Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Greevus Wondering what to do next.
  • replies: 1

When I was younger I was a little crazy but I tryed to change so I wouldn't hurt people anymore........So I haven't lived with close family for over 20 years. I'm now in my early 30s and of all my friends I felt like I new what I wanted to do with my... View more

When I was younger I was a little crazy but I tryed to change so I wouldn't hurt people anymore........So I haven't lived with close family for over 20 years. I'm now in my early 30s and of all my friends I felt like I new what I wanted to do with my live early. Long story short iv just moved in with my mother and her partner after loosing my house and job. I haven't lived with my mum since I was nine and can count the number of times iv visited on one hand. I have a friend who has lived with me for a year before hand....they let us both move in with them...my friend is still young, early 20s and it's not going well. His a bit messy and all but he trys. I do appreciate them extending us the invitation to stay but now I feel like I rushed into something I'm stuck in.. My point of view on it is..I spoke to my mum and her partner extensively before coming explaining exactly what my friend was like before moving(he has mental issues as well) but I see there point where he might come off as using people(I'm still on the fence) and needs to work as a housemate not just a friend. ....I have extreme anger issues i have worked threw alone for the entire time. I handle it very well iv never been near a doctor. I'm stuck in a situation iv created and I'm not sure how to handle this one..... I Would just ask my friend to move but honestly his like a 15 year old.. The only reason my mother and partner are together still is because I came here and sorted a bunch of domestic stuff with my brothers and sisters. They were going to split before I came but have really worked together in the last year.. So I feel a lot of guilt for still being here myself and then having my friend here on top of it. I would love to give them there house back but if I go rush to work right now I feel like I'm going to explode either at work or at home and 21 years of trying not to be that guy(I don't no how to explain It). I just hate who I can be when I'm angry. Any thought on this one ?

Advicepoor Overwhelmed, confused and depressed.
  • replies: 2

My partner has his phone on silent when I’m around. He is adamant that we don’t need access to one another’s phone because we should just trust one another.He seems so secretive but denies he is and says it’s just my insecurities. He regularly says m... View more

My partner has his phone on silent when I’m around. He is adamant that we don’t need access to one another’s phone because we should just trust one another.He seems so secretive but denies he is and says it’s just my insecurities. He regularly says my insecurities might push him away. He changes arrangements with his ex around child visits (it’s 50/50 and if she wants to change things, he just agrees and doesn’t speak with me about it). Do I deserve a say. It affects me after all. What if I have plans for him and I because I’ve planned around the arrangement they have. Its like he has a whole other life with his ex regarding the children. It’s like he is living 2 lives. He doesn’t mind me and my children helping to look after his children though. His daughter is a terribly badly behaved child and he always blames my daughter for the chaos that his daughters spoilt tantrums create. I feel like I’m just a shadow, I have no say and I’m irrelevant. He constantly uses ambiguous comments and questions then twists it to suggest I jumped to conclusions. He tells me he puts so much effort into our relationship but I don’t. He constantly makes comments about having sex with other women but tells me I just need to trust that he is committed to me. My self worth and confidence is destroyed and I’m broken. I’ve never been depressed before but I actually hate my life and enjoy nothing. We have been together about 14 months. Any constructive input would be much appreciated.

John-26 Partner getting money from her ex
  • replies: 2

Today I voiced how I felt with my partner az she asked her ex who she has kids with for money this has only happened today and only once I told her I'd rather her ask me as I feel like her ex would feel like she still relys on him and i feel bad as I... View more

Today I voiced how I felt with my partner az she asked her ex who she has kids with for money this has only happened today and only once I told her I'd rather her ask me as I feel like her ex would feel like she still relys on him and i feel bad as I couldn't help her am I wrong for saying that. It was only for smokes. This has only happened once.

Sinala Non healing CPTSD, homelessness and addiction, abusive family.
  • replies: 5

Life has never really been easy, and I haven't really written or spoken about a lot of things I need to get out before. I won't talk about the past but what's going on as of recent. As of recent my struggles have got progressively worse. I stopped ta... View more

Life has never really been easy, and I haven't really written or spoken about a lot of things I need to get out before. I won't talk about the past but what's going on as of recent. As of recent my struggles have got progressively worse. I stopped taking medication because I wanted to change them and then the new ones wouldn't help me. Progressively my mental health declined and I would stupidly take drugs with people who hated me and abused me every time they would invite me to there house. I eventually cut them off and wanted to start my journey quitting drugs. Then even sober friends would bring me down. I was really concerned for a suicidal friend and was worried she would harm herself. Eventually she and her boyfriend accused me of insinuating for her to harm herself, and someone who also struggles with mental health issues I would never no matter the circumstances. After that they destroyed my artwork that really ment a lot to me, that art I made helped me start my journey to wanting to heal my mental health. My own mother tells me to go harm myself when I'm already depressed and things just get progressively worse. My own family hates me and clearly hates me and never believe me about my traumas. I had a argument and fight with my mums friend but she won almost asphyxiating me which has made me more anxious around people and public again. Also my mother attacked afterward. My mother hit me first and put a family intervention order on me. I just didn't contest the order and I am now regretting my decision not too. I've always been her personal punching bag out of all my siblings. I've never seen her attack them. I'm done with my mother for good, I never want to be in her presence to have the chance to attack me again. Now I'm homeless and I start work on January 23rd first job in 5 years due to past trauma. I'm hoping I can be okay and maintain work. I miss my pet, certain deceased friends all the time on top of this. I have no friends at the moment I can trust. I just want to keep going and gain independence but it's so hard while I'm so broken. I wish I had advice on how to manage. I would rather not end up in a mental health ward. Being in this town is so hard, it also brings back so many bad memories. I just need to manage but numb the pain. It's getting real intense.

white knight Separating parents and child access
  • replies: 6

A divided family can be the most distressing time for the parents. It would be ideal if all separated parents could communicate and leave the anguish in the past- but it’s not common. So you’ve just separated and you have a child/children to your par... View more

A divided family can be the most distressing time for the parents. It would be ideal if all separated parents could communicate and leave the anguish in the past- but it’s not common. So you’ve just separated and you have a child/children to your partner. Once you confirm in your mind that the separation is likely permanent you should seek out a family law solicitor to apply for official access to your children. It doesn’t matter how well you get on with your ex, this step is to safeguard you for the entire time they remain a child till 18yo which could be many years and, people can change. If you have sole custody then you are entitled to child support unless the amount of time and days you have the children goes beyond a certain amount- read this in the SERVICES AUSTRALIA BASIC CHILD SUPPORT FORMULA. Authorities will encourage parties to come to an agreement so give that a try. My ex flatly refused, her right and move on. As my children were 7 and 4 when I separated, I had a long time to go with child support however my eldest when reaching 12yo came to live with me, one child each meant no child support was payable.Always keep receipts. In my experience some people can remain friendly and work as a team for any issues with their children however, it is in the nature of the parent whether this can occur. In my case my ex wouldn’t allow me to take my kids to parent and teacher nights for example as “I look after that” and my visitation times didn’t allow it. This is one example of shutting out one parent to raise the status of themselves. There is some horror stories out there on issues like this, don’t let them get to you, stay strong. If you are a dad and feel you need support you can write in here or visit DADS IN DISTRESS online. Here at Beyondblue we can help you with discussing depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Community champions like myself have lived experience in this field. I endured it, I survived and my daughter appreciated it. You are needed by your children, take care of yourself. TonyWK

Angela2021 Dad has anger problems
  • replies: 2

My dad has always had anger problems since I was a child - he gets stressed easily, very frustrated, emotionally and physically lashes out on everyone in the house. Sometimes I feel he can’t control it and other times I feel like he does purposefully... View more

My dad has always had anger problems since I was a child - he gets stressed easily, very frustrated, emotionally and physically lashes out on everyone in the house. Sometimes I feel he can’t control it and other times I feel like he does purposefully. I should also mention that he has had a heart bypass surgery and has high blood pressure (he’s on medication for that) and diabetes (also on medication). I’m not sure what to do, I know normal anger treatments won’t work on him so I thought it would be best for him to see a doctor and hopefully they can prescribe him some medication or behavioural therapy. I’m not even sure if there is a medication for anger problems. divorce is the last thing my mum can do unfortunately and I’m scared he’ll lash out on her if she suggests it and I’m scared he’ll lash out on me if I suggest him to go to a doctor. does anyone have some advice I guess?much appreciated, thank you

Skatie14 The grief is overwhelming
  • replies: 4

Hi, I have recently separated from my partner of seven years. We were due to get married in four months time and it turns out he’s cheated on me. He has cut contact entirely and I’ve had to move myself out of our home all the while trying to deal wit... View more

Hi, I have recently separated from my partner of seven years. We were due to get married in four months time and it turns out he’s cheated on me. He has cut contact entirely and I’ve had to move myself out of our home all the while trying to deal with the grief and utter sadness I’m feeling. I’m grieving the life we had and the future we had planned. He was my soul mate and we didn’t everything together for seven years. People keep telling me to do things that bring me happiness to distract myself but he is what brought me happiness. I feel like I’m drowning in sadness every single day. I miss him so badly despite what he’s done and I’m worried I won’t ever find someone to be my person again. I feel like my futures been ripped out from under me and I don’t know where to go from here. I’m hoping anyone could shed a light on how to overcome these feelings or someone who’s been through something similar could give me some reassurance that I can get through this. Thanks.

Melbourne_Aussie Parenting Issues
  • replies: 2

Hi,I am struggling to figure out if my x-partner is being a reasonable parent. He is a single parent and live a hour away from me, with two girls 5 and 11. My daughter is the 5 year old and about to start primary school. During this holidays I have o... View more

Hi,I am struggling to figure out if my x-partner is being a reasonable parent. He is a single parent and live a hour away from me, with two girls 5 and 11. My daughter is the 5 year old and about to start primary school. During this holidays I have only be able to have her over for a night. Every time I ask to have her, he always makes up a excuse why I cant have her over.1. Shes been naughty and will not clean her room.2. Shes been fighting with her sister.He does not want to reward her by letting me have her.3. She's not aloud to come over weekdays because hes getting her into a routine for school.This next excuse I received today, is what prompted me to post here.4. She's no longer aloud to sleep over whilst at school (Until next holidays) as she will be in a routine, but I can visit.I always get form him "I'm the parent, wish people would stop telling me how to parent"Am I going crazy or has he lost the plot?

white knight How many people do we need in our lives?
  • replies: 7

By "people" I'm referring to family and friends that we cant do without- a number? Well we can be raised to have many family and friends particularly those of Mediterranean origin. An Italian friend of mine has introduced me to so many uncles, cousin... View more

By "people" I'm referring to family and friends that we cant do without- a number? Well we can be raised to have many family and friends particularly those of Mediterranean origin. An Italian friend of mine has introduced me to so many uncles, cousins of cousins etc I've lost count. I envy those families that remain close. Alas, no so my family nor my wife's. In my family we have grown accustomed to think we need to be "all in" or "not at all". This stop and restart routine is what we are used to and frankly it's unacceptable. I have no doubt it is bipolar driven as those that come and go like a good southerly wind are indeed bipolar like myself. In the latest example a sibling has given me the silent treatment, an act that my ex wife was a master at... think she majored in it!. Nevertheless this is an act that is no of the adult world where talking should be your "first port of call" if you have a personal issue. Hence now at the age of 66 I'm no longer chasing the ones that run off wanting you to chase. Got a problem? deal with it direct or I'm not interested. I confided in a cousin I treat as a brother. He has 5 siblings. His take on the matter is "I have 4 brothers and one sister and you are the only family member I have out of the lot". He went on to say "how many family members do you need, I have you and thats enough". The message was a good one, if some family or friends treat you with contempt or make life miserable, embrace those that love you, care for you and not those that play emotional games. Life is too short for supplying them with the fun they seek at your expense. Are you trying to embrace family and friends that harm you? why? Please share. TonyWK

sibel Betrayal
  • replies: 2

It has been 8 months, i am still in this marriage… i contracted chlamydia, still suffering it is a infection that just wont go way even after treatment. Explaining such a thing to family is almost impossible, when i am still in denial (maybe) after 5... View more

It has been 8 months, i am still in this marriage… i contracted chlamydia, still suffering it is a infection that just wont go way even after treatment. Explaining such a thing to family is almost impossible, when i am still in denial (maybe) after 5 years of marriage or separation anxiety or attachment. my partner unreliable and is using toxic substances. I lost my job going through all this, i was terminated from my position due to arriving late. I had a car accident, thank god no one got hurt i hit a parked car although going court for it. I am unable to find a job and have this court case pretty soon, most likely ill be loosing my licence for two years ( first accident ). Im in a dark hole not knowing what to do.