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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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BLACKDOGG66 Gaslit by a toxic sibling.
  • replies: 1

I lost it yesterday!Somehow, my sister (who treated me badly throughout my childhood., verbal, physical and destructive abuse), has wormed her way into dad’s ear. Apparently, I am not to have access to his accounts. (I am co-power of attorney).My par... View more

I lost it yesterday!Somehow, my sister (who treated me badly throughout my childhood., verbal, physical and destructive abuse), has wormed her way into dad’s ear. Apparently, I am not to have access to his accounts. (I am co-power of attorney).My parents had a tumultuous relationship… divorced when I was 14, but I continued my relationship with my dad, from the time I was 16.Older brother and sister didn’t… they were ‘team mum’ for many, many years (Mum passed in 2018).Forward 40 years, and I have now been deemed unsuitable (by my remaining family) to have an active participation in my 90 yo father’s wellbeing and financials.Why? No one will tell me!Even dad (who still has his wits), thinks I’m causing trouble by insisting on having an active involvement in where his money is going.Does a history of psychological issues, deem me unsuitable?I have never been in ‘hospital’ for it.It was controlled, until yesterday…I’m now rock bottom. Again!I am gutted!!

Moonbeamer Family narratives perpetuate abuse
  • replies: 1

When I was a teenager I struggled with depression and anxiety. Home was unsupportive... casual conversations over the years made it clear that my parents did not 'believe' in mental health problems. They described people with these problems as weak.T... View more

When I was a teenager I struggled with depression and anxiety. Home was unsupportive... casual conversations over the years made it clear that my parents did not 'believe' in mental health problems. They described people with these problems as weak.This was in spite of (or, perhaps because of) the fact my dad has ongoing depressive episodes. I suspect I may have inherited a susceptibility from him.Home was very verbally abusive. It was a small family because my grandmother had disowned her siblings. Disowned her sister because she turned out to be gay, for instance, but mostly, it was implied that these relatives weren't worth knowing. Now, I suspect it was a way my grandmother could avoid the truth of her behaviour coming out.I knew I had serious mental health problems as a teenager, but I also knew that I would have to wait until I was old enough to be able to seek medical help on my own.Eventually my folks found out I had eating disorders. They didn't talk to me for 4 days afterwards.I was taken to a specialised clinic. I could hardly believe that I was actually getting some help! And it was helping - I was talking to psychologists/psychiatrists for the first time.After every session, my mum would go in to be briefed by the psych. She would always emerge very angry. Nevertheless, I felt like maybe she would listen to the doctor, even if she never listened to me.After about half a dozen sessions, my mum came out more angry than usual and complained about the costs. She said 'your brother needs his orthodontics done'. I realised that that was the end of my 'help' - I apologised and told her I was cured!My family could afford it, by the way.After that I knew better than ever my place in the family.Subsequently, over decades, my mental health has been brought up by my parents as the reason they can 'never trust' me, and why they have 'no respect' for me. This has extended to them telling me that no-one can respect me, even my best childhood friends. Their narrative is that I 'did' it to them to punish them because I hate them.All I remember as a child and young adult, was desperately trying to keep my parents happy because I loved them.I'm 50 now. That family narrative persists. I've had to struggle with mental health problems alone.

hannahjoanne how to tell my family about my diagnosis
  • replies: 4

Hi. I’m 23 and I was just diagnosed with bipolar type 1 with psychotic features and OCD. My family is my support system and I have no idea how to tell them. They’re incredibly supportive and I have no doubt they’d be the same when it comes to this, t... View more

Hi. I’m 23 and I was just diagnosed with bipolar type 1 with psychotic features and OCD. My family is my support system and I have no idea how to tell them. They’re incredibly supportive and I have no doubt they’d be the same when it comes to this, they already kinda know I have a mood disorder of some kind. I’m just not sure how to tell them about the psychotic symptoms and that I’m starting antipsychotics. I can barely articulate the psychosis myself and I’m afraid they’re going to have questions that I can’t answer, or not take it seriously. Again they’ve been nothing but supportive in the past but I just don’t know how to go about broaching the subject.

LightningLuke Looking for people to talk to/friends - Post separation
  • replies: 1

Hi All, totally new to this kind of stuff. But recently over the last few months I've been going through a separation from my husband. I found out he was cheating on me at the start of the year. During the start of it all, I completely ignored him an... View more

Hi All, totally new to this kind of stuff. But recently over the last few months I've been going through a separation from my husband. I found out he was cheating on me at the start of the year. During the start of it all, I completely ignored him and tried as hard as I could to block him out. Recently he has moved out and we were fighting alot. He then expressed to me he wanted to be with me but in a open relationship - and that is the only way we would be together. I am struggling with this because we have been married for 4 years, together 11 years. I am struggling so much because I want to forgive him and work through things but currently he isn't even remotely interested in me (or so it seems) I also have to see him daily at work which makes things extremely difficult. Just needing some advice/friends as I can't seem to get him off my mind at any time of the day!

2008 Autism
  • replies: 2

Has anyone gone through a relationship breakup because of a child with Autism? I feel pretty worthless that a man I was with for 3 years has left me because it's all too hard. I have grief depression & it's extremely difficult. My son has many issues... View more

Has anyone gone through a relationship breakup because of a child with Autism? I feel pretty worthless that a man I was with for 3 years has left me because it's all too hard. I have grief depression & it's extremely difficult. My son has many issues but I can't change any of it. My ex didn't want to do it anymore. I feel so rejected & my self esteem has been completely shot! Anyone gone through a similar experience? This was the first relationship after my Divorce which was 7 years ago.

David35 how to deal with overprotective mother
  • replies: 6

The last 2 winters I have become sick, either from the flu or the cold. I'm an asthmatic so these issues which are usually no big deal, are a concern for me. So I usually end up with lingering coughs from inflamed airways, back strains from incessant... View more

The last 2 winters I have become sick, either from the flu or the cold. I'm an asthmatic so these issues which are usually no big deal, are a concern for me. So I usually end up with lingering coughs from inflamed airways, back strains from incessant coughing and occasionally trouble breathing (wheezing g). It's a generally miserable existence until I get better.The problem is that because I live with my mother who is overly concerned for my welfare, it makes my life hell. If I cough, I get yelled at out of frustration because I'm not better. If I can't move properly because my back hasn't healed yet, she starts balling her eyes out. Basically I'm made to feel guilty for being sick. I know it's due to her caring nature but it just adds so much pressure that it's like walking on egg shells. I can't help the effects the viruses have on my lungs. Several times I've had to call locums. A few weeks ago I had a mild asthma attack which I've forgotten how frightening they are, especially when ventolin isn't working. Nevertheless, I'm always made to feel like I've done something wrong through no fault of my own, by simply getting sick.Is this a parent thing? We lost my dad,mjer husband, 7 years ago and I know I'm all she has some days, but sometimes it can be suffocating. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Bee1998 The person I finally wanted to spend the rest of my life with has cheated on me.
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for almost four years now. I found out last week that when he went away to America for a work trip, that he tried to pursue another female behind my back. When I confronted my partner after finding out, he swore on his lif... View more

I have been with my partner for almost four years now. I found out last week that when he went away to America for a work trip, that he tried to pursue another female behind my back. When I confronted my partner after finding out, he swore on his life and our relationship that nothing happened and he didn’t go through with anything. But I decided to message the girl myself today, and found out everything he told me was a lie. He invited her to his hotel room and made out with her and was touching her. I am not coping or dealing with that at all right now. I feel like giving up on my life. I have been hurt too many times. I’m 25 years old, and nothing has ever been easy for me. I finally thought I had found someone who was never going to hurt me. Someone I finally felt safe and happy and myself around. Someone I could trust and call home forever. I feel so sad and lost and hopeless.

Patches63 Need to talk
  • replies: 1

Feeling lost, scared and angry at the world. my 2 best friends and only friends I have in town where I live have both recently told me they are moving away and going to live in different towns. One will be approx 5 hours one way drive away and other ... View more

Feeling lost, scared and angry at the world. my 2 best friends and only friends I have in town where I live have both recently told me they are moving away and going to live in different towns. One will be approx 5 hours one way drive away and other will be moving to small country town in different state. I have PTSD and abandonment issues since childhood. Every time I get close to someone I loose them either through death or other reasons. Having nightmares about people leaving and struggling with low mood/tears. Have spoken to therapist who advised to look for positives in the situation. My cats are great and not leaving my side. So scared and upset of thought of not having anyone in my life Patches

o0 3ree6ixty 0o I feel like a horrible human being about what I said about my ex-girlfriend
  • replies: 1

So for some back story me and my ex-girlfriend have been dating for 3 months and this is my first relationship and my ex we will call Taylor (not her real name) is 15 and I am 16 we both work at a McDonald’s together so we see each other quite often,... View more

So for some back story me and my ex-girlfriend have been dating for 3 months and this is my first relationship and my ex we will call Taylor (not her real name) is 15 and I am 16 we both work at a McDonald’s together so we see each other quite often, I suffer from social anxiety, depression, and adhd I have a big problem with filtering some of my words, now that we have that covered, we broke up around 3 weeks ago and she broke up with me in the middle of my shift and she gave me the excuse of that it wasn’t working out for her and that the relationship wasn’t what she expected it to be and that’s it she said sorry and left (by the way I didn’t Evan hear this from her I originally heard it from one of our friends) and so I was heart broken I had to go home early, so now to what I did I went to work the next day still heart broken and I was talking to some of my guy friends who happen to in relationships with some Taylor’s friends, I said to my guy friends a lot of graphic and vulgar things about her and as soon as I said those things it felt like a bullet when straight through my head and instantly regretted everything I said and so a few days past and I get a message from her she is pissed as she should be and we got into a huge argument about basically talking to our friends at work about the relationship at work when basically every one at our so work new that Taylor wanted to Break up with me before I did and so I apologized and said that I made a mistake and that I am human and I make mistakes and that I regret everything that I said and that I really want to be friends and I have given her around 2 week before communicating with her and I simply asked her how she had been and she said very defensively why are you suddenly hitting me up and I said because I still care about you we were in a relationship and I still care for you and ever since that she as been ghosting me online and at work I need some advice

Lw32 Don't know what to do
  • replies: 11

Im really struggling & i need someone to talk too. My husband and I have been together for 13 years & we have 3 kids together. Our relationship has had its ups & downs but the past year has been pretty rocky where I've been noticing a change in his b... View more

Im really struggling & i need someone to talk too. My husband and I have been together for 13 years & we have 3 kids together. Our relationship has had its ups & downs but the past year has been pretty rocky where I've been noticing a change in his behaviour & actions that come across as him not being as invested in me or our relationship, he says it's not the case but when his actions dont align with what he says I get upset & Im really struggling because he often denies that hes doing anything wrong. Hes got these new connections/friends that he's made through work & has suddenly been frequently going out for drinks with them & going to events with them & is spending less & less time with me. He doesn't think of me & how lonely I am. He's fine leaving me home alone with the kids all the time & leaves me to do everything on my own & only thinks of me when he wants something like a lift home. I feel like he has this new life that I'm not apart of, and he's only nice to me when he wants something. Like dinner, a back rub or to be taken care of him when he's sick.I love my husband so much. And i know he loves me too cause when we're good, we're good. He can say all the thing i want to hear ( I love you, i care about you, ill never break up with you) he holds me in his arms to watch something or when we go to bed & i do everything i can for him to show i love him but then when he does something that upsets me & makes me question if he cares.. He says he does but then he doesn't really show it.He sometimes struggles to understand me & my emotions when I'm upset especially if he thinks he's being hard done by. He invalidates my feelings, ignores my feelings and makes me feel worthless & not worth loving which is the opposite of how I need to be supported & I have expressed this to him many times but when he is annoyed he is a different person. He can be so cold, heartless and stubborn towards me & I need him to show he cares about me so bad.Last Friday, he finished work early to go drinking again, a time when we had plans to talk about us. I desperately needed him to come home & want to repair our relationship from a previous fight. Instead he went drinking with the boys, lied to me that he'd be out of there by 4:30pm. Purposefully rejected my calls & msgs at 6:50pm. Got blind drunk & got his cousin to msg me to pick them up at 11pm.It feels like he's always choosing to do the thing that he knows will hurt me because he doesn't care about me & only thinks about what he wants in the moment.The next day he was apologetic asking me to forgive him but I was so angry & hurt, I couldn't just say ok & get over it...He thinks I should just accept & get over things straight away but the feeling of hurt doesn't just go away instantly.A day later & he's now turning things around on me saying he doesn't know if he wants to be with me because he says im always upset. Like I'm the problem. He says it's getting harder to love me. Even though when he was apologising the day prior he was saying he loves me & doesn't want to lose me & that it would hurt him if I decided to leave.I feel like it's not fair. He's done & said so many hurtful things lately & though leaving has entered my mind out of hopelessness, me wanting to be with him has never changed. And I've never said something that would make him question if I love him or want to be with him. Because there is no question. Him, this marriage & our family mean everything to me.I dont feel like me getting upset at the feeling of getting less of him, makes me the problem, especially not one worth being broken up with... It hurts that he's blaming me. I'm dying inside because my security in this relationship has been taken away unfairly. Im finding myself putting my feelings & the support i need aside begging him not to do this, to not mean the thing's he's saying & he says he's just so tired & frustrated but that he hasn't fully said he's ready to walk.I don't know what to do. I'm crying & hes giving me indifference, I can't sleep & unable to eat, i can't turn my head off. I'm feeling so depressed & so alone & it makes it worse that he's just ok with it.