Living with Parents after marriage

[Vguy]

My girlfriend and I are currently in Australia and my parents are in India.  We have been dating from past 17 months and have hit the deadlock about the future scenarios. I used to have an elder brother but he passed away in 2011. Since then I am the only child . I moved to Australia in 2016 and been here since then. My current girl friend has a condition that she would not be comfortable to live with my parents after marriage in any scenario. She expects me to handle my responsibilities towards my parents separately and does not wish you be part of that.

The challenge is that :

• I am not rich enough to have a separate house in Australia for my parents, pay for their Permanent visa and pay for their household expenses and medical expenses all on my own .
• My girl friend though she is also originally from India says that she cannot move back to india as she would not have the same professional opportunities and hence we moving back to India where I could afford to handle this situation is also not an option. 
• She is also not fine If I go to india to handle an emergency situation as she believes there is no definite window when I could return as the oldage scenario could be tricky. 
• My parenst do not have anyone to fallback to in an emergency situation

She keeps insisting that I talk to someone who is older than me and in a similar situation who can advice how I can handle this situation.

[Croix]

Dear Guest_94228625~

Welcome here to the Forum, I hope you get views from others about your situation. I only half qualify as I'm older than you -but not in the same circumstances:)

I guess a lot of it comes down to how one regards relationship and what to expect from them. There are few people that enter a relationship with no past, not obligations or preferences.

In any relationship that is  partnership where there has to be flexibility as life changes things. Care for the other person and love makes this happen. Many regard a relationship as people facing life together.

OK, so your girlfriend wants to stay in Australia and wants you do do so too, not even contemplating you might visit India in an emergency.

You on the other hand, now you are the only one left after you brother's passing away feel a duty -and probably love - for your parents and are able ot asses the lack of resources they have. They may well face very real problems if their health deteriorates or some other of life's disasters hits.

Do you think you could ignore their distress? Let's say you did nothing - how long do you think it might be before you started to resent your girlfriend as she was the cause of your not acting?

Lets say instead you did go back, what then is your girlfriend going to do? Stick to what she wants for herself or help?

It may sound very sentimental but I would suggest you go with your heart and have the knowledge, whatever its disadvantages this brings you have done what you felt to be right.

In the short term the pair of you might consider couples counceling, sometimes a third and disinterested person wiht expereice can put matters in a different light. I'd recommend Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) if they have an office near you.

I hope to hear from you again if you think it might be helpful

Croix