Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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idiot-husband Using paid porn
  • replies: 2

I am an idiot. Probably thrown out whole lives together away for the sake of a moment's pleasure. Not trying to absolve myself at all. The fault is entirely on me. I feel so horrible that I have done this to my wife, when years ago we had a discussio... View more

I am an idiot. Probably thrown out whole lives together away for the sake of a moment's pleasure. Not trying to absolve myself at all. The fault is entirely on me. I feel so horrible that I have done this to my wife, when years ago we had a discussion on porn and the message was it would feel like cheating. I went ad did it an now just feel so lost. I can’t even talk to her about how sorry I am, I feel I destroyed all trust in our relationship by doing this. Just so stupid, I love her so much and just hate myself. Just looking for some guidance, but I feel I have ruined everything.

pinklotus27 Relationship Break
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My partner of nearly five years decided that he wants to take a break. I moved in with him into his unit after a couple of years being together and now he has asked me to move out because he wants to live alone. He does not know if he wants to stay i... View more

My partner of nearly five years decided that he wants to take a break. I moved in with him into his unit after a couple of years being together and now he has asked me to move out because he wants to live alone. He does not know if he wants to stay in a relationship with me. He wants to be alone right now. I know the reason why he decided this and it is partly my fault. I told him that I am going to work on my issues but he does not know if we continue to live together the same issues will keep re-ocurring. I am sad as we have built a life together. We have a pet dog that we have had since she was a puppy. Now that I have moved out I live further away from my job and may need to find a new job. I need to give him the space he wants and respect his decision but I miss him and our home and keep messaging and calling him. I do not want to lose him but I feel like I am.

Summer2022 Problem with trust
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Hi I'm little over forty my girlfriend is over twenty.. I'm white she is black. Love her a lot..she is saying the same but we are having a problem. Whenever I don't tell her that I was talking with someone she is angry. Is checking my mobile (it neve... View more

Hi I'm little over forty my girlfriend is over twenty.. I'm white she is black. Love her a lot..she is saying the same but we are having a problem. Whenever I don't tell her that I was talking with someone she is angry. Is checking my mobile (it never was a problem to me ) and when she finds sth like texting with someone I didn't tell her is angry. I work..sometimes im busy..and today..like few times before I did not tell her I send few messages to other person. (nothing specific it was just hi how are u, where are u nowadays ) don't know what to do.. How to help this relation. She feels as she wasn't giving me attention with is not true. But can't convinced her that it's not true. I work 8h a day.. I'm busy..some short answers to people who I was making friends with before we started dating mean nothing to me but not to her. I'm confused about it. What to do. I'm buying her presents she is happy but when we have issue she is saying it means nothing cuz I'm not sincere person and she is crossing our all our work on building relation. Heh what to do..

Maddie18 Feeling lonely
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I had hard time in my high school which completely changed my inner character and my way of looking at like. After that I was okay for a while till i finished my schooling because my family was always there. When I was with my family i didn't need an... View more

I had hard time in my high school which completely changed my inner character and my way of looking at like. After that I was okay for a while till i finished my schooling because my family was always there. When I was with my family i didn't need anything more. But because of my family situation my parents had to send me away. So they sent me to new country. I had no one here. First time being out in the world without my family by my side it was really hard. After high school insident i learned never to get close with any human. So in abroad I had hard time believing anyone and getting close with anyone. So I went into depression. But i couldn't go back to my country to be with my family because they said they had to keep me away safe. I was in a difficult phase where all I needed was love but I just had hard time believing people and get close with them.Around that time I started working and met a guy there slowly we became very good friends. He started to learn about my past slowly but he was always there. Through him I met lot of other friends. Slowly I started feeling like my old self and started accepting new people into my life. Had a best two years of my life. But eventually he started having feelings for me. But i couldn't see him more than a friend. But when he had hard time seeing me just as a friend, I can see that he went into depression. So I had to move away from him to give him better life. We decided to stop contacting eachother.After that slowly all my friends decided to take his side. So I was alone again. Slowly went into different phase again having hard time moving on with life. All my old characters and from when I moved to New country came back again. Now I feel like I don't have purpose for life. All I am doing is living another day for my family because they can't live without me. And if I am gone all their hard work of send me away to keep me safe will be wasted. But I am having hard time living everyday.

EyesofIllusion Uncharted Waters
  • replies: 3

I was never raised with my fathers family due to divorce, I did not have a relationship with my father until I was 40. While I accept that my Dad is a little unusual to most, hes mine and I love him for who he is. There was a death in his family and ... View more

I was never raised with my fathers family due to divorce, I did not have a relationship with my father until I was 40. While I accept that my Dad is a little unusual to most, hes mine and I love him for who he is. There was a death in his family and as I result I reached out to an Uncle who has literally been 'Missing' for 20 odd years. I don't know what a 'normal' relationship looks like in regards to family. I have uncles I have been raised with and this feels incredibly different. Is any one able to guide me, help me navigate a healthy relationship. I am too embarrassed to talk about this to any one, even my therapist. Thank you.

Blake_02 My best friend hates me..
  • replies: 1

So this could be a bit confusing..it started at the start of the school year.. my friend who i will call Jason, came into our first period class a bit late as he was new to the school. the teacher asked who could take him in and be his mate or whatev... View more

So this could be a bit confusing..it started at the start of the school year.. my friend who i will call Jason, came into our first period class a bit late as he was new to the school. the teacher asked who could take him in and be his mate or whatever it was she said, after what felt like 5-10 seconds and nobody put their hand up, i raised mine. we got to talking and had a fair bit in common. we started hanging out at lunch and we turned into best mates. we hung out after school and all sorts of stuff. now about 7 weeks ago, he started getting a bit distant, i asked him if he was okay and i just made sure i was keeping him happy at all times, its what mates do.. turns out he wasn't okay, his crush rejected him, his crush was MY crush's friend. he then started to assume stuff about my crush, i got a little frustrated with him because what he said wasnt okay, especially since he barley knew her. i ended up apologising for getting angry at him and we were back to normal, at least that's what i thought.. he sent me a text the same night telling me he didnt want to sit with me anymore, i replied asking why, he read it but never responded and i asked him personally at school, he ignored me and walked away. i dont know what to do about this, since i thought it would blow over, it hasn't.

Bluepearl3 Feeling lonely and helpless.
  • replies: 6

It is hard to know exactly where to start. I am 69 years old and live alone, with my little dog, in an over 50 community. Two months ago I took my last anti-depressant after being on them for 35 years. (I weaned off them over a two month period.) I f... View more

It is hard to know exactly where to start. I am 69 years old and live alone, with my little dog, in an over 50 community. Two months ago I took my last anti-depressant after being on them for 35 years. (I weaned off them over a two month period.) I found that whilst i was taking them I continued to feel sad, depressed and hopeless, but with an added fogginess of my brain. I am clearer thinking now, but still feeling sad and hopeless. I left my 46 year marriage in July last year after many years of mental and emotional abuse. There must have been some good times but I mainly remember the hurtful times. He was controlling, narcissistic and selfish. There was a particular set of circumstances and events that occurred in 1981/1982 which have left lasting scars on my heart and mind. I have never been able to put these events behind me and therefore lost respect for my husband. There were many more incidents over the next 40years. His answer would always be "stop living in the past", usually in an angry tone. In later years I did manage to leave a few times but always went back to him, as he begged me to forgive him and promised to change. A few weeks down the track and things were just as they had been. We have 2 sons, now in their 40's and 4 grandchildren. I didn't want to break up the family, especially for the grandchildren. My sons have their own problems now. The eldest has gambling and anger issues. Often borrowing money from me, although we do have a close relationship. He seldom pays back what he borrows. The youngest, aged 41, is divorced and has four children, aged from 12 years to 19 years. He has issues with gambling and alcohol. He lives 90 minutes from the children and never sees them as he states that he has to work 6 days a week and can't take time off. He earns an extremely good wage due to overtime but still borrows from me and seldom pays me back. (I am on the age pension and have a limited amount of savings in the bank). I will be looking for work in the New Year. The children's Mother smokes cigarettes and drinks alcohol but can't afford to buy the children's necessities. The children send messages to my son asking for money to buy clothes etc and he sends them back a message saying ask your Mother. He pays $800 child support but the children seem to live just above the poverty line. He will block them if they continue to text him for things. I feel so guilty and sad.

Lw32 Grieving. Struggling to understand m
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Around 4 months ago my husband admitted to having feelings for another woman and had decided to leave me to pursue a relationship with her.This woman was someone he used to work with starting back in 2016. I became uncomfortable with how friendly the... View more

Around 4 months ago my husband admitted to having feelings for another woman and had decided to leave me to pursue a relationship with her.This woman was someone he used to work with starting back in 2016. I became uncomfortable with how friendly they started being with eachother and had expressed my feelings with him, asking him to lessen his contact with her.My husband, fiance at the time, fought with me constantly over it, gaslit me and told me that they barely spoke and that I had nothing to worry about. In 2018, she moved to the central coast & my husband encouraged me to become friends with her which I did but was short lived as she suddenly cut contact with me & my husband. This confused me but I was not concerned.Jump 4 months ago, I come to find out back when they were working together I was right in being concerned. He admitted that they did speak alot. That they became incredibly close, that rather than respecting me as his partner he went to her and told her how i was feeling and that when she moved away she sent him an email admitting to having feelings for him, which he responded to by admitting to also having feelings but they both agreed not to act on it because of him being in a relationship & having a family with me.He's also admitted that they've continued to stay in contact for years on and off with him deleting the messages every time to ensure I wouldn't find out.After reconnecting at the beginning of this year they've spoken secretly for months and have now expressed that their feelings for eachother are still there and that they have a desire to be with eachother.I am beyond devastated.We have been together for 14 years. Have 3 beautiful children. I am so loving and loyal to him. I would never have done this to him. Its been four months of me knowing about them & I am still not coping well. I dont want to lose him from my life & up until last week he was still living with us.I'm so confused & depressed. And am filled with so much grief over losing him. I'm struggling to understand how he could lie to me all these years and throw away our life together. How he could prioritize this other woman over me like he has. Making her feel special by picking her over me. By hurting me to be with her. I feel so betrayed & am left in disbelief at how he could fall in love with her.How I could go from being his wife to him treating me like I don't matter. Like I've been discarded & replaced. How he could betray me but act like I did something wrong.He's promised to always love me but I feel like he doesn't understand the pain & the betrayal im feeling or even grasp the gravity of the hurt he's causing me. He's hurt me so much over these past few months constantly backflipping on things he's promised & saying mean things to hurt me. Saying things like, I'm not his wife or our marriage doesn't matter, making me beg for him not to devalue me like that.There's still so much love & attraction between us though as this whole time he had continued to sleep with me behind her back, reassuring me that he does still love me & that he's not just using me & that it does mean something when we're intimate. He said that it's been hard because he has deep feelings for both of us. That he'd probably come back to me if it doesnt work out with them but said not to make it easy for him if he does. He even told me one night after we had sex that i'm the hottest chick he's ever been with. Probably ever will be with. And that sex with me is the best. And my response was "But you're married to me. You can have me." But he just said "But you know what the situation is & i want to be with her." I truely don't understand. He's my husband. He should be with me. There shouldn't be anyone else. She should never been in the background waiting.I dont have many people to talk to & havn't had many family or friends reach out to see if I'm ok.I feel so hopeless & lonely.

Aria87 My husband..... and his comments.
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So, my husband does anything for me. He does more for me than most (and im not bragging).. alot around the house, helps out more than our share together, he is also OCD neat freak, which for me, i am not. im not messy but im not a neat freak. I find ... View more

So, my husband does anything for me. He does more for me than most (and im not bragging).. alot around the house, helps out more than our share together, he is also OCD neat freak, which for me, i am not. im not messy but im not a neat freak. I find when my husband is stressed, and i slip up on one issue, he flips his mind.. but today, i feel i dont deserve the comments he laid out on me via text.We have spoken MANY times how i tell him not to text me etc. MANY times how rude he comes across, and yes he admits how he is sorry but he was just mad. But, even if im the messiest in the world, i feel i dont deserve these comments.Today, i found him furious, as i forgot to do 2 tasks, over the weekend. Mind you i had a horrible weekend with computer systems failing and finding myself working over the weekend also.His reply to me today was: this week, i want your cupboards cleaned out and tidied. you have all weekend to do that.. i have had enough.. you make me look bad always, ive never been this frustrated before in my fucking life. use your brain.Wow.Stress or not, watch your mouth.Mind you, he has had a VERY stressful upbringing with his family, yet hes so stressed i left something around the house undone.Yes being OCD may be tiring for that person, but living with someone who has OCD is more tiring lol

MSAN Struggling being a mum
  • replies: 6

Hi, just throwing this in the universe, hoping someone will relate. I became a mum about a year ago with twins. My life is full of ups and downs. The first few months were so hectic. I was so down even with all the family around. Felt like a ghost, a... View more

Hi, just throwing this in the universe, hoping someone will relate. I became a mum about a year ago with twins. My life is full of ups and downs. The first few months were so hectic. I was so down even with all the family around. Felt like a ghost, a fraud in my body, still feel this way. Lately, ive been having lots of self hating thoughts about myself, mainly because of all the changes my body has undergone since giving birth. I feel grotesque. I hate myself. I am petite and I’ve put on quite a bit of weight. The GP says continuous sleep deprivation does that to your body. Nothing i can do about that. My husband sometimes jokes about my weight gain. Once he called me a fat golliwogg. I am a black women with frizzy hair. And i had to cut my hair due to hormones, hair falling off. Anyway, i still havnt recovered from this comment. Im so hurt. He makes comments about skinny beautiful women on tv. I feel angry. I gave birth to his babies and I’m paying the price still. I was already depressed but now i feel worthless, ugly, unworthy of love, of sex, of attention. Im just sad all the time.