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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Clara1 Worried About My Mother
  • replies: 4

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge t... View more

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge to her. Sometimes I am just not sure what to say to her.

Willow18 I think I have finally realised Im being manipulated
  • replies: 4

Last week I told my partner that my daughter and I want to join the gym. It ended up starting WW3. He said he doesnt want men looking at me. I told him our daughter will be there and in January our 13 year old will be able to come. He told me to stop... View more

Last week I told my partner that my daughter and I want to join the gym. It ended up starting WW3. He said he doesnt want men looking at me. I told him our daughter will be there and in January our 13 year old will be able to come. He told me to stop using the kids as an excuse and basically feels I will run off with a muscle man. He says I should care how he feels and I said he should be more supportive. Then he broke down and told me has has never felt loved by me and I have a wall up and he thinks it stems from my past trauma. This may be true to an extent but the fact is he is controlling and I have been controlled most of my life and thats why I am the way I am with him. When he talked to me about it he does have some valid points but at the end of the day he has been the jealous type since the start of our relationship. Am I being manipulated?

evee My older sister triggers my panic attacks.
  • replies: 4

For quite a few years I have struggled with mental health problems and so has my older sister, this has been an issue for us in the past. My older sister has minor autism and sometimes struggles with seeing things from other perspectives and not hype... View more

For quite a few years I have struggled with mental health problems and so has my older sister, this has been an issue for us in the past. My older sister has minor autism and sometimes struggles with seeing things from other perspectives and not hyper fixating on what people say.We both still live at home and so we are together a lot. I struggle with quite severe panic attacks, and have a history of minor self harm. The problem I have is that more often than not it is when me and my older sister have an argument, or when she says something insensitive, that triggers my panic attacks. I love my older sister and we don't have a horrible relationship, but as siblings do we argue quite a bit. It is getting to the point where we are arguing too much and it is causing me very strong emotional distress. I don't know what to do because I can't stop being around her, and I don't want to hurt her who has gone through so much. But it is becoming a massive issue for me and when I have tried to talk to her about it in the past, she goes into fight or flight and starts yelling and saying I'm blaming her for my mental health issues. I don't know what to do with this situation and I really don't want to hurt my sister.

BlueOrchid98 Grieving a childhood home
  • replies: 1

Hi All,Came back to this forum to ask for some advice on dealing with grief regarding my childhood home. My mum bought the house before I was born, and I lived have lived the majority of my life there (I am now 27). Sadly, my mum passed away in 2013,... View more

Hi All,Came back to this forum to ask for some advice on dealing with grief regarding my childhood home. My mum bought the house before I was born, and I lived have lived the majority of my life there (I am now 27). Sadly, my mum passed away in 2013, and I don't get on very well with my dad. I had to move out rather abruptly earlier this year as my dad threw me out and have since been staying with a friend. My dad has called me earlier this week and says he is selling the house and moving, he won't take anything less than top dollar for the house either. I am devastated and have been frantically trying to work out a way I could buy it from him; however, all the numbers say that it isn't possible or that I would need to take on another full-time job on top of my current one. I know that my mum wouldn't want me to work myself into the ground to try and save it, but whenever I think about it not being there anymore, I start crying. I feel like my mum is a big part of that house, and all of my childhood memories are there. Most likely as well, given the area is developing a lot, it will be knocked down. I don't even really know what to write to fully explain how I feel about the house and the attachment I have to it, I just know that I am really struggling with the thought of loss, and the sale hasn't even happened yet.Just seeing all my mums' belongings and the old toys being boxed up makes me feel sick about it. Looking for advice from anyone that has gone through similar or any tips for dealing with this sort of thing?

Caiteyb Relationship problems, porn addiction
  • replies: 2

Okay, so i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and I feel we have a pretty good relationship, we have our ups and downs but we learn and grow from them, usually. Buttt, about 3 or 4 months ago I found out about his porn addiction, he had be... View more

Okay, so i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years, and I feel we have a pretty good relationship, we have our ups and downs but we learn and grow from them, usually. Buttt, about 3 or 4 months ago I found out about his porn addiction, he had been exposed at a very young age (like 7) so this thing was pretty cemented in his life, not something he can just get over. I was upset of course (mostly because he had hid it for so long, but also cause porn just isn't appropriate to watch in a relationship in my opinion) but I was and still am willing to work through it with him as partners, and he said he was willing too. The problem arrises with the fact that right away he said he had quit, cold Turkey, which I suppose is possible but I really doubt it, and everytime I try to bring it up he gets quiet and says he's quit so he's not sure why we're talking about it, but I think it's something we absolutely need to talk about, plus I have seen movement in his Twitter accounts he used for this content, and he's trying to tell me it must be a glitch or he's hacked but I'm not stupid, and know that's unlikely.I don't know how to talk to him about this without it seeming accusatory, I want to go about this the right way, but when he's refusing any attempt of a solid, honest communication I don't know how. I'm going insane about it, like it's consuming me, it's daily I'm trying to find a new account he's hiding from me, he won't let me go near his phone so I'm scared it's not just porn he's hiding. I feel hopeless to be honest, I love him so much and I don't want this of all things to be our downfall, if anyone has gone through anything similar to this, please help me before I go more crazy than I already have

Guest_10336 Partner who lacks empathy
  • replies: 4

My Partner has no capacity to care about anyone and does not let anyone in to care about him. I wonder whether there's anything more I can do? I've tried having open discussions with him but he doesn't want to process anything that I'm trying to expr... View more

My Partner has no capacity to care about anyone and does not let anyone in to care about him. I wonder whether there's anything more I can do? I've tried having open discussions with him but he doesn't want to process anything that I'm trying to express. I'm dealing with a brick wall here literally. What upsets me the most is the way that he does not treat his very elderly parents with kindness.

Jilted Breakup support - not coping
  • replies: 7

Hi. I’ve been in a non-commited relationship with my old high school boyfriend for 7 years. He has been separated from his wife of 25 years and has always said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. However we used to text daily, he’s met all of my frie... View more

Hi. I’ve been in a non-commited relationship with my old high school boyfriend for 7 years. He has been separated from his wife of 25 years and has always said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. However we used to text daily, he’s met all of my friends and been on holiday with me and my friends. He talked about me meeting his children and even going on a cruise. A few weeks ago he ‘accidentally’ slept with someone. He said he was too drunk to know if they had sex. He thought they just slept in the same bed. Since then he says he’s ‘off the rails and needs to sort himself out’. So, he dumped me and maintains he always said he didn’t want a relationship. But we had a kind of relationship. He can’t even say he loves me or misses me. he won’t ad me to his social media , but he is adding others. He says he wants six months to sort himself out. He is starting to not respond to my one or two messages. He did say he wanted go keep in touch - now he’s saying he didn’t mean weekly. i live on my own and don’t have any support in the city I live in. I’m absolutely devastated. I don’t know how go cope. I thought we were working towards a future together. His sudden coldness and shutting me off is excruciating and I don’t know how to cope with it. Please help.

Hadesjw Lying
  • replies: 3

Hi all, (trigger warning)I don’t really know how to do this, I’ve never done anything like this before I guess the first thing is being honest.I’m a 24 year old woman and most of my childhood I never lied but when I was 10 my mum met a guy and while ... View more

Hi all, (trigger warning)I don’t really know how to do this, I’ve never done anything like this before I guess the first thing is being honest.I’m a 24 year old woman and most of my childhood I never lied but when I was 10 my mum met a guy and while she was at work this guy would physically beat me, and I would learn to lie not only from my mum about the abuse but lie to the guy in hopes of him not doing anything. And well 14 years on I had told little lies here and there, but when I met my now partner my lying has just gotten out of control. Like for Christ sake the other night I lied about bread, like who does that (for context I cooked to much for dinner and I lied saying I got the meals mixed which wasn’t the case) but seriously who lies about that stuff. Anyway my partner sees me as this horrible/ bad person and honestly I’m starting to feel like I am. Cause who would cause so much pain and discomfort to their partner who they love. I really don’t know what to do if I’m being honest like I’m crying writing this because I can’t afford to get professional help. In the 3 years we’ve together I’ve lied quite a bit but lately it’s just increased and I don’t know what to do or how to stop it

Ocean26 Not Infertile, But Not Pregnant
  • replies: 3

Hi BeyondBluers,I'm having a really hard time. With a family history of mental health challenges, my Mum and two of her brothers all took their own life before I turned 18.After years of psychology sessions, a uni degree and finding the love of my li... View more

Hi BeyondBluers,I'm having a really hard time. With a family history of mental health challenges, my Mum and two of her brothers all took their own life before I turned 18.After years of psychology sessions, a uni degree and finding the love of my life, I'm now married and hoping to start a family with my Husband. He's such a warm, wonderful and supportive guy. I have beautiful friends who are also supportive, and so many of them are PREGNANT. Or have a child. We've been trying for 18 months. I don't know if I or my husband have any issues yet. I haven't felt ready to start the process of working with fertility clinics to take it a step further. Plus my psychologist tells me that being within 2 years from starting to try for a baby is actually "normal". I'm feeling the cycle of disappointment, heart break and loss for something I haven't had yet. This grief is as real, raw and deep as when I lost my Mum. Except it also comes in cyclical waves when I get my period, when a friend announces they're pregnant or when I'm around friends who are pregnant and they're talking excitedly about their futures. I don't check social media much anymore because I need to get away from all the announcements. I never knew that wanting to have a baby but it not happening yet could bring so much pain. Not many people around me understand, or know what to say to me when I confide in them (which is fair, we're not trained to know what to say!). They try to make me feel better by telling me not to worry, that a baby is just around the corner, don't give up hope, at least I should be grateful for XYZ, or the many different versions of that. It's hard to feel heard, understood and not alone. I can feel happy, and grateful at times, and at the same time, the heart ache and pain is so frequent. It's just hard. I'm hoping someone here might understand. Please don't make me feel guilty as I already understand that others can be in a tougher situation than me. It doesn't mean what I'm feeling is any less valid, which is hard to remember at the best of times. Thanks in advance for reading. I'd love some support.

Bayaami Loneliness
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone!I am 57 years old and feel lonely a lot of the time, even in a large crowd of people I know. I am divorced, with. no kids and when Covid hit, I moved back in with my mother to support her after my father passed away.While there are people... View more

Hi everyone!I am 57 years old and feel lonely a lot of the time, even in a large crowd of people I know. I am divorced, with. no kids and when Covid hit, I moved back in with my mother to support her after my father passed away.While there are people in my life who call me a friend, it's almost impossible for me to message them or visit them as they have their own families and other friends who take priority. I'm very aware of being the pathetic, annoying single guy, constantly seeking some sort of validation or connection.Most of the time, I feel in their way and never want to disrupt their daily routines. I feel they eventually get sick of me and stop contacting me after a period of time. I've tried Dating Sites, community groups, etc...to make connections, but it hasn't worked.People say I am nice guy and come to me for advice and happy to have a brief chat from time to time, but I'm never included in anything.

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