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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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virgo_rose Husbands alcohol addiction
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. I'm feeling lost and unsure what to do. Every now and then my husbands drinking gets out of control and results in him blacking out and not remembering how rude and horrible he was to me. This has been a common theme for our 9 yrs togeth... View more

Hi everyone. I'm feeling lost and unsure what to do. Every now and then my husbands drinking gets out of control and results in him blacking out and not remembering how rude and horrible he was to me. This has been a common theme for our 9 yrs together. He has admitted multiple times that he has no control over his drinking and even drinking light beers brings him to the point of not knowing what he's doing or where he is or even being able to figure out how to get home. When he is in this state i try remain calm but it ends in me being verbally abused or him ignoring me. It's as though a switch flips and he hates me even when I'm trying to help get him home or into bed. I have never told him to quit but i have cried many times telling him how sick of it i am and how much it hurts me as many happy events are ruined by him disrespecting me or getting angry for no reason etc. 3 weeks ago he admitted he was an alcoholic and needs to stop drinking. 1 week later he lied about drinking which added another problem to our relationship - honesty. Now he is back to having a few beers a night. And tomorrow is thinking of getting a 6 pack. I can see where its heading. I'm exhausted and see no end in site and am anxious for our future outtings and of him drinking. This is coming between us and i feel we are both depressed. I feel a disconnect. I have tried to support him many times, even avoided buying alcohol myself. It hurts me that alcohol seems more important than our relationship. All the bad memories of him being drunk and horrible and the fact he still won't 'grow up' makes me often want to end things. I just want a happy life together for us. Thankyou for listening

claire84 I still hate being a parent after 6 yeara
  • replies: 1

Help me please I’m struggling. I have two gorgeous girls who are 6 and 5. I love them and would hate for anything to happen to them or for them to know how I feel. I absolutely hate being a mother. I hate it. I hate everything about it, the constant.... View more

Help me please I’m struggling. I have two gorgeous girls who are 6 and 5. I love them and would hate for anything to happen to them or for them to know how I feel. I absolutely hate being a mother. I hate it. I hate everything about it, the constant. i have previously been diagnosed with PND but apparently not it’s just moved anxiety or depression. I just don’t know what to do. I’m still on anti depressants and I don’t really feel they are working. What am I supposed to do? Is this life?

Andrew_Andrew Resigning myself to being unhappy.
  • replies: 4

I have been in Oz for 17 years (originally from the UK). Met my wife (Australian) after a few months and been together ever since. We have 3 kids (8 and 4yo twins). My wife hates me, and so does her family, and I honestly don't know why. Was with the... View more

I have been in Oz for 17 years (originally from the UK). Met my wife (Australian) after a few months and been together ever since. We have 3 kids (8 and 4yo twins). My wife hates me, and so does her family, and I honestly don't know why. Was with them this Xmas and have had to leave and come back to Sydney because I was so unwelcome. All my blood family are in the UK, and I really don't have any friends, as those I had have all moved away bit by bit. All I have is my kids, and they are away still and won't be back for a week or more at least. My job is very unstable and I feel completely alone. I feel very down (have done for a long time), but now I seem to lack hope (I have given up on my wife's family taking me in, and on trying to understand why they hate me so much). So instead I am now feeling like I will always be unhappy. It's bleak, but I don't see how it gets better. I love my kids and they love me. If my wife and I stay together it's probably not fair on them, and if we break up I will literally have no-one and nowhere to go, so seeing them regularly will be very difficult. What do I do? I do want to feel happy, but I feel like there is no real hope.

eScootsy Struggling with Loneliness (beyond the holiday season) - How do you stay connected?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, this year I experienced a big shift in some friendships and our dynamic changed a lot. I went from talking to some people daily to maybe hearing from them once a week or less often. We don't really have conversations until we meet up an... View more

Hey everyone, this year I experienced a big shift in some friendships and our dynamic changed a lot. I went from talking to some people daily to maybe hearing from them once a week or less often. We don't really have conversations until we meet up and having a brief: How are you? I'm great but so tired, what about you?I'm not going so great. And seeing that they're offline and I don't receive a reply for 5 days isn't really working for me anymore. I have met up with my specific friends maybe 4 times in 6 months since then and I'm the one who proposes it every time... I know they're unwell sometimes and also have their own mental health struggles, but sometimes it's really hard to process going from talking to them so often to almost never. I also know that being offline is really healthy for my friends and that they are making some great memories together (as they also started dating each other earlier this year). However, I really don't have that many friends and as it stands aside from work, I only see one other person maybe once a week or fortnightly. My housemate also just moved out so I'll be living alone for the next 2 months and a bit. My parents live more than an hour away, my sister lives close but she's also suffering with depression and bad thoughts, and historically has never really suggested meeting up because her job is exhausting on top of her mental health. I've tried looking at clubs, but my local library tends to run things on weekdays and I have a full-time job. There are gardening groups in the local park that are run monthly I'm interested in joining and a monthly meetup I go to after work as well, but I'm feeling really disconnected from people and every time I think this it brings me to tears. I just want to find a way to connect with people and maybe do some face-to-face meetups through some method. I'm in a lot of Discord forums but almost everyone in the group is in the US (so a totally opposite time zone and I've had almost no discussions with them because every time I'm free, they're asleep). I'm not sure that online meetups/hangouts are working for me right now either. Does anyone know any way to make more connections so I don't keep feeling so alone?

Tylov12 Please help with some advice :(
  • replies: 1

Hi. My 20yo son has been with his GF for roughly 9-10 mths. The gf has BPD.my son and I used to be very close, we had the greatest relationship. But since he’s been with her he barely sees his family. Tonight the GF had a go at his younger sister, sh... View more

Hi. My 20yo son has been with his GF for roughly 9-10 mths. The gf has BPD.my son and I used to be very close, we had the greatest relationship. But since he’s been with her he barely sees his family. Tonight the GF had a go at his younger sister, she also called my partner, myself and other children horrible names, she was asked to leave- but he left too and said he now wipes us and placed the blame on us- she always has to be with him, when they broke up very briefly she physically assaulted him. I believe he is too scared to leave.my question is, is it normal BPD people isolate their partners from their friends and family? Thank you

Slimeee 23 years of abuse
  • replies: 1

When you leave the abuser, the abuser enlists other to do the abuse for the. My son is 24 and wants nothing to do with me. I have been patient and loving and there have been glimmers of hope but the last few years are getting worse, he does not reply... View more

When you leave the abuser, the abuser enlists other to do the abuse for the. My son is 24 and wants nothing to do with me. I have been patient and loving and there have been glimmers of hope but the last few years are getting worse, he does not reply to any contact and does not acknowledge my existence or desire to connect, as his manipulator still has him convinced of how evil I am and what a perfect person she is. I have never done anything to hurt my kids, given my all, but as my son has now taken over the emotional abuse for the last 10+ years, I can't take anymore, I have tried talking, being nice, being firm but always loving, watching everything I say so it can't be used against me but nothing works, for unknown reasons to me other than, leaving and abusive marriage, (over 12 years ago) I am the target of his ongoing emotional abuse. I'd rather be hated, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, at least with hate we could argue, instead it's like I don't exist, all attempts are responded with silence - sick of being a target....

HelloGail Should I cut ties
  • replies: 17

My only child 25 year old daughter hurt me in May 2022 when she told me she wanted me to have boundaries. Limit to calling once per week and no texting. I do not have any social media so I am not in her face so to say but this week she broke her prom... View more

My only child 25 year old daughter hurt me in May 2022 when she told me she wanted me to have boundaries. Limit to calling once per week and no texting. I do not have any social media so I am not in her face so to say but this week she broke her promise to stay and help me after my eye surgery. These two actions by her is obvious to me that she wants to break away from me and I fear the worst that when she eventually marries I won't be invited, these are my fears and worries for our future. Should I break free? Example change my phone number and close all contact off as I fear of being hurt but I am already hurting. I have watched the song Hurt and Hello Darkness My Old Friend songs/videos on YouTube and those two songs are where my head is at and my heart in broken. I have started to actually feel my love for her has died. It feels hopeless. Is there any other parents in similar situation as my self constantly walking on egg shells?

Rogger How to deal with bigoted parent?
  • replies: 3

Hi, as of recent, I have noticed that my parents are quite bigoted, especially my mother. She often says offensive things whenever she sees something Asian of any kind (often Japanese or Korean), and she often says derogatory things about Aboriginal ... View more

Hi, as of recent, I have noticed that my parents are quite bigoted, especially my mother. She often says offensive things whenever she sees something Asian of any kind (often Japanese or Korean), and she often says derogatory things about Aboriginal people. She is also sexist, both in a misogynistic way, but also a misandristic way. This was quite upsetting for me, since I am quite against discrimination. So I was wondering, for those of you who have been through similar things, how do you deal with parents like this. Ok thanks for reading

Garry_H Partner wants to be a controlled drinker
  • replies: 3

Hi,My partner and I have been together for four years and alcohol has been an issue from very early on. It was apparent (to me) that we would not have a successful relationship if alcohol was involved, therefore I decided to stop drinking three & a h... View more

Hi,My partner and I have been together for four years and alcohol has been an issue from very early on. It was apparent (to me) that we would not have a successful relationship if alcohol was involved, therefore I decided to stop drinking three & a half years ago choosing the girl over the drink. (I was not a problem drinker).My partner tried to keep it under control but it came to a crisis point a number of times.About 18 months ago I said (in writing) that I could only continue (and wanted to) in a sober relationship. She stopped for a month or so and started seeing a counsellor. But within a couple of months she returned to what she calls “controlled drinking”. I was pitched that drinking would be limited to a “couple of drinks on special occasions”. She now drinks non-alc wines when with me (every night). Even the ritual of having to hold a wine glass every night still worries me – even if it is filled with non-alc wine. While I have not seen her drunk in over a year, “special occasions” has now become any time we are out socially. And I suspect that “a couple of drinks” is now only observed in my company, and that a different standard is applied when I am not there. I now have less contact with my friends and I avoid social occasions that involve alcohol.If I am fair I have to acknowledge that she has made a big effort and it would surprise me if she is binge drinking behind my back. The problem is that I just don’t care anymore whether she now has a handle on it or not. I am just over it. I am not interested in being an anxious observer for the next 20 years even if it subsequently turns out she can successfully be a controlled drinker. It’s just too draining, and the deception is soul destroying.Just reading over this I am answering my own question. I wonder if I should support her one last time (even thought the last two times were my last time).

emma22swans Sister-in-Law issues
  • replies: 2

Hi. I'm after any advice, if anyone has any they are willing to offer. I have struggled to get along with my in-laws pretty much since my husband and I met, due to the fact that he and I come from extremely different backgrounds - he's a country boy ... View more

Hi. I'm after any advice, if anyone has any they are willing to offer. I have struggled to get along with my in-laws pretty much since my husband and I met, due to the fact that he and I come from extremely different backgrounds - he's a country boy and I'm a city girl. Prior to the arrival of our little girl, things were going ok, not wonderful, but at least manageable. Since her arrival, things have steadily gotten worse, to the point that my husband is being put in a hugely difficult position, basically sticking up for me and his daughter, or agreeing with his parents and siblings (mainly his elder sister). This year two things have happened that have made me (and him) see red.Firstly, several months ago, my sister-in-law made comments to him that I'm not really part of 'their' family. His mothers' only response was 'you'll have to forgive (sister), that's just the way she is'. Sister-in-Law has since gone back on those comments, stating 'that's not what she meant' but I still haven't received an apology (and apparently I'm not likely too either).Secondly, she (and his parents) have shown very little to no interest in their granddaughter - unless we make the effort and take her to them. However, sister-in-law splashes all over my FB posts and photos about how much she loves her niece. Similarly, his mother will only call him (either phone call or video call). She asks him how we are all doing - which is difficult when he spends all day at work and I'm the one spending the most amount of time with our daughter. Also, unless we specifically ask for assistance, we don't get any, they assume silence means we're fine. Case in point - our daughter ended up with 2 stitches in her head last week, and we've only received one call (again, to my husband) to enquire as to how she is. And despite driving past our house over the weekend, they couldn't be bothered to call in and see how she (and us) were going.These behaviours are really stressing us out, and I'm feeling bad for the position my husband is being put in, but I don't feel that I'm putting him there - I'm trying to get his family involved (i.e. suggest he call them more often, which he often says no too because of how he is feeling) but there is only so much I can do, and I don't know how much more I can give, especially when I've also got pre-existing self-esteem issues and issues with my other sister-in-law (my brother's wife).