Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
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Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kez77 Have had a hard week
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I have had to work 5am-5pm all week and Saturday as co worker is on holidays and no replacement so been doing a 2 person job. Was hoping my partner would step in and help out for me instead was more like he felt abandoned and made this worse by argui... View more

I have had to work 5am-5pm all week and Saturday as co worker is on holidays and no replacement so been doing a 2 person job. Was hoping my partner would step in and help out for me instead was more like he felt abandoned and made this worse by arguing over nothing and causing more stress which wasn't needed. Work did not even check in on me to see if ok or need a break or any help. I n a way is a good sign for run whole of North Queensland and obviously no issues for no one contacted me lol. I put on dinner in slow cooker and preplanned the whole week out and work from home so when go to bathroom throw on the washing or empty dishwasher and keep up with house duties in between. But still wasn't enough and still more arguments over nothing. Not sure what more I could do when He only worked 6-3 to days of the week and 4 hours 1 other day the others had off but still I was doing all. Arguments make me feel he felt abandoned and that I was putting work before him for I would finish serve up dinner have a shower and go to bed for my job is very stressful and mentally exhausting. Just feeling really low and frustrated and sad for when he works long days I am always there to support him and make sure everything is done for him so doesn't have to worry about anything but relaxing when not working. Thought would be the same but was totally opposite. Just needed to express my feeling and get it out for don't want it to bring me sown for only have 1 day off and back to work again .

RichoC Seeking help new outlook on the edge
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Hello, I’m just seeking some thoughts on my situation. I lost my job because I made a mistake at work. No one else makes mistakes apparently. They broke the law in doing that, I’ll get to that soon. I just got a new job that I thought would be amazin... View more

Hello, I’m just seeking some thoughts on my situation. I lost my job because I made a mistake at work. No one else makes mistakes apparently. They broke the law in doing that, I’ll get to that soon. I just got a new job that I thought would be amazing. But it’s not. They lied about the pay, quoted $100k neglected to tell me oh you have to earn commissions to get to that. 10 hour days, processes are a joke. I hate it. I’m really on edge. I want out. I did an interview a day ago and could get that and have another Monday. If I get any of those I’m gone in 2 mins. it’s put me on edge. My wife wants nothing to do with it, no support, no hug and baby it will be ok, you’ll get a good one, nothing. Complains because I speak at night. Well she’s asleep by 7.30 so when’s good? Said maybe I’ll go and die you’ll be happy then, no more talking, win! Oh that’s abuse haha no it’s a warning. I hate that stuff just not me but when you’re on edge you say dumb things. I just want to be happy.

Silently_aching Silently in love with two people and confused
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Hi thereI have turned to writing my untold love story on here as it has truly changed my life and has left me confused. I have a partner in whom I have loved dearly for many years, but sadly has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Since the cancer h... View more

Hi thereI have turned to writing my untold love story on here as it has truly changed my life and has left me confused. I have a partner in whom I have loved dearly for many years, but sadly has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Since the cancer has entered our lives we have both become very different people. It has pushed us in ways that I never ever thought we could ever be! We were always so strong as couple and there was never any doubt or fear in our relationship till now. The stress has pushed us in two very different direction. Ones that I can't seem to understand. Stress has been ever so evil to us both. It has got to the point where I have to prove my love on a daily basis, but yet it is never enough. She started pushing me away, and each time, it left me distressed and lost to where my life was heading. I never ever seen a life without her, but yet it seemed easy for her to throw me a side each day. Unfortunately, because of this, I had fallen into a very dark place. Thoughts then became uncontrollable to what was once a happy space. I fought to prove myself till I couldn't no more. So I decided to shut off any feelings I held and kept them in the dark. I chose to live life as if there was nothing wrong. But really, I was so depressed that people could see it for what it really was. I was hurting! Then a person then reached out to me, to show me that they recognized that I needed help, this person's experienced the same thing that I was currently going through, which made her very easy to talk to. But, over time. I had created feeling for this person unintentionally.From simple messaging to then conversations on the phone, to becoming somewhat part of my daily routine. This had left me feeling very confused. I tried fighting against what i was feeling but could never win! This then had put me in more of breakdown that i was already feeling. Then realizing that this attraction was more of and emotional connection made it a hundred time harder as she had become my calm in my chaos left me silently calling for her. once i noticed this, i tried to pull away. But i can't. Each time I did it hurt, but yet I loved my partner still. This had really thrown me. So I chose not to tell the other that I felt the way I did and just thought of as my one untold love story that ended without a beginning.I carried on with my partner in the hopes that my feeling for the other will fade. But instead, it has me laying here thinking, and now I know that my own thoughts can be my own worse enemy.Is it wrong of me to want to hurt the one that I love, even thought she deserves so much more because I feel I no longer deserve her because of my feelings that may be elsewhere.I love her so much, but yet I feel so lost in the thought of the other.Loving silently is truly a curse. But is the other a blessing or is she the biggest, hardest lesson of my life.I am yet to know... The hurt is to much!!!

Sunset_85 Family issues
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Hi all, I'm not feeling too great right now. I'm married with a 19 month old child. My sister has told me recently that she is in a same sex relationship. She's been in the relationship for about 12 months and both her and her girlfriend have moved i... View more

Hi all, I'm not feeling too great right now. I'm married with a 19 month old child. My sister has told me recently that she is in a same sex relationship. She's been in the relationship for about 12 months and both her and her girlfriend have moved in at my dad's house because they want to save for a house deposit. They are both in their mid thirties. My husband does not agree with same sex relationships and does not wish to associate with anyone in this situation. He was brought up by his parents not to hang around people that will bring you down or not share the same family values as you, and I guess this includes same sex relationships. He has also been watching a lot of videos and podcasts of Jordan Peterson who basically sends a message to stand up for your beliefs and don't hang around people who bring you down. Therefore I am unable to go to my dad's house with our child, and won't be able to attend family functions such as Christmas unless I go on my own without our child. We have been having arguments over this and I don't want it to break our marriage up because I come from divorced parents and don't want this for my child. Besides my husband and I get along except this issue, and I don't think any person is worth our marriage. My husband is not stopping my sister from visiting us or being part of our lives, just not the girlfriend. I'm just torn because I still love my family and now I'm going to miss out on gatherings which I cherish. But my husband thinks it's them that will be missing out spending time with us and our child. He thinks we can't just accept what others do to make them happy, why can't they change their ways to make us happy. I'm just feeling a bit sad now.

BLACKDOGG66 Gaslit by a toxic sibling.
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I lost it yesterday!Somehow, my sister (who treated me badly throughout my childhood., verbal, physical and destructive abuse), has wormed her way into dad’s ear. Apparently, I am not to have access to his accounts. (I am co-power of attorney).My par... View more

I lost it yesterday!Somehow, my sister (who treated me badly throughout my childhood., verbal, physical and destructive abuse), has wormed her way into dad’s ear. Apparently, I am not to have access to his accounts. (I am co-power of attorney).My parents had a tumultuous relationship… divorced when I was 14, but I continued my relationship with my dad, from the time I was 16.Older brother and sister didn’t… they were ‘team mum’ for many, many years (Mum passed in 2018).Forward 40 years, and I have now been deemed unsuitable (by my remaining family) to have an active participation in my 90 yo father’s wellbeing and financials.Why? No one will tell me!Even dad (who still has his wits), thinks I’m causing trouble by insisting on having an active involvement in where his money is going.Does a history of psychological issues, deem me unsuitable?I have never been in ‘hospital’ for it.It was controlled, until yesterday…I’m now rock bottom. Again!I am gutted!!

Moonbeamer Family narratives perpetuate abuse
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When I was a teenager I struggled with depression and anxiety. Home was unsupportive... casual conversations over the years made it clear that my parents did not 'believe' in mental health problems. They described people with these problems as weak.T... View more

When I was a teenager I struggled with depression and anxiety. Home was unsupportive... casual conversations over the years made it clear that my parents did not 'believe' in mental health problems. They described people with these problems as weak.This was in spite of (or, perhaps because of) the fact my dad has ongoing depressive episodes. I suspect I may have inherited a susceptibility from him.Home was very verbally abusive. It was a small family because my grandmother had disowned her siblings. Disowned her sister because she turned out to be gay, for instance, but mostly, it was implied that these relatives weren't worth knowing. Now, I suspect it was a way my grandmother could avoid the truth of her behaviour coming out.I knew I had serious mental health problems as a teenager, but I also knew that I would have to wait until I was old enough to be able to seek medical help on my own.Eventually my folks found out I had eating disorders. They didn't talk to me for 4 days afterwards.I was taken to a specialised clinic. I could hardly believe that I was actually getting some help! And it was helping - I was talking to psychologists/psychiatrists for the first time.After every session, my mum would go in to be briefed by the psych. She would always emerge very angry. Nevertheless, I felt like maybe she would listen to the doctor, even if she never listened to me.After about half a dozen sessions, my mum came out more angry than usual and complained about the costs. She said 'your brother needs his orthodontics done'. I realised that that was the end of my 'help' - I apologised and told her I was cured!My family could afford it, by the way.After that I knew better than ever my place in the family.Subsequently, over decades, my mental health has been brought up by my parents as the reason they can 'never trust' me, and why they have 'no respect' for me. This has extended to them telling me that no-one can respect me, even my best childhood friends. Their narrative is that I 'did' it to them to punish them because I hate them.All I remember as a child and young adult, was desperately trying to keep my parents happy because I loved them.I'm 50 now. That family narrative persists. I've had to struggle with mental health problems alone.

white knight Victims of narcissism
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Narcissism meaning - selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type (Oxford). One of the most powerful tools a narcissist can use at their disposal is triangulation. A... View more

Narcissism meaning - selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type (Oxford). One of the most powerful tools a narcissist can use at their disposal is triangulation. As with the above such descriptions are easily available on the internet. What is a problem for many people is that they might not realise they are the victim of a narcissistic person and the narc might not realise they are using weapons like triangulation to achieve their needs. Triangulation of which I've been a victim of in my family is a method whereby one person enlists the support and strength of another in a dispute between them and another person. Triangulation is "bringing out the big guns" to override someone they wish to dominate. So, classic example- At 27yo I dated a girl not of the religious flavour my mother liked. I argued to mother that it was my choice and when young - she had hers. A few days later my sister would approach me and almost word for word push the same agenda. Then I picked up my GF only to be told my mother had spoken to my GF's mother about it. She spoke to my GF and my GF suggested we split up. In fact that occurred a few days later. Being the victim of a narc is like being in a straight jacket with your life because it is being controlled by them and sometimes you dont even know it. You might feel you are the black sheep of the family and this is evident when your siblings or cousins are treated like they are untouchable... these are the "golden children". They do no wrong ever. Any favours you do as a child of the narc will result in a never ending drive to please by you, ultimately wanting to be a golden child also, however, sadly, you wont ever reach such heights It all becomes more difficult when a narc parent has a side that you like/love. In my case my mother had a nurturing side that was present until I could think for myself say 16yo. From then on all my thoughts were challenged as a form of domination. At no time were my dreams and creativity encouraged let alone my decisions. How to navigate life with a narcissist? You might need to accept this person is toxic and leave their life. If not certainly create distance between you both so you are not in their primary focus. Either way clarity of a narcs behaviour can be achieved through a therapist. Living with mental challenges is hard enough but add a narcissist to the mix and you will feel bullied and controlled. TonyWK

hannahjoanne how to tell my family about my diagnosis
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Hi. I’m 23 and I was just diagnosed with bipolar type 1 with psychotic features and OCD. My family is my support system and I have no idea how to tell them. They’re incredibly supportive and I have no doubt they’d be the same when it comes to this, t... View more

Hi. I’m 23 and I was just diagnosed with bipolar type 1 with psychotic features and OCD. My family is my support system and I have no idea how to tell them. They’re incredibly supportive and I have no doubt they’d be the same when it comes to this, they already kinda know I have a mood disorder of some kind. I’m just not sure how to tell them about the psychotic symptoms and that I’m starting antipsychotics. I can barely articulate the psychosis myself and I’m afraid they’re going to have questions that I can’t answer, or not take it seriously. Again they’ve been nothing but supportive in the past but I just don’t know how to go about broaching the subject.

LightningLuke Looking for people to talk to/friends - Post separation
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Hi All, totally new to this kind of stuff. But recently over the last few months I've been going through a separation from my husband. I found out he was cheating on me at the start of the year. During the start of it all, I completely ignored him an... View more

Hi All, totally new to this kind of stuff. But recently over the last few months I've been going through a separation from my husband. I found out he was cheating on me at the start of the year. During the start of it all, I completely ignored him and tried as hard as I could to block him out. Recently he has moved out and we were fighting alot. He then expressed to me he wanted to be with me but in a open relationship - and that is the only way we would be together. I am struggling with this because we have been married for 4 years, together 11 years. I am struggling so much because I want to forgive him and work through things but currently he isn't even remotely interested in me (or so it seems) I also have to see him daily at work which makes things extremely difficult. Just needing some advice/friends as I can't seem to get him off my mind at any time of the day!

2008 Autism
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Has anyone gone through a relationship breakup because of a child with Autism? I feel pretty worthless that a man I was with for 3 years has left me because it's all too hard. I have grief depression & it's extremely difficult. My son has many issues... View more

Has anyone gone through a relationship breakup because of a child with Autism? I feel pretty worthless that a man I was with for 3 years has left me because it's all too hard. I have grief depression & it's extremely difficult. My son has many issues but I can't change any of it. My ex didn't want to do it anymore. I feel so rejected & my self esteem has been completely shot! Anyone gone through a similar experience? This was the first relationship after my Divorce which was 7 years ago.