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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lu8Lu8 No One Cares
  • replies: 2

Hi,I just got an amazing job offer that I’m super excited about after studying so hard for so long. However, when I told everyone around me who knew I had worked so hard to get here, their reaction was super underwhelming. It was almost like they did... View more

Hi,I just got an amazing job offer that I’m super excited about after studying so hard for so long. However, when I told everyone around me who knew I had worked so hard to get here, their reaction was super underwhelming. It was almost like they didn’t care. They said congrats and then let the conversation completely die. Even my boyfriend didn’t seem all that interested and he knows how much I worked for this. I feel a little deflated now because this seems to happen anytime I want to talk about anything in my life. Regardless of whether it is good news or bad news. Why do the people around me not seem to care about me? I’m starting to think there is something wrong with me like a huge ‘avoid me’ sign over my head. I just feel so alone right now and I hate it because this should be a happy time.

loyal Please Help! I told my best friend her husband had cheated on her
  • replies: 4

I told my best friend that her husband had cheated on her (erotic massage parlours/escorts). Her husband denied it and blames me now for making things worse for them. He wants nothing to do with me and has told me to never speak to his wife again. Th... View more

I told my best friend that her husband had cheated on her (erotic massage parlours/escorts). Her husband denied it and blames me now for making things worse for them. He wants nothing to do with me and has told me to never speak to his wife again. They were having problems to begin with and he was blaming her. It was hurting me so much having to keep this from her...I spoke to him first and gave him the chance to confess and he denied it...he spoke about their problems and said they were all her fault. I was so angry that I told her the truth. Yes i have now compromised a friendship between my husband and his best friend and now I am to blame! My husband supports me, however, he also knows the truth and told me I should not have interfered. I am not regretful for what I did, my friends husband has made it quite clear in text that I am at fault now. How do I move on from this....

BlueFish Advice on Husband and his drinking
  • replies: 4

Good afternoon, I need to vent and get peoples thoughts: My husband had some stresses in his life recently, lost both his parents 9 months apart (they were in their 60s). Before this he did drink, started years ago as only a couple of days but slowly... View more

Good afternoon, I need to vent and get peoples thoughts: My husband had some stresses in his life recently, lost both his parents 9 months apart (they were in their 60s). Before this he did drink, started years ago as only a couple of days but slowly became everyday. After losing his parents he started to drink even more, he started to hide his drinking. Stopping on his way home hiding bottles and topping up his soft drink etc. Eventually he became angry when ever he drank. Not physically violent just verbal. He would start fights with our children (18+ in ages) and me. I had to return home from a work function one night after having them call me because he was yelling so much and they were scared. When I returned they had left as i had told them and he was acting as if nothing happened. Calm and did not know why they left. The next day he could only remember parts of the night. He eventually admitted he had a problem and stopped drinking. He did relapse and hid drinks but we made it through that as well. He attended 1 AA, to much god for him Now, he drinks non alcoholic beer and enjoys it. But on the occasion he drinks I feel anxious, even with just one. After 2 he starts to show signs of anger. I had a small panic attack recently while on holidays when i seen him sneaking a drink, his response was that I was over reacting and being ridiculous. Yes I have tried to explain how I feel in a clam way, it generally ends with him walking off shitty and I feel like it is me with the problem. He has his go to sayings "I am almost 50 and should be able to enjoy a drink if i want" is his favourite. I went from almost no trust in him not drinking to having trust that he is not, but there are times i question myself. No point asking his answer is always no. And if i do ask I have to be very specific, for example I asked him one day if he had a drink on the way home ( i could smell it) he said no, with further questioning he had had 2 drinks but not on the way home, therefor he did not lie. At a recent event he did have a few drinks, when I asked him to slow down, this made him angry. He sulked and was shitty. Then he was ready to go because I had ruined the night. One the drive home he talked about getting a divorce because he should be able to drink and he was over me getting upset and not wanting him to drink. The next day he apologised and said he was just frustrated. That is the extent of his apology. Says he does not like to upset me so does not talk about it.

Sunnydays Depressed partner
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together for 11 years. He has always has anxiety and every 12 months would go through periods of depression where he would be unhappy with me for a short time, then things would go back to normal. For the last 14 months my ... View more

My partner and I have been together for 11 years. He has always has anxiety and every 12 months would go through periods of depression where he would be unhappy with me for a short time, then things would go back to normal. For the last 14 months my partner has been in a constant depressed state. Over this time he has expressed this to be for a number of reasons, including his family dynamic (his parents), his relationship with our 5 year old son (who has a parental preference towards me which has been difficult to change) and his feelings towards me. He blames me and says that he wished I had just listened to him and his problems with me over the years. I feel so confused and silly because I had always thought when things had gotten better after his depression each time that I had made enough changes to myself and the relationship to help him feel better. The constant state of things being good, bad and then good again is confusing. 9 months ago I encouraged him to see a psychologist with he agreed to. He says that it’s ruined his life, he feels worse now, and implies it is my fault. he hardly talks to me and where possible he ignores and avoids me. He says he hates being in the house around the noise and mess (which is hard to hear because I constantly clean to try make it better for him). He goes to the beach and drives around for hours so he doesn’t have to be here. I feel like I’m constantly walking on egg shells and when I try to even make small talk he generally won’t say anything back unless he really needs to. Instead he will just shrug or sometimes looks at me with a ‘why are you talking to me’ look. he doesn’t want to talk to a therapist or anyone and has mentioned medication is not something he would consider. after 14 months of being ignored and walking on eggshells I’m considering that we may need to seperate but I don’t want to abandon him. I’m stuck between wanting to look after myself and our son but worried about him. All I know is that I can’t live like this forever and I don’t know what more I can do. I’ve encouraged him to consider a therapist again and talk to his dad or perhaps uncle that he has great relationships with .

Saran Pregnant at 41
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone A little background, happily married 5 years (10 together) have two beautiful children aged 4 and 7. Recently found out we are pregnant, VERY unexpected, we are 12 weeks -had the NIPT test and results are good. I am so devastated to be pr... View more

Hi everyone A little background, happily married 5 years (10 together) have two beautiful children aged 4 and 7. Recently found out we are pregnant, VERY unexpected, we are 12 weeks -had the NIPT test and results are good. I am so devastated to be pregnant again. I was hoping by now I’d come around to it - we both do not want any more children and explored termination however I’ve struggled with the idea as worried about guilt and regret. I adore my current children but have found being a mum hard, both did not sleep well for a long time and caused me a lot of distress. We have our life back on track and now this…… I’m hoping to find joy but all I see is hard work and struggles ahead

Guest_14057205 Binge drinking
  • replies: 3

My partner is a binge drinker. Starts with a few drinks one night, a bottle wine the next then 2 and then days of drinking, passing out waking up and continuing to drink. I have been at the receiving end of the blame for so many things. She blames me... View more

My partner is a binge drinker. Starts with a few drinks one night, a bottle wine the next then 2 and then days of drinking, passing out waking up and continuing to drink. I have been at the receiving end of the blame for so many things. She blames me for her selling her house. She cannot stand the fact that I have been married before. She cannot say why she drinks. She has admitted on numerous occasions that it is an issue and she needs help but never gets any. We have planned a future together and in one of her up phases, bought a house. Again the drink has raised its head. I'm not sure what to do as the drinking is affecting how I feel about our relationship and our/my future. Having just bought a house I feel hemmed in and have no idea what to do.

Jessksch I've lost faith in relationships...my father cheated, my sister's husband cheated...
  • replies: 2

My father cheated and miss-treated my mum because she gained weight, he almost left her but they stayed together "for me" when I was young. Yesterday I got a call from my sister, a 20 year relationship down the drain as he is leaving her for his girl... View more

My father cheated and miss-treated my mum because she gained weight, he almost left her but they stayed together "for me" when I was young. Yesterday I got a call from my sister, a 20 year relationship down the drain as he is leaving her for his girlfriend. She is amazing: beautiful, always active, very intelligent (she has a master's degree in science but gave it up to take care of the kids)... Only a few days ago I got upset at my fiance because he seems to be taking me for granted; says he loves me but has a hard time opening up his emotions and being "sensitive" with me. He is kind and respectful, but not romantic or does not things for me unless I ask. He loves talking to me about his day and wants me to be there to listen to him, but doesn't show interest in my day or things. He says he doesn't want to lie and pretend to be interested.We talked and he promised to be better but I lost faith... I am at a loss, I always aimed to just find someone to love or a best friend to go through life with but I lost faith now in every man in my life and feeling hopeless in life.

MidnightThinker No one ever asks how I am
  • replies: 7

Hi this is my first time posting. I felt like venting a bit where there was no chance of anyone knowing who I am, or having anyone I do know find it.I have pretty bad depression and anxiety but I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good with managing it... View more

Hi this is my first time posting. I felt like venting a bit where there was no chance of anyone knowing who I am, or having anyone I do know find it.I have pretty bad depression and anxiety but I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good with managing it most of the time but there’s one thing that constantly weighs on me and that’s the fact that no one seems to be very interested in me at any capacity. I live with my partner and we have these family dinners and every single time no one who comes over ever asks how I’m doing or about anything new in my life. It’s like I’m just sitting there in the background. I try to involve myself by having a laugh as everyone jokes about and I try to contribute to conversations as best as I can but no one really ever acknowledges what I’ve said. Typically the subject will change as soon as I’ve spoken and I just glance at my phone to hide the fact that I’m hurt. I was hoping that after making some big accomplishments (for me) that maybe someone would ask about them. For example I just got a new job after 6 months of unemployment and no one even acknowledged it, let alone asked about it. I know it‘s probably stupid but I can’t help but feel like I just don’t mean anything to people at all. Not even enough to have a pretty surface level conversation because no one has ever cared to bother uttering the words “how are you?” Or “what’s new?”I ask everyone how they are of course and they’re more than happy to answer but I never get that same courtesy. Maybe it’s stupid if me to be upset by it but you’d think after almost 10 years that people would start to care at least a little, but clearly they don’t. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you get through it without feeling kinda worthless in the world? I’m really struggling with this because I don’t really have any friends that I can see somewhat regularly, and I’m not super close with my own family either. I just wish someone would care but it honestly feels like there must be something fundamentally wrong with me to have not a single soul beyond my partner give a flying turd about me and my existence.

Hurting So confused
  • replies: 1

He never, ever touched me. He was kind, loving, fun, always loyal. He would smash things, put holes in walls and doors. He would drink and disappear. He was always under a lot of stress. I would get angry and call him names when he would be drunk and... View more

He never, ever touched me. He was kind, loving, fun, always loyal. He would smash things, put holes in walls and doors. He would drink and disappear. He was always under a lot of stress. I would get angry and call him names when he would be drunk and mean.I think I caused it. Is it possible to make someone behave that way? I tried to make changes, see relationship councillors, be more patient and more kind. I saw my own psychologist and worked on myself.I think I broke him. He has a new partner now, only a month after we ended our 5 year engagement. He is really happy.Is it possible that he will be an amazing partner with no anger with her and I was the reason everything happened?