Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Cait999 Anxiety of falling out of love?
  • replies: 1

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and everything has been reasonably good. All of a sudden in the past few months I have an insane gut feeling that things need to change and that I would be better off alone but in my head I can’t pin point anyt... View more

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and everything has been reasonably good. All of a sudden in the past few months I have an insane gut feeling that things need to change and that I would be better off alone but in my head I can’t pin point anything that is wrong, in fact everything is really good. Is this anxiety or should I be listening to my gut?

newmum07 Husband cheated, new mum to 4 month old
  • replies: 1

Husband and I have been married for 5 years, we have a 4 month old daughter. I discovered 3 weeks ago that he has been unfaithful to me for the last 2 years and this has absolutely crushed me. It was one woman and he says they never actually had sex ... View more

Husband and I have been married for 5 years, we have a 4 month old daughter. I discovered 3 weeks ago that he has been unfaithful to me for the last 2 years and this has absolutely crushed me. It was one woman and he says they never actually had sex but they did “other stuff”. I never thought this would happen to me because he was cheated on in a past relationship, so he knows the pain. He is wanting to rebuild, we are talking more than ever, he is helping more around the house and with our daughter. He seems genuinely sorry and remorseful. He has been open to talking about everything, answering every question I have about her, even repeated questions. We are seeing a marriage counsellor and he is open to telling anyone I want to, no matter the cost for him. I’m looking for similar stories. I still have days where I’m absolutely shattered and other days I feel more hopeful for our future.I know I love him, he’s my best friend but I’m so broken and don’t know if I can ever trust him again. I know it would be potentially easier to leave him now as my daughter won’t know any better. I fear that he will do this again and cause worse pain when she is 5 or 10 years old.

ApolIo Am I beyond redemption?
  • replies: 8

It was hard for me to write this. I felt like an utter fraud, directionless, and in disbelief of myself and my actions.I met him in 2020. After 2 failed relationships, he was the one to finally re-introduce happiness and emotion into my life. his fri... View more

It was hard for me to write this. I felt like an utter fraud, directionless, and in disbelief of myself and my actions.I met him in 2020. After 2 failed relationships, he was the one to finally re-introduce happiness and emotion into my life. his friends and him were the ones that helped me genuinely smile and laugh after the misery that was my highschool days and beyond. I thought that I had a genuine connection with him, but despite all the chances I was given, I'd always manage to ruin it. - I was clingy- I was needy for attention- I tried to micromanage- I was self-destructive- I used avoidant attachment- I kept making promises that I'd fail to keep- I always said that I'd change, got comfortable and never kept myself accountable and in check- I wasn't fun to be around- I never wanted to do anything- I'd lost my passions and motivations- I never stopped to think about my actions- My emotions during the heat of the moment always got the better of me- I had developed an unhealthy coping mechanism of shutting my emotions away due to 'childhood traumas' according to my therapist And now, I've cheated on and betrayed them, even if I say I NEVER meant to do it. It all started when his ex messaged all his friends, including me. Despite being told not to, and her history with mental health, I talked to her and sympathised with her, thinking that I could help her when I couldn't even help myself.Then I started talking to people behind their backs for sexual gratification.I can't stop asking myself why I did it, I didn't hold any love in my heart for any of them. I didn't need what I did, I didn't think I'd ever do something like this to hurt him, but it was me, doing all of that.I want to feel so much more pain and misery for what I did, but my coping mechanism completely shuts my emotions off. I feel so empty writing this, can't even cry properly because it just comes and goes in bursts.I love him, I really, really, really do. I wish I was a bawling mess, on my knees, but I'm just empty and numb, with that throbbing pain in my heart. It always takes a shock to break me from my unfeeling shell, and this one is my worst offence yet. I wish my emotions would just....COME OUT. Instead of there always being a sledgehammer that busts down the wall of emptiness for me to grasp the gravity of the situations that I've caused due to my inability to empathise and comprehend.I wish I'd just stopped to think about the things I was doing. I'm always too late, always. I'm sorry...

Halah9 Mother/best friend to Stranger
  • replies: 1

My whole life my mother has been my main support in most things and now I feel like I’m loosing her if not already lost her.A fight broke out in between mum and I at a family holiday a few months ago and we have never been the same. I attempted to ex... View more

My whole life my mother has been my main support in most things and now I feel like I’m loosing her if not already lost her.A fight broke out in between mum and I at a family holiday a few months ago and we have never been the same. I attempted to express myself as authentically as I could via email because I didn’t believe we could have had the conversation without it turning into yelling and crying. A long message essentially about how I think our relationship would be better and we wouldn’t fight like that if we communicated better. Never got a response nor an acknowledgement. Though I know she got it. The few conversations we have had since then have been superficial (never have been this way before). As of 3 weeks ago when I was indirectly uninvited from a weekend away with her and a couple of other family members, she has not once’s tried to contact me. Nor I her, but mostly because I feel like she’s pushing me away. I see through social media that she’s out doing all the things we used to do together with other family and friends. I have reasons to think that through her latest life changes she has grown to see me as a burden but I just never thought she would actively try to push me away. Prior to this, mum has been my person I go to for everything. We have always had such a strong bond. Now I’m just so lost. I have been given an opportunity to move across the country. Another family member who is close with mum encouraged me to do this. I’m seriously considering it. But will this cement in mums estrangement?After reading so many other people’s familial issues on here, mine seems like a dream boat in comparison. Although I’m still not coping since this has all developed. We are talking around 2-3 months now. My sleep has never been worse, I feel withdrawn, flat and at my worst part of the day my passive suicidal ideations take a spike (I’m in no immediate danger, I have strategies for this). I’ve been talking to a couple of close friends about this. They have been a godsend through validating my feelings and just listening. Although I feel like a burden on them. I don’t feel like I can’t talk to anyone in the family about any of this. I don’t want to distress them or they would dismiss the whole thing anyway. I’ve been meaning to make a GP appointment but I’ve been putting it off due to being flat and worried the GP or whoever they refer me onto will only suggest medication. I guess I’m just trying other avenues of help first. Thanks for reading x

AC66 I feel so alone and mis understood
  • replies: 1

Hi all,I am new to this and a bit nervous.I feel so confused, everyone around me are making me feel so stupid and are all saying that I need mental help because of my way of thinking or how I feel. I know that I am an over thinker and I am working on... View more

Hi all,I am new to this and a bit nervous.I feel so confused, everyone around me are making me feel so stupid and are all saying that I need mental help because of my way of thinking or how I feel. I know that I am an over thinker and I am working on it. Every time I ask my partner a question, he says that it's an accusation. Like I heard a text go off at 1am so today I said " You got a text last night" and he is saying that the question is an accusation. I said that I wasn't at all, that I heard a text. That's all. He is saying that I don't hear the way I say this and if it wasn't an accusation, why say it at all.I really can't understand it. I feel so alone and misunderstood by everyone. They are all saying that I need to get help and I don't listen. I do listen but no one is saying what it is that I don't listen to. I am hurting all the time.Thank you all for your time

Bellanana Deeply attached to toxic family
  • replies: 1

My family was abusive when I was younger. Verbally abusive in my teens. But now they just fight with eachother about money and what not. My siblings have gotten the worst from my parents. I didn't get much thankfully. They are all really religious, I... View more

My family was abusive when I was younger. Verbally abusive in my teens. But now they just fight with eachother about money and what not. My siblings have gotten the worst from my parents. I didn't get much thankfully. They are all really religious, I am secretly athiest. I am so afraid of being away from them. I'm afraid of the thought of living alone or losing them. They aren't good for my mental health. But I don't have anyone to turn to other than them for when I need help. I don't know what to do. Why do i want to live with them forever when they are so different from me? Why I am so scared? Why am I always scared?

G93 mutual breakup with kids involved
  • replies: 2

Have recently split with my partner of the last 3 years,we were much inseparable from the day we first met.really struggling to cope with moving on after the separation,we got together and for the first 12 months things were great, there was so much ... View more

Have recently split with my partner of the last 3 years,we were much inseparable from the day we first met.really struggling to cope with moving on after the separation,we got together and for the first 12 months things were great, there was so much love, affection, sex and adventure, it was pure honeymoon stage that felt like it as never gonna end, then she got pregnant,everything changed,I had previously had a child with another lady who I have always had 50/50 care of, so from the moment we found out, my ex would constantly tell me that I wasn’t excited enough and that I’m ruining her excitement. for the rest of the pregnancy basically it was horror, we were getting along, she was very nasty,and I went into a full anxious state for the best part of 7-8 months, Once our little boy was born, things changed,they started improving,She would constantly apologise to me about how she was when she was pregnant, but there was always one issue that she would bring up saying I care about my daughter more than I do our son, When my son was about 6 months old things started really deteriorating again, to the point we wouldn’t have sex, wouldn’t cuddle, wouldn’t even talk, and when we did it was usually an argument. we had the odd drunken nights where it was almost like a one night stand with each other because as quick as the day changed the mood would go back to how it was. While we were together she was very open with her phone, she would leave it face up and let me use it to change chrome cast etc, then about 2 months ago it changed completely, it was always covered, always in her pocket, if I wanted to change a song while driving or a movie she would have to do it, felt very much like she was hiding something, yet she is in full denial, we got to a point about 3 weeks ago where we had a very emotional argument and threatened break up, but we ended up making up and having sex and things were good,then 2 days later things weren’t any good and so we mutually agreed to split, now we have split, I have both my kids 50/50, I found out last night she had another guy over, I know it’s not wrong on her behalf but I just feel like my hearts been tore into two,And I’m really struggling to remember how bad it was so that I can remind myself it’s the right decision to break up, I don’t know what I’m asking for, I just really needed the vent. mum not suicidal or depressed,Im just very sad, and feeling very lonely, and I’m not sure how to cope with it.

LanaKane Failing at toilet training
  • replies: 6

I think this will be a pretty pathetic post but I don't know where else to turn for this advice. I asked Ngala and they just keep brushing it off. We have been toilet training our daughter since about January. Yep almost a year. She's 3.5 yo now We s... View more

I think this will be a pretty pathetic post but I don't know where else to turn for this advice. I asked Ngala and they just keep brushing it off. We have been toilet training our daughter since about January. Yep almost a year. She's 3.5 yo now We started with the book Oh Cr@p Potty Training. And some principles worked, but not in the 3 days everyone said it should. Or even weeks. Or months. So we bought the Big Little Feelings course and started from scratch. But months later we are still having accidents. Mostly wees are ok but it's always the poos. The worst part is that she just poos and isn't bothered. Doesn't tell us, we just realise when we smell it. So our last attempt over a couple of weeks now has been a reward chart. I don't like them in general but we are desperate. She starts school in a couple of months! They're going to hate this. And because I'm going through a pretty bad (unrelated, though this isn't helping) bout of depression right now, of course in my head this is all my fault. We have done everything right, we've never shamed her or gotten angry, we've made sure she understands. She's the most intelligent kid, I just don't know how we can help her get this. I'm desperate and just blaming myself so much

Alyka Step son is driving me mad
  • replies: 6

My step son is 18 years old, has has been the major source of our(My husband and I) arguments. I don't want him to live in our house any more since he is an adult and he has his barrages of issues which makes me doubting humidity. I'll explain this l... View more

My step son is 18 years old, has has been the major source of our(My husband and I) arguments. I don't want him to live in our house any more since he is an adult and he has his barrages of issues which makes me doubting humidity. I'll explain this later. My husband, although very much agree with me on those problems, insists that he stays with us no matter what. He came into our care at 14, by which most of his personality already formed. Neither of us knew that at the time, but he was impossible to live with. He lies, so much that I had to learn to question every single sentence he said. He'd lie about his friend gifted him something but it was actually he bought using the money he stole from our room, even the friend was a made up, as we never saw him hanging out with anyone. Like he said his shoes were broken but actually he cut them open to get new expensive($300-$500) shoes, the same goes for everything, pants, bikes, phones. And sometimes he lies without obvious personal gain, like he said he used the allowance for gift card but it was actually for food, sometimes he said he had rice for lunch but was actually a sandwich, he said he went out but actually stayed home the whole day, etc. those lies make even less sense to me. And as I mentioned a little above, he steals and have NO idea of the value of money. He doesn't earn a cent and he wants all the limited edition, high-end brands, not because the quality, but to show off online. And his logic goes: If I ask, you'd have refused to buy it for me, then what choice do I have, other than steal your money and buy it myself? I mean that's criminal's mindset and creeps me out. He lacks any form of respect and manner. He doesn't greet people unless requested, he'll curse, yell and say profane words with no remorse no restraint. He said to me and his dad that he'd (f word) our mothers because we cut him off internet. Other sayings even worse I simply can't repeat. And I really don't think he loves or misses anyone. Even his grand parents who love and took care of him for the first 14 years. He'd choose games over talking to them. I'm I a bad person thinking that? Because I kinda agree my husband has a point, he's not capable of making it by himself. He has the language/maths skills of a 4th grader, seriously tested. And he only graduated year 10 with no other certificates. And he refuses any learning/job because they requires certain commitment. In this case, what do I do?

forever2007 Struggling
  • replies: 2

Hi, am new to this so learning as I go. Having a difficult time as my teenage daughter has decided she doesn't want to be in the home if her father is around. Admittedly our family has gone through a lot of ups and downs over the years but a recent s... View more

Hi, am new to this so learning as I go. Having a difficult time as my teenage daughter has decided she doesn't want to be in the home if her father is around. Admittedly our family has gone through a lot of ups and downs over the years but a recent situation has caused a massive upheaval. I am struggling because my daughter has decided to provide an ultimatum by telling me to choose between the two of them and if I don't choose her she is not returning home. I have never known anyone let alone my daughter to have so much anger within them, she's like a freight train whose brakes don't work and she is willing to wipe out anyone in the way of what she wants. I have spent the past few weeks almost non-stop crying and just needing 'noise' to keep my brain occupied. My sleep has never been great but have found it way more difficult to sleep lately and what sleep I do get is generally between about 3am and 5am. I don't know if she will get past this and it's breaking my heart. I have been told that I'm experiencing extremely high anxiety and stress and that I need to put some coping mechanisms in place but that's easier said than done! I'm afraid of....making a decision because I feel like I'm being led, pushed even, in a direction she wants.