Had a fight with friend, now has mental illness and self harms (14 years old)

[Alida]

This all started last year. I told someone who I thought was a friend (let's just pretend she's called Sally. that's not her real name) that I had been left out of the friend group, and how I felt really angry and worried and sad a lot of the time. I also told her that I think had anxiety and depression. Sally told me (I quote) "Lots of people have depression, stop trying to act special something. (This was last year) I stopped sitting with the friend group for the rest of the year, but eventually, Sally apologised. I forgave her and started sitting with the friend group again in school. The other friends slowly started talking to me again, and everything was fine, until one of my friend's birthday parties. I wasn't eating at all, and not talking to the others. Sally messaged me at night while we were winding down to sleep. She said something like "Are you ok? I noticed that you're not eating, and when you do, you go to the bathroom straight after. I'm worried you're vomiting up your food (which I was). I told her about how I barely ate, and stuff, and she supported me. Anyway, about half an hour later, I saw one of my friends (let's call her Jane) messaging Sally. Sally was asking why they even invited her [me] She was not talking she was so annoying" 

The next day I messaged Sally saying I saw her messaging Jane about me. I also told her some private stuff that I do at times(which I honestly shouldn't have, but I just wanted to tell her and make her leave me alone. She then told all our friends about it as well as her mother, who told my mum. I then forgave her again, because I'm a people pleaser. Then once I asked her if we could talk. I sent her a long message telling her how I felt, and she said, "everyone knew you did that, so I told them anyway, and you've left the group so many times I don't care about you anymore". I said "maybe you should think about why I've left the group. its because of you. you're the one who made me do that" and she told me to stop acting like a child.

i honestly don't know what to do anymore.

[Croix]

Dear Alida~

Welcome back.  I guess you are the same as everyone else, and if one gets mixed messages from a so called friend who sometimes seems ot care and at other times is hard hearted and betrays confidences than you get confused, do not know if it is yourself or them. This is particularly hard if you are a sensitive person , and it sounds like you are. Please understand it is NOT you, but others like Sally who are in the wrong. You sound a likeable person who is generous and trusting.

The fact is a true friend will consistently look after you and understand. Sadly Sally is not such a person, behaving wihtout maturity. True friends are hard to find and there is always a temptation to be part of a group, however they can be fickle and unreliable too.

Comparing yourself to others or to some ideal makes matters worse, and it is not surprising that -whatever your body shape - you are self conscious about it and eat improperly.

In fact this is a form of eating disorder (not eating, or eating and throwing up) and makes life very miserable. May I ask if you have tried to get assistance with this? It would be great to feel more comfortable and confident with yourself and not have to take these measures.

A couple of places I'd suggest would be firstly the Butterfly Foundation which has phone, web-chat or email from 8am to midnight every day and is there for people who are uncomfortable with  themselves and eat too much or too little. They are understanding and ok to chat or talk with.

Not doing anything except continuing as you are may not only make you feel worse but can do you harm (even if it does not feel like it)

The other place which is htere to social relationship problems like you are having wiht Sally and others is the Kids Kelp Line who have phone, web-chat and talking ot others 24/7. I really like them.

You said her mum told yours, how is she takng it?

I hope to hear from you again, your are always welcome and you'll never have to feel uncomfortable with us

Croix