Relationship and family issues

Scared to tell parents about relationship

replies: 4

22f dating 25m Back story, 3 years ago dated this person my parents FORBADE me from dating them threaten (22m at the time) with violence etc. The reason they FORBADE us from dating was because he used to take drugs at festivals. Since then I have dat... View more

22f dating 25m Back story, 3 years ago dated this person my parents FORBADE me from dating them threaten (22m at the time) with violence etc. The reason they FORBADE us from dating was because he used to take drugs at festivals. Since then I have dated someone else lived with them since splitting I have moved back home with mum and dad. Context I'm a uni student who also works full time and does pay them rent. I ran into 25m again back in Feb and we have fallen back in love all over again. I want to be with this person for many reasons but I will run out of space. However, I have such intense and crippling anxiety about telling my parents. I am so scared that they are gonna react violently or kick me out. I love my parents but they do not take it lightly when their kids do something they don't like. I do see my partner as much as I can but my parents are always on my grill about where I am and how long I'm there etc. I love my partner and want to be with him all the time. I just don't know how to go about telling them, I am so scared of the fall out from that but I know I need to tell them. I guess I'm just looking for some advice?

Difficulty knowing where I stand

replies: 2

I went on a holiday trip with my family 3/4 days in it fell apart my child and that of my family members child mucking around my daughter doing something mean ( i didn’t see half the things as I missed half or wasn’t present apparently my child start... View more

I went on a holiday trip with my family 3/4 days in it fell apart my child and that of my family members child mucking around my daughter doing something mean ( i didn’t see half the things as I missed half or wasn’t present apparently my child started stuff and then the other child got in trouble for it I didn’t know that my child started it ) I told my child to stop being mean and keep her distance and stuff my family member said that they would go do separate activities to reduce the tension all fine they also mentioned that if my child mucks up again my child would be blocked by my family members kids , ( later denied saying this ) also told me my child was untouchable / on last their legs & they just have to put up and accept my child behaviour because she is she and is untouchable/ all things upset me & my child as I said we would go home from trip as I felt uncomfortable cause my child was acting up I was told I was blowing things out of proportion, overreacting ( I do this all the time when my daughter does something or is mentioned to be in trouble ( from what I remember my family member has never mentioned anything about my daughters behaviour to me and if they do or have I address it with my daughter) I told family member that if she does something and I’m not around or in the toilet to tell her to stop. My family member after our day of separated activities after I’d already told my daughter off and kept her separate for a few days & she’s apologised/ me too had apologised/ my daughters got told by my family member she was acting like a cow during her behaviour towards my family members kid I stopped this from escalating/ I don’t think my daughter heard what was said to her / on return home my family members pets were at my home being looked after by someone else in my home the pets had vomited over my child’s Xmas present/ pooped and made a general mess of my house/ I said as a passing comment maybe even a conversation starter : or even a comment to myself that it would take me 6 weeks to clean it / family member snapped at me told me to stop dramatising so I replied I was just saying and left them to their devices went out to my car and started taking stuff out and keeping out of family members way, family member continued to clean even though I asked to stop & leave. After returning home been few days family member has been distant I send txt they send thumbs up only reply when they want something or need something . I don’t know where I stand it looks to me they don’t want us around I miss my family member but I’m also like thumbs up what does that mean am I getting silenced / Should I just let it go and not bother them anymore . I’m pretty hurt by things I’m sure family member is too but don’t know what to do or if I should bother anymore.

Overwhelmed

replies: 4

Hello, i dont even know what to talk about or how to put this into words theres just too much. Ive been told to concentrate and not fidget when i do it subconciously so when i concentrate on not fidgeting i get told off and hit by my tutor (this is j... View more

Hello, i dont even know what to talk about or how to put this into words theres just too much. Ive been told to concentrate and not fidget when i do it subconciously so when i concentrate on not fidgeting i get told off and hit by my tutor (this is just 1 teacher). She has said many colourful words about it and my weight and my looks. My mum sits these classes and whenever i tell her i want to quit, she cries and says that she is stupid, she cant do anything right, all her money has gone to waste and that she should never care for me again etc. Since school is back, i can get away from my parents and i feel better at school, though the stress i get from the amount of work is also gnawing at me. The only person i can talk to about some of these problems has gone overseas and cant text anymore, im worried about them leaving but i keep telling myself they wont. I barely have the energy to get in the shower and after a few days when i did, i just stood there for 10 minutes without actually cleaning myself. My mum has gotten more obsessed with me because she sees me less because of school, she keeps telling me why should i close the door when i change, that see wants to watch, that since she made me she should have the right. I have more but i dont think i should share it all in one post. Sorry if it doesnt make sense. Ive relapsed again and i dont know what to do.

I ruined my life

replies: 3

I regret everything in my life and I'm only 18. I can never make my mum happy, whatever I do seems to make her mad and I can't deal with it anymore. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's everyday I'm being screamed at over something I did or didn... View more

I regret everything in my life and I'm only 18. I can never make my mum happy, whatever I do seems to make her mad and I can't deal with it anymore. I'm not exaggerating when I say that it's everyday I'm being screamed at over something I did or didn't do, or something that my dog did. I'm only 18, my mum and dad never taught me how to do basic things like laundry or cooking or washing dishes so now I feel like a complete failure. I try to love my mum, I really do but I resent her for not believing me when I told her my dad sexually assaulted me when I was younger. I regret not going to the police sooner, I regret giving in when my mum and siblings convinced me to tell the police that it was all a lie so my dad didn't go to jail. My entire life I've been bullied, since Kindergarten up until highschool. I've always been the ugly kid, the weird girl so when year 9 came around in highschool I started hiding in the toilets during first period then running out of school when the bell rang for first class. I didn't graduate highschool and I regret it so much. My brains forgets things so easily and it frustrates me even more now that I can't get a proper job. I'm such a failure that when I got my first job, they silently fired me after three weeks. I tried my best even when I hated talking to customers. I can't find the motivation or the want to find a job anymore but I desperately want to run away and live on my own but I can't. I have my dog (miniature dachshund) and he's complete chaos. I feel guilty when I think about surrendering or rehoming him. I don't want to be the reason he goes to a horrible family who can't love him. I love my dog so much that if I run away and end up homeless, I don't want to have to bring him along with me and put him in danger. If I do end up running away I don't want to leave my little sister behind. She's like my best friend and I don't want her to be stuck dealing with my mum and 2 year old autistic brother. I have an older sister and another little brother but they don't live with us currently and I'm so jealous of them. I don't know why I'm making this post. I have zero friends or relatives to talk to about my feelings and needed a venting place. Some days I just want to end it all.

Abusive Marriage

replies: 3

I met my husband 8 years ago, and pretty much from day 1 he has been cheating on me. I’ve lost count of how many girls including his exes contacted me that he’s still sleeping with them. Friends told me how he was sighted with other women. I went thr... View more

I met my husband 8 years ago, and pretty much from day 1 he has been cheating on me. I’ve lost count of how many girls including his exes contacted me that he’s still sleeping with them. Friends told me how he was sighted with other women. I went through a traumatic divorce a couple years before I met him, and I believe that played a huge part in staying with him inspite of all the cheating. Every time I would confront him, he would either deny or just break down crying and apologise. I am an attractive woman with a great career and supportive family and friends, financially independent as well. So I can’t explain why I chose to stay, but I kept falling for all the promises. We got married 4 years ago, and when I was overseas visiting my parents with my 6 month old daughter, he had women living at our home. I’ve had women come to my home the day after my baby shower to confront him, because he had them believing that he was single and living with a divorced, pregnant cousin (me). He’s been engaged to at least 3 other women during our marriage, his family has met those women and made promises on his behalf without ever saying anything to me, but eventually I found out. Over the years, the constant cheating made me shut down emotionally, and we stopped having sex because every time I tried, I used to visualise him being with other women. He complains about how I don’t go to the gym, look after myself, have sex with him. I did gain weight post pregnancy but I addressed his concerns and became fit again through diet and all the work looking after a baby requires. We have a cycle every few months, where he shuts down, calls me a great partner and friend but not a wife. We’re very social, so he accuses me of caring for our marriage only for optics in the society. He tells me that he’s tried to change for me, but that I haven’t done anything for him. We just got back from a 4 week vacation overseas, and 2 weeks after he’s stopped all communication with me, we live like strangers in the house. I maintain an upbeat exterior for our very happy 2 year old daughter, and I know he’s judging me because I look happy and normal, whereas he’s just mopey and acts depressed. I think I checked out of my marriage in most ways after a cycle about a year ago, when he rang up a divorce lawyer but then we reconciled. I always try and talk to him, only to get the response that I’ll never change and he’s just tired of me. He’s told me that he’ll be using online dating apps to meet new people because his emotional and physical needs are not being met. I have done so much for him and his family over the years, prioritising them over my personal space, comfort and even morals. And now I feel like I’ve just wasted all this time. He’s not talking about a divorce yet, but I will not oppose if he does. I’m just keeping up with our current engagement because it offers a kind of stability to my daughter, who he is an amazing father to. I’ve decided not to try and work on things anymore, I don’t want to reconcile, but I also don’t want to give him the pleasure of being the good guy who didn’t take the first step towards a divorce. Am I right in having given up?

How to cope with relationship ending

replies: 2

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, and I don’t know how to cope. I’m 22F and I was with my partner (23M) for almost five years.Over the past few months, he became very close with a female coworker. At first... View more

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, and I don’t know how to cope. I’m 22F and I was with my partner (23M) for almost five years.Over the past few months, he became very close with a female coworker. At first I tried to be understanding, because I don’t believe men and women can’t be friends. But their friendship started involving frequent one-on-one time outside of work, coffees, dinners, long walks, drinks, and late nights.What hurt the most was the lack of honesty and boundaries. There were nights where he told me he was just having a few drinks after work, but then I wouldn’t hear from him for hours. Twice, he ended up staying at her house overnight. The second time, he lied and told me he was staying on another coworker’s couch, which I later found out wasn’t true. These experiences damaged my trust deeply and left me constantly on edge.He repeatedly assured me she was “just a friend” and that nothing was going on, but the secrecy and emotional closeness made me feel uncomfortable. Even coworkers noticed how close they were and made comments or assumptions, which upset me further because it confirmed the situation looked inappropriate to others as well.I also noticed a difference in effort for example, he went to a café with her that I’d been asking to go to with him for months. I never really got the chance to meet her properly, and it often felt like I was being treated as the problem for feeling hurt.Recently, after many emotional conversations, our relationship ended. He is moving out, and I’m struggling with the grief and shock of losing someone who was my person for so long. I feel devastated, angry, and confused, like I was losing him emotionally long before it was officially over.I wasn’t trying to accuse him of physical cheating, but it felt like an emotional betrayal. How do I stop myself from spiraling? I would really appreciate any advice or perspective, because I keep wondering if I overreacted or if this really was inappropriate.

Confused and looking for advice

replies: 6

Hi,Im looking for some advice for a relationship I’m currently in as I’ve been too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone in my circle. I’m a (40F) dating a (33M) which has been the biggest age gap in my dating history. We’ve had some ups and downs b... View more

Hi,Im looking for some advice for a relationship I’m currently in as I’ve been too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone in my circle. I’m a (40F) dating a (33M) which has been the biggest age gap in my dating history. We’ve had some ups and downs but for the most part been very happy. I’m also a single mum and my eldest child is a 19 yr old female. Anyway my partner and I have been dating for 5 years now and just recently during sex he started saying my daughter’s name. At first I doubted myself and kept thinking maybe I was imagining it but it continued to happen. I know this is a huge red flag and I’ve been feeling absolutely traumatised by it I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this, I have no idea how common it may be and whether or not I should confront him or just leave

I feel like I am going insane

replies: 3

I feel like I am losing my mind. My girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me around 2 months ago. Although I thought I was dealing with the breakup well, I have come to find out that I am not. Originally we broke up due to the fact that we we... View more

I feel like I am losing my mind. My girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me around 2 months ago. Although I thought I was dealing with the breakup well, I have come to find out that I am not. Originally we broke up due to the fact that we were long distance for half of the year due to university, as well as my attitude and actions towards the end of the relationship. Mainly lying about drug usage. A week ago I contacted my ex to see if she was interested in catching up before I once again move away. I thought this could be a chance to explain how I felt during the relationship, and a way to apologise for the pain I caused her. After walking around for about 2 hours, we shared a couple of laughs, as well as talked about my behaviour in the relationship, and I apologised. Late last night, after said catch up, I spiraled. I have struggled with Anxiety and Depression for years so something like this after a large emotional activity is expected. What I did not expect to do was what I did today. I woke up around 6:15am, and since then have sent multiple messages apologising and sounding like an absolutely insane individual. I have finally calmed down after this, mainly due to working today. But I cant help feel like what I did today, not only shows me that I havent moved on, but that I have made our friendship worse than it already was. I am aware that I am completely in the wrong in this situation, but I feel extremely depressed and anxious. Over the past 8 hours I have gone through stages of derealisation, and I have tried to gather myself, but have been unable to. I know I sound like the greatest douchebag, and I agree. But I just wish that she would hear me out. All this post relationship stress has mainly been due to the fact that I havent been able to voice any of the things that I disliked about the relationship. I genuinely feel like such a creep, and I feel like at this point I am genuinely going insane. Advice is much more than welcome, Im curious if other people have shared a similar experience, and how they were able to / did deal with it.

I don’t know where to go from here

replies: 3

Two weeks ago I found comments my husband had made online on women’s profiles on instagram. I’m struggling to get over it. I confronted him straight away at first he denied it but when I again confronted him with the proof he said yes that was porn I... View more

Two weeks ago I found comments my husband had made online on women’s profiles on instagram. I’m struggling to get over it. I confronted him straight away at first he denied it but when I again confronted him with the proof he said yes that was porn I was commenting on… now here’s where I am totally struggling.. we have been together for nearly 30 yrs he’s never been the type to give compliments and I accepted that as that who I thought he was, he says he shows love in touching hugs sex ect… I accepted that as that’s who I thought he was but when I read these comments they are all complimentary….. and even asfar as yeah I’m available yes I’d have a go at that. Or you look great don’t be so hard on yourself … some of these comments go back 3 years and god knows what else has gone on… I really don’t mind that he watches porn but it’s the comments and positive comments that I can’t get past…as he’s never said that to me I think he’s said I’m beautiful once… I get a I’m proud of you every now and then but not much else… he has admitted to a porn addiction and has deleted his account he says he loves me but has not felt wanted or desired in a long time … well 3 years ago we to my knowledge were getting along great we were on a big fitness journey together and I was at my skinniest and happiest I’d been in years and our sex life was going great an I mean great !! it has never been a problem. I agree we have drifted apart connection wise in the past 6 months but I put it down to he has had major surgery and that takes a toll on everything I accept I’m half to blame for this distance, now he’s recovered I was hoping it would pick back up but nothing I tried worked… we have been through so much together months of being separated due to deployments his mental health issues due to his career ( he’s retired now)Some of the women he has commented on were larger and looked very different to what he would comment to me to look wear or do and I happily do “ you should wear more of these underwear or when are you getting your hair done again ( my grey roots are showing) or can you shave down for sex tonight please.. … He was my world and I loved him more that anything but this has totally shaken me to the core.. I can’t get it out of my head and still a week later after discussing it all and agreeing that we want to stay in the marriage and again fantastic sex he can’t give me a compliment.. for example I have obviously been struggling I’ve even said I’m having some really hard mental health days and forced myself to go to the gym as I myself have been recovering from an injury and when I rang and did the usual I’m on my way home chat and he asked how I went I said really well I’ve done my first upper body work out since my injury. His response oh you’re going to be sore tomorrow and laughs …. I asked him you know it would be nice to hear you say I’m proud of you babe well done, he got defensive and said of course I’m proud how could you not know that…. After the last two weeks how could I possibly know that anymore my self confidence and my heart are just shattered…. My brain can’t stop thinking about those comments and why can’t he say them to me…. I’m just so down and he hardly notices… stilltouches and hugs me more like he used too but that’s it, I really think he thinks it’s all over and we are good but I just can’t move past it… Anyway if you have read this far thank you maybe it will get better one day.. who knows anymore.

My mum's side of my immediate family is pushing me to suicide

replies: 8

Basically, this morning my mother asked me if I wanted to go to the beach for Christmas Eve and I said no, because I wasn't in the mood. Then she proceeded to give me the silent treatment and gaslight me into believing she DIDNT do that and I'm the e... View more

Basically, this morning my mother asked me if I wanted to go to the beach for Christmas Eve and I said no, because I wasn't in the mood. Then she proceeded to give me the silent treatment and gaslight me into believing she DIDNT do that and I'm the evil one. Then my step-dad came down and borderline yelled at me to clean my room even though it's already clean and the are just little by little pushing me to the edge and I'll either snap or kms and I don't know what to do. I'm 13 and I don't know if I can deal with this for another 5 years. My mother and father are divorced but I can't stay with my dad due to his demanding job in the city. I really don't know what to do. Im having urges that im worried about. Can anyone help?

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Scared to tell parents about relationship

replies: 4