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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Vguy Living with Parents after marriage
  • replies: 1

My girlfriend and I are currently in Australia and my parents are in India. We have been dating from past 17 months and have hit the deadlock about the future scenarios. I used to have an elder brother but he passed away in 2011. Since then I am the ... View more

My girlfriend and I are currently in Australia and my parents are in India. We have been dating from past 17 months and have hit the deadlock about the future scenarios. I used to have an elder brother but he passed away in 2011. Since then I am the only child . I moved to Australia in 2016 and been here since then. My current girl friend has a condition that she would not be comfortable to live with my parents after marriage in any scenario. She expects me to handle my responsibilities towards my parents separately and does not wish you be part of that. The challenge is that : I am not rich enough to have a separate house in Australia for my parents, pay for their Permanent visa and pay for their household expenses and medical expenses all on my own .My girl friend though she is also originally from India says that she cannot move back to india as she would not have the same professional opportunities and hence we moving back to India where I could afford to handle this situation is also not an option. She is also not fine If I go to india to handle an emergency situation as she believes there is no definite window when I could return as the oldage scenario could be tricky. My parenst do not have anyone to fallback to in an emergency situation She keeps insisting that I talk to someone who is older than me and in a similar situation who can advice how I can handle this situation.

Fish35 Overwhelmed
  • replies: 1

Hi, first time posting. I have 4 kids with the oldest 2 (13 and 15) currently unable to even be in the same room with each other. Husband of almost 18 yrs refuses to seek any help for himself despite me asking for the last 2-3 years, has no real rela... View more

Hi, first time posting. I have 4 kids with the oldest 2 (13 and 15) currently unable to even be in the same room with each other. Husband of almost 18 yrs refuses to seek any help for himself despite me asking for the last 2-3 years, has no real relationship with his sons (the 13 and 15 yr olds) and has never had help to deal with his own parents death at the age of 21 and 23. I do all the appointments for the children (paediatricians, psychologists, OT etc (11yr old daughter has Autism and school refusal for last 18m-2 yrs)). He is always too busy despite the 15 yr old begging him in tears to teach him how to be a man and saying he doesn’t show any emotion other than happiness or anger. He’s taken off his wedding ring 3-4 times in the last few years and thrown it at me telling me to “deal with them” (meaning the kids) when I have asked him to walk away because his behaviour has escalated into yelling and recently trying to physically remove the 15 yr old from the room. I work pretty much full time (as does he) but I am the one who gives up my days to attend appointments/parent teacher meetings etc even though I don’t get paid sick/holiday pay. Our family is at breaking point and I can’t keep doing everything to hold everything together.

bluebee2016 Almost 40, Single, Living with parents, no kids, no savings, NO HOPE
  • replies: 9

So I'm 2 years off 40, I live with my parents (having moved back in after elective surgery 1.5years ago), I own a car (given to me by my parents after I was in a car accident), I have no savings (having been unemployed for a couple of years because p... View more

So I'm 2 years off 40, I live with my parents (having moved back in after elective surgery 1.5years ago), I own a car (given to me by my parents after I was in a car accident), I have no savings (having been unemployed for a couple of years because people see my age and ASSUME i'm going to get pregnant and leave and yes several people said that to my face in interviews), I'm single and I've never had kids (not by choice but because I've never met anyone who actually likes me). I'm trying my best to think of new goals for a new future as a person who can't have kids or is never going to have a family of their own. I look at housing sites and realise I will NEVER be able to afford my own home and because I have a dog (one of my sole reason's for living) I can't even find a house to rent (no pets allowed). I have a job now but it's just another boring run of the mill jobs, not that I had any choice in trying to find something that I would actually enjoy doing after looking for so long. I feel useless and worthless and can't see any purpose to life and living if no matter what I do I can't change where I am. I'm really trying to think my way out of this but I can't even find joy in the little things anymore like walking the dog or going to the movies. I was trying to organise a holiday with a friend for New Years and I was getting excited until I looked at my budget and realised I can't afford it. I started seeing an IVF specialist thinking it would be my last shot for a family, but I can't afford the treatment either. So my question, I guess, is what do I do now? How do you look to the future through a sad, old and lonely spinsters lens? I feel like I understand why so many women drink at this age but I've just had surgery to lose 45kg and that's the only goal I've managed to achieve in the last 7 years. Am I just lonely? Or just depressed? Or just grieving at the loss of my youth? I feel like I'm grieving over the loss of a future self; the self I've imagined for so long, the person I was always excited to become and realising I am the COMPLETE opposite of that image and it is too late to change. I read somewhere the other day that we should define ourselves by the experiences we want in the world. Well I feel like the only experiences I want are ones that involve other people but they are the experiences that have eluded my for almost 40years. Sorry for rambling, got any advice?

Alida Had a fight with friend, now has mental illness and self harms (14 years old)
  • replies: 1

This all started last year. I told someone who I thought was a friend (let's just pretend she's called Sally. that's not her real name) that I had been left out of the friend group, and how I felt really angry and worried and sad a lot of the time. I... View more

This all started last year. I told someone who I thought was a friend (let's just pretend she's called Sally. that's not her real name) that I had been left out of the friend group, and how I felt really angry and worried and sad a lot of the time. I also told her that I think had anxiety and depression. Sally told me (I quote) "Lots of people have depression, stop trying to act special something. (This was last year) I stopped sitting with the friend group for the rest of the year, but eventually, Sally apologised. I forgave her and started sitting with the friend group again in school. The other friends slowly started talking to me again, and everything was fine, until one of my friend's birthday parties. I wasn't eating at all, and not talking to the others. Sally messaged me at night while we were winding down to sleep. She said something like "Are you ok? I noticed that you're not eating, and when you do, you go to the bathroom straight after. I'm worried you're vomiting up your food (which I was). I told her about how I barely ate, and stuff, and she supported me. Anyway, about half an hour later, I saw one of my friends (let's call her Jane) messaging Sally. Sally was asking why they even invited her [me] She was not talking she was so annoying" The next day I messaged Sally saying I saw her messaging Jane about me. I also told her some private stuff that I do at times(which I honestly shouldn't have, but I just wanted to tell her and make her leave me alone. She then told all our friends about it as well as her mother, who told my mum. I then forgave her again, because I'm a people pleaser. Then once I asked her if we could talk. I sent her a long message telling her how I felt, and she said, "everyone knew you did that, so I told them anyway, and you've left the group so many times I don't care about you anymore". I said "maybe you should think about why I've left the group. its because of you. you're the one who made me do that" and she told me to stop acting like a child. i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

parrotdogcat My mum is preparing to divorce my verbally abusive dad
  • replies: 6

I’m 19 and after years of witnessing my dad verbally and emotionally abuse my mum, she has finally agreed to start the process of divorce. I’m just looking for some support and advice. I’m just worried that my dad will get more violent when she files... View more

I’m 19 and after years of witnessing my dad verbally and emotionally abuse my mum, she has finally agreed to start the process of divorce. I’m just looking for some support and advice. I’m just worried that my dad will get more violent when she files the divorce and that he won’t stop harassing us. I’m also worried about him breaking all our things before property and items can be divided. I’m so glad that my mum is finally ready to take this step but I’m just afraid of how bad it’s going to get before we can leave.

J-L Partner is not showing improvement with treatment
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together a little over 3 years. He has always struggled with his mental health and has been seeing a counsellor since before I met him. My concern is that he seems to be showing no signs of improvement with his anxiety, per... View more

My partner and I have been together a little over 3 years. He has always struggled with his mental health and has been seeing a counsellor since before I met him. My concern is that he seems to be showing no signs of improvement with his anxiety, periods of depression or coping skills. If anything over the last year it's gotten worse, he decided in December to stop taking his antidepressant (which I strongly advised against) and to me, things have gotten worse from there.I have told him everything he has going on, we can figure out, but that I don't think he can do it un-medicated, or at least not right now. I have suggested seeing a psychiatrist to get a formal diagnosis and trial some different medications (he has only ever been on one antidepressant, has never used any anti-anxiety medication and has never tried anything else).I have gone as far as to find psychiatrists in our local area and sent him the info, I have found a good GP close by to get the referral (we currently live in a different state to where his old practice and GP were that set up the MH care plan) but I can't make these appointments for him and every time I try and bring it up, he just tells me he has too much other stuff going on that he has to deal with first. He refuses to make this a priority and I'm afraid that I am beginning to stumble in my ability to handle what is happening, it is now heavily effecting our day to day life and my mental health and ability to be there as a support for him is suffering under the weight of his inaction in this situation. I understand this is all part of his mental health, but, I don't really know what else to do, any advise or guidance would be greatly appreciated!

Guest_53138389 Left out
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am a daughter and I have a brother who has autism and he is 2 years older than me. I feel like he gets whatever you want. He can have a tantrum and I don't mean like gets whatever he wants I mean like if he wants to watch something on the TV an... View more

Hi, I am a daughter and I have a brother who has autism and he is 2 years older than me. I feel like he gets whatever you want. He can have a tantrum and I don't mean like gets whatever he wants I mean like if he wants to watch something on the TV and I want to watch something too. Then Nan says put something on for both of them but when Mum does he will have a tantrum. Then Nan says just let him watch something, just watch something on your phone for a minute well he settes down. After one minute of watching his show time, he will get up so mum can start the show from the start. and he keeps doing it. It annoys me. I just wish my mum had time for me and wasn't always spending time with him. I know she spends time with him because he has a disability. But hurts inside because I feel like she doesn't love me anymore. When he is naughty, Nan will tell him off but Mum always makes up excuses for him saying he has a disability. She never makes up excuses for me when I'm naughty. I spend time with my nan and pop. I like spending time with my nan and pop but I just wish I could also spent time with my mum. I left out and I have nobody. I have no dad because my dad left me when I was a baby I wish sometimes my mum would spend time with me. Because sometimes I just feel left out, I feel like my Mum care about me anymore and only cares about my brother now. I spend time with my grandparents all time. Which I love spend with my grandparents but I wish me and mom could go shopping together or do fun things but she's always looking after my brother.

Kaisariion_ I messed up my friendship with one of my closest friends..
  • replies: 5

I messed up so badly with one of my closest friends and I don’t know what to do anymore. I tagged her in this video that was very explicit and didn’t blur out the death of a guy, and I think it triggered her because she recently lost her father the s... View more

I messed up so badly with one of my closest friends and I don’t know what to do anymore. I tagged her in this video that was very explicit and didn’t blur out the death of a guy, and I think it triggered her because she recently lost her father the same way..I didn’t realise what I did was really wrong until later on, I regret it all so much. I always mess things up without even knowing I hurt others around me. She blocked me on everything and I sent her an apology on discord and in the comment sections but I know it wasn’t even good enough,my other friend’s mad at me as well and I think I lost all my friends. So yea, I need help badly.

DinosaurDad Disappointed in myself
  • replies: 2

Hi all,I’m not sure what I would like to get out of sharing this. Maybe just to get it out of my chest or to get my thoughts down in words so I can process it, or to find wisdom or advice from others wiser than myself. I am diagnosed with Generalised... View more

Hi all,I’m not sure what I would like to get out of sharing this. Maybe just to get it out of my chest or to get my thoughts down in words so I can process it, or to find wisdom or advice from others wiser than myself. I am diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and OCD. I may also have depression but wasn’t diagnosed when I last went to therapy. I could have shared in those forums but I think at this moment, my young family is more important to me than anything else. Like many people, we had very rough years during Covid financially and also from the stress of raising our firstborn child with a disability, without family support. That took a toll on my mental health and I don’t think I have ever recovered from that. Rebuilding our lives after Covid wasn’t all as smooth sailing either as we continued to grapple with family issues exacerbated during the last couple of years, putting ourselves back together while also learning the ropes of being a parent of a child with disability. I found myself in a constant state of exhaustion, stress and anxiety. I felt that my wife was hyper focused on our child and rebuilding her career, which is a completely reasonable thing to do. But I often found myself thinking I was abandoned by everyone, everyone in our families wanted to be around the baby and take pretty pictures but no one was there for us meaningfully when the going get tough. And I felt thay as my wife focused on rebuilding her career, our moments together became fewer and fewer and I felt that even my wife had focussed on herself rather than us. I thought about how alone I was if even my wife abandoned me. I had a lot of childhood trauma from bullying and being ostracised so that hit me really hard. I tried to talk to my wife several times to hopefully help us communicate better. These conversations brought small successes but they were also very hard to have as my wife also had issues she was and is dealing with. As I kept pushing on with life and either ignore or continue dealing with life problems, I felt like I was back to where I was years ago. So I hated myself, I hated everything and everyone that left me there while I needed them the most. I experienced episodes where I acted recklessly. I would do things that rationally I would never have done or would otherwise consider very carefully before acting. I had suicidal thoughts but never proceeded to physically planning or actioning on them. I thought about our child and how that would affect him. But I still hated myself and how I was feeling. People would call me a good and fair person. So I destroyed myself. In a moment when I lost myself, I went to a ‘happy ending’ massage place. I did not do that for emotional or sexual gratification. I wanted to destroy that good and fair persona. When my senses came back to me, I felt ashamed of myself, and I felt a lot of anxiety about what’s going to happen next. What if my wife decide to leave me when she learns of what I have done? I have reached out to support services, including couple therapy to help us rebuild our communication and trust. And eventually I will be honest with her about what I did and own up to my mistake. But what if she leave me? I will be alone again, just like I was years ago. What if I caught an STI that will harm my family? Despite having called two helplines staffed by department of health staff, who said that I had no risk and there’s no worry, the anxiety continue gnawing at me. Imagining my child asking me or his mom where mom or dad was if we separated breaks my heart into a million pieces. I did what I should never have, and in no way am I blaming my wife for my state of mind. I wouldn’t have had the things and moments we cherished if I had married anyone other than her. I wish I could be given a second chance, but I don’t know if there’s a second chance for me. I got myself into a mess that I don’t know where to even begin to fix. I again am not even sure what I’m looking for when sharing this, nor am I sure I have conveyed the states of mind that I was and am in. But I guess it’s better to talk about it rather than imagining situations in my head.

Felicity_C Nobody loves me
  • replies: 5

There is nobody in my life who loves me. I'm in my 40's and my Sister won't talk to me at all and I don't know why. She has dragged my brother along for the ride and we used to get along well. My parents are emotional cripples and won't talk about an... View more

There is nobody in my life who loves me. I'm in my 40's and my Sister won't talk to me at all and I don't know why. She has dragged my brother along for the ride and we used to get along well. My parents are emotional cripples and won't talk about anything. I'm single and don't have kids. I had a falling out with a close friend about 2 years ago and lost most of my social circle through this. It was because she didn't understand the emotional impact of my near-death experience and she only ever wanted to get drunk and was mad at me because I didn't want to drink or go to concerts. I don't have anyone in my life who truly cares about me. I have a few friends, but not close ones. I just want to figure out what is so wrong with me that everyone hates me. It's like a monkey on my back that I can't shake off even though I try to tell myself it's their problem and not mine. I don't have any motivation to do anything and my house is so messy but I can't seem to clean it up. I don't have a question, but just needed to get this out a bit. Has anyone had similar and managed to overcome the bad feelings?