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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_64739915 Relationship with Mother (Autism vs Neurotypical) causing sadness
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I have a bit of an odd situation - l am a 21 y.o and have a pretty bad deep relationship with my mum. As of late, my relationship with my mum has really taken a turn for the worse. She is always taking what l say to heart (e.g she was discuss... View more

Hi all, I have a bit of an odd situation - l am a 21 y.o and have a pretty bad deep relationship with my mum. As of late, my relationship with my mum has really taken a turn for the worse. She is always taking what l say to heart (e.g she was discussing how work was bothering her and l made a joke about it which was meant to be funny, but she took it as me mocking her situation). I also decided not to go to her place due to some emotional issues and she took this as me punishing her for something that had happened. I even sent her flowers as a gesture, and she didn't care to appreciate them or my intent. Whenever l come to her place, l feel like l am walking on eggshells and that if l say the wrong thing, she will take offence. She is also HUGE on me not being able to show empathy (l can show it for some situations l have been in, but not so much for her, l don't know why) and berates me for this and chalks it up to me "not caring" about her/it being a lack of care factor. This is absolutely not the case, l just cannot empathise with certain situations. With my dad, l feel as if l am able to be more free and do/so whatever l like (use sarcasm, be funny, tell jokes that he gets and understands and talk more about my struggles in the neurotypical world than with my mum) and she takes this as me favouring him. She also tries to say that she is autistic since she relates to one or two problems that l mention l face, which is just incredibly annoying to belittle my experience. This relationship with her has been mostly me bending to her will over the past few years (essentially since l was 7) and has left me feeling quite drained and not happy. We have our happy moments here and there, and l know she does love and care for me, but l don't know if l can continue dealing with her constantly bringing up issues about me (since l am who l am and l don't feel like l need to change anything just to suit one person). When l was a lot younger and after my parents divorce, she would always go out and get drunk and l would have to try to take care of her. She is also dating someone who is NOT good for her own mental health (issues l will not go in to) and displays deep levels of narcissism. Although over the years she has improved, l still feel as if l cannot be my true self around her since she does not appreciate it and thinks my true self is rude or has behavioural issues. Not exactly sure what l'm asking for here, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Defencewife Dealing with the aftermath of husbands cheating
  • replies: 14

Hi everyone, Feeling like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 days and trying to make sense of everything, including my emotions. Started Monday a week ago when, remembering hubby had told me the day before he had a Christmas email from fr... View more

Hi everyone, Feeling like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 days and trying to make sense of everything, including my emotions. Started Monday a week ago when, remembering hubby had told me the day before he had a Christmas email from friends of ours, I picked up his iPad to see what they had to say. All the usual Christmas catchup, what children were doing etc. then I saw the email next to it. With the first line of conversation showing. “I love you”. I asked for an explanation obviously and all that happened was he grabbed the iPad off me and muttered it was nothing, just someone he was talking to online that he had met on Instagram. I looked her up - she is a 29 year old blonde who is everything I’m not. And he is more than twice that age and I am 50...was 50...51 today! He refused to tell me anymore so I packed a bag and went to Mum’s. The following day I came home, he still wouldn’t talk, so I threw him out instead. Each subsequent day we tried to talk and the story expanded from ‘absolutely nothing that wasn’t general chit chat’, to ‘have developed feelings for her’. I logged into his account and started trawling (he uses one of two passwords for everything which isn’t bright if you are cheating). By the end of the week I had found 7 girls, and he admitted to online sex chats, exchange of naked photos etc. but what really hurt was that every time he told me something, he swore I now knew everything (I kept insisting I needed honest disclosure). So, bottom line from him is that because they never touched in person it wasn’t so bad and that he has been honest because he didn’t lie in his responses, just didn’t tell me anything I didn’t directly ask - that withholding information is not lying. I didn’t eat for 5 days and vomited even water back up. Now I just feel numb with intermittent bouts of extreme emotion where all I can do is sit and let the pain wash over me. The timing wasn’t great. In those 10 days have been an anniversary (26 years), New Years, and my birthday. Which isn’t helping at all. I had no idea this was happening, I have never even checked his Facebook posts before, never bothered to see who he followed on Instagram, never looked at his email (prob why he wasn’t worried about the password thing). I went crazy after this, logging into everything, trying to find out what I could. Eventually I realised that this was both unhealthy and that he had started to cover his trail by deleting everything... Sorry, for dumping!

Amelin_21 Feeling down and dwelling on the past
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone,Last year I made a new friend / work colleague and we hit if off instantly. It felt like we knew each other for years and just seemed to understand each other. We became close, spending alot of time together at work but also talking after... View more

Hi everyone,Last year I made a new friend / work colleague and we hit if off instantly. It felt like we knew each other for years and just seemed to understand each other. We became close, spending alot of time together at work but also talking after work, as well as texting all night and going out together before and after work. I'm in a long term relationship and knew he was off limits in that sense but I always saw him as a close bff and actually liked the idea of having such a close guy friend I could talk to. But, as the year progressed and I learnt more about him and his personal life. I realised whenever I got too close he would shut me out and tried to turn the situation into me being manipulative and would tell me I was always so negative, even when I was being supportive or thought I was joking with a friend who knew I was there for them. In the end this turned into a whorl wind of emotions for both of us. I was seeing my psych and learning how to support our personalities, by either being friends or colleagues but not both because it became too tricky as he thought talking to me reminded him of work. At the same time, he was doing similar but decided to avoid working together to support both of us in understanding each other and he cut me off one day through text after work. Safe to say I was a wreck and never received an explanation from him. After that, he would continue to avoid it and would only talk to me in a work capacity until he left abruptly and got a new job. I have anxiety and am new to understanding how to handle it. But this situation has never happened to me before and my anxiety makes me feel lonely sometimes when I think about what we used to have but also makes me feel like I did something wrong. I can't help but feel like it all fell apart because of me. It's been 6 months now since we 'split' and he is still on my mind, making me think I could have done something earlier to save the situation. I have accepted his decision and that was fine but it's the feeling of not being able to talk about it that keeps me dwelling on this. Can anyone give me ideas of how to move on from dwelling on 'if it was me' feeling? I'm 35 and I've never experienced anyone like this before and find myself completely confused. I feel like such a bad person sometimes because I never got an answer.

SleepyCyber Family issues
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone so, I’d just like to come on here and talk about how I feel. To save a whole lot of backstory I’ll start by saying I moved in with my step mum again, which I regret because I knew how it would be here from the first time. I moved back he... View more

Hey everyone so, I’d just like to come on here and talk about how I feel. To save a whole lot of backstory I’ll start by saying I moved in with my step mum again, which I regret because I knew how it would be here from the first time. I moved back here again as an impulsive decision and like before I’m treated like a personal house maid. I sleep on the couch and pay 300 In rent, I’m made to feed two pets that aren’t mine, I do the dishes daily, I’m constantly called by my step mum and step sister to clean up their messes so I’m really feeling like Cinderella here, if I ignore them or don’t do something for one day I get ripped into and sometimes get called rude things. I’m trying my best to look for places to rent but it’s a little expensive and I don’t have my own car to go to house viewings, its so exhausting to live here and having to do everything for them, all I can do is cry and you guys are the only ones I thought of to talk too but maybe this was my own fault, I knew what it was like here and I decided to move back please let me know what you guys think, sometimes I think I may be overreacting because I’m used to doing things for myself and not for other people

Guest_89870894 I am lonely, depressed and i don't know if i can do this anymore
  • replies: 2

Hello I have never done something like this, but im willing to try anything to get me out of this hole. Recently, I've lost my two best friends. For their own reasons, they wanted to grow. One told me in person and one over text. The thing is, I don'... View more

Hello I have never done something like this, but im willing to try anything to get me out of this hole. Recently, I've lost my two best friends. For their own reasons, they wanted to grow. One told me in person and one over text. The thing is, I don't blame them at all. I don't know why anyone would want to be my friend. I hate even saying that sentence because it's so cringe to say, I feel like i am just asking for pity. I feel like a shell of a person and i don't deserve the house over my head, food, friends, money or even breathing the air i breathe. I know i have people that care about me, it's limited, but i know they care. Although, everyday the reasons for staying here become more unclear. I constantly think about the people in this world who have REAL problems, the ones who are living on the street, grieving, disease etc meanwhile my life is very privileged. I've never even been to a funeral. Why am I like this? I've struggled my whole life with depression and anxiety and substance abuse in the more recent years but again, it is not as severe as a lot of people have it, or is it? I can't stop cringing at the thought, do I have the right to be sad or don't i? I don't know what to do. All I do is stay in bed, go to work, repeat. I can't remember the last time I went to a party. Or the last time one of my friends asked me to hang out. What is the point?

Rails Break up
  • replies: 1

It’s been 3 months since my 10 year relationship ended . My ex partner decided that he was unhappy in his life, ended our relationship, taken time off work and sold his house . He is turning 40. He ensured me that he loves me, but is just unhappy in ... View more

It’s been 3 months since my 10 year relationship ended . My ex partner decided that he was unhappy in his life, ended our relationship, taken time off work and sold his house . He is turning 40. He ensured me that he loves me, but is just unhappy in life and needs to go and find what makes him happy and wants to travel and maybe work overseas without me or the relationship. I’ve been really struggling since the separation. I have been managing work and doing my general activities, but as it gets closer to his time to leave the country I’ve come more emotionally unstable . I have now started to become emotionally unable to manage my break downs and will cry for hours, I will also have thoughts on death, and feel stuck and am so tired of feeling sad . I have some really great friends and family, and adult children who I speak 2 and adore . However, I am still in love with my ex partner and he is aware and I can’t seem to “move on” and I am waiting for him to realise he is making a mistake - which is delusional in away. My ex and I are still very good friends. I just don’t know how to even start to process the changes in my life I am 44 and how to manage my emotions.

Guest_18636635 Help
  • replies: 2

I am a mentally ill person who has a hyper fixation on a certain game. On this game, i have 5 years worth of progress and i just got hacked and lost it all. I understand everyone loses stuff yada yada and i get it but this for some reason impacted my... View more

I am a mentally ill person who has a hyper fixation on a certain game. On this game, i have 5 years worth of progress and i just got hacked and lost it all. I understand everyone loses stuff yada yada and i get it but this for some reason impacted my mental state a lot. This happened around 30 minutes ago but i am struggling to cope and i’m afraid of what i’m going to do and i can’t get these things back and im scared. Like really scared. Any helpful tips?

Strengthtogo4 Tired of being bullied by ex and 15-year-old son
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I have been living a miserable life with my partner, now my ex. I feel so used by him and have always thought that he is a nice person, well, he was until he naggingly pestered me to take out my superannuation (from another... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I have been living a miserable life with my partner, now my ex. I feel so used by him and have always thought that he is a nice person, well, he was until he naggingly pestered me to take out my superannuation (from another country). He claimed that he was going to put a downpayment towards buying a house. He rented the house to tenants. Unfortunately, he could not keep up with the mortgage as he had to leave his job. When my mother passed away, he told me that since we were in our 50s, we should use my inheritance to buy a house. I was miserable as he was constantly harassing me to use the money. Later, he pestered me to take out my superannuation so that he could invest in Bitcoin. After COVID-19, he lost everything as the company disappeared.At this point, you must think I am an idiot, gullible and trusting. Now in my early 60s, I have a 15-year-old son who has been brainwashed by my ex. Ex and son do not help me around the house to cook and clean. My son is so brainwashed that he claims since I am home all day, it is my duty. I am hurt and miserable. Many a time I thought of ending it all. I cannot move out as I don't have a deposit and the rent is so high. I have a few debilitating health issues and find it difficult to work as I am expected to clean up after both my ex and son. I am expected to drive my son 5 days a week for his activities (another story!). I told my son that I am finding it difficult to do so every day as I am exhausted and in pain. There have been so many times my son has called me foul names and shouted at me. Both my ex and son shout so loud that my neighbours can hear. I am ashamed and embarrassed. I live in the same house and moved to a spare room 4 years ago and felt that since I partly own the house, I should stay until my son leaves school. Son plans to leave school end of this year. I feel that my son is cordial towards his father because he is allowed to do whatever he wants, however, there have been occasions where they have had huge quarrels and my son was about to hit his father. I am the one who stops this from escalating.I'm not sure what to do as I am not as confident as I was in my younger years and living alone scares me.Thanks for reading.

hs5u Some advice in this situation
  • replies: 1

Im facing some difficulties at work place I currently work as a cleaner at a supermarket Im a bit shy not very talking much at work just focused on job And one day some of the girls in a department found my attitude not pleasant i don't know, while w... View more

Im facing some difficulties at work place I currently work as a cleaner at a supermarket Im a bit shy not very talking much at work just focused on job And one day some of the girls in a department found my attitude not pleasant i don't know, while working i started to notice loud noises made from dropping objects during whatever the tasks they were doing. And i began to notice the noise is deliberately targeted for me to hear trying to express hostility. I thought they were probably talking about me as not really interacting much with other people at workplace spreading the word to others. It has been a while now and ive been putting efforts in to change the relationships but still quite passive and introverted. And i also noticed they talked about me to the higher managers as well judging from their behaviors. As time went by things looked like a roller coaster for me things seemed to improve and degrade depending on what went around about me in the workplace. One day i noticed while I'm pushing the trolleys outside the number of people who generally work with me has reduced to either just by myself or one other person. And one day another guy who works at a different store would work with me acting like he is on top of me telling me what to do saying the he was told to watch me. I realized my direct boss behavior is changed not communicating anything as to why I'm being watched. Right now i feel a sudden rise in the exclusion at the workplace again this time people who work around me all the time. Ive given annual leave notice and considering resignation but i wanted talk to someone about this because im not getting anything as to what I did wrong

Rogger Need help figuring out who is in the wrong...
  • replies: 2

TW: Some themes of suicide!!! Hi, so today I had a bit of a fight with my mother, and while I feel they played a part in our confrontation, she feels that the confrontation was largely (if not entirely) my fault. Early this morning, I was in a disapp... View more

TW: Some themes of suicide!!! Hi, so today I had a bit of a fight with my mother, and while I feel they played a part in our confrontation, she feels that the confrontation was largely (if not entirely) my fault. Early this morning, I was in a disappointed mood, as I had a dream the previous night which reminded me of some regrets I have. These regrets are common for me, and while I have tried to talking to my Mum about them, her thoughts on the matter rarely actually help me/make me feel better. Further, my mother has grown sick of hearing about these issues, feeling that they are dealt with and in the past. Despite this, I still decided to try talking to her this morning as I didn't really have anyone else to talk to and I was feeling upset. So, I tried talking to her, and as normal, it didn't really do much to help me or make me feel better. However, unlike normal, something happened to make me feel worse. When my Mum was trying to say something to make me feel better, she mentioned something that I was not fully aware of which wasn't directly related to the situation that related to our family (nothing illegal of course haha, just something me and my Mum butt heads over). It was something that I was aware of to some vague extent, but never really thought about it too much. However, hearing it outright said was extremely upsetting to me, causing me to forget about the original issue and start stressing/hating myself about the new issue. The words "I want to kill myself" slipped from my tongue, and I went to my room to cry. After crying for a short time, I decided to go for a walk. This is significant as I rarely leave the house without my parents dropping me off wherever I go. As I left the house, I told my mother I was going for a walk, and needed to get out of the house, taking my phone with me. I decided to walk to a local facility which was in walking distance and was safe to me, arriving there safely. As I got there, my Mum tried to call me, but as I felt upset with her, I didn't pick up my phone, she later texted me, which I responded to. Little did I know, my parents were very worried about whether I would try something. My Mum was happy to let me go for a walk (claiming I'd come back when I came back), but my Dad (who was at work and was told what happened by my Mum), became concerned for me, believing based on my previous comments, and the fact that I never just go for a walk on my own, that I might try something. My Mum, once again, was less-concerned, as she was aware that while the words "I want to kill myself" slip from my lips relatively frequently (I do try to control it, or at least do it in private, to be fair), I rarely actually mean the words. But, my Dad was very concerned, and told my Mum that if she didn't go out and find me, he'd come home from work and do it himself. After this, and seeing my parents concern, I did ultimately respond to both of them through text, confirming I was alright, although I did initially dodge telling them where specifically I was located (still ultimately answering after being probed further). Now, while I feel that both of us have fault here, with me refusing phone calls and telling my parents where I was being wrong, but my Mum's lack of enough empathy to know not to mention that specific issue when I was already in a sensitive mood being her fault. However, my Mum instead argues that the issue was largely, if not entirely my fault. So I was hoping someone here might be able to help me weed this out! I'd maybe try Reddit, but I don't want a bunch of people just telling me NTA haha! Thanks for reading!