Relationship and family issues

Married and in love with someone else

replies: 12

Hi all I don't know where else to go with this, but I feel like my current situation is eating me up and I'm so tired of it. Long story so please bear with me. I recently rekindled a friendship with my first love. We are both married and have admitte... View more

Hi all I don't know where else to go with this, but I feel like my current situation is eating me up and I'm so tired of it. Long story so please bear with me. I recently rekindled a friendship with my first love. We are both married and have admitted our feelings for each other. He has told me he is insanely in love with me. We tried cutting things off in order to work on our respective marriages but that only lasted about a month. If anything, I felt even more depressed during the time we weren't talking, like something significant was missing in my life. I am so unhappy in my marriage and sick and tired. Sick and tired of us just not "clicking", living like room mates and feeling like there is no emotional or physical connection. He is more like my best friend, which some people say is essential to a marriage but then why do I feel like it's not enough? My husband is a great guy and he is the first person I go to for advice and support with my mental health. I'm not even sure if I could get the same thing from this other guy. I feel so selfish and like a bad person for feeling this way. I have been questioning whether I am just infatuated with the other guy. I truly am blind when it comes to him, and feel like he is a drug. When I see him I'm on a high, which lasts for a few hours/days, then I crash. Can infatuation turn into long lasting love I wonder... I have never felt this way about anyone before, not even my husband. I was in my mid-20s when I married him and he was my first. I fee like I should have gotten more life experience before making a decision like that. At the time though, I'd been broken hearted and decided that truly being in love only led to heartache and instead I would marry someone that ticked the boxes. Yes I have thought about leaving my husband. But I'm terrified about the logistics aswell as the perception of me especially by my conservative family. Also I have had moderate-severe anxiety and depression for about a year now and not sure if a separation would be the best thing right now. Having said that, a lot of my anxiety and depression has stemmed from being in an unhappy marriage so.... Chicken or the egg I suppose. i feel like I just want someone to tell me what to do! But in the meantime, any advice or relatable experiences would be so so appreciated.

Confused about my own feelings

replies: 3

I am in a 2 year long term relationship with my partner and I love them so incredibly much, however I have the urge to kiss other people?? I don't want to date other people, I only want my partner but I feel the urge to kiss and hold onto other peopl... View more

I am in a 2 year long term relationship with my partner and I love them so incredibly much, however I have the urge to kiss other people?? I don't want to date other people, I only want my partner but I feel the urge to kiss and hold onto other people romantically and platonically. But I don't want to break up with my partner,they're my end game, I'm 100% sure of it. Could I be polyamorous? Or do I need to take a break from my partner and explore the world a bit and then come back to them? I haven't told them about these feelings yet because I'm scared they will freak out and I don't want to upset them. They're okay with me kissing my friends, I do this platonically though, I hug and lightly peck my friends all the time but it's no the same... It doesn't satisfy my needs. I want to experience something new but I don't want a new partner... I'm really confused and I need some advice.

My Gfs mum betrayed my trust

replies: 2

So a few months ago, I told my gfs mum that I had been a victim of CSA. I have never been vulnerable with anyone except my previous gfs and I decided to be vulnerable with her. She then went on to tell everyone in her family. Which really disheartene... View more

So a few months ago, I told my gfs mum that I had been a victim of CSA. I have never been vulnerable with anyone except my previous gfs and I decided to be vulnerable with her. She then went on to tell everyone in her family. Which really disheartened me. Then a few weeks go by and my gfs mum then says to my gf which she tells me(she has a son to another person just for clarification and I love him to bits). She says that her mum told her not to leave her son alone with me at all. Now I have never and will never do anything to anyone. But when she told me that her mum said this; I broke down crying for the whole night and for the rest of the week and even now I feel so angry and depressed that someone could say this about me. And also to be vulnerable with someone and for them to say that about me just broke me to bits. I’m so confused as to where to go with the relationship as I love her and she loves me but I just don’t know how to move past that.

Not coping

replies: 4

Hi l went through a nasty divorce and separation in late 2023 my ex wife controlled and abused Mr for years and l haven't seen my kids for 2 years l tried to follow my younger daughter on instagram but was rejected and me oldest daughter has got marr... View more

Hi l went through a nasty divorce and separation in late 2023 my ex wife controlled and abused Mr for years and l haven't seen my kids for 2 years l tried to follow my younger daughter on instagram but was rejected and me oldest daughter has got married l wasn't told. It's burning me up, especially coming up to fathers day. Help

Workplace Fling Causing Anxiety, Guilt, Regret, Shame

replies: 5

This is hard for me to post....well I guess here it goes.I guess I’ll start off by saying I was and still am single. I've been struggling with this for a while, approx. 2-3 years ago my boss who has a partner and I had a fling. we worked on a project... View more

This is hard for me to post....well I guess here it goes.I guess I’ll start off by saying I was and still am single. I've been struggling with this for a while, approx. 2-3 years ago my boss who has a partner and I had a fling. we worked on a project together became close and started to flirt in person and over work messenger. We were smsing each other out of business hours Aswell. She asked me to delete the messages we sent each other during business hours. As things started progressing, she said things to me like "you make me smile every time I walk past your desk" and when I questioned her she said “I don’t know” and put an blushing emojis on. I went on by saying "tell me” and she said you make me nervous... and then things progressed again.... we started sexting each other and sending intimate audio messages to each other...despite my gut feeling was not to..I beat myself up for not stopping this here...I feel like a scumbag and blame myself. As things went on, I told her I like her...to which her response was as a "friend right?" and "you get attached to easily". I said “what have we been doing then? you have basically cheated on your partner”. Her partner looked through her phone and saw my message and accused her of cheating. Ever since then things have been awkward at work. For a while she wouldn’t even look in my direction and would completely ignore me (even for work related things). Eventually things came kind of good and would at least talk to me for work stuff and a little bit personal but then for some reason would go cold again and ignore me. This has been happening for a long time. I don’t know what she told her partner about what happened but I suspect it wasn’t the truth.Recently I’ve come to realise I’ve bottled this up for years and never talked to anyone about it. Which brings me to last couple of months where she started trying to be playful with me again and I’ve cut it off for the most part. Unfortunately, there have been a couple of occasions where we’ve gone out as a team and she made a joke at my expense and I ended up blushing. Now I’ve been getting weird looks from people in my team and I feel like they know. Any advice is much appreciated.

I’m lonely and never been in a relationship

replies: 3

I’m 26 and gay, I’ve tried and tried to find someone to spend my life with but every attempt is met with pushbacks or me getting hurt apparently I’m too nice to date, I have one best friend and she’s been in a relationship for awhile now every time I... View more

I’m 26 and gay, I’ve tried and tried to find someone to spend my life with but every attempt is met with pushbacks or me getting hurt apparently I’m too nice to date, I have one best friend and she’s been in a relationship for awhile now every time I see her I feel like I’m not progressing in life especially when she talks about her partner. I always try to talk to her about how hard it is to find someone and I’m always met with “you have to love yourself”I'm a really shy guy and not outspoken at all I feel like that is what is holding me back so I’ve been trying to get help (anti depressants & psychologist) I’ve been on antidepressants for a very long time as I was bullied at lot in school for being gayim not sure what to do because I’ve never been the confident guy and I feel like that is not who I am but I fear that is what everyone get turned off by I need some advice I’ve tried clubbing, dating apps, just waiting for someone to come along but none of it has worked I’m not the hookup guy I generally like to get to know someone because personality comes first before anything else I’m sorry for the spelling mistakes I’ve been good at writing

Victims of narcissism

replies: 6

Narcissism meaning - selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type (Oxford). One of the most powerful tools a narcissist can use at their disposal is triangulation. A... View more

Narcissism meaning - selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type (Oxford). One of the most powerful tools a narcissist can use at their disposal is triangulation. As with the above such descriptions are easily available on the internet. What is a problem for many people is that they might not realise they are the victim of a narcissistic person and the narc might not realise they are using weapons like triangulation to achieve their needs. Triangulation of which I've been a victim of in my family is a method whereby one person enlists the support and strength of another in a dispute between them and another person. Triangulation is "bringing out the big guns" to override someone they wish to dominate. So, classic example- At 27yo I dated a girl not of the religious flavour my mother liked. I argued to mother that it was my choice and when young - she had hers. A few days later my sister would approach me and almost word for word push the same agenda. Then I picked up my GF only to be told my mother had spoken to my GF's mother about it. She spoke to my GF and my GF suggested we split up. In fact that occurred a few days later. Being the victim of a narc is like being in a straight jacket with your life because it is being controlled by them and sometimes you dont even know it. You might feel you are the black sheep of the family and this is evident when your siblings or cousins are treated like they are untouchable... these are the "golden children". They do no wrong ever. Any favours you do as a child of the narc will result in a never ending drive to please by you, ultimately wanting to be a golden child also, however, sadly, you wont ever reach such heights It all becomes more difficult when a narc parent has a side that you like/love. In my case my mother had a nurturing side that was present until I could think for myself say 16yo. From then on all my thoughts were challenged as a form of domination. At no time were my dreams and creativity encouraged let alone my decisions. How to navigate life with a narcissist? You might need to accept this person is toxic and leave their life. If not certainly create distance between you both so you are not in their primary focus. Either way clarity of a narcs behaviour can be achieved through a therapist. Living with mental challenges is hard enough but add a narcissist to the mix and you will feel bullied and controlled. TonyWK

Partner lied & cheated - how to move forward?

replies: 1

Hi there, My partner & I have been together for 5 years. I'm 48, he's 47. He has medical problems which has caused issues with our sex life & we aren't intimate as much as we used to be. My 'drive' is much higher than his but I have accepted the comp... View more

Hi there, My partner & I have been together for 5 years. I'm 48, he's 47. He has medical problems which has caused issues with our sex life & we aren't intimate as much as we used to be. My 'drive' is much higher than his but I have accepted the compromise... Although this has caused underlying issues with me not feeling wanted / him being embarrassed etc. We have both been 'head in the sand' & distracted ourselves with work / home / kids & just accepted that we get around to sex every now & then... not ideal but it's how its been. When it's good it's great though. I just found messages on his phone that he had contacted a number of escorts across 2 days in the past 2 weeks. Those 2 particular days, I was in hospital! I confronted him, he swore he never followed through, I asked the standard 'has it happened before' and he swore to me no, nothing has ever happened since we've been together. He told me the issues we've been having have been messing with his head & he doesn't know why he did it, he was just in a bad place for the last few months. Something didn't feel right about what he was saying so I checked his phone again and I found more messages from 8 months ago, where he did actually hook up with an escort while he was away for work. I confronted him again and he initially denied anything happened, until he realised I had all of the information and then he fessed up that he did actually have sex with her. The escort part isn't what is breaking me, it's the lying and the broken trust. And that I have never once denied him sex when he has been up for it, so the fact that he could have been with me yet he chose to go elsewhere, is screwing with my head. I feel just crap. Unwanted, unloved and undesired. He has been the only person I've ever fully trusted and been able to be 100% myself with, I really thought we were 'it' and not being able to trust him never once crossed my mind. But the fact he lied and also looked elsewhere the first minute he could, (ie when I'm in hospital!), that has crushed me, and I don't know how to move forward. He says he loves me & is really sorry for what he has done, he broke down & said it will never happen again. I love him, but how do you trust again when your insides have been ripped out? I don't know how to deal with it. Thanks for reading; I'm a very private person so won't discuss this with anyone IRL hence reaching out here.

CPTSD - Destroying My Marriage

replies: 1

Hey guys,I have CTPSD from my childhood and developed behaviours through adulthood to protect myself and stay safe.These behaviours have caused my wife a lot of pain over the last 30yrs. It has come to a point where she cannot see any future with me.... View more

Hey guys,I have CTPSD from my childhood and developed behaviours through adulthood to protect myself and stay safe.These behaviours have caused my wife a lot of pain over the last 30yrs. It has come to a point where she cannot see any future with me. I'm constantly working on myself, seeing a psychologist, changing my behaviours to be a better version of myself but my wife cannot see past her internal hurt and pain. I've taken ownership and acknowledged all my mistakes and taken the heat for so much more than that.Each day I try to appease my wife by working on what she needs. Each day the "goal posts" seem to move meaning I'm not satisfying her or respecting her to give her what she wants from me, to be open, honest and raw. I am doing these things while fighting through my anxiety and fear. My wife cannot see anything I'm doing or have done to be different and a better person.It has come to a point where she is always angry, everyday. Could be the wat I smile at her or explained how my day went.She has told me in a very agressive way 20 times in the last 3 weeks, that's she is done and when the time is right we will discuss with the kids. I'm sleeping in the spare room and only get spoken to if needed to uphold a sense of family around the kids.My wife has her own childhood trauma. She had a horrible upbringing. Her defence mechanism is to fight and retreat not resolve. I love her so much but she feels I hate her and I don't care. I'm lost. I have run out of mental strength to keep going. I have run out of ideas. I have been trying to show up and get her to see me for over 12 months. As soon as she allows herself to open up a little BANG I get hammered for something insignificant to restore the status quo. Thank you for listening and reading my post.

Suppression of POSITIVE Emotion

replies: 2

Hello, I'm wanting to talk with anyone who has/had parents who fail/failed to provide for their emotional well-being, which has resulted in the suppression of their positive emotions. An example.......sometimes I literally feel like dancing, but the ... View more

Hello, I'm wanting to talk with anyone who has/had parents who fail/failed to provide for their emotional well-being, which has resulted in the suppression of their positive emotions. An example.......sometimes I literally feel like dancing, but the combination of the fear of being laughed at, and being emotionally immature, and that it's easier to suppress it, makes it very hard to overcome. To be clear, I know the difference between depression, suppression, repression.......I'm NOT depressed, but I am suppressing. I have honestly not found anyone the same, it would be very helpful to know there IS someone else

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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Married and in love with someone else

replies: 12