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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Gj-1974 Not coping
  • replies: 4

Hi l went through a nasty divorce and separation in late 2023 my ex wife controlled and abused Mr for years and l haven't seen my kids for 2 years l tried to follow my younger daughter on instagram but was rejected and me oldest daughter has got marr... View more

Hi l went through a nasty divorce and separation in late 2023 my ex wife controlled and abused Mr for years and l haven't seen my kids for 2 years l tried to follow my younger daughter on instagram but was rejected and me oldest daughter has got married l wasn't told. It's burning me up, especially coming up to fathers day. Help

Sunny0945 Workplace Fling Causing Anxiety, Guilt, Regret, Shame
  • replies: 5

This is hard for me to post....well I guess here it goes.I guess I’ll start off by saying I was and still am single. I've been struggling with this for a while, approx. 2-3 years ago my boss who has a partner and I had a fling. we worked on a project... View more

This is hard for me to post....well I guess here it goes.I guess I’ll start off by saying I was and still am single. I've been struggling with this for a while, approx. 2-3 years ago my boss who has a partner and I had a fling. we worked on a project together became close and started to flirt in person and over work messenger. We were smsing each other out of business hours Aswell. She asked me to delete the messages we sent each other during business hours. As things started progressing, she said things to me like "you make me smile every time I walk past your desk" and when I questioned her she said “I don’t know” and put an blushing emojis on. I went on by saying "tell me” and she said you make me nervous... and then things progressed again.... we started sexting each other and sending intimate audio messages to each other...despite my gut feeling was not to..I beat myself up for not stopping this here...I feel like a scumbag and blame myself. As things went on, I told her I like her...to which her response was as a "friend right?" and "you get attached to easily". I said “what have we been doing then? you have basically cheated on your partner”. Her partner looked through her phone and saw my message and accused her of cheating. Ever since then things have been awkward at work. For a while she wouldn’t even look in my direction and would completely ignore me (even for work related things). Eventually things came kind of good and would at least talk to me for work stuff and a little bit personal but then for some reason would go cold again and ignore me. This has been happening for a long time. I don’t know what she told her partner about what happened but I suspect it wasn’t the truth.Recently I’ve come to realise I’ve bottled this up for years and never talked to anyone about it. Which brings me to last couple of months where she started trying to be playful with me again and I’ve cut it off for the most part. Unfortunately, there have been a couple of occasions where we’ve gone out as a team and she made a joke at my expense and I ended up blushing. Now I’ve been getting weird looks from people in my team and I feel like they know. Any advice is much appreciated.

FluffyPotato I’m lonely and never been in a relationship
  • replies: 3

I’m 26 and gay, I’ve tried and tried to find someone to spend my life with but every attempt is met with pushbacks or me getting hurt apparently I’m too nice to date, I have one best friend and she’s been in a relationship for awhile now every time I... View more

I’m 26 and gay, I’ve tried and tried to find someone to spend my life with but every attempt is met with pushbacks or me getting hurt apparently I’m too nice to date, I have one best friend and she’s been in a relationship for awhile now every time I see her I feel like I’m not progressing in life especially when she talks about her partner. I always try to talk to her about how hard it is to find someone and I’m always met with “you have to love yourself”I'm a really shy guy and not outspoken at all I feel like that is what is holding me back so I’ve been trying to get help (anti depressants & psychologist) I’ve been on antidepressants for a very long time as I was bullied at lot in school for being gayim not sure what to do because I’ve never been the confident guy and I feel like that is not who I am but I fear that is what everyone get turned off by I need some advice I’ve tried clubbing, dating apps, just waiting for someone to come along but none of it has worked I’m not the hookup guy I generally like to get to know someone because personality comes first before anything else I’m sorry for the spelling mistakes I’ve been good at writing

white knight Victims of narcissism
  • replies: 6

Narcissism meaning - selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type (Oxford). One of the most powerful tools a narcissist can use at their disposal is triangulation. A... View more

Narcissism meaning - selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type (Oxford). One of the most powerful tools a narcissist can use at their disposal is triangulation. As with the above such descriptions are easily available on the internet. What is a problem for many people is that they might not realise they are the victim of a narcissistic person and the narc might not realise they are using weapons like triangulation to achieve their needs. Triangulation of which I've been a victim of in my family is a method whereby one person enlists the support and strength of another in a dispute between them and another person. Triangulation is "bringing out the big guns" to override someone they wish to dominate. So, classic example- At 27yo I dated a girl not of the religious flavour my mother liked. I argued to mother that it was my choice and when young - she had hers. A few days later my sister would approach me and almost word for word push the same agenda. Then I picked up my GF only to be told my mother had spoken to my GF's mother about it. She spoke to my GF and my GF suggested we split up. In fact that occurred a few days later. Being the victim of a narc is like being in a straight jacket with your life because it is being controlled by them and sometimes you dont even know it. You might feel you are the black sheep of the family and this is evident when your siblings or cousins are treated like they are untouchable... these are the "golden children". They do no wrong ever. Any favours you do as a child of the narc will result in a never ending drive to please by you, ultimately wanting to be a golden child also, however, sadly, you wont ever reach such heights It all becomes more difficult when a narc parent has a side that you like/love. In my case my mother had a nurturing side that was present until I could think for myself say 16yo. From then on all my thoughts were challenged as a form of domination. At no time were my dreams and creativity encouraged let alone my decisions. How to navigate life with a narcissist? You might need to accept this person is toxic and leave their life. If not certainly create distance between you both so you are not in their primary focus. Either way clarity of a narcs behaviour can be achieved through a therapist. Living with mental challenges is hard enough but add a narcissist to the mix and you will feel bullied and controlled. TonyWK

elledm Partner lied & cheated - how to move forward?
  • replies: 1

Hi there, My partner & I have been together for 5 years. I'm 48, he's 47. He has medical problems which has caused issues with our sex life & we aren't intimate as much as we used to be. My 'drive' is much higher than his but I have accepted the comp... View more

Hi there, My partner & I have been together for 5 years. I'm 48, he's 47. He has medical problems which has caused issues with our sex life & we aren't intimate as much as we used to be. My 'drive' is much higher than his but I have accepted the compromise... Although this has caused underlying issues with me not feeling wanted / him being embarrassed etc. We have both been 'head in the sand' & distracted ourselves with work / home / kids & just accepted that we get around to sex every now & then... not ideal but it's how its been. When it's good it's great though. I just found messages on his phone that he had contacted a number of escorts across 2 days in the past 2 weeks. Those 2 particular days, I was in hospital! I confronted him, he swore he never followed through, I asked the standard 'has it happened before' and he swore to me no, nothing has ever happened since we've been together. He told me the issues we've been having have been messing with his head & he doesn't know why he did it, he was just in a bad place for the last few months. Something didn't feel right about what he was saying so I checked his phone again and I found more messages from 8 months ago, where he did actually hook up with an escort while he was away for work. I confronted him again and he initially denied anything happened, until he realised I had all of the information and then he fessed up that he did actually have sex with her. The escort part isn't what is breaking me, it's the lying and the broken trust. And that I have never once denied him sex when he has been up for it, so the fact that he could have been with me yet he chose to go elsewhere, is screwing with my head. I feel just crap. Unwanted, unloved and undesired. He has been the only person I've ever fully trusted and been able to be 100% myself with, I really thought we were 'it' and not being able to trust him never once crossed my mind. But the fact he lied and also looked elsewhere the first minute he could, (ie when I'm in hospital!), that has crushed me, and I don't know how to move forward. He says he loves me & is really sorry for what he has done, he broke down & said it will never happen again. I love him, but how do you trust again when your insides have been ripped out? I don't know how to deal with it. Thanks for reading; I'm a very private person so won't discuss this with anyone IRL hence reaching out here.

NP07 CPTSD - Destroying My Marriage
  • replies: 1

Hey guys,I have CTPSD from my childhood and developed behaviours through adulthood to protect myself and stay safe.These behaviours have caused my wife a lot of pain over the last 30yrs. It has come to a point where she cannot see any future with me.... View more

Hey guys,I have CTPSD from my childhood and developed behaviours through adulthood to protect myself and stay safe.These behaviours have caused my wife a lot of pain over the last 30yrs. It has come to a point where she cannot see any future with me. I'm constantly working on myself, seeing a psychologist, changing my behaviours to be a better version of myself but my wife cannot see past her internal hurt and pain. I've taken ownership and acknowledged all my mistakes and taken the heat for so much more than that.Each day I try to appease my wife by working on what she needs. Each day the "goal posts" seem to move meaning I'm not satisfying her or respecting her to give her what she wants from me, to be open, honest and raw. I am doing these things while fighting through my anxiety and fear. My wife cannot see anything I'm doing or have done to be different and a better person.It has come to a point where she is always angry, everyday. Could be the wat I smile at her or explained how my day went.She has told me in a very agressive way 20 times in the last 3 weeks, that's she is done and when the time is right we will discuss with the kids. I'm sleeping in the spare room and only get spoken to if needed to uphold a sense of family around the kids.My wife has her own childhood trauma. She had a horrible upbringing. Her defence mechanism is to fight and retreat not resolve. I love her so much but she feels I hate her and I don't care. I'm lost. I have run out of mental strength to keep going. I have run out of ideas. I have been trying to show up and get her to see me for over 12 months. As soon as she allows herself to open up a little BANG I get hammered for something insignificant to restore the status quo. Thank you for listening and reading my post.

Guest_31975551 Suppression of POSITIVE Emotion
  • replies: 2

Hello, I'm wanting to talk with anyone who has/had parents who fail/failed to provide for their emotional well-being, which has resulted in the suppression of their positive emotions. An example.......sometimes I literally feel like dancing, but the ... View more

Hello, I'm wanting to talk with anyone who has/had parents who fail/failed to provide for their emotional well-being, which has resulted in the suppression of their positive emotions. An example.......sometimes I literally feel like dancing, but the combination of the fear of being laughed at, and being emotionally immature, and that it's easier to suppress it, makes it very hard to overcome. To be clear, I know the difference between depression, suppression, repression.......I'm NOT depressed, but I am suppressing. I have honestly not found anyone the same, it would be very helpful to know there IS someone else

Charsybee I Know I`m Not The Only One....
  • replies: 3

There`s a lot of parents out there in the same situation as me, so I`ve been told, many times over! I`m estranged from my adult son. And I don`t know why? I have tried to contact him, but I`m being blocked. He pulled away from us 4 and a half years a... View more

There`s a lot of parents out there in the same situation as me, so I`ve been told, many times over! I`m estranged from my adult son. And I don`t know why? I have tried to contact him, but I`m being blocked. He pulled away from us 4 and a half years ago. And I find that I seem to go though different periods in my life where I`m coping fine, and then I find my son is on my mind constantly. I become teary, and feel lost, not understanding what happened? What did I say? What did I do? I need to know so I don`t make the same mistakes. But he won`t communicate with me. I try to talk with family and friends about my feelings, and I feel they sympathize, but they don`t really want to talk about it. That, I`m over reacting, and should work on myself. This situation, I know there`s nothing that can be done. It just hurts so much. Just needed to get my thoughts out there, as I don`t feel like I have a voice. I only wish I knew what I did wrong??

Diamond_Dust Seeing escorts behind my back
  • replies: 3

I have recently discovered that my trusted partner of 10 years has been messaging escorts for the past 8 months. He tells me that he paid deposits but never went through with it and met in person. He has however, admitted to seeing a erotic masseuse ... View more

I have recently discovered that my trusted partner of 10 years has been messaging escorts for the past 8 months. He tells me that he paid deposits but never went through with it and met in person. He has however, admitted to seeing a erotic masseuse a few times but claims that he couldn’t get an erection so he just left. Do I believe him?…. No…..We have both decided that we want to work on our relationship and that there is too much to just walk away from. My question is, how can I ever trust him again and does anyone ever really move past this? Particularly given he travels to a major city for his work on a weekly basis, which is where these things took place.