Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Angela2021 Dad has anger problems
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My dad has always had anger problems since I was a child - he gets stressed easily, very frustrated, emotionally and physically lashes out on everyone in the house. Sometimes I feel he can’t control it and other times I feel like he does purposefully... View more

My dad has always had anger problems since I was a child - he gets stressed easily, very frustrated, emotionally and physically lashes out on everyone in the house. Sometimes I feel he can’t control it and other times I feel like he does purposefully. I should also mention that he has had a heart bypass surgery and has high blood pressure (he’s on medication for that) and diabetes (also on medication). I’m not sure what to do, I know normal anger treatments won’t work on him so I thought it would be best for him to see a doctor and hopefully they can prescribe him some medication or behavioural therapy. I’m not even sure if there is a medication for anger problems. divorce is the last thing my mum can do unfortunately and I’m scared he’ll lash out on her if she suggests it and I’m scared he’ll lash out on me if I suggest him to go to a doctor. does anyone have some advice I guess?much appreciated, thank you

Skatie14 The grief is overwhelming
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Hi, I have recently separated from my partner of seven years. We were due to get married in four months time and it turns out he’s cheated on me. He has cut contact entirely and I’ve had to move myself out of our home all the while trying to deal wit... View more

Hi, I have recently separated from my partner of seven years. We were due to get married in four months time and it turns out he’s cheated on me. He has cut contact entirely and I’ve had to move myself out of our home all the while trying to deal with the grief and utter sadness I’m feeling. I’m grieving the life we had and the future we had planned. He was my soul mate and we didn’t everything together for seven years. People keep telling me to do things that bring me happiness to distract myself but he is what brought me happiness. I feel like I’m drowning in sadness every single day. I miss him so badly despite what he’s done and I’m worried I won’t ever find someone to be my person again. I feel like my futures been ripped out from under me and I don’t know where to go from here. I’m hoping anyone could shed a light on how to overcome these feelings or someone who’s been through something similar could give me some reassurance that I can get through this. Thanks.

Melbourne_Aussie Parenting Issues
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Hi,I am struggling to figure out if my x-partner is being a reasonable parent. He is a single parent and live a hour away from me, with two girls 5 and 11. My daughter is the 5 year old and about to start primary school. During this holidays I have o... View more

Hi,I am struggling to figure out if my x-partner is being a reasonable parent. He is a single parent and live a hour away from me, with two girls 5 and 11. My daughter is the 5 year old and about to start primary school. During this holidays I have only be able to have her over for a night. Every time I ask to have her, he always makes up a excuse why I cant have her over.1. Shes been naughty and will not clean her room.2. Shes been fighting with her sister.He does not want to reward her by letting me have her.3. She's not aloud to come over weekdays because hes getting her into a routine for school.This next excuse I received today, is what prompted me to post here.4. She's no longer aloud to sleep over whilst at school (Until next holidays) as she will be in a routine, but I can visit.I always get form him "I'm the parent, wish people would stop telling me how to parent"Am I going crazy or has he lost the plot?

white knight How many people do we need in our lives?
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By "people" I'm referring to family and friends that we cant do without- a number? Well we can be raised to have many family and friends particularly those of Mediterranean origin. An Italian friend of mine has introduced me to so many uncles, cousin... View more

By "people" I'm referring to family and friends that we cant do without- a number? Well we can be raised to have many family and friends particularly those of Mediterranean origin. An Italian friend of mine has introduced me to so many uncles, cousins of cousins etc I've lost count. I envy those families that remain close. Alas, no so my family nor my wife's. In my family we have grown accustomed to think we need to be "all in" or "not at all". This stop and restart routine is what we are used to and frankly it's unacceptable. I have no doubt it is bipolar driven as those that come and go like a good southerly wind are indeed bipolar like myself. In the latest example a sibling has given me the silent treatment, an act that my ex wife was a master at... think she majored in it!. Nevertheless this is an act that is no of the adult world where talking should be your "first port of call" if you have a personal issue. Hence now at the age of 66 I'm no longer chasing the ones that run off wanting you to chase. Got a problem? deal with it direct or I'm not interested. I confided in a cousin I treat as a brother. He has 5 siblings. His take on the matter is "I have 4 brothers and one sister and you are the only family member I have out of the lot". He went on to say "how many family members do you need, I have you and thats enough". The message was a good one, if some family or friends treat you with contempt or make life miserable, embrace those that love you, care for you and not those that play emotional games. Life is too short for supplying them with the fun they seek at your expense. Are you trying to embrace family and friends that harm you? why? Please share. TonyWK

sibel Betrayal
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It has been 8 months, i am still in this marriage… i contracted chlamydia, still suffering it is a infection that just wont go way even after treatment. Explaining such a thing to family is almost impossible, when i am still in denial (maybe) after 5... View more

It has been 8 months, i am still in this marriage… i contracted chlamydia, still suffering it is a infection that just wont go way even after treatment. Explaining such a thing to family is almost impossible, when i am still in denial (maybe) after 5 years of marriage or separation anxiety or attachment. my partner unreliable and is using toxic substances. I lost my job going through all this, i was terminated from my position due to arriving late. I had a car accident, thank god no one got hurt i hit a parked car although going court for it. I am unable to find a job and have this court case pretty soon, most likely ill be loosing my licence for two years ( first accident ). Im in a dark hole not knowing what to do.

BastetBC Ive lost desire and trust with my partner after his recent manic episode due to type 1 Bipolar
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I need some advice. recently my partner has been discharged from hospital after a really bad manic episode where he was verbally abusive to me and made me fearful of him. He is sorry and now says he is fully devoted to me as I looked after him whilst... View more

I need some advice. recently my partner has been discharged from hospital after a really bad manic episode where he was verbally abusive to me and made me fearful of him. He is sorry and now says he is fully devoted to me as I looked after him whilst he was in hospital and also saved his job. when he was away I actually got my act together and joined a gym and Im starting to look after my health. Upon his discharged I told him I dont want to be in a relationship with him at the moment but I still love him, I feel a bit broken from the experience. He was agreeable at first but now he says he doesnt want to break up. Im really torn, Ive lost a bit of trust and desire for him but I dont want to hurt him cause he is my best friend. Also we had plans to look at moving to Victoria and now he doesnt want to do that but I do, my sister is there and I feel suffocated in Tas. I love him but Im miserable in or out of a relationship. Ive recently been diagnosed with BPD myself and I working through that. I dont know what to do

Beaser Im feeling like im so alone. Spoke to my ex partner.
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Hi and best wishes to everyone. I am feeling so alone at the moment , i spoke to my ex partner last night it was a friendly chat and we are still friends. I just feel so alone with no family to turn too and not wanting to be a burden to friends who i... View more

Hi and best wishes to everyone. I am feeling so alone at the moment , i spoke to my ex partner last night it was a friendly chat and we are still friends. I just feel so alone with no family to turn too and not wanting to be a burden to friends who i have turned too before. I just wish we could be together again and i could do things differently . I am also not working at the moment so it just gives me so much time. I know that when you look back on relationships its easy to gloss over things . She is a carer for her elderly father who has been sick and i admire who for that. I just feel so alone i wish i could turn the clock back. I also feel scared off being alone forever. I know that ringing her may not be the best but i just miss her. I have a wide group of friends at my football club but i still feel so alone lately. Im not sure about where to turn. Im sad at the moment. Beaser.

11migal11 Financial abuse?
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Dating for less than one month he told me "you don't need any money, you should be dependant on me" and demanded that we have a joint bank account. I refused.Though he couldn't afford to purchase a coffee one day and had to pull a second or third cre... View more

Dating for less than one month he told me "you don't need any money, you should be dependant on me" and demanded that we have a joint bank account. I refused.Though he couldn't afford to purchase a coffee one day and had to pull a second or third credit card to fund that while constantly relaying how I was weak or pathetic economically. I warned him that quitting my job would hurt me more mentally. He was jealous of my colleagues and wanted me to leave and would brag about his high wage and belittle me about being on support.He a truck driver and demanded I attend with him while neglecting my own job.When I refused he got angry and started stalking my co-workers he then said that if I went to work the next day he would tell my boss my problems with my job and get me in a pickle.I quit that job in avoidance of further potential issues. Tried to leave him many times.From there he went on to claim he was chivalrous and will pay for everything while also abusing anyone who accepted it later on while hiding his own spending.He wouldn't buy me what I wanted, just what he wanted me to have and often force it like expensive spa's I didn't want to go to and I knew he couldn't afford. I left while pregnant. Ive paid for everything while he refused to commit to official child support for over a year and paid nothing. I forced it and he deliberately over paid it to my account so that he could use it later to hold me accountable, this is what he does.Recently he spent $6000 on solar panels when he doesn't even own a house that he was to transfer to me for care of our son (his idea) while also shouting at me its not for our son? Then he spent it on himself.

Gb72 Feeling low and overwhelmed by this mad situation
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Hi about 8 weeks ago my wife left me for someone else. We had been married nearly 9 years. We were in same sex marriage. When I found out I got mad and shouted at her she then made an allegation to Police that I hit her. I’ve got an IVO hearing next ... View more

Hi about 8 weeks ago my wife left me for someone else. We had been married nearly 9 years. We were in same sex marriage. When I found out I got mad and shouted at her she then made an allegation to Police that I hit her. I’ve got an IVO hearing next week led by Police. I came to Australia from UK about 3 years ago. Her friends and family were mine but now they have turned their backs on me. I have no one apart from work colleagues and then it’s just work. My ex now wants me out of the rental we shared. Financially I’m screwed as I’ve been left in loads of debt. When I was with my ex I used to put money into her account and she would pay the bills. Anyway apart from rent she hadn’t been paying them so I’m trying to sort that out and I’m broke. At Christmas I got one card from my parents from UK. It’s my birthday next month and I’m dreading it as I can’t help thinking how lonely I am and that I’ll be alone whilst my ex will be enjoying it with her new girlfriend. I’ve tried talking to my mum but she said as I’ll be working on my birthday I will be kept busy and that I should stop feeling sorry for myself. I told my Mum I’m sleeping about 3 hours a night and she responded well at least your getting some sleep. Because of IVO thing I can’t contact my ex as I really want to know what is happening and why? Especially over the bills. My ex has messaged my sister in UK saying they need to get me back as I’m mentally I’ll and that I’m going to be deported. I work come home cry repeat. I just sob at how things have gone wrong and I feel overwhelmed. I know that if I died I wouldn’t be missed for probably 4-5 days. I’m trying hard not to let the darkness overtake me.

KA2007 I hate my dad
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When I was younger, he used to hit me whenever I misbehaved. And I was quiet chubby when I was little so he would call me fat every day and even now when my body is a whole lot different I cry myself to sleep every day about my body. When I was young... View more

When I was younger, he used to hit me whenever I misbehaved. And I was quiet chubby when I was little so he would call me fat every day and even now when my body is a whole lot different I cry myself to sleep every day about my body. When I was younger, he and my mum had a fight about how there was too much food in the fridge. He grabbed food from inside the fridge and smashed it everywhere. He grabbed a book and smashed our tv. Now, that I'm older he doesn't hit me anymore. But every little thing I do he shames me for it. Whenever I try helping around the house he tells me that I'm not doing it properly and he calls me lazy and stupid and he says I lack common sense or knowledge. He says I'm dumb and that I'll never make it in the real world. He has this mindset that he's never wrong and that he's on top. That he's the most best person in the world and that he can make no mistakes. For the past year he and my mum have been fighting a lot. I was at a family gathering one day and I was sitting in a room with my cousin, my aunt, and my mum. My mum started crying saying that he told her he hates her and my aunt was comforting her. She told my aunt that he doesn't care for her anymore, forgets her birthday and their anniversary and he only expects her to cook and clean. I cried on the way home that night. For many months she was distant and when my dad left for a business trip I heard her crying in her room every night. Its not like my mum could leave him. My parents both Immigrated to Australia in 2005. She didn't have a job so she had to depend on my dad for work. And she still has to. If she left him she wouldn't have anything left because she can't work and we would all fall under my dads custody and she would have no one. I don't talk to him and he doesn't talk to me. Our relationship is non existent. That was until a few weeks ago when all of a sudden my parents weren't fighting anymore. They started watching tv shows together and they started cuddling up in bed and acting like nothing happened. Time and time again when things go wrong for him he blames my mum and its so clearly obvious that he's manipulating her. I don't even sit in the living room anymore. I can't stand him. And now he's claiming that he loves me and that he wants the best for me. Then where was he when I was younger? I recall him laying on the couch watching tv and beating me up when I misbehaved like any other child would.