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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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RABo Postpartum depression and rage impacts relationship badly
  • replies: 1

Hi my partner of around a decade has had issues in the past with both depression and anxiety, and now with the arrival of our baby has become completely untenable. In particular she has had issues with feeding, and outside of pumping has given up on ... View more

Hi my partner of around a decade has had issues in the past with both depression and anxiety, and now with the arrival of our baby has become completely untenable. In particular she has had issues with feeding, and outside of pumping has given up on most self care, and is now only intermittently taking her medications. more recently this has exploded into bouts or rage, hitting herself and throwing things. She has also become incredibly hurtful, and though I’ve taken time off to look after the baby and basically am doing 99% of all chores and care for Bub, I’m finding it hurtful to be told how little I love or care for her. im starting to find my own mental health is suffering, and wishing I wasn’t here anymore as each and every day i am becoming more and more tired. I am worried when I have to go back to work things will completely fall apart. I know many people may not view the father as active but believe me I have been carrying things while she is not well, and it’s gradually getting worse. I’ve begged her to seek more help but I’m pretty sure she paints a more rosy picture hiding the major issues underneath. anyway I don’t know how much help can be offered or advice - probably just good to vent.

paygho Seeking advice for a complicated love situation
  • replies: 1

I’m a guy in my late 20’s, and a year ago I came out to my friends and family. I recently fell deeply in love with a straight guy (or so he claims) and I would like advice on how to proceed given we’ve had sex many times, been in what’s felt like a r... View more

I’m a guy in my late 20’s, and a year ago I came out to my friends and family. I recently fell deeply in love with a straight guy (or so he claims) and I would like advice on how to proceed given we’ve had sex many times, been in what’s felt like a romantic relationship and just travelled together (one-on-one) for a few weeks which was possibly the best experience of my life. However, unfortunately this guy says he’s not gay and wants nothing more than a strong friendship and sex here and there on the side. Through deep thought of our time together, I believe he is both strongly sexually and emotionally into me. However my thoughts are that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with guys and may never need to come out, as he could be equally strongly sexually and emotionally into girls and therefore chooses to live a more ‘normal’ life with them. He’s big on family and kids. The problem: It has been hard for me sometimes when we are not together. I’ll want to hang out more and do more than he does. We’ve been catching up once - twice per week, however I really want to spend more time, do more travelling and live together. The fact this is all happening, but we are not in a relationship hurts. I believe there is a chance he’ll come out in the future, but this could bring other downsides. He may want to experience more guys and this would hurt me even more and likely destroy a possibility of a lifelong friendship. So maybe its best for me if he never does? At my request, I’ve asked we don’t speak with each other for a few months while he’s still away overseas so I can move on and catch feelings for a new guy - this would hopefully pave the way for us to be just strong friends when he gets back later in the year. He’s a bit upset by this request, but accepts its for the better.My questions to the community is how do I proceed? What usually happens in this scenario? Advice? Am I being too unrealistic thinking we can go back to friendship removing the sex and feelings? Can my feelings go away? Do you think he will come out? In the straight world you generally wouldn’t stay friends with someone you’ve just been so strongly in love with. It this an unreasonable expectation? The thought of not even being friends is the most depressing thing ever to me. But I also am aware of that fact I could waste many years of my life being into this guy but nothing developed- as it has made me unable to meet or be interested in meeting new people.

Raining What To Do
  • replies: 1

Hello everyoneMy partner suffers from major depression, ADHD and narcolepsy.I suffer from depression as well. It has been more than 20 years and I had a severe post partum episode.We live with my in-laws. I am at a point where I don't know what to do... View more

Hello everyoneMy partner suffers from major depression, ADHD and narcolepsy.I suffer from depression as well. It has been more than 20 years and I had a severe post partum episode.We live with my in-laws. I am at a point where I don't know what to do.I am back at work part time now. My partner has casual work and is also part of a family business.I don't like the way his family treats him.He has suffered with his mental health for a long time, but they just don't understand. He has developed bad habits and he stays in bed up to 5 days a week.I am struggling too.I don't know whether we help each other or make each other worse.Should we be together or separate.I am concerned for my daughter too.

Shelly84400 33 years and my husband says he doesn't love me anymore - but happy for us to be business partners
  • replies: 2

In December he announced he was leaving: cited character flaws of mine he could no longer cope with - in reality he has lived half the year in Europe each year, two to three months at a time (we have a property there) leaving me in Australia to earn ... View more

In December he announced he was leaving: cited character flaws of mine he could no longer cope with - in reality he has lived half the year in Europe each year, two to three months at a time (we have a property there) leaving me in Australia to earn the income and support our long term dream of living there together and running a business. I have felt increasingly abandoned emotionally these last two years - he takes a while to settle in when he comes back - and makes no effort to find work here, to organise anything (dinner, film, seeing friends) Rather than just say ' lets move to Europe' he kept buying tickets and staying there for longer periods. Now I feel like he's gaslighting me after all these years (citing I am argumentative, I don't apologise easily, I can be impatient with people) - all flaws, all true, all part of me for 33 years. But he doesn't see my relationships with friends and work - he is a loner. I blow up in an argument and then it's out, he holds it in. It is like he has flicked a switch and can only see the negative of the last two years - no more or less than any couple we know, but he says we're done. He flew back to Europe after some therapy here but said later he was only doing it to make it easier for me (when he left) I have since flown over (told him I was coming, no surprises) - sat down and said this property we were building (and I had financed) was our shared future, finally making an income from an asset in our later years. When I put the financial argument to him he said ' you're right and I cant think of anyone I'd rather have as my business partner' I have now given notice at a great job here, and will join him next year. But separate rooms. He only kisses me on the cheek, no hand holding, no intimacy. He's coming back to sell our home here then heading off again. I still love him with all my heart but I feel broken in to a million pieces. He is the kindest man but I don't recognise him now. I hope that if I join him and we work together he'll start to see a future together. Or am I delusional? I wake up in the night here crying in my sleep, I cant concentrate I feel so broken and unloved. And after so much we've been through, he cant commit to therapy, to repair, to choose love.

Artybel I want a healthy romantic relationship
  • replies: 2

It’s been over 2 years since my ex partner and I broke up, in that time I have been on only a handful of dates, not because I don’t want to be dating but because it just takes so much out of me when it doesn’t work out. Though I came to terms with my... View more

It’s been over 2 years since my ex partner and I broke up, in that time I have been on only a handful of dates, not because I don’t want to be dating but because it just takes so much out of me when it doesn’t work out. Though I came to terms with my feelings and even stayed in touch with 2 of them it still really hurts, not because I thought they were the one… but cos I slept with some of them thinking it was the beginning of a relationship only to discover the next day/s later that they weren’t after anything serious (despite the fact that we had talked for hours earlier and there seemed to be a genuine connection. I met these guys through the online dating apps and I made sure that on my profile I listed all the things I was looking for (long term relationship, no one night stand, monogamous etc) but it seems like none of them took much notice. Lately my depression and anxiety seem so much harder to deal with, now that I’m 44 I think I might be on the verge of menopause and/or my medication needs to change. I also know I have anxious attachment which really makes it hard to not overthink when dating.How do you all navigate this? I just want a loving and supportive partner, I hate having to date and the dating apps just seem so unreliable, plus I barely get any interaction on it anyway. I wish there was a free dating site that was for “people looking for healthy relationships”.

Kez77 Have had a hard week
  • replies: 1

I have had to work 5am-5pm all week and Saturday as co worker is on holidays and no replacement so been doing a 2 person job. Was hoping my partner would step in and help out for me instead was more like he felt abandoned and made this worse by argui... View more

I have had to work 5am-5pm all week and Saturday as co worker is on holidays and no replacement so been doing a 2 person job. Was hoping my partner would step in and help out for me instead was more like he felt abandoned and made this worse by arguing over nothing and causing more stress which wasn't needed. Work did not even check in on me to see if ok or need a break or any help. I n a way is a good sign for run whole of North Queensland and obviously no issues for no one contacted me lol. I put on dinner in slow cooker and preplanned the whole week out and work from home so when go to bathroom throw on the washing or empty dishwasher and keep up with house duties in between. But still wasn't enough and still more arguments over nothing. Not sure what more I could do when He only worked 6-3 to days of the week and 4 hours 1 other day the others had off but still I was doing all. Arguments make me feel he felt abandoned and that I was putting work before him for I would finish serve up dinner have a shower and go to bed for my job is very stressful and mentally exhausting. Just feeling really low and frustrated and sad for when he works long days I am always there to support him and make sure everything is done for him so doesn't have to worry about anything but relaxing when not working. Thought would be the same but was totally opposite. Just needed to express my feeling and get it out for don't want it to bring me sown for only have 1 day off and back to work again .

RichoC Seeking help new outlook on the edge
  • replies: 4

Hello, I’m just seeking some thoughts on my situation. I lost my job because I made a mistake at work. No one else makes mistakes apparently. They broke the law in doing that, I’ll get to that soon. I just got a new job that I thought would be amazin... View more

Hello, I’m just seeking some thoughts on my situation. I lost my job because I made a mistake at work. No one else makes mistakes apparently. They broke the law in doing that, I’ll get to that soon. I just got a new job that I thought would be amazing. But it’s not. They lied about the pay, quoted $100k neglected to tell me oh you have to earn commissions to get to that. 10 hour days, processes are a joke. I hate it. I’m really on edge. I want out. I did an interview a day ago and could get that and have another Monday. If I get any of those I’m gone in 2 mins. it’s put me on edge. My wife wants nothing to do with it, no support, no hug and baby it will be ok, you’ll get a good one, nothing. Complains because I speak at night. Well she’s asleep by 7.30 so when’s good? Said maybe I’ll go and die you’ll be happy then, no more talking, win! Oh that’s abuse haha no it’s a warning. I hate that stuff just not me but when you’re on edge you say dumb things. I just want to be happy.

Silently_aching Silently in love with two people and confused
  • replies: 3

Hi thereI have turned to writing my untold love story on here as it has truly changed my life and has left me confused. I have a partner in whom I have loved dearly for many years, but sadly has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Since the cancer h... View more

Hi thereI have turned to writing my untold love story on here as it has truly changed my life and has left me confused. I have a partner in whom I have loved dearly for many years, but sadly has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Since the cancer has entered our lives we have both become very different people. It has pushed us in ways that I never ever thought we could ever be! We were always so strong as couple and there was never any doubt or fear in our relationship till now. The stress has pushed us in two very different direction. Ones that I can't seem to understand. Stress has been ever so evil to us both. It has got to the point where I have to prove my love on a daily basis, but yet it is never enough. She started pushing me away, and each time, it left me distressed and lost to where my life was heading. I never ever seen a life without her, but yet it seemed easy for her to throw me a side each day. Unfortunately, because of this, I had fallen into a very dark place. Thoughts then became uncontrollable to what was once a happy space. I fought to prove myself till I couldn't no more. So I decided to shut off any feelings I held and kept them in the dark. I chose to live life as if there was nothing wrong. But really, I was so depressed that people could see it for what it really was. I was hurting! Then a person then reached out to me, to show me that they recognized that I needed help, this person's experienced the same thing that I was currently going through, which made her very easy to talk to. But, over time. I had created feeling for this person unintentionally.From simple messaging to then conversations on the phone, to becoming somewhat part of my daily routine. This had left me feeling very confused. I tried fighting against what i was feeling but could never win! This then had put me in more of breakdown that i was already feeling. Then realizing that this attraction was more of and emotional connection made it a hundred time harder as she had become my calm in my chaos left me silently calling for her. once i noticed this, i tried to pull away. But i can't. Each time I did it hurt, but yet I loved my partner still. This had really thrown me. So I chose not to tell the other that I felt the way I did and just thought of as my one untold love story that ended without a beginning.I carried on with my partner in the hopes that my feeling for the other will fade. But instead, it has me laying here thinking, and now I know that my own thoughts can be my own worse enemy.Is it wrong of me to want to hurt the one that I love, even thought she deserves so much more because I feel I no longer deserve her because of my feelings that may be elsewhere.I love her so much, but yet I feel so lost in the thought of the other.Loving silently is truly a curse. But is the other a blessing or is she the biggest, hardest lesson of my life.I am yet to know... The hurt is to much!!!

Sunset_85 Family issues
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Hi all, I'm not feeling too great right now. I'm married with a 19 month old child. My sister has told me recently that she is in a same sex relationship. She's been in the relationship for about 12 months and both her and her girlfriend have moved i... View more

Hi all, I'm not feeling too great right now. I'm married with a 19 month old child. My sister has told me recently that she is in a same sex relationship. She's been in the relationship for about 12 months and both her and her girlfriend have moved in at my dad's house because they want to save for a house deposit. They are both in their mid thirties. My husband does not agree with same sex relationships and does not wish to associate with anyone in this situation. He was brought up by his parents not to hang around people that will bring you down or not share the same family values as you, and I guess this includes same sex relationships. He has also been watching a lot of videos and podcasts of Jordan Peterson who basically sends a message to stand up for your beliefs and don't hang around people who bring you down. Therefore I am unable to go to my dad's house with our child, and won't be able to attend family functions such as Christmas unless I go on my own without our child. We have been having arguments over this and I don't want it to break our marriage up because I come from divorced parents and don't want this for my child. Besides my husband and I get along except this issue, and I don't think any person is worth our marriage. My husband is not stopping my sister from visiting us or being part of our lives, just not the girlfriend. I'm just torn because I still love my family and now I'm going to miss out on gatherings which I cherish. But my husband thinks it's them that will be missing out spending time with us and our child. He thinks we can't just accept what others do to make them happy, why can't they change their ways to make us happy. I'm just feeling a bit sad now.

BLACKDOGG66 Gaslit by a toxic sibling.
  • replies: 1

I lost it yesterday!Somehow, my sister (who treated me badly throughout my childhood., verbal, physical and destructive abuse), has wormed her way into dad’s ear. Apparently, I am not to have access to his accounts. (I am co-power of attorney).My par... View more

I lost it yesterday!Somehow, my sister (who treated me badly throughout my childhood., verbal, physical and destructive abuse), has wormed her way into dad’s ear. Apparently, I am not to have access to his accounts. (I am co-power of attorney).My parents had a tumultuous relationship… divorced when I was 14, but I continued my relationship with my dad, from the time I was 16.Older brother and sister didn’t… they were ‘team mum’ for many, many years (Mum passed in 2018).Forward 40 years, and I have now been deemed unsuitable (by my remaining family) to have an active participation in my 90 yo father’s wellbeing and financials.Why? No one will tell me!Even dad (who still has his wits), thinks I’m causing trouble by insisting on having an active involvement in where his money is going.Does a history of psychological issues, deem me unsuitable?I have never been in ‘hospital’ for it.It was controlled, until yesterday…I’m now rock bottom. Again!I am gutted!!