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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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bagelsbee Stuck in a bad relationship but not ready to leave
  • replies: 6

I feel like I’ve been spiralling lately. My relationship with my partner has had highs and lows, and this time last year I was seeing a psych about it. She suggested I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I think she was right, but I’m stil... View more

I feel like I’ve been spiralling lately. My relationship with my partner has had highs and lows, and this time last year I was seeing a psych about it. She suggested I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and I think she was right, but I’m still in it. He keeps calling me crazy after I’ve told him how it hurts me. And he doesn’t seem to consider my feelings in his actions. Somehow when he does something hurtful I end up at fault and apologising. But I can’t bring myself to leave him. I cry every day. I just want to get back to who I was before him. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends about any of this because I don’t want them to think less of me. I just feel so tired and alone and angry and hurt.

astridmoon My family don’t talk to each other
  • replies: 3

My Mum bought my stepdads ashes home and did not tell me. I got upset as not telling me important things had been a regular occurrence I’ve raised in the past. Since getting upset about the ashes she has refused to speak to me. She didn’t apologize. ... View more

My Mum bought my stepdads ashes home and did not tell me. I got upset as not telling me important things had been a regular occurrence I’ve raised in the past. Since getting upset about the ashes she has refused to speak to me. She didn’t apologize. I sent gifts as I was traveling overseas and got no thank you. This was also shortly after I got engaged. My twin brother who is close with my Mum said he is jealous of my engagement, even tho he has just bought a house and been with his gf for years. Maybe my mother is too? It has been months since anyone has talked to me so I moved back overseas away from my family as I only moved back initially to be close to them. My family do not know as they have not reached out. I have been on my own with only my fiancé. I also recently found out my grandfather passed away in August. He remarried and his family refused to let him stay in contact with us. They also did not tell his first family.I feel sad that I was born into a family that treat each other this way. What is the point of having a family if this is how lonely it feels.

CMF Lonely nights
  • replies: 27

Hi there,Anyone in a relationship but still feel lonely? I love time to myself but I find my self struggling lately when my partner goes home Sunday arvo & I'm sitting here on my own. I'm on my own every night when my little miss goes to bed. My part... View more

Hi there,Anyone in a relationship but still feel lonely? I love time to myself but I find my self struggling lately when my partner goes home Sunday arvo & I'm sitting here on my own. I'm on my own every night when my little miss goes to bed. My partner calls, we chat & that's fine but Sunday nights are getting hard. Maybe cos it's school holidays & little miss is at her dads? I look forward to going to work Monday so I can forget about it. The weekday routine is tiring but good. Maybe I'm not enjoying my weekends with my partner so I feel lonely in general & when he's gone it's amplified.Anyone feel the same?Cmf

han111 How to overcome a fear of intimacy?
  • replies: 1

I’m 20F, and I’ve never been in a relationship before, almost solely because I have such an intense fear of physical intimacy. In my head, I think it’d be nice to have a partner and I occasionally like people (maybe twice ever), but whenever it becom... View more

I’m 20F, and I’ve never been in a relationship before, almost solely because I have such an intense fear of physical intimacy. In my head, I think it’d be nice to have a partner and I occasionally like people (maybe twice ever), but whenever it becomes anywhere close to a reality I panic and back out and often cut off the person involved. I’ve been asked out, or any basic act of intimacy suggested, and I completely panic and find any possible way out of the situation every time. I do have diagnosed anxiety, which could be related, but it seems so much deeper than that, and it’s really just related to the physicality aspect more than anything else. I thought it might just be because I’ve had very little experience, but I’ve asked a lot of friends and they all said they weren’t scared before their first times, they were thrilled. I don’t understand why I’m like this, and it’s ruining not only the potential for romantic relationships but it gets in the way of platonic relationships too. I hate that I’d be happy to live alone, even if I’d be cripplingly lonely, and I don’t understand where it comes from. I wasn’t abused as a child, I’ve not had any toxic partners. I struggled to put how it feels into words, but I hope someone can understand and could help me be more normal about it all.

Cottonsocks Past relationship patterns?
  • replies: 1

I have had a failed past relationship of 17years whom I had 2 children with.It was and is still a very bitter break up. Both children have been turned against me by their father so that is hurtful. My relationship now is with a man who tries hard but... View more

I have had a failed past relationship of 17years whom I had 2 children with.It was and is still a very bitter break up. Both children have been turned against me by their father so that is hurtful. My relationship now is with a man who tries hard but doesn't know how to give emotional support or pick up emotional cues. I have to spell everything out and am beginning to resent that I just can't be me. He is very different to me and although when we are good we are great but when we fight I feel resentment build and I have had enough of compromise. I know relationships are hard work and I do compromise yet I am so aware of past patterns occuring that I get angry and resent my partner and look at all the negatives. My past partnership was full of resentment . I was always under pressure to have everything just right in every aspect of my life. I did everything around the house, raised the kids,worked and studied. I was never valued or appreciated and never an equal or a partner.How do I stop these feelings of pressure and resentment creeping in when I don't feel my present partner is consciously trying to put pressure on me. When we fight I just get so scared of another failed relationship that I push back due to fear,anxiety and resentment and I don't know how to change the way I react. Sometimes I feel life would be easier on my own.

Alel Every aspect of my life is messed up
  • replies: 1

My family - I live in a dysfunctional household with a toxic family that doesn't fully understand what I'm going through. Constant fighting everyday. But I also feel really attached to them. Religon - I've recently lost my religion and found out I do... View more

My family - I live in a dysfunctional household with a toxic family that doesn't fully understand what I'm going through. Constant fighting everyday. But I also feel really attached to them. Religon - I've recently lost my religion and found out I don't belive in God. So I feel like I have nothing to live for or believe in. Friendship - I have no friends. Career - I don't know what I want to do in life. Mental health - My mental heath is at its worst and will be something I have to deal with for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do. I feel like everything is affecting me in a negative way. Like my whole life is so overwhelming to handle. And I feel so broken that I can never be fixed. I don't know how to find peace and feel okay when everything around me is crazy. I'm afraid things won't get better.

CountingCrows1 Depersonalisation - alone forever?
  • replies: 1

I am too scared to find a partner because I don't trust my ability to find a good man. I have depersonalisation disorder and it makes navigating life very difficult. I am always dissociated. I have a lot of pain from my childhood and past experiences... View more

I am too scared to find a partner because I don't trust my ability to find a good man. I have depersonalisation disorder and it makes navigating life very difficult. I am always dissociated. I have a lot of pain from my childhood and past experiences, so I always want to see the good in people. I can never see the red flags. I also want to stay with the guy until I am 100% sure that I should leave, so I have wasted years this way. Now I am almost 40 and single because the dissociation has contributed towards my poor choices. Now I feel like men run when they see my age because they assume 1: she wants to have kids immediately, see ya! or 2: she can't have kids/healthy kids anymore, see ya! or 3: she can't have kids, but she's attractive so she's good for sex only.Not all older women want to have flings. Some of us made poor choices and have been treated badly and really REALLY just want to finally be loved. But I don't want to burden anyone with having to be with me. That's the problem. The depersonalisation disorder is not noticeable for others, it is a hidden disorder. But it is very noticeable for myself on the inside. It causes me fatigue and also I need to spend time always masking (kind of like autistic people do, to try to appear normal and be accepted in society). I do this to make other people comfortable, because I can't be my natural self. So this is exhausting in a relationship. If I dropped the mask, the guy would get bored or frustrated with me being tired and flat/zombie all the time. If I am in a relationship, I subscribe to a lifetime of not being myself through exhausting masking. Which is no fun for me. Then I second guess if I should be/could be a mother. If I have kids, could I handle it? Would it make my dissociation and masking difficulties and fatigue worse? But would not having kids be a huge regret? Because I have so much love to give and I want to help them and watch them grow and create a beautiful family and give someone the gift of life. But would it backfire and I wouldn't be good at it? But then am I being selfish because I didn't bring a beautiful person into the world to enjoy the world and have life? So many uncertainties. So I just stay alone. I haven't had a proper relationship for almost ten years now. Even those relationships I had were the poor choice ones with abuse involved. I haven't had a nice, loving, respectful relationship since 2006. No wonder I have given up on being able to identify a nice man. I had two beautiful relationships prior to 2006. But we were young and when you are under 22 in Australia, many people just break up to explore other options. I wish I held on to one of those relationships as there was not one good choice after that. Now I am almost 40 and I am too scared to try my last year to maybe find a man and have a family. Is it slipping away from me? Will this be the biggest regret of my life? I am guessing I will get all the 'life can still be wonderful without children, there's always adoption replies.' For me adoption is not feasible financially and I don't really agree with some of the ethics of international adoption. I am also a single woman and the amount of adoptions that occur domestically in Australia is minimal, let alone to a single woman who is not financially stable and has deperosnalisation disorder. I could have a family if I met a lovely man, but I don't think I could do it alone. Well this has been one huge negative rant and I apologise for that. Thank you for reading and I hope that you are ok if you are also on this forum.

adamc Mum Blames Me For Sister's Woes
  • replies: 1

Some months ago, Dad noticed my eldest sister sitting in the loungeroom looking down and asked her what was wrong. Mum, who was sitting nearby, stated "She sees her brother come home with all these DVDs and Blu-rays for himself and it upsets her, bec... View more

Some months ago, Dad noticed my eldest sister sitting in the loungeroom looking down and asked her what was wrong. Mum, who was sitting nearby, stated "She sees her brother come home with all these DVDs and Blu-rays for himself and it upsets her, because we can't go out and get what we want; a dog." And now, with my sister losing weight, not eating very much and looking depressed, last night Mum spoke up and said "Well, it doesn't really help when someone keeps getting parcels delivered."

G.P Wedding planning ruining our relationship
  • replies: 1

My fiance and I are just a few weeks out from our wedding, and our patience with each other and our stress levels have increased significantly. More than ever we're arguing, emotionally drained, financially depleted, losing sleep, spend less quality ... View more

My fiance and I are just a few weeks out from our wedding, and our patience with each other and our stress levels have increased significantly. More than ever we're arguing, emotionally drained, financially depleted, losing sleep, spend less quality time with each other and losing sight of the day as a celebration of us, and not the guests. We're exhausted, and admittedly I have doubts about our relationship and if going through with this is still worth it. Sometimes I do see that we have a bright future together, other times I don't see it at all. His anger bites harder, and many hurtful things are said in the moment. For me, that's the hardest part, absorbing his anger and really thinking if the anger is reflective of what's to come moving forward. I just don't know anymore. Will this all pass, or is this the end of the road for us? GP

MeccaAddict What do I do?
  • replies: 2

I (34f) am having an affair with (47m) colleagueStuck in my head.Everyone is going to think I’m an asshole, as I probably am one. In fact I know I am one, but life is complex.I’m a 34 year old female who has been with my husband also 34 for 11 years.... View more

I (34f) am having an affair with (47m) colleagueStuck in my head.Everyone is going to think I’m an asshole, as I probably am one. In fact I know I am one, but life is complex.I’m a 34 year old female who has been with my husband also 34 for 11 years. We have 2 children aged 6 & 2. Our marriage certainly hasn’t been without complications and there’s been rocky times particularly after we had our first child but we are still standing.When we met, I’d had a string of failed/bad relationships - your usual ghosting scenarios, men not wanting to commit etc… so when he came along and was so nice, I just went with it. In hindsight, it certainly wasn’t that head over heals feeling… but there was familiarity that I never worried he wasn’t going to text etc. I don’t know looking back if he was ever head over heals for me… it certainly didn’t seem to be a crazy passionate lover affair, more of a slow and steady burn.I started a new job four years ago. Our marriage was rocky with a two year old and we had some problems with interfering family members. There was a good chance for a while we would not make it. It became very volatile.I ended up striking up a friendship through work. I remember the first time I saw him and I’ve since been told vice versa. There was crazy underlining chemistry in this friendship. We ended up sitting next to each other three years ago and the friendship ramped up - we’d talk for hours when we were at work.. I looked forward to seeing him so much. At the Xmas party that year, we ended up kissing and it was incredible. A week later, I found out I was pregnant with my husband and my second child. That was that, I put things in their place. When I’d see him at work, he was like a lovestruck puppy… but respectful as well and never crossed boundaries. It was horrible having to tell him I was pregnant. Note he also has a girlfriend.I ended up having my second child and then had a years maternity leave. Life was good, I relished my life at home with my two kids. Out of sight and out of mind is really true. Once my maternity leave ended, I had to go back to work and it was like no time had passed between us. At a work do, we ended up having a great chat and said we couldn’t understand why we both liked each other so much but acknowledged that we did. We stayed out until 2am dancing after the event however no physical boundaries were crossed.Eventually we both met up once for a picnic, and kissed. The next time we met up, it was in a hotel room & there have been several meet ups since.I am in my head, thinking I want to leave my husband and that I am in love with him.He’s never asked and nor do I think he would ask me to leave, as he says he doesn’t want to hurt my family but I think he loves me too. He honestly looks at me like no one has ever looked at me before. Because our lives are so busy, the meet ups are so infrequent that I only get small tastes in to what life would be like and the remaining time we only see each other through work. He mirrors my language, shows genuine interest in my life, is affectionate when we are together which makes me think it’s more than sex. He’s told me once he feels deeply for me..I know the grass isn’t always greener, but despite my affair, I feel my marriage is stagnant. I resent the additional house duties I take on while working, I feel like the passion is not there but I also do love my husband - he’s my family and would want to remain friends should we split and share custody.I don’t know what to do. Im half thinking I should leave, break both situations off and focus on being single and my kids to get my head right.Has anyone been in a situation like this and left their current partner and come out the other side? Do you regret your choice? Would you have regretted staying more? Do I stay unhappy and wanting more from my marriage for the sake of my family? Do I blow everything apart when it may not even work out?