Going through a hugely difficult and confusing time, have been for a
while, and I feel that I'm getting pulled in different directions to
make a decision. I mean, how do you make a decision on whether or not to
separate from your spouse? We have a te...
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Going through a hugely difficult and confusing time, have been for a
while, and I feel that I'm getting pulled in different directions to
make a decision. I mean, how do you make a decision on whether or not to
separate from your spouse? We have a teenage daughter who doesn't want
to be in the same space as her father, and I'm struggling with feeling
like I have let her down, and she tells me I've let her down, quite
repeatedly. I'm told repeatedly that the situation is my fault, that I
have caused it all. This comes from my eldest daughter fairly regularly
as well as name calling. She has left the house and is staying with
family, but the situation is causing me major stress, and anxiety with
my heart constantly racing so much so that I feel that I should probably
go to the emergency department to have it checked out. Because of
childhood issues (my father was abuse towards my mother which eventually
resulted in him being forcefully removed from the house) I shut down
when things get hard, I retreat into myself and I find it difficult to
speak to people about the issues that should be discussed. To make it
even harder everyone provides their opinions on the situation and what I
should do. But I'm scared to...pull the plug, I'm scared of
disappointing everyone around me which is exactly what I'm doing. I feel
like I have abandoned my daughter. I feel like I've failed her. I feel
like I can't come back from this. I miss my daughter. The pain I feel
within me is unbearable to the point that I need to shut it out by just
listening and watching mindless tv shows, things where I don't have to
think. I'm scared to make the decision to leave my spouse because where
does that leave me. I know that couples separate, it's a fact of life,
but it doesn't make it any easier to actually do. Our trouble as a
couple has always been how involved his mother is in his life, how much
she inserts herself into situations, which took me a long time to come
to terms with because I'm not that type of person I guess because of
childhood issues where I never shared anything. But watching how my
brother shares with our mother I came to realise it's what people do
except for me because I don't want to disappoint anyone or make them
upset or be judged so I don't share. I never wanted this life for my
kids but if I leave the only place I have to go is to my mother's place
and how long with that be for? She has preconceived ideas of how things
should be, what I should in the situation, but she sees it from the hurt
of her situation 30 years ago. I feel anxious all the time now and have
taken solace in long baths and showers and being at work. The guilt I
feel in my situation is enormous and the panic that sets in every day is
unbelievable. Our current family situation is because my spouse called
our daughter some names, told her that if she didn't want to live with
us she should move out. I had warned him to be careful and not say
something he'd regret and now it's all about how he apologised and
regrets the words, that our daughter should be able to get over it and
move on, that he'd been called worse things when he was a kid - to all
these things I said that just because it happened to him doesn't mean he
had to repeat it to his kids. All our daughter needed was that nudge,
the words of 'you can leave if you want to' and she did. My mother tells
me that I should be all about my kids, but I keep telling her that I
have two kids. I want (wanted?) to try and see if the situation is
resolvable but my spouse cannot seem to speak to me about his feelings
or thoughts, tells me he's hurting too but deals with it in his own way.
What I'd like to do is put everyone in the same and have them have it
out but what does that solve? Nothing. How does one make the decision to
leave their spouse? Do you write a pros and cons list? Sorry for the
possibly incoherent post but my brain feels a little fried these days
and I cannot seem to come out of the fog that seems to be super thick
these days.
Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
