feel unheard and unimportant to me. And I feel like a bitch. To compound the issue, the pressure to perform and the continued conversations around how I keep failing are building resentment towards sex. I don't feel like it and now I'm also angry about it. I'm broken. My body is failing us both and I don't know what to do. We keep having the same conversation and my best efforts don't last. Our relationship is going to end and it's my fault. Part of me wants to end it and he can then move on to someone better.

Flyingmonkey Being Destroyed By My So Called Family
  • replies: 2

I have joined this site as I am besides myself with recent events.I have a twin sister and a brother, and an elderly mother. Twin sister has claimed she wants to help mother out (who lives in a retirement village). Brother lives interstate so he has ... View more

I have joined this site as I am besides myself with recent events.I have a twin sister and a brother, and an elderly mother. Twin sister has claimed she wants to help mother out (who lives in a retirement village). Brother lives interstate so he has nothing to do with anything however he is pertinent to this post. These three family members have never shown me respect, love, or any regard whatsoever. I have had a lifetime of bullying, gaslighting, ridicule, abuse. I have realised they are all narcissists. As the scapegoat I have tried to defend myself on many occasions, only to further inflame them. To this day I have no idea why this is the way of things..it just always has been. I have had a horrible life and I am sure it is because of them. My twin sister is always bullying me to visit mother. I do visit her regularly. I hate visiting her. She is totally selfish and never once asks anything about my life. It is all about her...as it always has been. However, I put on a brave face and try to be 'nice' (that is my part in this circus isn't it?). The last time I visited her I thought we had a good time. I bought her lunch (which incidentally I never get paid back for although my twin sister says she will pay me back as she controls mother's money!). I made her cuppas and watered her garden. She kept 'falling asleep' all the time....? I checked her temperature etc and she declared 'I have chronic fatigue syndrome' and I know nothing can be done about it'. So after one hour or a bit longer I left; I hugged her and told her I love her and I thought that was that. The following week my Aunty (whom I am very close to) visited me and told me that mother had rung her about a week after my visit asking Aunty if I hate her? Aunty was gobsmacked and said "I am sure she doesn't but I do know she has a lot of issues in her life right now" (which I do). I rang mother to discuss and she blew me off. I said to her once I thought it was sorted "I hope you haven't told my twin sister about this" as my sister is violent and I was scared she would do something? Mum said "No I never would make trouble between you two". So imagine how I felt when my sister rang the other day to tell me that Mum told her all about it? Also that she was on her way to the airport to pick up my brother? Not one of them told me he was coming over. I feel totally kicked in the head by all three of them and I actually hate them all now and want absolutely nothing to do with them. I guess I am just posting here as it is so horrible and I have never done them any harm...in fact I have done a lot to help them in various ways but they never reciprocate. I am almost 60 years old and I am totally over putting up with these horrible people. They ruin my life.

Jeanetta Long term relationship separation
  • replies: 1

My partner of 33 years left our home two weeks ago and is now staying with her son and family about 3 hours drive away. We are a great working team and compliment each other in so many ways. I have had mental health issues which I know has put a stra... View more

My partner of 33 years left our home two weeks ago and is now staying with her son and family about 3 hours drive away. We are a great working team and compliment each other in so many ways. I have had mental health issues which I know has put a strain on our relationship but she has always been supportive. In a way perhaps too much so trying to shield me from my social phobia and situations that will trigger anxiety. I now know I also suffer from perfectionism. When people told me that, I didn't think that was such a bad thing. I am an artist working in many mediums and am proud of the attention to detail and finish of my work. I now know perfectionism can be a contributing factor to other mental health conditions and put an enormous strain on a relationship through negative self talk, unrealistic expectations of yourself and others, (being critical), fear of making mistakes, anxiety and depression and more. My partner said there was power imbalance in our relationship with me more controlling and her placating. We had talked about counselling but I have been crippled by intense anxiety. I didn't recognise how much pressure I was putting on the relationship. Over the past 5 years my partner's health has deteriorated with several chronic illnesses and she is facing knee surgery which has made her less mobile. I haven't coped well. I know I have become more intense, desperate to find solutions to problems that are out of my control. I haven't known what to do to be more supportive. Discussions to find solutions have ended up in emotional conflict with no resolution. Since she has left I have been desperately looking for answers and realise now that there is help readily available. All the destructive behaviours that have pushed my partner away are recognised and help to address them is readily available. She now wants her own space and doesn't want to communicate with me. I feel completely lost and desperately sad that she may have made a resolve the separation is final with no chance of a future together.I have been getting help with daily sessions of hypnotherapy, going for long walks every morning which I am finding are incredibly helpful. If only I had understood and had the strength to take the step to get help long ago.I hope I can show her that I can change the destructive pattern of behaviour by actively addressing it through self and professional help. I am afraid to do anything that will push her further away.