Narcissism meaning - selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type (Oxford). One of the most powerful tools a narcissist can use at their disposal is triangulation.
As with the above such descriptions are easily available on the internet. What is a problem for many people is that they might not realise they are the victim of a narcissistic person and the narc might not realise they are using weapons like triangulation to achieve their needs.
Triangulation of which I've been a victim of in my family is a method whereby one person enlists the support and strength of another in a dispute between them and another person. Triangulation is "bringing out the big guns" to override someone they wish to dominate.
So, classic example- At 27yo I dated a girl not of the religious flavour my mother liked. I argued to mother that it was my choice and when young - she had hers. A few days later my sister would approach me and almost word for word push the same agenda. Then I picked up my GF only to be told my mother had spoken to my GF's mother about it. She spoke to my GF and my GF suggested we split up. In fact that occurred a few days later.
Being the victim of a narc is like being in a straight jacket with your life because it is being controlled by them and sometimes you dont even know it. You might feel you are the black sheep of the family and this is evident when your siblings or cousins are treated like they are untouchable... these are the "golden children". They do no wrong ever. Any favours you do as a child of the narc will result in a never ending drive to please by you, ultimately wanting to be a golden child also, however, sadly, you wont ever reach such heights
It all becomes more difficult when a narc parent has a side that you like/love. In my case my mother had a nurturing side that was present until I could think for myself say 16yo. From then on all my thoughts were challenged as a form of domination. At no time were my dreams and creativity encouraged let alone my decisions.
How to navigate life with a narcissist?
You might need to accept this person is toxic and leave their life. If not certainly create distance between you both so you are not in their primary focus. Either way clarity of a narcs behaviour can be achieved through a therapist.
Living with mental challenges is hard enough but add a narcissist to the mix and you will feel bullied and controlled.
TonyWK
