Controlling parent

Sheridan

Hi everyone

I’m 28 and wanting to move out and start a life with my partner of three years ,

currently wanting to look for a rental, while we eventually build a house.

However when ever I mention or show my Dad a place he has something bad to say about it and get all fussy picking out all the bad things and not the good things, or simply doesn’t care at all and doesn’t have much to say at all.

I also feel a great sense of pressure at the moment , wanting to build and settle down in a few years , but finding it very difficult to talk to my dad without him getting all fussy and opinionated, it makes me feel really stuck because it’s like I shouldn’t put in for a particular house or give things a go for myself and just give up.

I’ve mentioned multiple times about wanting to move out soon, so it’s been building up for a while, with not a lot of support from him , but then out of blue will says things about * oh when you have your own kids*

I feel he is trying to control my life , first it was my job, my car and now my house.

I just feel like I don’t have a lot of support from him and cannot talk to him about it.

I know I need to move out for my own sanity and freedom , I’ve lived at home till now and finally ready to move on with my life and actually get to experience life.

Thanks for taking the time to read this

white knight

Hi Sheridan welcome

This is a major issue for you and I understand it. However I see the remedy as more an easier solution.

Living at home we keep bonds going more than needed. So the presence of your father daily has created more importance than ideal for you. We need as adults to carve our own path in life, make the mistakes to learn not to do the same a second time and so forth. Your life isnt your dads life, you are an individual that needs to pursue your dreams not his. This isnt a reflection of love, its a reflection of - 1/ the impact his comments make on yourself and 2/ how you are allowing his comments to impact you most likely because you are seeking his approval when there is little need.

By all means many things get fixed when you move out. Once you make successful decisions he'll have internal admiration even if it is hidden. One day you'll also realise that some of his own decisions were flawed simply because he is human too. Eg If you buy a second house as an investment, negative gear it, restore it etc and sell it in a boom time. I ended up far more financial successful than my own parent so thats a possibility.

I believe your father is not aware of his abrasive answers and in his own way doesnt want you to make mistakes. But he wont change so move out, make your own path in life and improve your relationship by stasying away from topics that his answers will upset you.

I hope that helps.

A link that might help

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/highly-sensitive-people-hsp/td-p/480942

TonyWK