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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Kez77 Abusive relationship rights on our home
  • replies: 1

I have been living with my fiancée for 3 years now and he purchased the house about 1 years before I moved in and since we have been living together I have been paying weekly full mortgage repayments and for all things for the house and food. We thou... View more

I have been living with my fiancée for 3 years now and he purchased the house about 1 years before I moved in and since we have been living together I have been paying weekly full mortgage repayments and for all things for the house and food. We thought we would pay double repayements weekly so we could save and get ahead so started with $450 weekly payments and now $600 a week I pay and then pay for things we need around house and food and we are renovating so buying furniture and things also. My family and myself have done most of the renovations ourselves with no help from any friends or family of his for they aren't around. I spend every day off and spare hour working on the house and he spends every spare minute inbed as he was a herion addict 30 years ago and the doctor changed medications about a year ago and then put on bipolar tablets and all for he has abusive out bursts and goes from0-1000 in a instant and is verbal and physically abusive. I have tried all I can to help and support him through all of this and now has taken himself off the bipolar tablets and he forgets things in a instant is like I am talking to 3 different people in the same conversation. My family has witnessed the changes in him and are we are all trying to help him but he seems to think is no issue or and does but doesn't want to admit to it and then just gets angry when I try and help. I am to the point that I just don't talk for scared will trigger him. I need to know where I stand with the house so I can make a plan for myself and my future for have put him first the last 2 years trying to help him through it but seems now he doesn't want to help himself just blames me and my family for everything. Does anyone know what legal rights I have on the home as I have been family full weekly mortgage repayments and for all else is just the home loan is just in his name but have full records of all payments and documents of all I have done to the house and now the house has tripled in value. As we decided to renovate this property so we could by our dream acarage and then his medications got changed and alphas been not as suppose to be ever since and I have been scared for my life a couple of times and the police themselves put a restraining order on him one night when we were out for saw him flip out . I told them I didn't want it but they said is their choose and if anything is for my own protection. I just want to protect him also and know he needs help .

Raisa Negative feelings towards in-laws
  • replies: 9

My husband's family, his mother (F53), father (M67), initially did not accept me as a daughter in law. They used to taunt me, insult me in subtle and obvious ways. Sometimes infornt of my husband and sometimes behind his back. I always wanted to shar... View more

My husband's family, his mother (F53), father (M67), initially did not accept me as a daughter in law. They used to taunt me, insult me in subtle and obvious ways. Sometimes infornt of my husband and sometimes behind his back. I always wanted to share my feelings with my husband but he used to get defensive. Didn't stand up for me for an entire year. Nowadays, he says he realizes that his parents hurt me and they did wrong. But he says, his mom is kind of naive and doesn't know what to say or how to say things to a person. I believe, his mom is supet cunning and loves to hurt people because she is a jealous and insecure woman. Now me and my husband lives in another country far aways from his parents (for work related issues). My problem is I am not being able to forgive my in-laws even though they behave in a good way to me sometimes (depends on their mood). My husband showers his love upon them over the phone. I know they are his parents and he must love them. But I feel very angry and disgust towards my husband when he does that. And i think he does that intentionally infront of me. Why would he do that? What should I do? I am not being able to forget what they made me feel. I cannot forgive them. Am I overreacting? Please provide me some valueable advice on this!

Estrangement estranged
  • replies: 1

I struggle on and off some days i manage better then others its just me and my dog and cat. My three adult children do not communicate and have not given me any rreason why they have shut me out... I am a christian and lean on that faith, but sometim... View more

I struggle on and off some days i manage better then others its just me and my dog and cat. My three adult children do not communicate and have not given me any rreason why they have shut me out... I am a christian and lean on that faith, but sometimes the hurt runs so deep,, Its not knowing why, and i heard it said we know why thats not true I do not know why,,,,, I know the marriage was difficult and abusive situation but i was a kind gentle mother, I had epilespy in those yers and had many seizures, after 25 years and out off that marriage, I have been the last 20 odd years seizure free. I believe that they where caused from the stress off that life... However thats over 2o years now their father has passed on and I attemped to reach out to them but the door is closed with no exclamation. So at times i get very sad indeed .

Durga_M Still being harassed by my narcissistic ex even after break up
  • replies: 2

I was with my ex for 6 years. At the beginning of the relationship everything was great. He said and did all the right things. Everything did seem too perfect which should have been a red flag but I just took it as being lucky enough to find the perf... View more

I was with my ex for 6 years. At the beginning of the relationship everything was great. He said and did all the right things. Everything did seem too perfect which should have been a red flag but I just took it as being lucky enough to find the perfect man.He some how convinced me to move states. Away from my family and friends which I was ok with but things started to change as soon as we moved away.He would leave me at home while being out with his work mates for hours. The excessive binge drinking started which would go on for days then weeks then months at end.If I raised concerns about his drinking then he would disappear for days without telling me where he is then come back home randomly expecting me to forget everything and move on.He would yell and scream at me and when I asked him to stop the abuse he would clearly tell me that he is not abusing me and it is only abuse if he physically harms me. Eventually he started bringing girls home while I was away and would sleep with them in our bed.The abuse got bad and there is a lot more he has said and done but I am too scared to share it here in case he finds this post. We ended up settling our assets and moving seperate ways a few weeks ago but he still kept contacting me.Actually pointed out how much of a good guy he is that he took the bed with him cause he couldn’t bear for me to use it. i ended up telling him that I know a lot more of what he has done which I can’t share here to which he threatened me that he will sue me for defamation if he finds out I’ve spoken to anyone about him. Then thing is that what I know isn’t a lie and I’ve got prove of it all plus I know that he has gone around spreading lies about me. I know that if he does sue me that nothing will come out of it because I’ve got prove of his abuse etc but I am still tired because he has put me thru the hell of going to court before.I would have won them aswell but the whole process was so draining , time consuming and expensive that i cannot be put thru it again. He doesn’t have a leg to stand but I can’t understand how or why he is still trying to contact me and scare me. we both agreed on NO CONTACT but the next day he would message me or call me. If I don’t respond then he gets angry. i am scared that if I block him then he would get angry and harm me some other way. I am so scared.Does this end?How do I stop being so scared all the time? I have really good support from my family and friends. Everything else in life is fine.Its just that he won’t leave me alone still.

Sophi Xmas blues
  • replies: 7

I have been estranged from my oldest son, his wife and my 2 grandsons for over 4 years due to a misunderstanding.Prior to the argument, I'd spent many happy times especially christmas and birthdays.My grandsons, now 15 and 12 years of age used to sle... View more

I have been estranged from my oldest son, his wife and my 2 grandsons for over 4 years due to a misunderstanding.Prior to the argument, I'd spent many happy times especially christmas and birthdays.My grandsons, now 15 and 12 years of age used to sleep over and we had many fun times.I have attempted to reconcile with the family without success.My son ignored me when I saw him down town a few weeks ago.I feel like a failure as a parent and there must be something wrong with me

alloverthesop Merry Christmas I want a divorce
  • replies: 2

Hi,I'm writing here because I don't know what else to do. My wife had I have been together 17 years. One step daughter (19), a daughter (14) and a son (12). We've had a pretty tumultuous relationship, and had done a lot of rounds of counselling. We'd... View more

Hi,I'm writing here because I don't know what else to do. My wife had I have been together 17 years. One step daughter (19), a daughter (14) and a son (12). We've had a pretty tumultuous relationship, and had done a lot of rounds of counselling. We'd agreed we'd make a call about staying together at the end of January, as our son is going into high school next year. On Christmas day something changed. She got really drunk and had a conversation with my sister in law. Next thing she isn't talking to me. Boxing day she said she wanted to talk, and read me a script saying she wants a divorce and does not want to ever discuss our relationship or what happened. She is also talking about getting lawyers, even though we'd spoken about this before and had agreed if we separated we'd do it amicably. We're planning to tell the kids tonight and i'm hurting so bad. The relationship is right to end, but its so sudden and I'm really concerned about how the kids are going to take it.We have a big house with a lot of space, so we have somewhat separate areas to live in. I'm basically living in a glorified shed and I've said I want to go, because I want to start a new life. Of course we cant really afford that until we sell the house so I dont know what to do and she wont talk about it with me.Looking ahead, every day seems miserable and I'm broken. Rationally I know that in the long term it will be better, but its so raw and I cant work out a way forward. Anyway thanks for reading, it feels a little better to write it out.

Lizzie77 Concerned about my sister's kids
  • replies: 1

There are other issues but the main one was brought up last night. So my sister's kids' dad is abusive to an extent, he yells at his kids and can be rough with them. Now my sister (no longer with the father) I've noticed, is acting in the same way, e... View more

There are other issues but the main one was brought up last night. So my sister's kids' dad is abusive to an extent, he yells at his kids and can be rough with them. Now my sister (no longer with the father) I've noticed, is acting in the same way, even after criticising the kids dad for doing the same thing. She also takes out her own frustration and mistakes on the kids (both under 5 yo). For example, she has been giving the kids both melatonin every night since they were about 2, now they are dependent on it. So last night they had run out of melatonin (not the children's fault) and they didn't go to sleep until very late as they hadn't had it. I understand my friend has a lot of stressers at the moment, I try to help when I'm around, but she seems to almost put blame on her small children for something that was her responsibility in the first place. She chose to give them melatonin constantly even when she knew its only meant to be used short term, and she didn't buy a replacement bottle of pills even though she was running low. So she was stressed be a they weren't going to sleep, yelling at them and pushing them down on the bed, smacking them. It broke my heart to see it, both because I feel for her dealing with her life situation but also the kids being treated like that as an outlet to my sisters anger and stress. I dont want to report her but she is also the type of person that won't listen to any kind of criticism, no matter how gently and lovingly put toward her. I really worry for the kids development and feelings of safety. I tried talking to her when I saw this behaviour last night but we were both tired and stressed and I didn't have the right words. I can't be around my sister and pretend everything is fine but I feel partially responsible for the kids safety as a relative. Could there be something I can say to get through to her in a kind way? Thank you for reading and offering any advice x

Albert_247 Father issues
  • replies: 4

It's a complicated relationship with my father, I only appreciate minimal things about him. Even if you wish you could be closer. I've never liked his personality. 1) He pays the bills though2) His too himself behind the T.V.3) His ignorant in ways O... View more

It's a complicated relationship with my father, I only appreciate minimal things about him. Even if you wish you could be closer. I've never liked his personality. 1) He pays the bills though2) His too himself behind the T.V.3) His ignorant in ways Otherwise what I don't like about my Dad though 1) His not genuinely affectionate2) His selfish and in considerate3) His got misogynistic, sexist thoughts4) He can't have conversations5) His secretive with what's he does sometimes6) His devious with what he really thinks about his children7) He can't explain things more than one time He sometimes can be hypocritical 9) He only understands his own opinions, can't conceive why someone's different or likes things that he doesn't 10) He gets insecure or thinks you are dyslexic when your too formal or have better speaking with words than he does 11) He has short temper, maybe he could be violent if you didn't back down probably and kept arguing and not going quiet when he tells you 12) He has more of a grandiose love while simultaneously not apart of our lives and problems and only thinks where more useless, mental or weak

Kate1910 Husband with porn addiction
  • replies: 1

So I found out recently that my husband has a porn addiction and this has been going on well before our marriage. I have issues with porn and masturbation and he was aware of this from the very beginning of our relationship. So I have been quite shoc... View more

So I found out recently that my husband has a porn addiction and this has been going on well before our marriage. I have issues with porn and masturbation and he was aware of this from the very beginning of our relationship. So I have been quite shocked to find out not only that he has been doing this for more than 10 years behind my back but it's the frequency which has bothered me. This has all come up after he had a mental breakdown after getting really drunk at a work party and ended up kissing another woman. He told me straight away but is disgusted that it could've possibly gone further as he isn't sure he is the one that pulled away first. He also realises now that he had an emotional affair with another woman at work but didn't realise due to naivety at the time. He is extremely embarrassed, ashamed, disgusted with himself. He is constantly having mental breakdowns about all this. He wants to break up our family as he says I don't deserve to have a husband who has done all this behind my back and has disrespected me and my family in this way. I'm just not sure how I feel about all this. I understand a lot of this is a compulsive symptom of his porn/masturbation addiction. I'm not sure if it's something I can completely get over but at the same time I don't want to break up my family. I am a very strong emotional person and I think with time I can put all this behind me and continue with the life I thought we were going to have. My condition is that he gets the help he needs so these issues are damaging our lives together.

Sadgirl2023 Partner of an ADHD male.
  • replies: 1

I need some help...Me and my partner have been together for 3 years, we have a beautiful home together and two animals. My partner went through his adhd diagnoses a year ago after having started university and was struggling, ontop of that he has mil... View more

I need some help...Me and my partner have been together for 3 years, we have a beautiful home together and two animals. My partner went through his adhd diagnoses a year ago after having started university and was struggling, ontop of that he has mild autism and went through a diagnoses of arthritis at the age of 30- his life has been tough. I myself have OCD and am struggling with my own mental illnesses. In the last 6 months we have been fighting atleast every two days, mostly about his inability to understand or value my feelings, for him to make me feel wanted or desired, or even to speak to me without raising his tone an octave. I am not innocent by any means, I am quick to heighten but that is after being worn down after a few days of his irritability of me or how he challenges everything I say like it's wrong. I work in mental health and am around people everyday that need my support but I need his, I need his support and love and understanding and I just don't get it.I don't want to be apart from him, I will try to never give up on him, I am a fighter but i need some help and guidance. Perhaps someone can help me understand what someone with adhd requires? If anyone also has any expertise on attachment styles that would help aswell as he is an avoidant and I am an anxious style.