Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

JS1990 Seperation Advice
  • replies: 2

Hi all,I've been with my wife for 7 and a half years and married about 4 and a half years.In 2018 I moved away from her for 12 months to her home town because she was home sick. We got married in her home town in 2019 and she eventually was able to r... View more

Hi all,I've been with my wife for 7 and a half years and married about 4 and a half years.In 2018 I moved away from her for 12 months to her home town because she was home sick. We got married in her home town in 2019 and she eventually was able to relocate to her home town In the same year. Whilst away from her I became very lonely and became addicted to pornography. This eventually led to online infidelity to meet my needs which I also became addicted too. Whilst it happened less and less it still happened into our marriage until she found evidence of it in early 2020 and was extremely hurt. I don't believe she has ever truly recovered. I sought counselling and got myself on the straight and narrow and our marriage appeared back on track. In early 2023 I fell back into the same behaviour. On the day I turned to infidelity she found evidence again. I seeked help again and can honestly say I haven't slipped back into that behaviour and I'm confident I won't repeat it or would communicate it to my wife if I did struggle again with it. Unfortunately in late 2023 my wife cheated on and I'm grateful she admitted it. She said she never really forgave me the 2nd time around and had been miserable ever sense. She has used my past behaviour as an excuse to account for her own and hasn't shown any remorse. She wanted a break initially which led to a seperation which was her call also. I have forgiven her, we all make mistakes and I felt it would be hypocritical of me not to give her a chance.Despite all that's happened I never stopped loving her and I still love her in the seperation. If she wants to rekindle the marriage It is what I want more than anything. I just hope it's not beyond all repair which I believe it could be. I'm giving her space and time to heal and find herself again. Based on what I've said do you think there is any chance our marriage can continue? I can't imagine my life without her, she means everything to me and I have lived with regret for all these years knowing how much my actions have hurt her.

LostWithNoDirection Purpose of life without kids after separation?
  • replies: 1

I made the choice to leave my wife, kids and the family home because our situation and family environment was toxic for all of us and we were all victims and perpetrators of DV. Both the wife and I have ongoing mental health issues as well as myself ... View more

I made the choice to leave my wife, kids and the family home because our situation and family environment was toxic for all of us and we were all victims and perpetrators of DV. Both the wife and I have ongoing mental health issues as well as myself battling a gambling addiction. I have had zero contact with my kids for 3 months now and can’t see that changing anytime soon. I feel the mother is very controlling in allowing me access to our kids and I have no faith in the family court system. I have no friends in life besides my work colleagues who don’t know the extremities of my situation. I feel lost and have no direction in my life. I miss my kids dearly and feel empty and very lonely without them. I don’t look forward to the weekends as I’m just sitting around by myself all weekend. I’m too nervous to try and meet new people and I have no idea about how to make friends as an adult. I really struggle to see how I can be happy again in the future. Any help or suggestions? There’s so much more I can go into but I think this is a good overall general start.

Confusedlady Lost and Confused
  • replies: 1

A week ago my partner dumped me out of the blue. We both have children and were not living together, we all got along really well. He recently finalised his separation with his ex wife and has been very stressed for months and hasn’t been coping very... View more

A week ago my partner dumped me out of the blue. We both have children and were not living together, we all got along really well. He recently finalised his separation with his ex wife and has been very stressed for months and hasn’t been coping very well. I tried to support him through everything I possibly could. We caught up for the first time a few days ago and he looked so sad with tears in his eyes. He kept staring at me but didn’t say much. He said he really wanted to try to stay friends and I said I didn’t think it would work. He said he really needed to sort his head out as he was so overwhelmed. He kept telling me about issues he was having with his ex (mother to his children) and his conversation was all over the shop and didn’t really make sense. Since that day, we haven’t really spoken to eachother and he has been a bit brief when I did reach out. we are catching up with all the kids in a few days to spend a day doing a few activities we had already planned and I’m freaking out about it. I don’t know if I’m ready to socialise like a family again and not sure why he would want us to all meet up. I’m so confused. I love him so much and have been trying to give him his space. Is this a lost cause? Do I just cut him off and forget about him? He hasn’t made any indication he wants to reconcile, just said, let’s catch up with the kids and see how it goes. Help.

AlwaysUnrequited I want to fight for my marriage, but am I delusional?
  • replies: 3

My wife and I have been together for over five years and have two beautiful children. When we are alone we get along great, date often, explore, laugh. Children changed us in that both their births were traumatic and we are both still processing aspe... View more

My wife and I have been together for over five years and have two beautiful children. When we are alone we get along great, date often, explore, laugh. Children changed us in that both their births were traumatic and we are both still processing aspects of it. We didn't get the happy early moments to help us deal with the tough slog of parenting. Then sprinkle lack of support with covid on top. We are both ambitious so we were in addition renovating a house at the same time which forced me to work very long hours. With overwork and dealing with my own emotional processing of trauma I didn't realise my wife wasn't processing her trauma properly and she feels betrayed by me. It was all too much and we pushed ourselves too far.We did couples counselling where she mentioned she had thoughts of leaving, so I took drastic measures to support her. We began talking and sharing. Improvements were obvious. She finally took up activities outside of being a mum enrolling in a new course. I could see her re-emerging from post natal. But because of this improvement I stopped asking how she was as much as I thought we had gotten to the point where she would be able to share. We were still intimate until about a month ago, where I now discovered she was approaching a year deadline of deciding whether the marriage will work unbeknownst to me. Started avoiding me. Then dropped a bombshell that she had had enough.I'm still in shock. Love her very deeply and she loves me, just the romantic love falls in and out. I think part of that is she senses chemistry with her new group of friends and in comparison I seem boring. But I do most of the cleaning, night time kid shifts, equal cooking, equal time looking after the kids and provide all the income. She has no issues with any practical things. I have lots of hobbies, just limited time. Because of this I've not had time for my friends so my wife has the burden of being my sole adult emotional outlet until I break out of the baby raising phase.I'm gearing up for a further fight, but I'm not sure if I'm kidding myself and being manipulated. She has said that her outlook on the institution has changed and is not sure she believes in marriage. She wants to explore connections with other people and believes that's a fuller life experience. That maybe we are only meant to be with certain people for phases of life and not have life partners. Which hurts me deeply because I feel like I've been laying most of the foundation precisely to have that more enjoyable part of life in the coming years only to find out that maybe I was only useful for the hard work part. I think of her as a soul mate and fully believe life partners are real and are a fuller experience of life that is rare as gold. I just want the chance to have the fun part of life with my soul mate.I'm already seeking out as many therapists as I can, exercising, eating sleeping and talking to friends/family so please no posts with that generic advice. I want to know how do I know if I'm being delusional looking for hope? When I think about it all it looks logically like she's moved on, but that doesn't seem right given how connected it felt a month ago. I'm assured there isn't another person specifically and at the moment she is after space to see if she has the energy to fight for something between us. I'm still a roller-coaster of emotion and my brain can't even start to fathom an actual seperation. Therapist sessions will mainly be used to try to prepare to avert a mental breakdown in case that is the reality ahead of me. Thanks for the time for reading. Always full of love

Fiatlux Disrespectful, Dependant Adult Child
  • replies: 13

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for ... View more

I am just so distressed today. I can’t stop crying. I am at work and trying my best to earn more money. Covid lockdowns destroyed my business and I am almost starting over. I am in my mid 50’s. My real issue is with my adult son who relies on me for everything including money. He refuses to apply for Job Seeker. Today he sent me an awful message blaming me for his position. He refuses to move out of home and refuses to look for work, expecting me to find him a job through my connections. I am at my wits end today. I can’t even focus on my own work let alone him today. Help and advice would be appreciated.

Rainbowdino Support
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I’m new here and I’ve been trying to get help and support in a few things that my bestfriend brought to my attention recently but I haven’t been very successful in that. i need help with not spamming my friends with messages when they are bu... View more

Hi guys, I’m new here and I’ve been trying to get help and support in a few things that my bestfriend brought to my attention recently but I haven’t been very successful in that. i need help with not spamming my friends with messages when they are busy or don’t want to talk, but also oversharing about my family life and what’s going on at home. But I also need help with my anxiety and my eating issues

James-Coventry My wife left me
  • replies: 2

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she ... View more

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she said she doesn’t love me anymore and she can’t be the person that I need her to be. My whole world got destroyed. I lost my wife, my house, my dogs and my cats. She said maybe in the future we can be civil and maybe even friends. But I don’t think I can do that. I can’t watch her move on from me with potential someone else. I’m already in so much pain I don’t know if my heart can take anymore. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. I’m scared. Lost. And unsure where I go from here.

JayCee28 Separated and wanting to move town
  • replies: 2

Hi all, ( this is a bit long winded sorry)I am the sole carer of my son, his father has thoroughly damaged their relationship and my son does not want to see his dad, my son is 12 and no matter the options I give him, supervising a meeting, texts cal... View more

Hi all, ( this is a bit long winded sorry)I am the sole carer of my son, his father has thoroughly damaged their relationship and my son does not want to see his dad, my son is 12 and no matter the options I give him, supervising a meeting, texts calls or one on one time he is adamant he does not want to see his dad, and can get angry at me for asking ( I only ask occasionally not every day).My son and I have a great relationship, he feels safe with me, not his dad.Last yr my son was sexually assaulted at school by another boy, the teachers blamed my son for being in the wrong place, this boy has also verbally threatened sexual assault against my son.I have organised counselling for the trauma my son as gone through, police and education departments where also notified.My problem is my son does not want to go back to the school or reside in this town anymore, and I can understand why.Better schools are an hr away with more out of school activities for my son ( we live in a very small town).I would like to move for my son’s safety, and mental well being but as much as I try to explain to his dad that this will help our son, he absolutely refuses to accept us moving to another town, even though he knows the assault my son suffered.My ex just seems to think this will all blow over, he and I will get back together OR just expects me to take our son to his dads place and leave him there, crying or upset he doesn’t mind… our 12 yr old will just have to get used to it.My ex has exposed my/ our son to pornography as has his dad.My ex tries to manipulate my/our son to believe he matters.My ex MIL has stood at my front door at Christmas time saying my son is lying and that I’m a bad mum, and that my son only stays because he’s scared of me…The ex and his family are so toxic manipulative I just really want to take my son where he is safe and deal with one thing at a time…New school and away from the harassment from the school kid.If he wants to see his dad at any time I’ve told him I will help him any way I can in the future but I will not force him to go there .I have tried to get his dad to get counselling to learn how to engage with his son and be a better dad, he refuses.We have no court orders for parenting arrangements as my ex H just expects my son to just give in and go with him and that I should just be a caring mum and send him over there. Do you think Im doing the right thing wanting to move 1 hr away from his dad,I live in Victoria and so does he…any advice is greatly appreciated

197085 How do I break up with my boyfriend despite still loving him?
  • replies: 1

Im 23 years old, from Sydney, been living in London for the last 4 years. I’ve been with my boyfriend (who’s 14 years older than me) for the last 3 years. I’m currently the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, I’m taking medication, but it’s sti... View more

Im 23 years old, from Sydney, been living in London for the last 4 years. I’ve been with my boyfriend (who’s 14 years older than me) for the last 3 years. I’m currently the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, I’m taking medication, but it’s still a daily struggle. While my boyfriend has been as supportive as he can, I feel I can’t fully help myself whilst also being in a relationship. I need to learn how to love myself again. I’ve also had a gut feeling for the past few months that he isn’t ‘my person’ anymore, we don’t click like we once did, and our age gap makes me nervous for our future. We have been planning on moving to Sydney together on a partner visa, but I now realise this is a move I need to make on my own. Neither of us are willing to commit to a long distance relationship, and as horrible as it sounds, when I think about being single, it’s like a weight lifted off my shoulders. How do I tell my boyfriend who I still have love for, that I cant be with him anymore? Despite making promises to be together forever, fantasising about a new life in Australia, spending Christmas with my family who love and adore him. How do I let that all go, without feeling like a failure at the end of the day? I’m not sure if I’m ready to deal with the stress, sadness and anxiety of a breakup, but I know it will be for the best in the long term. thanks in advance for any advice offered.

Kez77 Help with partner with Bipolar
  • replies: 1

My partner has been on a drug medication for 30 years and I meet him 3 years ago and the medication was stable and he seemed normal and functioned normally and all seemed fine. At the start of last years his doctor lost his license and my partner had... View more

My partner has been on a drug medication for 30 years and I meet him 3 years ago and the medication was stable and he seemed normal and functioned normally and all seemed fine. At the start of last years his doctor lost his license and my partner had to go to the hospital to be get his daily medication prescription and they said they have a new and improved monthly injection and they only would give him that. Then eveything turned bad he was sick always sleeping and had massive rages, highs and lows. After giving it 3 months we knew wasn't working and his old doctor got license back and he went back to him and they put him back on the original daily tabs he use to have but months passed and still was not the same so doctor sent him to therapist and he put him on antidepressant which seem to help with the therapy as well but after the 6 weeks he saw him he went back to doctor and he put him on a bipolar medication and things got even worse. He was nearly functioning just able to go to work and then when home spent the whole time in bed sometimes days on end sleeping and was forgetful and said was ok but I knew wasn't from his actions and no self daily care and outrages rages which I was scared for my life. I tried to explain to him what was happening but was like he didn't remember what had done and said or didn't want to. He said was over feeling tired all the time so stopped taking medication and spent the last 3 months mainly in bed or verbally abusing me. I have tried to explain to him what is happening and my family have seen is and tried also but he thinks nothing is wrong. I have recorded him and begged him to see another doctor for his current seems dodgy as and only prescribes what he makes money off in my opinion for was giving him benzodiazepines on top of the other meds and that didnt seem right at all. I have thought about ringing the police when it gets out of hand and see if they can commit him to mental ward for assessment or something so can prove to him is a issue for he just blames me for everything and says I am making it all up even when work people have had issues with him and my family and still just thinks it is everyone else and he has no problem. I know the man I meet and the man he really is and this person I have tried to help the last year I don't know any other the 4 personalities I see and I am scared and don't know what to do for worried if I leave he may do something to himself or me as he has said.