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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MacusS Still struggling - covid and lonely
  • replies: 7

Hi lovely people, I last posted last year. I was devastated to lose what was my dream gf when we’d parted on good terms but she dumped me as she’s younger and had travel and wanted to work overseas. I was out of a long term relationship and she was t... View more

Hi lovely people, I last posted last year. I was devastated to lose what was my dream gf when we’d parted on good terms but she dumped me as she’s younger and had travel and wanted to work overseas. I was out of a long term relationship and she was too - it just happened but she’s an anxious person who tends to “fly away” if someone wants to commit. I tried hard not to crowd her. We rekindled after a random run in. I was careful not to crowd her but soon after she was calling me a lot and talking through her day to day challenges. She said when we were apart she missed me a lot and would think of contacting me and would cry to her friends she wanted to call me. She then started slowly pulling away and again she called it quits. This was 8 months ago and I struggle everyday. She said I was so kind to her in her last message. I think about her everyday have a fantastic job but I’m so lonely and I miss her particularly, so much. I thought about contacting work EAP as a start. I have tried exercise, meeting others, keeping busy but I miss her dearly. Can anyone give me any suggestions or hope? Thank you

aconfuzzledone My partner made a comment about my weight.. I feel hurt.
  • replies: 1

We have been in a relationship for 13 years. We met when we were fresh out of high school. I’m 30 now and I obviously don’t look the same as I did at 18. Recently my partner commented about my belly being big, called me fat, said he’s not attracted t... View more

We have been in a relationship for 13 years. We met when we were fresh out of high school. I’m 30 now and I obviously don’t look the same as I did at 18. Recently my partner commented about my belly being big, called me fat, said he’s not attracted to me as he used to and said I don’t look good in some angles.. This really hurt me to the point I kept looping about what he said all day and just felt flat. We did talk about it but I felt unheard. Though sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I’m just overreacting or being too sensitive. I agree that my body has changed, I changed my job, I’m not as active, but I think what really is upsetting me is that he’s basically saying that IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH and his love for me is conditional. It’s also the way he frames it, I just don’t feel supported by him. I don’t want to start losing weight to give him the satisfaction and control over me. However, I do think I would benefit by being more active. I just don’t have the motivation to do it. Thanks for listening.

PsychedelicFur Guy looks at girls dating profile while spending time with me
  • replies: 1

I met up with an old uni friend from two years ago, today. he would cuddle me constantly and sit near me at university. And today when I met him he was more interested in looking at his phone.. for someone to date his the dating app. He wasn’t keepin... View more

I met up with an old uni friend from two years ago, today. he would cuddle me constantly and sit near me at university. And today when I met him he was more interested in looking at his phone.. for someone to date his the dating app. He wasn’t keeping the conversation going and I feel like crap. I feel so upset and disappointed because I thought we had something, AGES ago. And he wants someone now. although, he can’t find anyone. he doesn’t want someone who lives 30 minutes away. And he says it’s a RED FLAG if his potential partner isn’t on Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. today’s meet up was horrible.

Dani12we_ Misalignments
  • replies: 2

Hi, My bf and I broke up recently because of some misalignments in our relationship. These misalignments include him wanting to see me twice a week where I'm more inclined for 4 times a week. Also he does not want to travel where as I do. He is not w... View more

Hi, My bf and I broke up recently because of some misalignments in our relationship. These misalignments include him wanting to see me twice a week where I'm more inclined for 4 times a week. Also he does not want to travel where as I do. He is not willing to compromise so I ended the relationship however we both agreed its the right decision. We still chat a lot everyday. Not sure if this is good or bad. I am still very much in love with himAnyone experienced something similar or have any thoughts on this?

JamesL Struggling to make connections in Adelaide
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone. Newbie here. Basically I am at a stage where I am really concerned about my mother. To cut a long story short, we moved to Adelaide a couple of years ago, and we have both found it extremely difficult to make meaningful connections-frien... View more

Hi everyone. Newbie here. Basically I am at a stage where I am really concerned about my mother. To cut a long story short, we moved to Adelaide a couple of years ago, and we have both found it extremely difficult to make meaningful connections-friendships with people here. My mother is in her sixties, and she has tried many ways to meet new people and get closer to them, including the following: - Going to meetups. But it seems that people there are not interested in pursuing anything outside the meet ups. My mother is looking for something more than just spending a day a month with other people. - Inviting people over for lunches, but none of these people ever did the same or even called back, etc. Even through volunteering it is hard to build a connection as people are mainly interested in doing the job and leaving. The overall feeling is that there’s well established circles in Adelaide that are extremely hard to break into, and that there’s no openness to anything new. And even people are reluctant to introduce you to their circle of friends. Your thoughts and advice about all this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

snailpace Dads behaviour
  • replies: 9

My ex is now demanding to be involved in our sons daycare which took me forever to organise had he is not paying nor helping at all.We separated before birth and his father was on an IVO due to stalking abuse and serious harassment.Our differences ar... View more

My ex is now demanding to be involved in our sons daycare which took me forever to organise had he is not paying nor helping at all.We separated before birth and his father was on an IVO due to stalking abuse and serious harassment.Our differences are irreconcilable. He's spent the last year deliberately undermining the parenting order and abusing me for his own choices denying it and blaming me for EVERYTHING. He picks fights in front of our son and belittles me with vulgar language.He has repeatedly tried to set traps to financially destabilise me the most recent was quitting his job so he doesn't have to pay child support.He makes agreements outside of the plan and doesn't tell me, always starts fights over asking for extra time drops DS off early picks him up late with no warning, books appointments and doesnt show or to get out of commitment time and never offer's make up days. He spends himself broke on $300 glasses, headphones ect this man is 54 years old, and cant pay $30 a month in child support. He snoops my house and bins so I cant have him inside have to fight to keep him out of my house.I pay for EVERYTHING and put in all the work. He refuses to contribute to anything even christmas.Worked so hard just to get DS into daycare so i can find work as I have been suffocated for nearly 3 years and kept deliberately financially restrained by his father.If he has a problem he doesn't tell me, he just cuts off the payments because he's angry and he cant be trusted at all and sends verbal abuse.He refused to properly commit to our parenting agreement and for 10 months he has belittled me, undermined me seriously and tried to use our son as a pick up tool.DS is always starving, Feverish, smelly with dihorrea and aggressive when he returns from his dads sometimes for days often with injury.His dad never helps and often taunts that he "should be the Mum" even though i don't put a foot wrong. Its so offensive. He has two other kids in their 20's who are in trouble.Now dad is demanding to have involvement in daycare but daycare is also part of my parenting group and other things that i want to remain private.I need that support.If he attends he will defiantly try to undermine me and it will be uncomfortable as well as overstepping.

Odette-1 Husband left me
  • replies: 24

Hey all. I really need to vent in a safe space. Last week my husband of 15 years left me and our son and our dog. He says he loves me but is not in love with me and needs to figure out what he’s going to do with the rest of his life. My son and I wer... View more

Hey all. I really need to vent in a safe space. Last week my husband of 15 years left me and our son and our dog. He says he loves me but is not in love with me and needs to figure out what he’s going to do with the rest of his life. My son and I were in tears and he conducted himself so coldly. Basically said that how he feels is more important than us. I am so tired and so scared. I’ve been a stay at home mum for 19 years and have no real work experience. I’m scared I won’t be able to provide for my 13 year old. He’s turning 40 next year and I’m thinking it might be a mid life crisis. I had one but I didn’t turn my back on my family, whenever I tried to leave he’s manipulate me into staying. Getting my friends to text me to tell me that I was doing the wrong thing. But now that he wants to go, there’s no stopping him. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Especially from those who have come out the other side.

JDB1983 Home
  • replies: 1

I love my family so much but I struggle to go home on a daily basis to be with them. Is there something I should be doing differently?

I love my family so much but I struggle to go home on a daily basis to be with them. Is there something I should be doing differently?

TheVoid Caring advice for Girlfriend who has severe depression
  • replies: 3

my girl friend has experiencing depression with self harm before. However, she stopped doing that when we start dating. Recently, she told me she is feeling the urges to do it again and its scarring her so i reassure her and told her it's fine it mea... View more

my girl friend has experiencing depression with self harm before. However, she stopped doing that when we start dating. Recently, she told me she is feeling the urges to do it again and its scarring her so i reassure her and told her it's fine it means your at the end of healing process. Then, she starts distancing with me and i asked her why she just told me she is so busy so she can't be free like before, and we can't even meet each other that often. Therefore, i keep asking her to give me more attention and time to spend with her which she did but i always question it cuz i was experiencing tremendous of stress as well. Until recently, she told me everything just so much for her and yet i did it again putting more stress on her and she decided to breakup with me because she thinks she is not good enough and she tried her best to give me what i want. She said she is not in the right mindset for relationship right now and i was right she can't give me enough attention and my needs, she think our rela can't be fixed cuz i can't fix her and she can't be healed. She told me she needs to end our relationship before it breaks her. She said she is struggling more than she would like to, and i deserve better. So i agreed with her about the break up for i can't stand the thinking of her getting hurt. After i agreed with her she started saying how she love me so much and i will always be the best person she ever had and she will never be able to find someone like me and she hopes me all the best and i deserve better. She said sorry that she has to do that to me cuz she doesn't want to hurt me and that is the last thing she would do. i understand that she may experience another episode or crysis, so i don't know if she pushes me away cuz she fear that she may pull me down or she is done with me. Today, i messaged her saying i know that shes fighting her fight and i wish i would take off her pain or softer things for her but i can't so i will be here as long as it needed. she replied thank you for saying this same goes to you but she doesn't want me to wait for her cuz she thinks she won't coming back. Should i keep checking up on her making sure she is alr? i'm not sure what to do and whether she pushes me away cuz shes fighting her fight and it's not fair for me if she still maintains our relationship or shes done with me? What should i do in this case

Doogaldog He will be the end of me
  • replies: 2

I am in my late fifties and live with my 19 year old son. He has always been 'difficult' in that he caves in at the slightest moment of stress etc. I do not understand as I have always worked and been self sufficient. He is now at the point where he ... View more

I am in my late fifties and live with my 19 year old son. He has always been 'difficult' in that he caves in at the slightest moment of stress etc. I do not understand as I have always worked and been self sufficient. He is now at the point where he has a tantrum if he has to go to work. Threatens to kill himself. Says he hates himself etc etc. Strangely when he gets out of work he is ok again. Wanting takeout/money etc etc. He is also supposedly attending Uni. It is all online and he has made zero effort to register for his classes this semester. He is just so lazy, unmotivated and selfish. I told him he had to do the Uni stuff and he prevaricated for over two weeks! Then he wanted me to help him sort it out! He is so pathetic. I am embarrassed by his antics. Unfortunately I still love him. Not much but I do. He is driving me to an early death. Yesterday he went ballistic and threatened to kill himself. He grabbed a knife and was yelling and screaming at me. He threw my phone on the floor and broke it. I managed to calm him down. Again; once he knew he didn't have to go to work he was perfectly alright. He was laughing on the computer with his 'mates' and then invited a friend of his over. Meanwhile I was absolutely shattered and feeling like death. Today he has made no mention of any of it and indeed asked if he could buy a tablet to replace the phone he smashed??? I truly feel I am going insane...his behaviour is so abhorrent...he has taken over my house. I am ABSOLUTELY TRAPPED as he could not afford to live anywhere else (I have BEGGED his father to help). I do not need this! I am paying a huge mortgage, maintenance costs etc...I could live in a retirement village! And have peace and some spare cash! As it is I am on the poverty line. I am ready to go because I simply cannot see any way out of this. It is a nightmare that I never wake up from. Please don't recommend speaking to people as I have been doing that all of my life and nothing has helped I just wanted to get this out there. For what it is worth I spent years on IVF to have him. How I wish I could turn back time.