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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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What-to-do Lost and hurt
  • replies: 1

Hi, I was in a relationship for 6 and a half years, I was the proud father of IVF twins and worshipped the ground my partner walked on. The last time I saw our kids was 28/10/24, their mother has now told our kids that I am not their Father and that ... View more

Hi, I was in a relationship for 6 and a half years, I was the proud father of IVF twins and worshipped the ground my partner walked on. The last time I saw our kids was 28/10/24, their mother has now told our kids that I am not their Father and that they are IVF children, I informed the mother that I was starting family court proceedings so I could speak with our kids. Then on the 2/12/24 I received a phone call from Brisbane police asking how long I have been in a relationship with our kids mother, I told the police 6 and a half years, to which the police told me that the kids mother told them we had broken up in 2019 🥲. I told them its over as of this phone call, 12th December 2024, she told the police that the kids have never called me day and that I put my hand through my wall infront of her and our kids mind you I live in a solid concrete unit, can't put your hand through my walls. My ex-partner treats our kids like they are her possessions, never has time for them, thinks buying gifts everyday makes it okay that she takes them no where and always tells at them . I don't understand why this has happened as I have never done anything to deserve this kind of treatment, nor do all the children involved. My ex-partner was also my sons stepmother for 7 years, my son was our twins older brother and the only mother figure he had ever had, now apparently he was never the twins brother and she was never his stepmother , but photos and videos prove our relationship 🫣Everyday now is a struggle, to find a reason to keep fighting, so lost, down,confused and just empty I don't see the point in life anymore

going_backwards Adult son stopped talking to me
  • replies: 15

I don't know what to do. For a reason I don't really know, my son (who is now 28) has just stopped communicating with me. He won't answer my texts, phone calls or emails and I haven't seen him in 5 months. He has also moved and I don't even know his ... View more

I don't know what to do. For a reason I don't really know, my son (who is now 28) has just stopped communicating with me. He won't answer my texts, phone calls or emails and I haven't seen him in 5 months. He has also moved and I don't even know his address (but do know the area). He also has no contact with his siblings either and didn't even acknowledge his own nephews birth recently. It is breaking my heart to the point where it is affecting every aspect of my life. My marriage broke down (9 years ago) after 30 years when my husband cheated and left to be with the other woman and it really did affect my son and tore the family apart. I fought hard with severe depression, almost taking my life at one point but got through by fighting hard and getting 3 years of counselling. I built up my life again, remarrying and my family are all happy for me but it was a very tough road. But now my son seems to have been slowly pulling away over the last few years (he has a new girlfriend too) but now no matter what he just won't talk to me. His father has no contact with him and he has now totally rejected his father from his life and I am terrified he is doing that to me. I just can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. He was a hard child to raise (ADD) and has good job and life now but because of the ADD I have to be careful how i approach the situation as he is more likely to run further if I push any blame on him etc. It feels like rejection all over again and I am finding it almost impossible to stop thinking and wondering and not knowing what to do. It is affecting my work, my family relationships and every aspect of my life. I have lost all interest in myself and feel like I am going backwards after all the hard work I put in to rebuilding my life. I was so so proud of myself, reinventing myself so to speak and becoming a strong and independent woman. Now I fear I am falling backwards. I don't know how to cope or what to do anymore. I know it is something he feels deeply about and I can only guess. My husband confided in me recently that he called my son's girlfriend but she felt (or would not) say what was happening. I suspect she is part of the reason too and the whole situation is just tearing me apart.

mooooo I left my partner for a crush I had during the relationship and now I am feeling lost
  • replies: 2

Hello lovely people, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year. He was so good to me. There were many traits I loved about him; he was sociable, driven, cared for me a lot, invested in the relationship and he was a great listener. However,... View more

Hello lovely people, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year. He was so good to me. There were many traits I loved about him; he was sociable, driven, cared for me a lot, invested in the relationship and he was a great listener. However, I couldn't help but feel that something was missing. It was a grey area for me as I have struggled with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I felt misunderstood, and only after the relationship did I realise his lack of understanding for me was maybe because I shut him out a bit and was terrified of opening up fully and having him see me. I just wanted him to be able to read me better. I started developing feelings for a close friend of mine. I felt like he understood me like no one before and we had very similar humor. I loved how much we laughed together. I struggled for 6 months trying to work out whether the feelings I had for him should be a sign that I should leave my boyfriend as there was something better-suited to me out there. At the end of those 6 months, I was fed up with trying to make my relationship work. I decided to leave my partner and pursue the possibility of a relationship with my friend. It was really nice at first. I felt like we understood each other so well. But now, I have noticed similar patterns to my last relationship starting to arise. I find myself being overly critical of him, not feeling like seeing or talking to him and looking for something else out there. I also miss my last boyfriend so much. I have had a lot of reflection since we broke up and have been starting to believe that maybe there was less wrong with him and more with me. I didn't feel like we were on the same intellectual level and that our conversations were boring, but now when I talk to him occasionally I love it so much. I can't tell if I'm just missing the idea of him, or maybe if I unknowingly sabotaged the relationship out of fear of opening up and being seen. I love the guy I am with now, but cannot cope with how much I miss my ex-boyfriend and am feeling like maybe I could give our relationship another go down the track so am afraid of really hurting my current partner. Would love any advice or stories of similar experiences.

Guest_31826751 I always end up apologising to my partner
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have been with my partner for a few years now and we have acknowledged we didn’t have a healthy relationship for a lot of it and are trying to work to be better. I have begun to realise that I apologise and take the fault for most things, even ... View more

Hi, I have been with my partner for a few years now and we have acknowledged we didn’t have a healthy relationship for a lot of it and are trying to work to be better. I have begun to realise that I apologise and take the fault for most things, even when he plays a direct role in something going wrong. I am terrified to bring it up with him because I feel as though he won’t validate my feelings, he will take it as an attack. I don’t trust that I can say how his behaviour affects me without him getting defensive or finding a way to turn it around on me. I am genuinely worried that he doesn’t see himself ever at fault or that he has any poor behaviours.

Headintheclouds I feel so hopeless
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I am feeling lost and hopeless lately. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and it has been a roller coaster most of the relationship. My partner suffers from depression and confided in me quite early into the relati... View more

Hi everyone, I am feeling lost and hopeless lately. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and it has been a roller coaster most of the relationship. My partner suffers from depression and confided in me quite early into the relationship that he has attempted suicide once before and has struggled with his mental health for a long period of time. Overtime he has started to complain about something I’ve said or done and then follow those statements up with him wanting to end his life. This has weighed so heavily on my at times and I can’t understand why he would make me feel responsible for these feelings he has. Sometimes I am so filled with anxiety that I feel physically sick and/or I start to overcompensate and do more for him in hope that things don’t go south that day. If I do breakdown, he withdraws and walks away, leaves the room and tells me he can’t deal with it. I try so hard to be strong and not let things affect me but sometimes it’s overwhelming. I have constant concerns that he will commit suicide, sometimes he makes jokes about it but the comments stay with me. I had these concerns and recently I found that he was using drugs, ice. I think finding those drugs finally broke my heart completely. He admitted he was an addict a long time ago and uses irregularly when he needs an outlet as he’s been on every medication there is and ice is the only thing that helps. He minimised his drug use and made excuse after excuse. When I found those drugs I felt physically sick, shock, anger and then I felt devastated because I didn’t know about is addiction or use of drugs and I feels like it’s a betrayal and he owed it to me to be honest about those matters. I feel so hurt, I have been reminding him how much he is loved and cared for and how proud of him we all are but deep down I feel quite broken. It’s a strange feeling, I feel fragile and drained. In the moment I found the drugs, it felt like our relationship came crashing down and like I don’t know him. He felt/feels like a stranger to me. I have been feeling quite desperate so I booked an appointment with a psychologist to talk these things through and I had my first appointment a few days ago but the appointment was essentially me explaining everything. I’m looking forward to my next appointment. if you have any advice, please let me know.

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

laufeylistener Dealing with toxic friends
  • replies: 3

I had an interaction today with some toxic friends I dropped last year while I was on the bus going home. Let’s call them A and B. I purposefully distanced myself from them over the past few months, which has affected some of my own friendships since... View more

I had an interaction today with some toxic friends I dropped last year while I was on the bus going home. Let’s call them A and B. I purposefully distanced myself from them over the past few months, which has affected some of my own friendships since they’re part of a big friend group and some of my friends are connected to them. A forced me to have a conversation with B, and they began asking the most stupidest, immature and unethical questions. Mind you we just started Year 12, probably the most stressful year of our academic lives. B said that if I didn’t answer then they’d threaten to talk bad about me online and create fake alternate accounts of me that impersonated me. I felt really uncomfortable because it felt like they were violating my privacy, with A shoving their phone and taking pictures of me without my consent. I said I wasn’t comfortable answering their questions but they kept asking, so I just shut my eyes and asked them not to talk to me. I wanted to stand up by myself, but I just stayed silent for the rest of the bus trip until they got off at their bus stop. I just wished I could say more, but I didn’t know what to say. To trust that they were genuine at first and have that destroyed within a few minutes makes me feel dumb. I was trying to act respectful to them by saying that I didn’t want to answer their questions because I didn’t feel comfortable, but they didn’t respect my boundaries. I tried ignoring them, to be resilient as my mum said who told me that they were just trying to sabotage me and destroy my academic life. And reasoning to myself that they were projecting their own insecurities onto me. I just don’t need those distractions, especially for HSC. I just want to find friends that are supportive and mature enough. But now I’m quieter than usual, I feel like I've developed trust issues when talking with new people, and now I only have a few friends I can truly trust. I pretend that other people's opinions don’t affect me, but they do, just a bit. I have a bit of anxiety towards people judging me now. Someone targeting my insecurities, criticizing my likes and dislikes, just switches my mood completely and makes me feel detached, not like myself. A and B talk to me as though I’m a sort of plaything for them, someone to just talk to for their own amusement and enjoyment by belittling me. I’m sick and tired of it. What should I do?

Noah4444 My partner is suffering and self destructive
  • replies: 1

I’m Noah,I find that my partner is incredibly interested in the next steps, like moving in together, talking about the future. But most nights she goes into a mood where she says hurtful things, like “you’re going to leave me anyways”, or “we don’t h... View more

I’m Noah,I find that my partner is incredibly interested in the next steps, like moving in together, talking about the future. But most nights she goes into a mood where she says hurtful things, like “you’re going to leave me anyways”, or “we don’t have a future together”. It’s completely different to how she normally acts. I’ve tried talking to her about therapy or a support group, but she wants nothing to do with it. She says the same stuff most nights and while I do love her it’s becoming something that drains me and makes me feel a bit helpless. She wants to spend all her time together, gets upset when we’re apart then sometimes she says self destructive stuff like “we’re never gonna work” or “nothing good ever happens”. I’m just a bit hurt and not sure how to get her the help I’m struggling to provide. Do I just take her to a group therapy session to sit in? She’s so adverse to seeing a professional 1 on 1, and she’s threatened to break up with me if I try get outside help. I have a feeling she’s not serious but she’s saying stuff as a ploy to get me to stop talking about help or solving any issues she’s having. She doesn’t have hobbies, won’t let me help her with stuff like her resume or job hunting.I love her very much, but the words I would currently use to describe her are self-destructive, ignorant and immature. We go on walks almost every day, but I can’t force her to take on a hobby or anything productive. She says things like “I should just end it all” followed by “you know I’d never kill myself”. I just need some help with helping her, thanks.

Billie1959 Husband’s mental health
  • replies: 2

My husband had prostate cancer four years ago which was successfully removed but left him with erectile disfunction and anxiety/depression. He had a very bad experience with antidepressants and stopped them cold, anxiety attacks followed. Latest test... View more

My husband had prostate cancer four years ago which was successfully removed but left him with erectile disfunction and anxiety/depression. He had a very bad experience with antidepressants and stopped them cold, anxiety attacks followed. Latest tests show cancer has returned microscopically and it’s a waiting game of months before treatment. He now has quite severe depression/anxiety but refuses to see his doctor due to his past experiences. My life with him is so stressful due to his either shutting down or having screaming rages over the slightest thing going wrong. It would be great to hear of others experiencing similar.

Lil Accepting the pattern of my life.
  • replies: 3

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack frien... View more

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack friends, the ability to connect to people in anything beyond a superficial way eludes me. I think I’ve made a connection, then I find out I haven’t been invited to events, a quick drink after work, a birthday or a wedding reception that everyone else in the office has attended. I’m not nasty, but I think I’m forgettable. It just keeps happening, every decade of my life has been the same. I’m exhausted, I’m sad, I don’t want to care anymore. I’m kind and friendly, but I also don’t matter much to anyone. Is there any point to a life lived in isolation?