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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Meep-13 Just a loner
  • replies: 7

Hello. I'm just a bit sad at the moment and don't have many people to talk to, well no one actually. I haven't had the best up bringing and not a lot of family, just my grandmother and aunty who I consider my sister, at times. I love them dearly. The... View more

Hello. I'm just a bit sad at the moment and don't have many people to talk to, well no one actually. I haven't had the best up bringing and not a lot of family, just my grandmother and aunty who I consider my sister, at times. I love them dearly. They have been there for me especially since my parents weren't so I honestly couldn't ask for much. But I just feel 2nd place at times. Obviously since I'm the grandchild and not my grandmother's actual child, i can kinda feel where the line is between my aunty and my uncle, who is cool but he's normally off he's head on who knows what and I only talk about video games and computer stuff with. He use to resent me because I'm his sister's daughter and she's an awful person and he saw me as a mini her, same with my aunty but she's quite younger compared to my uncle and mother,(10+ years between my aunty and uncle then my mother being 3 years older then my uncle) so she kinda just follows along with whatever my grandmother says. My aunty and I grew up like sisters and we're closer in age being 6 years difference. Anyway I just feel outa place sometimes. I did move out quite young because even tho my grandmother and aunty are pretty cool, they're just not people to live with. So it's kinda lonely and since I moved around a lot due to parent issues I never stayed at a school longer then 2 years, so never developed strong friendships. I do study but I'm younger then a lot of my study peers who I'd say are friends but nothing more out of class I guess. It's kinda hard to find good friends and people to talk to and just to have plain old fun instead of being stuck in my little granny flat Infront on a screen trying online dating apps just to hang out with someone. So I guess I'm trying this or just having a rant to hopefully a respectable place. If anyone reading this thanks for your time and maybe we can talk. Have good day/night

StartingOver Completely lost and heart broken
  • replies: 6

Hi all. Not really sure what I’m even really wanting to say, or what the point of this is. I am just completely lost. My partner of 1.5 years left me on Sunday afternoon. I have had horrid relationships in the past, DV, cheated on more times than I c... View more

Hi all. Not really sure what I’m even really wanting to say, or what the point of this is. I am just completely lost. My partner of 1.5 years left me on Sunday afternoon. I have had horrid relationships in the past, DV, cheated on more times than I can count, been let down relentlessly. But this partner? He was different. He was a literal angel on earth, I’ve never been treated so well in my life. And what did I do? I pushed him away. I was constantly making up horrid scenarios in my head, I’d get angry, I’d say horrible things. Even though I love him. And I do, I do love him. And now I have lost someone who I honestly wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I can’t eat. I can hardly drink water. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop thinking about him. I am just completely lost without him. I don’t even know where to turn for help.

Broken79 Im absolulty gutted. Is Dad sick?
  • replies: 2

please, i need help2 days ago, my sister called to tell me that 6 cop cars turned up at my Dads (a town 4 hours away from me)They were exucuting a warrent to seize all of his electronic devices. Im 45, my dad is 19 years older than me, and has always... View more

please, i need help2 days ago, my sister called to tell me that 6 cop cars turned up at my Dads (a town 4 hours away from me)They were exucuting a warrent to seize all of his electronic devices. Im 45, my dad is 19 years older than me, and has always been the apple of my eye. I am the eldest of 6. He has reassured me that they wont fond anything bad, he admitted that he clicked on a link on his facebook of the p****nagraphic nature, and that was all.Im so scared.What if its more than that!?I have spoken to my eldest dauggter about that, and she is as shocked as me 🥺 I work in the community/social services sector, and absolutly detest anything remotely related to these tyoes of actions. Please help? Advice?

Guest_00863266 Help. Nowhere to live.
  • replies: 1

Hi. been married 23 years and this is probably the worst our relationship has become. We have a 19 year old daughter who lives at home as student at uni. Being careful now. My wife is Mediterranean and has close relatives all within walking distance ... View more

Hi. been married 23 years and this is probably the worst our relationship has become. We have a 19 year old daughter who lives at home as student at uni. Being careful now. My wife is Mediterranean and has close relatives all within walking distance of our house. Silly me, I was so wrapped in her family as I came from a very small Aust family. I dove in 100% because the in-laws were beautiful and different compared to my 3 member family as a kid. I neglected my family and friends thinking my new family was more important. Now my wife wants a divorce, she’s even got into the ear of our daughter, as has my daughters European cousins, uncles, aunts etc. on my side my daughter only has her nan, my mother. Daughter will not talk to my mum and also wants me out. All assets are in my wife’s name. Stupid I know!!! My wife has even phoned police because I won’t leave. If I had friends or family who would take me in I would go. Police have rightly said this is as much my home as hers and have not taken any action. Wife and daughter go on holidays together without even telling me. They know I’m stuck in the matrimonial home but I need options. It’s painful living with a wife and daughter who hate you. I need men’s shelter but it’s all new to me. thanks all

FiveSeasons Decision making around termination / abortion in a stable relationship
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, I am ten weeks pregnant with a completely unplanned fourth baby and we are struggling immensely to make a decision whether to proceed or terminate. We thought our family was complete, especially from my husband’s perspective (# 3 was alr... View more

Hi everyone, I am ten weeks pregnant with a completely unplanned fourth baby and we are struggling immensely to make a decision whether to proceed or terminate. We thought our family was complete, especially from my husband’s perspective (# 3 was already my desperately wanted “extra” baby). Our marriage is solid, but we have little to no support in Australia and we both feel stretched thinly as it is (financially, emotionally, physically and in terms of time and energy). Our youngest is 2, and we were just beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel and as though we might have actually survived the choppy seas of early parenting. This news has thrown us completely off course and we’re still at a loss as to what decision is best for our family after knowing for 5 weeks. We fear another baby could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. It would obliterate any chance of getting my career back on track after so much time off / part time, I don’t cope that well with the stress, chaos and frantic pace of our life as it is, and although he is a doting father now he found it increasingly hard with each baby to be present and engaged in the newborn period. We each have gone through periods of depression and anxiety to varying degrees over the past seven years. BUT we love our kids to the ends of the earth and know we would love another. The stress of the decision is crushing me. I go back and forth on an almost hourly cycle, it’s impacting my work and ability to function as a Mum. Hubby says he will support whichever decision I make, but we’re both concerned that both choices have the potential to make or break our little family. Having the baby would set us back in our life plans, and feels like we’d be starting this crazy overwhelming phase of life again, but I’m not sure if I would cope long term with the guilt and doubt of terminating. How do we make this impossible choice? We are running out of time and I can’t continue functioning this way. I guess I’m hoping for some personal experiences of how people worked through an impossible emotional decision and came out the other side with some clarity and confidence in their choice, if that’s even possible?!

1daughter Partner leaving me because of my depression
  • replies: 1

Hi, my partner of 4 years cheated on me 2 years ago, and was constantly on dating apps, we got back together but things have never been the same, im constantly thinking about it, everything he does or says I'm questioning, I try to talk about my issu... View more

Hi, my partner of 4 years cheated on me 2 years ago, and was constantly on dating apps, we got back together but things have never been the same, im constantly thinking about it, everything he does or says I'm questioning, I try to talk about my issues with him but it just ends up being turned back on me like im the problem, he also blames me for the cheating, im just never happy anymore, and I'm suffering pretty bad with depression, and because of that he said he doesnt want to be with me anymore, and said hes lost interest in me and doesn't even want to come home from work some days because im so miserable I just feel so lost

Mel2334 coparenting and family issues
  • replies: 2

1. it is so hard talking to my coparent my ex I raise issues with my child we going through court process as well another thing he just does not Lisen to me and does not want me there as a mother and just thinks of his family and his mother and gf be... View more

1. it is so hard talking to my coparent my ex I raise issues with my child we going through court process as well another thing he just does not Lisen to me and does not want me there as a mother and just thinks of his family and his mother and gf being in the picture and I do a lot as well , i was meant to have a phone call with my son which is court ordered as well and he never answered and told me a reason why did not answer me 2. i did nothing to my mother and she has this cycle of blocking me as well and it hurts i wanted to help her and give her a gift and give my step father that like a step dad to me give him a gift she told me not to and i know my step dad wanted it as well so i just left it i wished both my step dad and my dad happy fathers day i never really hear from my dad and i my step dad got back to me though, just hurts not hearing from my dad

Sometimes at a loss How do you handle the loss of your best friend to mental health? She didnt die, but i miss her.
  • replies: 1

Hi,I have had my bestie for over 20yrs now. About a year ago she went downhill and was suicidel. She called me and told me and we went to hospital and she was admitted for about a week. They changed her meds and it has been a battle since then.She ha... View more

Hi,I have had my bestie for over 20yrs now. About a year ago she went downhill and was suicidel. She called me and told me and we went to hospital and she was admitted for about a week. They changed her meds and it has been a battle since then.She has decided to end her marriage, is constantly chasing younger men and has absolutely no time to talk or text me anymore. We would chat at least every 2nd day.Her relationships with her now ex and her kids have all gone downhill, and as pretty much her only friend/confidant she has barely even spoken to me. If i text to check in i got short 1 or 2 word answers, i tried calling once and she hadnt listened to a word i had said and did long pauses of silence, which i later found out that was because she was texting a guy she openly calls toxic. We also happen to work together and she still refers to me as her bestie but im not feeling it in the slightest. She ignores me, unless we are talking about her sex life or the latest guy she has been talking too she ignores anything i say. I actually dont think she even realises that she has been doing it despite me trying to talk to her about my concerns. Im worried about her mental state, i can see she still isnt right but i have a lot going on right now and i need my support person and she hasnt been there for a year now. I dont have anyone else that i can freely chat to and no longer know what to do. I have dialed back with my check ins on her because i need to focus on my mental health and protecting myself. I have a multitude of issues i am dealing with atm and no one that i can talk them through with to help. What do i do?

notre_stellata 24F in love with 44M - but he has 3 kids and I don't like kids. How do I move forward?
  • replies: 1

I (24F) have been dating my partner (44M) for about 10 months. We are both deeply in love — this is the first time in my life I’ve experienced a truly mutual, committed relationship. We’ve talked about a future together and even the possibility of sp... View more

I (24F) have been dating my partner (44M) for about 10 months. We are both deeply in love — this is the first time in my life I’ve experienced a truly mutual, committed relationship. We’ve talked about a future together and even the possibility of spending our lives with each other. Here’s the complication: he has 3 children (ages 6, 9, and 13) from his previous marriage. I’ve never wanted kids, and honestly, I don’t like being around them. I also feel some jealousy because I know he loves his kids very much, and I sometimes resent that they’ve received a lot of his love and attention. So far, I haven’t met them yet, and they don’t know about me. He says he would never force me to live with them or do anything I don’t want to do, but I’m not sure how realistic that is long-term. We see each other a few times a week, and our relationship is otherwise amazing — our personalities and hobbies match, the emotional connection is strong, and our intimacy is great. But I can’t ignore the fact that if I choose him, I’m also choosing the reality that his kids will always be part of his life. I'm just really confused and not sure what to do. We get along so well. I just don't know if it is fair to him (and to the kids) for me to stay if I can’t see myself loving or even liking them.He also sees me as the love of his life, which makes me even more reluctant to leave this. Any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you so much.

white knight DOMINATING PARENTS- long term effects
  • replies: 0

It took many years as a young adult for me to see clearly that compared to many other people I was severely affected by a dominating mother. I thought I'd overcome it and move on, it wasnt that simple, I'm 70yo now and it's still a major issue regard... View more

It took many years as a young adult for me to see clearly that compared to many other people I was severely affected by a dominating mother. I thought I'd overcome it and move on, it wasnt that simple, I'm 70yo now and it's still a major issue regardless that my mother passed 7 months ago (93) and I hadnt seen her for the last 13 years. The best help I received wasnt from therapy nor other family members assessments but a book called "walking on eggshells by Dr Christine Lawson, or, if you aren't a reader google "witch queen hermit waif". Those 4 characters are the ones you can encounter with a Borderline Personality Disorder parent 1,2,3 or all 4. But for those that have BPD its not a witch hunt, if you are getting treatment and have self awareness then you are more than capable of being a great parent. So what are the situations that are not avoidable with the child of a dominating parent that has these poor qualities? These parent could provide well, never hit you, take an interest in your schooling etc but mentally they own you and you never live up to their expectations. As a married adult with children of your own you'll struggle through life feeling you are never good enough. That leads to feeling you are criticised all the time when most of those comments aimed at you are mere suggestions. eg Me "I've made lunch let sit on the swing seat and eat it"Wife "I would but you never clean it" (its my outdoor job)Me "oh, thanks, after I made us lunch thats the thanks I get"Wife "it wasnt a criticism it was a fact and its ok" Now lets not look into that fact she could clean it herself etc, its merely an example. Yes, overreaction is often, sensitivity uncontrolled and possibly why I've ended up a HSP (highly sensitive person). But I've noticed even my mothers passing doesnt change this feeling. I've often said to myself "my mother will haunt me from the grave, the pierced lips, the frown, the huffing... In fact whenever a older female does any of those things I say straight away "if I wanted my mother here I'd bring her along". If I didnt hit home with that saying I'd dwell on that moment for days. Whereas to counter the dominance, the lack of acceptance is to reverse the hurt and that is not regretful at all. I've learned that it is best to confront aggression/lack of approval with the same, few words and high impact to revenge your rights or you'll be walked over. Defence by equal aggression is good. Thats how you survive a dominating parent long term. TonyWK

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